第2章

Woulditnot，George？Toturnthetablesonthem？"

"Yes，"saidI，"Ishouldliketohavethelaughagainstthem。"

"SowouldI，onlythatIshouldcompromisemyselfbytellingthestory。Itwouldn’tdoatalltohaveittoldatOxfordwithmynameattachedtoit。"

TothisalsoIassented。TowhatwouldInothaveassentedinmyanxietytomakehimhappyafterhismisery？

Butallwasnotoveryet。Hewasinbednow，butitwasnecessarythatheshouldriseagainonthemorrow。Athome，inEngland，whatwasrequiredmightperhapshavebeenmadeduringthenight；buthere，amongtheslowFlemings，anysuchexertionwouldhavebeenimpossible。Mr。Horne，moreover，hadnodesiretobetroubledinhisretirementbyatailor。

NowthelandlordoftheGoldenFleecewasaverystoutman，——averystoutmanindeed。Lookingathimashestoodwithhishandsinhispocketsattheportalofhisownestablishment，IcouldnotbutthinkthathewasstoutereventhanMr。Horne。Butthenhewascertainlymuchshorter，andthewantofdueproportionprobablyaddedtohisunwieldyappearance。Iwalkedroundhimonceortwicewishfully，measuringhiminmyeye，andthinkingofwhattexturemightbetheSundaybestofsuchaman。TheclotheswhichhethenhadonwerecertainlynotexactlysuitedtoMr。Horne’stastes。

HesawthatIwasobservinghim，andappeareduneasyandoffended。

IhadalreadyascertainedthathespokealittleEnglish。OfFlemishIknewliterallynothing，andinFrench，withwhichprobablyhewasalsoacquainted，Iwasbynomeansvoluble。ThebusinesswhichIhadtotransactwasintricate，andIrequiredtheuseofmymother—tongue。

Itwasintricateanddelicate，anddifficultwithal。Ibeganbyremarkingontheweather，buthedidnottakemyremarkskindly。I

aminclinedtofancythathethoughtIwasdesirousofborrowingmoneyfromhim。Atanyratehegavemenoencouragementinmyfirstadvances。

"Vatmisfortune？"atlastheasked，whenIhadsucceededinmakinghimunderstandthatagentlemanupstairsrequiredhisassistance。

"Hehaslostthesethings，"andItookholdofmyowngarments。

"It’salongstory，orI’dtellyouhow；buthehasnotapairintheworldtillhegetsbacktoBrussels，——unlessyoucanlendhimone。"

"Lostheesbr—？"andheopenedhiseyeswide，andlookedatmewithastonishment。

"Yes，yes，exactlyso，"saidI，interruptinghim。"Mostastonishingthing，isn’tit？Butit’squitetrue。"

"Vasheesmoneyindepocket？"askedmyauspiciouslandlord。

"No，no，no。It’snotsobadasthat，hismoneyisallright。I

hadthemoney，luckily。"

"Ah！datisbetter。Buthehavelostheesb—？"

"Yes，yes；"Iwasnowgettingratherimpatient。"Thereisnomistakeaboutit。Hehaslostthemassureasyoustandthere。"

AndthenIproceededtoexplainthatasthegentlemaninquestionwasverystout，andashe，thelandlord，wasstoatalso，hemightassistusinthisgreatcalamitybyaloanfromhisownwardrobe。

Whenhefoundthatthemoneywasnotinthepocket，andthathisbillthereforewouldbepaid，hewasnotindisposedtobegracious。

Hewould，hesaid，desirehisservanttotakeupwhatwasrequiredtoMr。Horne’schamber。Iendeavouredtomakehimunderstandthatasombrecolourwouldbepreferable；butheonlyansweredthathewouldputthebestthathehadatthegentleman’sdisposal。Hecouldnotthinkofofferinganythinglessthanhisbestonsuchanoccasion。Andthenheturnedhisbackandwenthisway，mutteringashewentsomethinginFlemish，whichIbelievedtobeanexclamationofastonishmentthatanymanshould，underanycircumstances，losesuchanarticle。

Itwasnowgettinglate；sowhenIhadtakenashortstrollbymyself，IwenttobedwithoutdisturbingMr。Horneagainthatnight。

OnthefollowingmorningIthoughtitbestnottogotohimunlesshesentforme；soIdesiredthebootstolethimknowthatIhadorderedbreakfastinaprivateroom，andthatIwouldawaithimthereunlesshewishedtoseeme。Hesentmewordbacktosaythathewouldbewithmeveryshortly。

Hedidnotkeepmewaitingabovehalfanhour，butIconfessthatthathalfhourwasnotpleasantlyspent。Ifearedthathistemperwouldbetriedindressing，andthathewouldnotbeabletoeathisbreakfastinahappystateofmind。SothatwhenIheardhisheavyfootstepadvancingalongthepassagemyheartdidmisgiveme，andI

feltthatIwastrembling。

Thatstepwascertainlyslowerandmoreponderousthanusual。Therewasalwaysacertaindignityintheverysoundofhismovements，butnowthisseemedtohavebeenenhanced。Tojudgemerelybythesteponewouldhavesaidthatabishopwascomingthatwayinsteadofaprebendary。

Andthenheentered。Intheupperhalfofhisaugustpersonnoalterationwasperceptible。Thehairwasasregularandasgracefulasever，thehandkerchiefaswhite，thecoatasimmaculate；butbelowhiswell—filledwaistcoatapairofredplushbegantoshineinunmitigatedsplendour，andcontinuedfromthencedowntowithinaninchabovehisknee；nor，asitappeared，couldanypullinginducethemtodescendlower。Mr。Hornealwaysworeblacksilkstockings，——atleastsotheworldsupposed，butitwasnowapparentthattheworldhadbeenwronginpresuminghimtobeguiltyofsuchextravagance。Those，atanyrate，whichheexhibitedonthepresentoccasionweremoreeconomical。Theyweresilktothecalf，butthenceupwardstheycontinuedtheircareerinwhitecotton。Thesethenfollowedtheplush；firsttwosnowy，full—sizedpillarsofwhite，andthentwojetcolumnsofflossysilk。Suchwastheappearance，onthatwell—rememberedmorning，oftheRev。AugustusHorne，asheenteredtheroominwhichhisbreakfastwasprepared。

Icouldseeataglancethatadarkfrowncontractedhiseyebrows，andthatthecompressedmusclesofhisupperlipgaveastrangedegreeofausteritytohisopenface。Hecarriedhisheadproudlyonhigh，determinedtobedignifiedinspiteofhismisfortunes，andadvancedtwostepsintotheroomwithoutaremark，asthoughhewereabletoshowthatneitherredplushnorblackclothcoulddisarrangetheequalpoiseofhismightymind！

Andafterallwhatareaman’sgarmentsbuttheoutwardhusksinwhichthefruitiskept，dulytemperedfromthewind？

"Therankisbuttheguineastamp，Theman’sthegowdfora’that。"

Andisnotthetailor’sartaslittleworthy，asinsignificantasthatofthekingwhomakes"Amarquis，duke，anda’that"？

Whowouldbecontenttothinkthathismanlydignitydependedonhiscoatandwaistcoat，orhisholdontheworld’sesteemonanyothergarmentofusualwear？ThatnosuchweaknesssoiledhismindMr。

Hornewasdeterminedtoprove；andthusheenteredtheroomwithmeasuredtread，andsterndignifieddemeanour。

Havingadvancedtwostepshiseyecaughtmine。Idonotknowwhetherhewasmovedbysomeunconscioussmileonmypart；——forintruthIendeavouredtoseemasindifferentashimselftothenatureofhisdress；——orwhetherhewasinvinciblytickledbysomeinwardfancyofhisown，butsuddenlyhisadvancingstepceased，abroadflashofcomichumourspreaditselfoverhisfeatures，heretreatedwithhisbackagainstthewall，andthenburstoutintoanimmoderateroarofloudlaughter。

AndI——whatelsecouldIthendobutlaugh？Helaughed，andI

laughed。Heroared，andIroared。Helifteduphisvastlegstoviewtilltheraysofthemorningsunshonethroughthewindowonthebrighthueswhichhedisplayed；andhedidnotsitdowntohisbreakfasttillhehadineveryfantasticattitudeshownofftothebestadvantagetheredplushofwhichhehadsorecentlybecomeproud。

AnAntwerpprivatecabrioletonthatdayreachedtheyardoftheHoteldeBelleVueatabout4p。m。，andfourwaiters，inafrenzyofastonishment，sawtheReverendAugustusHornedescendfromthevehicleandseekhischamberdressedinthegarmentswhichIhavedescribed。ButIaminclinedtothinkthatheneveragainfavouredanyofhisfriendswithsuchasight。

ItwasonthenexteveningafterthisthatIwentouttodrinkteawithtwomaidenladies，relativesofmine，whokeptaseminaryforEnglishgirlsatBrussels。TheMissesMacmanuswereveryworthywomen，andearnedtheirbreadinanupright，painstakingmanner。I

wouldnotforworldshavepassedthroughBrusselswithoutpayingthemthiscompliment。Theywere，however，perhapsalittledull，andIwasawarethatIshouldnotprobablymeetintheirdrawing—

roommanyofthefashionableinhabitantsofthecity。Mr。Hornehaddeclinedtoaccompanyme；butindoingsohewasgoodenoughtoexpressawarmadmirationforthecharacterofmyworthycousins。

TheelderMissMacmanus，inherlittlenote，hadinformedmethatshewouldhavethepleasureofintroducingmetoafewofmy"compatriots。"IpresumedshemeantEnglishmen；andasIwasinthehabitofmeetingsucheverydayofmylifeathome，IcannotsaythatIwaspeculiarlyelevatedbythepromise。When，however，I

enteredtheroom，therewasnoEnglishmanthere；——therewasnomanofanykind。Thereweretwelveladiescollectedtogetherwiththeviewofmakingtheeveningpassagreeablytome，thesinglevirilebeingamongthemall。IfeltasthoughIwereasortofMohammedinParadise；butIcertainlyfeltalsothattheParadisewasnoneofmyownchoosing。

InthecentreoftheamphitheatrewhichtheladiesformedsatthetwoMissesMacmanus；——there，atleast，theysatwhentheyhadcompletedtheprocessofshakinghandswithme。Totheleftofthem，makingonewingofthesemicircle，werearrangedthefivepupilsbyattendingtowhomtheMissesMacmanusearnedtheirliving；

andtheotherwingconsistedofthefiveladieswhohadfurnishedthemselveswithrelicsofGeneralChasse。Theyweremy"compatriots。"

Iwasintroducedtothemall，oneaftertheother；buttheirnamesdidnotabideinmymemoryonemoment。Iwasthinkingtoomuchofthesingularityoftheadventure，andcouldnotattendtosuchminutiae。Thatthered—rosedharpywasMissGrogram，thatI

remembered；——that，Imaysay，Ishallneverforget。ButwhetherthemotherlyladywiththesomewhatblowsyhairwasMrs。Jones，orMrs。

Green，orMrs。Walker，Icannotnowsay。ThedumpyfemalewiththebroadbackwasalwayscalledAuntSallybytheyoungladies。

Toomuchsugarspoilsone’stea；IthinkIhaveheardthatevenprosperitywillcloywhenitcomesinoverdoses；andaschoolboyhasbeenknowntobeoverdonewithjam。Imyselfhavealwaysbeenpeculiarlyattachedtoladies’society，andhaveavoidedbachelorpartiesasthingsexecrableintheirverynature。ButonthisspecialoccasionIfeltmyselftobethatschoolboy；——Iwasliterallyoverdonewithjam。Myteawasallsugar，sothatIcouldnotdrinkit。Iwasoneamongtwelve。WhatcouldIdoorsay？Theproportionofalloywastoosmalltohaveanyeffectinchangingthenatureofthevirginsilver，andtheconversationbecameabsolutelyfeminine。

Imustconfessalsothatmypreviousexperienceastothesecompatriotsofminehadnotprejudicedmeintheirfavour。I

regardedthemwith，——Iamashamedtosayso，seeingthattheywereladies，——butalmostwithloathing。WhenlastIhadseenthemtheiroccupationhadremindedmeofsomeobscenefeastofharpies，oralmostofghouls。TheyhadbroughtdowntothevergeofdesperationthemanwhomofallmenImostvenerated。OntheseaccountsIwasinclinedtobetaciturnwithreferencetothem；——andthenwhatcouldIhavetosaytotheMissesMacmanus’sfivepupils？

Mycousinatfirstmadeaneffortortwoinmyfavour，buttheseeffortswerefruitless。Isoondiedawayintoutterunrecognisedinsignificance，andtheconversation，asIhavebeforesaid，becamefeminine。AndindeedthathorridMissGrogram，whowas，asitwere，theprincessoftheghouls，nearlymonopolisedthewholeofit。

MammaJones——wewillcallherJonesfortheoccasion——putinawordnowandthen，asdidalsotheelderandmoreenergeticMissMacmanus。Thedumpyladywiththebroadbackatetea—cakeincessantly；thetwodaughterslookedscornful，asthoughtheywereabovetheircompanywithreferencetothefivepupils；andthefivepupilsthemselvessatinarowwiththeutmostpropriety，eachwithherhandscrossedonherlapbeforeher。

OfwhattheyweretalkingatlastIbecameutterlyoblivious。Theyhadignoredme，goingintorealmsofmuslin，questionsofmaid—

servants，femalerights，andcheapunder—clothing；andIthereforehadignoredthem。MymindhadgonebacktoMr。Horneandhisgarments。Whiletheyspokeoftheirrights，Iwasthinkingofhiswrongs；whentheymentionedthepriceofflannel，Ithoughtofthatofbroadcloth。

Butofasuddenmyattentionwasarrested。MissMacmanushadsaidsomethingoftheblacksilksofAntwerp，whenMissGrogramrepliedthatshehadjustreturnedfromthatcityandhadthereenjoyedagreatsuccess。Mycousinhadagainaskedsomethingabouttheblacksilks，thinking，nodoubt，thatMissGrogramhadachievedsomebargain，butthatladyhadsoonundeceivedher。

"Ohno，"saidMissGrogram，"itwasatthecastle。WegotsuchbeautifulrelicsofGeneralChasse！Didn’twe，Mrs。Jones？"

"Indeedwedid，"saidMrs。Jones，bringingoutfrombeneaththeskirtsofherdressandostensiblydisplayingalargeblackbag。

"AndI’vegotsuchabeautifulneedle—case，"saidthebroad—back，displayingherprize。"I’vebeenmakingitupallthemorning。"

AndshehandedoverthearticletoMissMacmanus。

"Andonlylookatthisduckofapen—wiper，"simperedflaxen—hairNo。2。"Onlythinkofwipingone’spenswithrelicsofGeneralChasse！"andshehandeditovertotheotherMissMacmanus。

"Andmine’sapin—cushion，"saidNo。1，exhibitingthetrophy。

"Butthat’snothingtowhatI’vegot，"saidMissGrogram。"Inthefirstplace，there’sapairofslippers，——abeautifulpair；——they’renotmadeupyet，ofcourse；andthen——"

ThetwoMissesMacmanusandtheirfivepupilsweresittingopen—

eared，open—eyed，andopen—mouthed。Howallthesesombre—lookingarticlescouldberelicsofGeneralChassedidnotatfirstappearcleartothem。

"Whatarethey，MissGrogram？"saidtheelderMissMacmanus，holdingtheneedle—caseinonehandandMrs。Jones’sbagintheother。MissMacmanuswasastrong—mindedfemale，andIreverencedmycousinwhenIsawthedecidedwayinwhichsheintendedtoputdownthegreedyarroganceofMissGrogram。

"Theyarerelics。"

"Butwheredotheycomefrom，MissGrogram？"

"Why，fromthecastle，tobesure；——fromGeneralChasse’sownrooms。"

"Didanybodysellthemtoyou？"

"No。"

"Orgivethemtoyou？"

"Why，no；——atleastnotexactlygive。"

"Theretheywere，andshetook’em，"saidthebroad—back。Oh，whatalookMissGrogramgaveher！"Tookthem！ofcourseItookthem。

Thatis，youtookthemasmuchasIdid。Theywerethingsthatwefoundlyingabout。"

"Whatthings？"askedMissMacmanus，inapeculiarlystrong—mindedtone。

MissGrogramseemedtobeforamomentsilenced。Ihadbeenignored，asIhavesaid，andmyexistenceforgotten；butnowI

observedthattheeyesoftheculpritswereturnedtowardsme，——theeyes，thatis，offourofthem。Mrs。Joneslookedatmefrombeneathherfan；thetwogirlsglancedatmefurtively，andthentheireyesfelltothelowestflouncesoftheirfrocks。

MissGrogramturnedherspectaclesrightuponme，andIfanciedthatshenoddedherheadatmeasasortofanswertoMissMacmanus。Thefivepupilsopenedtheirmouthsandeyeswider；butsheofthebroadbackwasnothingabashed。Itwouldhavebeennothingtoherhadtherebeenadozengentlemenintheroom。"Wejustfoundapairofblack——。"Thewholetruthwastoldintheplainestpossiblelanguage。

"Oh，AuntSally！""AuntSally，howcanyou？""Holdyourtongue，AuntSally！"

"AndthenMissGrogramjustcutthemupwithherscissors，"

continuedAuntSally，notawhitabashed，"andgaveuseachabit，onlyshetookmorethanhalfforherself。"Itwascleartomethattherehadbeensomequarrel，somedeliciousquarrel，betweenAuntSallyandMissGrogram。ThroughthewholeadventureIhadratherrespectedAuntSally。"Shetookmorethanhalfforherself，"

continuedAuntSally。"Shekeptallthe——"

"Jemima，"saidtheelderMissMacmanus，interruptingthespeakerandaddressinghersister，"itistime，Ithink，fortheyoungladiestoretire。Willyoubekindenoughtoseethemtotheirrooms？"Thefivepupilsthereuponrosefromtheirseats——andcourtesied。Theythenlefttheroominfile，theyoungerMissMacmanusshowingthemtheway。

"Butwehaven’tdoneanyharm，havewe？"askedMrs。Jones，withsometremulousnessinhervoice。

"Well，Idon’tknow，"saidMissMacmanus。"WhatI’mthinkingofnowisthis；——towhom，Iwonder，didthegarmentsproperlybelong？Whohadbeentheownerandwearerofthem？"

"Why，GeneralChasseofcourse，"saidMissGrogram。

"Theywerethegeneral’s，"repeatedthetwoyoungladies；blushing，however，astheyalludedtothesubject。

"Well，wethoughttheywerethegeneral’s，certainly；andaveryexcellentarticletheywere，"saidMrs。Jones。

"Perhapstheywerethebutler’s？"saidAuntSally。Icertainlyhadnotgivenhercreditforsomuchsarcasm。

"Butler’s！"exclaimedMissGrogram，withatossofherhead。

"Oh，AuntSally，AuntSally！howcanyou？"shriekedthetwoyoungladies。

"Ohlaws！"ejaculatedMrs。Jones。

"Idon’tthinkthattheycouldhavebelongedtothebutler，"saidMissMacmanus，withmuchauthority，"seeingthatdomesticsinthiscountryarenevercladingarmentsofthatdescription；sofarmyownobservationenablesmetospeakwithcertainty。ButitisequallysurethattheywereneverthepropertyofthegenerallatelyincommandatAntwerp。Generals，whentheyareinfulldress，wearornamentallaceupontheir——theirregimentals；andwhen——"Somuchshesaid，andsomethingmore，whichitmaybeunnecessarythatI

shouldrepeat；butsuchwerehereloquenceandlogicthatnodoubtwouldhavebeenleftonthemindofanyimpartialhearer。Ifanargumentativespeakereverprovedanything，MissMacmanusprovedthatGeneralChassehadneverbeenthewearerofthearticleinquestion。

"ButIknowverywelltheywerehis！"saidMissGrogram，whowasnotanimpartialhearer。"Ofcoursetheywere；whoseelse’sshouldtheybe？"

"I’msureIhopetheywerehis，"saidoneoftheyoungladies，almostcrying。

"IwishI’dnevertakenit，"saidtheother。

"Dear，dear，dear！"saidMrs。Jones。

"I’llgiveyoumyneedle—case，MissGrogram，"saidAuntSally。

Ihadsathithertosilentduringthewholescene，meditatinghowbestImightconfoundthered—nosedharpy。Now，Ithought，wasthetimeformetostrikein。

"Ireallythink，ladies，thattherehasbeensomemistake，"saidI。

"Therehasbeennomistakeatall，sir！"saidMissGrogram。

"Perhapsnot，"Ianswered，verymildly；"verylikelynot。ButsomeaffairofasimilarnaturewasverymuchtalkedaboutinAntwerpyesterday。"

"Ohlaws！"againejaculatedMrs。Jones。

"TheaffairIalludetohasbeentalkedaboutagooddeal，certainly，"Icontinued。"Butperhapsitmaybealtogetheradifferentcircumstance。"

"Andwhatmaybethecircumstancetowhichyouallude？"askedMissMacmanus，inthesameauthoritativetone。

"Idaresayithasnothingtodowiththeseladies，"saidI；"butanarticleofdress，ofthenaturetheyhavedescribed，wascutupintheCastleofAntwerponthedaybeforeyesterday。Itbelongedtoagentlemanwhowasvisitingtheplace；andIwasgiventounderstandthatheisdeterminedtopunishthepeoplewhohavewrongedhim。"

"Itcan’tbethesame，"saidMissGrogram；butIcouldseethatshewastrembling。

"Ohlaws！whatwillbecomeofus？"saidMrs。Jones。

"YoucanallprovethatIdidn’ttouchthem，andthatIwarnedhernot，"saidAuntSally。Inthemeantimethetwoyoungladieshadalmostfaintedbehindtheirfans。

"Buthowhaditcometopass，"askedMissMacmanus，"thatthegentlemanhad——"

"Iknownothingmoreaboutit，cousin，"saidI；"onlyitdoesseemthatthereisanoddcoincidence。"

ImmediatelyafterthisItookmyleave。IsawthatIhadavengedmyfriend，andspreaddismayintheheartsofthesewhohadinjuredhim。Ihadlearnedinthecourseoftheeveningatwhathotelthefiveladieswerestaying；andinthecourseofthenextmorningI

saunteredintothehall，andfindingoneoftheportersalone，askediftheywerestillthere。Themantoldmethattheyhadstartedbytheearliestdiligence。"And，"saidhe，"ifyouareafriendoftheirs，perhapsyouwilltakechargeofthesethings，whichtheyhaveleftbehindthem？"Sosaying，hepointedtoatableatthebackofthehall，onwhichwerelyingtheblackbag，theblackneedle—case，theblackpincushion，andtheblackpen—wiper。TherewasalsoaheapoffragmentsofclothwhichIwellknewhadbeenintendedbyMissGrogramforthecomfortofherfeetandancles。

Ideclinedthecommission，however。"Theywerenospecialfriendsofmine，"Isaid；andIleftalltherelicsstilllyingonthelittletableinthebackhall。

"Uponthewhole，Iamsatisfied！"saidtheRev。AugustusHorne，whenItoldhimthefinaleofthestory。