第3章
WhenIrun"emdownthat-a-way，shesaystotheblindallthingsisblind，andifIhadanychivalryintomemyselfI"dofseentheywasn"tjestdernfools，butnoble，andseeniteasy。Andshesighed，likeshe"dlookedfurbetterthingsfromme。WhenIhearnherdothatIfeltsorryIhadn"tcomeuptoherexpectances。SoIsays：
“Martha，it"snousepertendingIcouldstayinoneofthemjailsandkeephappyatit。Igottobeoutdoors。ButItellyouwhatIcando，ifitwillmakeyoufeelanybetter。IfIeverhappentorunacrostthishereDavidArmstrong，andheisanywheresnearmysize，I"lllickhimfuryou。
Andifhe"stooheftyfurmetolickhimfair，“I
says，“andIgetagoodchancetIwillhithimwithapieceofrailroadironfuryou。“
Ofcourse，IknowedIwouldneverfindhim。ButwhatIsaidseemedtobrightenherupalittle。
“But，“saysI，“ifIwenttoofurwithit，andwashungfurit，howwouldyoufeelthen，Martha？”
Well，sir，thatdidn"tjarMarthanone。Shelookedkindofdreamyandsaidmebbyshewouldgoandjineaconventandbeanun。AndwhenshegottobetheheadnunshewouldbuildachapeloverthetombwhereIwasburiedin。Andeveryyear，onthedayofthemonthIwashungon，shewouldleadalltheothernunsintothatchapel，andtheorganwouldplaymournful，andeachnunaspassedwouldlaydownabunchofwhiterosesontomytomb。Ireckonthatortermademefeelgood，butsomehowitdidn"t。
SoIchangedthesubject，andastsherwhyIain"tseenMissHamptonaroundtheplacenone。Marthasaysshehasabadsickheadacheandain"tbeenoutsidethehousefurfourorfivedays。Iastsherwhyshedon"twaitonher。Butshedon"twantherto，Marthasays。She"sbeenstayinginthehouseeversincewebeenintown，andjestwantstobeletalone。Ithinksallthatiskindoffunny。AndthenIseenfromthewayMarthaisansweringmyquestionsthatsheisholdingbacksomethingshewouldliketotell，butdon"tthinksheortertell。Ileavesheraloneandpurtysoonshesays：
“Doyoubelieveinghosts？”
ItellhersometimesIthinkIdon"tbelievein"em，andsometimesIthinkIdo，butanyhowIwouldhatetoseeone。Iastsherwhydoessheast。
“Because，“shesays，“because——butIhadn"toughttotellyou。“
“It"sdaylight，“Isays；“it"snousebeingscaredtotellnow。“
“Itain"tthat，“shesays，“butit"sasecret。“
Whenshesaiditwasasecret，Iknowedshewouldtell。Marthalikedhavingherfriendshelphertokeepasecret。
“IthinkMissHamptonhasseenone，“shesays，finally，“andthatherstayingindoorshassomethingtodowiththat。“
Thenshetellsme。Thenightofthedayafterwecampedthere，herandMissHamptonwasoutfurawalk。Wedidn"thaveanyshowthatnight。
Theypassedrightbyourcamp，andtheyseenustherebythefire，allthreeofus。Buttheywasintheroadinthedark，andwewasallinthelight，sononeofthethreeofusseenthem。MissHamptonwaskindofscaredofus，firstglance，furshegaspedandgrabbedholtofMartha"sarmallofasuddensotightshepinchedit。Whichitwasverynatcheralthatshewouldbestartled，comingacrossthreestrangemenallofasuddenatnightaroundaturnintheroad。Theywentalonghome，andMarthawentinsideandlightedalamp，butMissHamptonlingeredontheporchfuraminute。JestasshelitthelampMarthahearnanotherlittlegasp，orkindofsigh，fromMissHamptonoutthereontheporch。Thentheywasthesoundofherfallingdown。Martharanoutwiththelamp，andshewaslayingthere。Shehadfaintedandkeeledover。
MarthasaidjestintheminuteshehadleftheraloneontheporchwaswhenMissHamptonmustofseentheghost。Marthabrungherto，andshewaslookingpuzzledandwild-likebothtooncet。
Marthaastsherwhatisthematter。
“Nothing，“shesays，rubbingherfingersoverherforeheadinahelplesskindofway，“nothing。“
“Youlooklikeyouhadseenaghost，“Marthatellsher。
MissHamptonlooksatMarthaawfulfunny，andthenshesaysmebbysheHASseenaghost，andgoesalongupstairstobed。Andsincethensheain"tbeenoutofthehouse。ShetellsMarthaitisasickheadache，butMarthasayssheknowsitain"t。Shethinkssheisscaredofsomething。
“Scared？”Isays。“Shewouldn"tseenomoreghostsinthedaytime。“
MarthasayshowdoIknowshewouldn"t？Sheknowsalotaboutghostsofallkinds，Marthadoes。
Horsesanddogscanseethemeasierthanhumans，eveninthedaytime，anditmakestheirhairstandupwhentheydo。Butsomehumansthathavethegiftcanseetheminthedaytimelikeananimal。
AndMarthaastsmehowcanItellbutMissHamp-
tonislikethat？
“Well，then，“Isays，“shemustbeawitch。
Andifsheisawitchwhyisshescaredofthema-tall？”
ButMarthasaysifyouhavesecondsightyoudon"tneedtobeawitchtoseethemintheday-
time。
Well，youcannevertellaboutthemghosts。
Somesaysonethingandsomesaysanother。OldMis"Primrose，inourtown，shealwaysbelievedin"emfirmtillherhusbanddied。Whenhewasdyingtheyfixedituphewastocomebackandvisither。
Shetoldhimhehadto，andhepromised。Andsheleftthefrontdooropenfurhimnightafternightfurnighayear，inallkindsofweather；butPrim-
rosenevercome。Mis"Primrosesaysheneverliedtoher，andhealwaysdonejestasshetoldhim，andifhecouldofcomesheknowedhewould；
andwhenhedidn"tshequitbelievinginghosts。
Buttheywasothersinourtownsaiditdidn"tprovenothingatall。TheysaidPrimrosehadreallybeenlyingtoherallhislife，becauseshewassobossyhehadtolietokeeppeaceinthefambly，andsheneverketchedon。Well，ifIwasaghostandhadofbeenMis"Primrose"shusbandwhenIwasahuman，Iwouldn"tofcomebackneither，evenifshehadofbully-raggedmeintooneofthemdeath-bedpromises。IguessPrimrosefiggeredhehadearntarest。
Iftheyisghosts，whatcomforttheycangetoutofcomingbackwheretheyain"twantedandscaringfolksismore"nIcansee。It"skindoflowdown，Ithink，andfoolishtoo。Themkindofghostsislikethesehereovergrownsmartalecsthatscareskids。Theythinktheyaremightycute，buttheyain"t。Theyarejestfoolish。Ahuman，oraghosteither，thatdoesthingslikethatisjestsimplygotnoprincipletohim。Ihearnalotoftalkabout"em，firstandlast，andIain"treadytosaytheyain"tnoghosts，noryetreadytosaytheyisany。Tosaytheyisanyistosaysomethingthatistooplumbunlikely。Andtoomanypeoplehassawthemfurmetosaytheyain"tany。Butiftheyis，ortheyain"t，sofurasIcansee，itdon"tmakemuchdifference。Furtheyneverdonothing，besidesscaringyou，excepttorapontablesandtellfortunes，andsuchfoolthings。Whichahumancandoitallbetterandsavetheexpenseofpayingmoneytooneoftheseheresperritmediumsthattravelsaroundandmakes"emperform。ButallthesametheyhasbeennightsIhasfeltdifferentabout"emmyself，andlesshastytorun"emdown。
Well，itdon"tdonogoodtospeakharshofnoone，notevenaghostoraordinarydeadman，andifI
wastoseeaghost，mebbyIwouldbeallthescarederfurwhatIhavejestwrote。
Well，withallthetalkingbackandforthwedoneaboutthemghostswecouldn"tagree。Thatafter-
noonitseemedlikewecouldn"tagreeaboutany-
thing。Iknowedwewouldbegoingawayfromtherebeforelong，andIsaystomyselfbeforeI
goI"mgoingtohavethatgirlfurmygirl，orelseknowthereasonwhy。NomatterwhatIwastalkingabout，thatideawasinthebackofmyhead，andsomehowitkindofmademewanttopickfusseswithher，too。Wewassettingonalog，purtydeepintothewoods，andtherecomeatimewhenneitherofushadsaidnothingfurquiteaspell。ButafterawhileIsays：
“Martha，we"llbegoingawayfromhereintwo，threedaysnow。“
Sheneversaidnothing。
“Willyoubesorry？”Iastsher。
Shesaysshewillbesorry。
“Well，“Isays，“WHYwillyoubesorry？”
Ithoughtshewouldsaybecause_I_wasgoing。
AndthenIwouldbefindingoutwhethershelikedmealot。Butshesaysthereasonshewillbesorryisbecausetherewillbenoonenewtotalktoaboutthingsbothhasread。Iwasconsiderabletookdownwhenshesaidthat。
“Martha，“Isays，“it"smore"nlikelyIwon"tneverseeyouaginafterIgoaway。“
Shesaysthatkindofpartingcomesbetweenthebestoffriends。
IseenIwasn"tgettingalongveryfast，norsayingwhatIwantedtosay。IreckononeofthemSirMarmelukefellerswouldofknowedwhattosay。OrDoctorKirbywould。OrmebbyevenLooeywouldofsaiditbetterthanIcould。SoI
waskindofmadwithmyself，andIsays，mean-like：
“Ifyoudon"tcare，ofcourse，Idon"tcare，neither。“
Sheneveransweredthat，soIgetsupandmakeslikeIamstartingoff。
“IwasgoingtogiveyousomeofthemthereInjunfeathersofminetoremembermeby，“Itellsher，“butifyoudon"twant"em，there"splentyofotherswouldbegladtotake"em。“
Butshesaysshewouldliketohavethem。
“Well，“Isays，“Iwillbringthemtoyouto-
morrowafternoon。“
Shesays，“Thankyou。“
FinallyIcouldn"tstanditnolonger。Igotbraveallofasudden，andbustedout：“Martha，I——I——I——“
ButIgottostuttering，andmybravenessstut-
tereditselfaway。AndIfinishesupbysaying：
“Ilikeyouahulllot，Martha。“Whichwasn"tjestexactlywhatIhadplannedfurtosay。
Martha，shesaysshekindoflikesme，too。
“Martha，“Isays，“Ilikeyoumore"nanygirlIeverrunacrostbefore。“
Shesays，“Thankyou，“agin。Thewayshesaiditriledmeup。Shesaiditlikeshedidn"tknowwhatImeant，norwhatIwastryingtogetoutofme。Butshedidknowallthetime。I
knowedshedid。SheknowedIknowedit，too。
Gosh-dernit，Isaystomyself，hereIamwastingallthistimejestTALKINGtoher。Therightthingtodocometomeallofasudden，andliketotookmybreathaway。ButIdoneit。IgrabbedherandIkissedher。
Twice。Andthenagin。Becausethefirstwasonthechinonaccountofherjerkingherheadback。Andthesecondoneshedidn"thelpmenone。
Butthethirdtimeshehelpedmealittle。Andtheonesafterthatshehelpedmeconsiderable。
Well，theyain"tnousetryingtotalkabouttherestofthatafternoon。Icouldn"trightlydescribeitifIwantedto。AndIreckonit"snoneofany-
body"sbusiness。
Well，itmakesyoufeelkindoffunny。Youwanttogooutandpickonsomebodyaboutfoursizesbigger"nyouareandknockthesocksoff"nhim。Itstandstoreasonothershasfeltthat-a-way，butyoudon"tbelieveit。Youwanttotellpeopleaboutitoneminute。Thenextminuteyouhavegotchillsandaguefurfearsomeonewillguessit。
Andyouthinkthewayyouareaboutherisgoingtolastfuralways。
Thatevening，whenIwascookingsupper，I
laughedeverytimeIwasspoketo。WhenLooeyandIwashitchinguptodrivedowntowntogivetheshow，oneofthehossessteppedonhisfootandIlaughedatthat，andtherewaspurtynighafight。
AndIwashandlingsomebottlesandbrokeoneandcutmyhandonapieceofglass。Ihelditoutfuraminutedumb-like，withthebloodandmedicinedrippingoffofit，andallofasuddenI
bustedoutlaughingagin。ThedoctorastsifIamcrazy。AndLooeysayshehasthoughtIwasfromtheveryfirst，andsomenighthimandthedoctorwillbekilledwhilstasleep。OneofthethingswehaveeverynightintheshowisanInjundance，andLooeyandIsingswhatthedoctorcallstheSiwashwarchant，whirlingroundandroundeachother，andmakinglicksateachotherwithourtommyhawks，andlettingoutsuddenwildyipsinthemidstofthatchant。ThatnightIliketoofkilledLooeywiththattommyhawk，Iwasfeelingsogood。Ifithadbeenarealone，insteadofpainted-upwood，IwouldofkilledLooey，thelickIgivehim。
Theworstpartofthatwasthat，aftertheshow，whenwegotbacktocampandthehosseswaspicketedoutfurthenight，IhadtotellLooeyallabouthowIfeltfuranexplanationofwhyIhithim。
WhichitmadeLooeyrightlowinhissperrits，andheshakeshisheadandsaysnogoodwillcomeofit。
“DidyoueverhearofRomeoandJoliet？”hesays：
“Mebby，“Isays，“butwhatitwasIhearnI
can"tremember。Whataboutthem？”
“Well，“hesays，“theycarriedonthesameasyou。Andnowwherearethey？”
“Well，“Isays，“wherearethey？”
“Inthetomb，“saysLooey，verysad，liketheywasclostepersonalfriendsofhis"n。AndhetoldmeallaboutthemandhowYoungCobalthaddonefurthem。ButfromwhatIcouldmakeoutitallhappenedawaybackintheearlydays。Andshucks！——Ididn"tcareadern，anyhow。Itoldhimso。
“Well，“hesays，“It"sbeenthehistoryoftheworldthatitbringstrouble。“AndhesaystolookatDamonandPythias，andOthelloandtheMerchantofVenus。AndhenamedaboutahundredprominentcoupleslikethatoutofShake-
speare"sworks。
“Butitendshappysometimes，“Isays。
“Notwhenitistrueloveitdon"t，“saysLooey。
“LookatAnthonyandCleopatra。“
“Yes，“Isays，sarcasticlike，“Isupposetheyareinthetomb，too？”
“Theyare，“saysLooey，awfulsolemn。
“Yes，“Isays，“andsoisAdamandEveandDanandBurrshebaandalltherestofthemold-timers。
ButIbettheyhadagoodtimewhiletheylasted。“
Looeyshakeshisheadsolemnandsighsandgoestosleepverymournful，likehehastogivemeupfurlost。ButIcan"tsleepnonemyself。SopurtysoonIgetsupandputsonmyshoesandsneaksthroughthewood-lotandthroughthegapinthefencebytheappletreeandintoMissHamp-
ton"syard。
Itwasabeautyofamoonlightnight，thatwhiteandclearandcleanyoucouldalmostseetoreadbyit，likeallofeverythinghadbeenscouredasbrightasthebottomofatinpan。Andtheshadderswassoftandthickandvelvetyandlaidkindofbrownish-greeneyonthegrass。Ifloppeddownintheshadderofsomelilacbushesandwon-
deredwhichwasMartha"swindow。Iknowedshewouldbeinbedlongago，but——Well，Iwasjestplumbfoolishthatnight，andIcouldn"tofkeptawayfuranymoney。Thatmoonlighthadgotintomyhead，itseemedlike，andmademedrunk。
ButIwouldratherbelooneythat-a-waythantohaveasmuchsenseasKingSolomonandallhisadverbs。IwasthatlooneythatifIhadknowedanypoetryIwouldofsaiditoutloud，rightuptowardthatwindow。Ineverknowedwhypoetrywasmadeupbeforethatnight。ButtheonlypoetryIcouldthinkofwasabouttherewasamannamedFurgesonthatlivedonMarketStreet，andhehadaone-eyedThomascatthatcouldn"twellbebeat。Whichitdidn"tseemtofitthecase，soIdidn"tsayher。
Theporchofthathousewaspartcoveredwithvines，buttheywaskindofgapedapartatonecorner。AsIlaidthereintheshadderofthebushesIhearnaflutteringmovement，lightandgentle，onthatporch。Then，allofasudden，Iseensomeonestandingontheedgeoftheporchwherethevineswasgapedapart，andthemoonlightwasfallingontothem。Theymustofcomethereawfulsoftandstill。Whoeveritwascouldn"tseeintotheshadderwhereIlaid，thatis，ifitwasahumanandnotaghost。FurmyfirstthoughtwasitmightbeoneofthemghostsIhadbeenrunningdownsothatveryday，andmebbythesameoneMissHamp-
tonseenonthatverysameporch。IthoughtI
wasinfuritthen，mebby，andIfeltlikesomeonehadwhisperedtothebackofmyneckitoughttobescared。AndIWASscaredcleanupintomyhair。Istaredhard，furIcouldn"ttakemyeyesaway。ThenpurtysoonIseenifitwasaghostitmustbeawomanghost。Furitwasdressedinlight-colouredclothesthatmovedjestalittleinthebreeze，andtheclotheswassonearthecolourofthemoonlighttheyseemedtokindofsilverintoit。Youwouldofsaidithadjestfloatedthere，andwaswaitingfurtofloatawayaginwhenthebreezeblowedalittlestronger，orthemoondrawedit。
Itdidn"tmovefureversolong。Thenitleanedforwardthroughthegapinthevines，andIseenthefacerealplain。Itwasn"tnoghost，itwasalady。ThenIknoweditmustbeMissHamptonstandingthere。Awayoffthroughthetreesourcampfiresentupjestadullkindofaglow。Shewasstandingtherelookingatthat。Iwonderedwhy。
CHAPTERVIII
Thenextdaywebrokecampandwasgonefromthatplace，andItookawaywithmethehalfofaringmeandMarthahadchoppedintwo。Wekeptongoing，andbythetimepunkinsandcountyfairswasgettingripewewasintotheupperleft-handcornerofOhio。
AndthereLooeyleftus。
OnedayDoctorKirbyandmewaswalkingalongthemainstreetofalittletownandweseenabang-upfuneralpercessioncoming。ItmustofbeenoneoftheGrandArmyoftheRepublicans，furtheywassomeoftheoldsoldiersinbuggiesridingalongbehind，andabigstringofpeoplefolleringinmorebuggiesandsomeonfoot。Every-
bodywaslookingmightysollum。Buttheywasonemansettingbesidetheundertakerontheseatofthehearsethatwaslookingsollumerthanthemall。ItwasLooey，andI"llbetthecorpsehimselfwouldoffeltproudandhappyandcontentedifhecouldofknowedthestyleLooeywasgivingthatfuneral。
Itwasn"tnothingLooeydone，furhedidn"tdonothingbutjestsettherewithhisarmsfoldedontohisbosomandlooksad。ButhedoneTHAT
betterthananyoneelse。Hedoneitsowellthatyouforgotthecorpsewasthechiefpartytothatfuneral。Looeytookallthegloryfromhim。Hehadjestnatcherallystolethatfuneralawayfromitsrightfulownerwithhisenjoymentofit。Heseenthedoctorandmeasthehearsewentbyourcorner，butheneverleton。AcoupleofhourslaterLooeycomesintocampandsaysheisgoingtoquit。
Thedoctorastshimifhehasinheritedmoney。
“No，“saysLooey，“butmyaunthasgivenmeachancettogointobusiness。“
Looeysayshewasbornnighthere，andwasprowlingaroundtownthedaybeforeandrunacrostanoldauntofhis"nhehadforgotallabout。
Sheisawfulrespectableandreligiousandashamedofhimbeingintoatravellingshow。Andshehasofferedtolendhimenoughtobuyahalf-shareinabusiness。
“Well，“saysthedoctor，“Ihopeitwillbesome-
thingyouarefittedforandwillenjoy。ButI"venoticedthatafteramangetsthehabitofroamingaroundthisterrestialballit"smightyhardtosettledownandwatchhisvineandfigtreegrow。“
Looeysmilesinasadsortofaway，whichheseldomsmiledfuranything，andsaysheguesseshe"lllikethebusiness。Hesaystheyain"tmanybusinesseshecouldtaketo。Mostofthemmakesyouforgetthisworldisbutafleetingshow。Buthehasfoundabusinesswhichkeepsyouremindedallthetimethatdustisdustandashtoashesshaltreturn。Whenhefirstwentintothemedicinebusiness，hesaid，hewasdrawedtoitbythediseasesandthesuddendyings-offitalwayskepthiminmindof。Hethoughttheywasn"tnootherbusinesscouldlayoveritfurthatkindofcomfort。Buthehasfoundouthismistake。
“Whatkindofbusinessareyougoinginto？”
aststhedoctor。
“Iamgoingtobeanundertaker，“saysLooey。
“Myauntsaysthistownneedstherightkindofanundertakerbad。“
Mr。Wilcox，theundertakerthattownhas，isgettingpurtyoldandshaky，Looeysays，andyoungMr。Wilcox，hisson，istoolight-mindedandgoesatthingstoobriskandairytogiveittherightkindofasend-off。Peopledon"twanthimjokingaroundtheircorpsesandheisafatyoungmanandcan"thelpmakingpunseveninthepresenceofthedeparted。OldMr。Wilcox"seyesightisgettingsopoorhemadeascandalinthattownonlytheweekbefore。Hewascomposingadeparted"sfaceintoalastsmile，buthewenttoofurwithit，andgivethedepartedoneofthemawfulmean，devilishkindofgrins，likehehaddiedwithabadtemperon。Bythetimethedeparted"sfamblyhadfounditout，thingshadwenttoofur，andthefacehadsetthat-a-way，soitwasn"tsafetotrytochangeitany。
OldMr。Wilcoxhadseveralbrandsoflastlooks。
Onewascalled：BearUp，forWeWillMeetAgain。“
Theonethathadwentwrongwashisfavouritelook，named：ODeath，WhereisThyVictory？”
Looey"sauntsaysshewillbuyhimapartnershipifsheissatisfiedhecanfillthetown"sneeds。TheyhaveatalkwiththeWilcoxes，andheridesonthehearsethatdayfuratry-out。Hisauntpeeksoutbehindherbedroomcurtainsasthepercessiongoesbyherhouse，andwhensheseesthestyleLooeyisgivingtothatfuneral，andhoweasyitcomestohim，thatsettlesitwithheronthespot。Anditseemsthehullderntownlikedit，too，includingthedeparted"sfambly。
Looeysaystheyisalotofchancetfurimprove-
mentsintheundertakinggamebyonewhoseheartisinhiswork，andheisgoingintothatbusinesstomakeasuccessofit，andtryandgetallthefuneraltradefurmilesaround。Hereadsusanadvertise-
mentofthenewfirmhehasbeenfiggeringoutfurthattown"sweeklypaper。Icutacopyoutwhenitwasprinted，anditisaboutthegenteelestthinglikethatIevenseen，asfollers：
WILCOXANDSIMMS
InviteYourPatronageThisearthisbutafleetingshow，andtheblank-wingedangelswaitforall。Itisalwaysasatisfactiontorememberthatallpossiblehasbeendoneforthedeceased。
SeeOurNewLineofCoffinsLinedCasketsaSpecialtyLodgeWorkSolicitedTimeandtidewaitfornoman，andhisdaysarefewandfulloftroubles。Thepathsofgloryleadbuttothegrave，andnonecantellwhenmortalfeetmaystumble。
WheninTownDropinandInspectOurNewEmbalmingOutfit。ItisaPleasuretoShowGoodsandToolsEvenifYourFamilyNeedsnoWorkDoneJustYetOutfitsformournerswhohavebeenbereavedonshortnoticeaspecialty。Wetakeordersfortombstones。Lookatourlineofshrouds，robes，andblacksuitsforeithersexandanyage。Giveusjustonecall，andyouwillentrustfutureembalmingsandobsequiesinyourfamilytonootherfirm。
WILCOXANDSIMMS
MainStreet，NearDepotThedoctor，hereadsitovercarefulandsayssheorterdrumuptrade，allright。Looeytellsusthatmebby，ifhecangetthattowneducateduptoit，hewillputinacreamatory，wherehewillburnthem，too，butwillgoslow，furthattheresollumandbeautifulwayofreturningashtoashesmightmakesomeprejudiceinsuchareligioustown。
ThelastweseenofLooeywasacoupleofdayslaterwhenwetoldhimgood-byeinhisshop。OldMr。Wilcoxwasexplainingtohimthescienceofthemlastlookshewassofamousatwhenhewasayoungerman。YoungMr。WilcoxwaslayingonatablefurLooeytopractiseon，andLooeywaslearningfast。Buthenearlybrokedownwhenhesaidgood-bye，furhelikedthedoctor。
“Doc，“hesays，“you"vebeenagoodfriend，andIwon"tneverforgetyou。Theyain"tmuchI
cando，andinthisdeceitfulworldwordsislessthanactions。Butifyoueverwastodiewithinahun-
dredmilesofme，I"dgo，“hesays，“andnootherhandsbutmineshouldlayyouout。Anditwouldn"tcostyouacent，either。Noryouneither，Danny。“
Wethankedhimkindlyfurtheoffer，andwent。
Thenexttownwecometotherewasacountyfair，andthedoctorrunacrostanoldpalofhis"nwhohadashowonthegroundsandwantedtohirehimfurwhathecalledaballyhooman。WhichwasthefirstIeverhearnthemcalledthat，butI
gotbetteracquaintedwiththemsince。TheyarethefellersthatstandsoutinfrontandgetsyouallexcitedabouttheSiamesetwinsorthebeardedladyorthesnake-charmerortheCircassianbeautiesorwhateveritisinsidethetent，asrepresenteduponthecanvas。Thedoctorsayshewilldoitfuraweek，jestfurfun，andmebbypickupanotherfellertotakeLooey"splaceoutthere。
Thisfeller"snameisWattySanders，andhiswifeisafatladyinhisownshowandverygood-
naturedwhennotintoxicatednormadatWatty。
Shewasbilledonthecurtainsoutsidefurfivehun-
dredandfiftypounds，andWattysaysshereallydoesweighnighontofourhundred。Butbeingafatlady"shusbandain"tnobedofrosyeaseatthat，Wattytellsthedoctor。It"slikeeveryothertrade——ithasitsownpertic"lerresponsibilitiesandtroubles。SheisaturribleexpensetoWattyonaccountofeatingsomuch。
Thetalesthatfellertoldofhowhardhehastohustleshowingheroffinordertosupportherappetitewouldofdrawedtearsfromapawn-
broker"ssign，asDoctorKirbysays。Whichhefounditcheaperfurhishullshowtoboardandsleepinthetent，andwedonelikewise。
Well，Igotajobwiththatshowmyself。Wattyhadawildmancanvasbutnowildman，sohemademeanofferandItookhimup。IwasfromBorneo，wherethey"reallsupposedtobecaptured。
JestasDoctorKirbywouldgettohistalkabouthowthewildmanhadbeenketchedaftergreatstruggleandexpense，withfourmenkilledandanothercrippled，therewouldbeanawfulrumpusontheinsideofthetent，withwildhowlingsandthesoundofrevolversshotoffandawomanscreaming。
ThenIwouldcomebustingoutallblackedupfromheadtoheelwithnomoreclothesonthanthelawpervidedfur，yippingloudandshakingabigspearandrollingmyeyes，andWattywouldcomerushingaftermefiringhisrevolver。Iwouldmakefurthedoctoranddrawmyspearbacktojabitcleanthroughhim，andWattywouldgrabmyarm。
AndthedoctorwouldwhirlroundandtheywouldwrastlemetothegroundandIwouldbehand-
cuffedanddraggedbackintothetent，stillhowlingandstrugglingtobreakloose。Ontheinsidemypartoftheshowwastobewildinacage。Iwouldbechainedtothefloor，andeverynowandthenIwouldgetwilderandrattlemychainsandshakethebarsandmakejumpsatthecrowdandcarryon，andmakebelieveIwastoomadtoeatthepiecesofrawmeatWattythrowedintothecage。
Wattyhadasnake-charmerwoman，withanawfullong，bonykindofneck，workingfurhim，andanotherfellerthatwasherhusbandandeatglass。Theshowopenedupwiththemtwodoingwhattheysaidwasacomicturn。Thenthefatladycomeon。Whilsteverybodywasadmiringhersize，andlookingatthenumberofpoundsonthembigcheatscalesWattyweighedheron，thelong-neckedonewouldbechangingtohersnakeclothes。Whichsheonlyhadonesnake，andhehadbeeninthebusinesssolong，andwassokindofwornoutandtiredwithbeingcharmedsomuch，italwaysseemedlikeapitytomethewayshewouldtakeandtwisthimaround。Iguesstheyneverwasasnakewasworkedharderfurthelittlebithegottoeat，norgotnosickerofawoman"ssocietythanpooroldReginalddid。AfterRegi-
naldhadbeencharmedawhile，itwouldbetheglasseater"sturn。Whichhereallyeatit，andthedoctorsaysthatkindalwaysdiesbeforetheyisfifty。Ineverknowedhisrightname，butwhathewentbywasTheHumanOstrich。
Watty"swifewasawfuljealousofMrs。Ostrich，furshegottheideashewascarryingonwithWatty。
OnenightIhearnanargumentfromthefenced-
offpartofthetentWattyandhiswifesleptin。
ShewassettingonWatty"schestandhewasgasp-
ingfurmercy。
“Youknowitain"ttrue，“saysWatty，kindofsmothered-like。
“Itis，“saysshe，“youownupitis！”Andshegivehimajounce。
“No，darling，“hegetsoutofhim，“youknowI
nevercouldbearthemthin，scrawnykindofwomen。“
Andhebeginstocallherpetnamesofallkindsandbegherplease，ifshewon"tgetoffcomplete，tosetsomewhereselseaminute，furhischesthecanfeelgivingway，andhisribscavingin。Hecalledherhisplumplittlewomanthreeorfourtimesandshemustofsoftenedupsome，furshemovedandhisvoicecomestronger，butnotlessmeekandlowly。Andhefollersitup：
“Dolly，darling，“hesays，“IbetIknowsomethingmylittlewomandon"tknow。“
“Whatisit？”thefatladyastshim。
“Youdon"tknowwhatacruel，weakstomachyourhubbyhasgot，“Wattysays，awfulcoaxinglike，“oryouwouldn"tbeardownquitesohardontoit——please，Dolly！”
Shebeginstoblubberandsayheismakingfunofherbigsize，andifheismeantoheranymoreoreverlooksatanotherwomanaginshewilltakeanti-fatandfadeawaytonothingandruinhisshow，anditisawfulhardtobemadeajokeofallherlifeandnothavenosteadyhomenornothinglikeotherwomendoes。
“YouknowIworshipeverypoundofyou，“
littlewoman，“saysWatty，stillcoaxing。“Whycan"tyoutrustme？Youknow，Dolly，darling，Iwouldn"ttakeyourweightingoldforyou。“
Andhetellshertheyneverwasbutonceinallhislifehehassomuchasturnedhisheadtolookatanotherwoman，andthatwasbywayofaplutonicadmiration，andnoflirtingintended，hesays。
Andeventhenitwasbeforehehadmethisownlittlewoman。Andthatotherwoman，hesays，wasplumptoo，furhewouldn"tneverlookatnonebutaplumpwoman。
“Whatdidsheweigh？”astsWatty"swife。Hetellsherameaslylittlethreehundredpound。
“Butshewasn"trefinedlikemylittlewoman，“
saysWatty，“andwhenIseenthatIpassedherup。“AndinchbyinchWattycoaxedhercleanoffofhim。
ButthenextdayshehearnhimandMrs。Ostrichgigglingaboutsomething，andshehasareg"lartantrum，andjestfurmeannessgoesoutandfallsdownontheracetrack，pertendingshehasfainted，andtheycan"tmovehernoways，notevenrollher。Butfinallytheyroustedheroutofthatbyoneoftheseheresprinklingcartsbackingupaginherandturningloose。
ButasidefromthemoccasionalmeanstreaksDollywasrealnice，andIkindofgottolikingher。
Shetellsmethatbecausesheissofatnoonewon"ttakeherseriouslikeahumanbeing，andshewishtshewaslikeotherwomenandhadafambly。Thatwomanwantedababy，too，andIbetshewouldofbeengoodtoit，furshewasawfulgoodtoanimals。
Shehadbeenbigfromalittlegirl，andnevergotnosympathywhensick，nornothing，andevenwhilstsheplayedwithdollsasakidsheknowedshelookedridiculous，andwaslaughedat。Andbyjings！——theywasthefunniestthingcometolightbeforeweleftthatcrowd。Thatpoor，derned，old，fatfoolHADadollyet，allhidaway，andwhenshewasalonesheusedtotakeitoutandcuddleit。
Well，Dollyneverhadmanyfriends，andyoucouldn"tblamehermuchifshediddrinkalittletoomuchnowandthen，orgetmadatWattyfurhisgoings-onandkneeldownonhimwhilsthewasasleep。ThemwasheronlyfaultsandIlikedtheoldgirl。YetIcouldseeWattyhadhistroublestoo。
Thatshowbustedupbeforethefairclosed。FuronedayWatty"swifegetsmadatMrs。Ostrichandtriestosetonher。AndthenMrs。Ostrichgetsmadtoo，andsicksReginaldontoher。Watty"swifeisawfulscaredofReginald，whodon"treallyhaveambitionenoughtobitenoone，letalonealadybuiltsoroundeverywherehecouldn"tofgotagriponher。Andasfuraswrappinghimselfaroundherandsquashinghertodeath，Reginaldneverseenthedayhecouldreachthatfur。Regi-
nald"sfeelingsisplumbfriendlytowardDollywhenheisturnedloose，butshedon"tknowthat，andshehassomehystericsandfaintsinearnestthistime。Well，theywasanawfulhullaballowhenshecometo，andfurthesakeofpeaceinthefamblyWattyhastofireMr。andMrs。OstrichandpooroldReginaldoutoftheirjobs，andtheshowisbusted。SoDoctorKirbyandmelitoutfurotherpartsagin。
CHAPTERIX
Wewasjoggingalongoneafternoonnotfurfromagood-sizedtownatthetopofOhio，rightonthelake，whenwerunacrostsomeremaindersofabustedcircusridinginastakeandchainwagon。Theywastwofellers——bothjugglers，acrobats，andtumblers——andaballoon。
Thecircushadbustedwithoutpayingthemnothingbutpromisesfurmonthsandmonths，andtheyhadtooktheteamandwagonandballoonbyattach-
ment，theysaid。Theywascartingherfromthelittleburgtheshowbustedintothatgood-sizedtownonthelake。TheywouldselltheteamandwagonthereandgetmoneyenoughtoputanadvertisementintheBillboard，whichislikeaBibletothemshowmen，thattheyhadaballoontosellandwasatliberty。
Oneofthemwastheslimmest，lightest-footed，quickestfelleryoueverseen，withabignoseanddarkcomplected，andhisnamewasTobias。Theotherwasheavierandblondecomplected。HisnamewasDobbs，hesaid，andtheywastheBlanchetBrothers。DoctorKirbyandthemgotrealwellacquaintedinaboutthreeminutes。Wedroveonaheadandgotintothetownfirst。
Thedoctorsaysthatballoonisjestwastedonthemfellers。Theycan"tgoupinher，notknowingthattrade，butstilltheyoughttobesomewayfurthemtomakealittlestakeoutofitbeforeitwassold。
Thenexteveningwerunacrostthemfellersonthestreet，andtheywasfeelingpurtyblue。Theyhadn"tbeenabletosellthatteamandwagon，whichitwaseatingitsmealsreg"larinaliverystable，andtheyhadbeendoingstuntsinthestreetthatdayandpassingaroundthehat，butnotgettingenoughfurtopayexpenses。
“Where"stheballoon？”aststhedoctor。AndIseenhewassickinghisintellectsontothejobofmakingherpay。
“Intheliverystablewiththewagon，“theytellshim。
Hesaysheisgoingtofiggeroutawaytohelpthemboys。Theyislikeallcircusperformers，hesays——theyjestknowstheirownacts，andtalksabout"emallthetime，andstudiesupwaystomake"embetter，andhasgotnomoreideaofbusinessoutsideofthatthanarabbit。Weallwenttotheliverystableandoverhauledthatballoon。Itwasanawfuljob，too。Buttheywasn"taripinher，andtheparachutewasjestasgoodasnew。
“There"snoreasonwhywecan"tgiveashowofourown，“saysDoctorKirby，“withyouboysandDannyandmeandthatballoon。Whatwewantisalotwithahighboardfencearoundit，likeabaseballgrounds，andthechancetotapagasmain。“Hesayshe"llbewillingtotakeachancetonit，evenpayingthegascompanyrealmoneytofillherup。
WhattheDoctordidn"tknowaboutstartingshowswasn"tworthknowing。Hehadevenwentinfortherealdramainhisyoungerdaysnowandthen。
“Oneofmytheatricalproductionscameverynearsucceeding，too，“hesays。
Itwasaplayhesays，inwhichtheherofallsinlovewithapairofSiamesetwinsandcommitssuicidebecausehecan"tmakeachoicebetweenthem。
“Weplayeditascomedyinthebigtownsandtragedyinthelittleones，“hesays。“ButlikeafoolIbookeditfortwoweeksofmiddle-sizedtownsanditbrokeus。“
Thenextdayhefindsalotthatwilldojestfine。
Ithasbeenusedfuraschoolplaygrounds，buttheschoolhasbeenmovedandtheoldbuildingistobetoredown。Hehiredtheplacecheap。Andhegoesandtalksthegascompanyintogivinghimcredittofillthatballoon。WhichIkeptwonderingwhatwastheuseoffillingher，furnoneofthefourofushadeverwentupinone。AndwhenIseenthehandbillshehadhadprintedIwonderedallthemore。Theyreadasfollers：
Kirby"sKomedyKompanyandOpenAirCircusPresentingaPeerlessPersonnelofArtisticAttractionsGreatestintheGalaxyofGaiety，isHartleyL。KirbyMonologuistandminstrel，dancerandvaudevillianinhisterpsichoreantravesties，buoyantburlesques，inimitableimitations，screamingimpersonations，refinedcomedysketchesandpopularsonghitsoftheday。
TheBlanchetBrothersDaring，Dazzling，Danger-Loving，Death-DefyingDemonsJoyousjugglers，acrobaticartists，constrictorialcontortionists，exquisiteequilibrists，intheirmarvellous，mysterious，unparalleledperformances。
UmslopogusThePatagonianChieftainThelowesttypeofhumanintellectThisformerlyferociousfiendhassofarsuccumbedtothesofterwilesofcivilizationthatheisnolongeracannibal，anditisnowsafetoputhimonexhibition。
Buttopreventaccidentsheisheavilymanacled，andthepubliciswarnednottocometoonear。
Balloon！Balloon！！Balloon！！！
ThemanagementalsopresentstheballoonofProf。AlonzoAckermanTheFamousAeronautinwhichhehasmadehisWonderfulAscensionandParachuteDropmanytimes，reachingremarkablealtitudesBalloon！Balloon！！Balloon！！！
Saturday，3P。M。
OldVandegriftSchoolLotAdmission50CentsWell，furawriterhecertainlylaidoverLooey，DoctorKirbydid——morecheerful-like，youmightsay。IseenrightoffIwastobethePatagonianChieftain。Iwasgettingmoreandmoreofanactorrightalong——firstanInjun，thenawildBorneo，andnowaPatagonian。
“ButwhoisthisAlonzoAckerman？”Iastshim。
“Celebratedballoonist，“sayshe，“andthemanthatinventedparachutes。Theyeatoutofhishand。“
“Whereishe？”astsI。
“HowshouldIknow？”hesays。
“Howishegoingup，then？”Iasts。
Thedoctorchucklesandsaysitisagoodbill，abetterbillthanhethought；thatitisgettinginitsworkalready。HesaystometoreaditcarefulandseeifitsaysAlonzoAckermanisgoingup。
Well，itdon"t。Butanyonewouldofthoughtsothefirstlook。Ireckonthatbillwassomeofaliarherself，notlyingoutright，butjesthintingalie。Theyisalotofmean，stingy-souledkindofpeoplewouldn"tneverlietohelpafriend，butDoctorKirbywasn"toneof"em。
“But，“Isays，“whenthatcrowdfindsoutAlonzoain"tgoinguptheywillbepurtymad。“
“Oh，“sayshe，“Idon"tthinkso。TheAmericanpublicareagood-naturedsetofchuckle-heads，mostly。IftheygetsoreI"lltalk"emoutofit。“
Ifhehadanyfaultsatall——andmindyou，I
ain"tsayingDoctorKirbyhadany——theonehehadhardestwasthebeliefhecouldtalkanycrowdintoanynotion，oroutofit，either。Andhelovedtodoitjestfurthefunofit。He"dratherhavethefeelinghewasdoingthatthanthemoneyanyday。Hewaspowerfulvainaboutthatgabofhis"n，DoctorKirbywas。
Thefourofustookaroundaboutfivethousandbills。Thedoctorsaystheyisnothinglikegivingyourselfachancet。AndSaturdaymorningwegottheballoonfilledupsosheshowedhandsome，tuggingawaythereatherropes。Butwehadadernmeantimewiththatballoon，too。
Thedoctorsaysifwehavegoodlucktheremaybeasmanyasthree，fourhundredpeople。
ButJerusalem！Theywastwo，threetimesthatmany。BythetimetheshowstartedIreckontheywasnighathousandthere。ThedoctorandtheBlanchetBrotherswastickled。Whentheyquitcomingfastthedoctorleftthegateandmadealittlespeech，tellingallaboutthewonderfulshow，andthegreatexpenseitwastogetittogether，andallthat。
Theywasaropestretchedbetweenthecrowdandus。BackofthatwastheBlanchetBrothers"
wagonandourwagon，andourlittletent。Iwasjestinsidethetentwithchainson。Backofevery-
thingelsewastheballoon。
Well，thedoctorhedonealotofsongsandthingsasadvertised。ThentheBlanchetBrothersdonesomeoftheiracts。Theywasreallyfineacts，too。
ThencomesomemoreofDoctorKirby"srefinedcomedy，asadvertised。Next，moreBlanchet。
Thenalectureaboutmebythedoctor。Allinallittakesupaboutanhourandahalf。Thenthedoctormakesamightynicelittletalk，andwishesthemallgoodafternoon，thankingthemfurtheirkindintentionsandliberalpatronage，oneandall。
“Butwhenwilltheballoongoup？”astshalfadozenatoncet。
“Theballoon？”astsDoctorKirby，surprised。
“Balloon！Balloon！”yellsakid。Andthehullcrowdtookitupandyelled：“Balloon！Balloon！
Balloon！”Andtheycrowdedupclostetothatrope。
DoctorKirbyhasbeengettingoffthewagon，buthegetsbackonher，andstretcheshisarmswide，andmotionsof"emalltocomeclose。
“Ladiesandgentlemen，“hesays，“pleasetogathernear——uphere，goodpeople——andlisten！
ListentowhatIhavetosay——harkentotheutter-
ingsofmyvoice！Therehasbeenamisunder-
standinghere！Therehasbeenamisconstruction！
Therehasbeen，ladiesandgentlemen，awoefullackofcomprehensionhere！”
Itlookedtomeliketheywasbeginningtounder-
standmorethanhemeantthemto。Iwaswonder-
inghowitwouldallcomeout，butheneverlosthisnerve。
“Listen，“hesays，veryearnest，“listentome。
Somehowtheideaseemstohavegoneforththattherewouldbeaballoonascensionherethisafter-
noon。How，Idonotknow，forwhatweadvertised，ladiesandgentlemen，wasthattheballoonusedbyProf。AlonzoAckerman，theillustriousaeronaut，wouldbeUPONEXHIBITION。Andtheresheis，ladiesandgentlemen，theresheis，foreveryeyetoseeandgladdenwiththesightof——rightbeforeyou，ladiesandgentlemen——theballoonofAlonzoAckerman，thewonderfulvoyageroftheair，exactlyasrepresented。DuringtheirlongcareerKirbyandCompanyhaveneverdeceivedthepub-
lic。Othersmay，butKirbyandCompanyarelikeCaesar"swife——KirbyandCompanyareabovesuspicion。ItistheprovinceofKirby"sKomedyKompany，ladiesandgentlemen，tospreadthegladtidingsofinnocentamusementthroughoutthelengthandbreadthofthisfairlandofours。
Andtheresheisbeforeyou，theballoonasadver-
tised，thegallantshipoftheairinwhichtheillus-
triousAckermanmadesomanyvoyagesbeforehesailedatlastintotheGreatBeyond！Youcanseeher，ladiesandgentlemen，strainingathercords，anxioustomountintotheheavensandbegone！
Itisaneducationinitself，ladiesandgentlemen，amoraleducation，andwellworthcomingmilestosee。Thinkofit——thinkofit——theAcker-
manballoon——andthenthinkthattheillustriousAckermanhimself——hewasmypersonalfriend，ladiesandgentlemen，andatruefriendstickethcloserthanabrother——theillustriousAckermanisdead。Theballoon，ladiesandgentlemen，isthere，butAckermanisgonetohisreward。Lookatthatballoon，ladiesandgentlemen，andtellmeifyoucan，whyshouldthespiritofmortalsbeproud？Forthemanthatrodeherlikeamasterandtamedherlikeshewasadoveliescoldanddeadinawesterngraveyard，ladiesandgentlemen，andsheishere，auselessandanidlevanitywithoutthemindthatmadehergo！”
Well，hewentonandhetoldafunnystoryaboutAlonzo，whichIdon"tbelievetheyeverwasnoAlonzoAckerman，andalotof"emlaughed；andhetoldapitifulstory，andtheygotsollumagin，andthenanotherfunnystory。Well，hehad"emlistening，andpurtysoonmostofthecrowdisfeelinginagoodhumourtowardhim，andonefelleryellsout：
“Goit——you"reahullshowyourself！”Andsomejosheshim，buttheydon"tseemtobenotroubleintheair。Whentheyalllooktobeinagoodhumourheholdsupabillandastshowmanyhasthem。Manyhas。Hesaysthatiswell，andthenhestartstotellinganotherstory。Butinthemiddleofthestorythathullderncrowdistookwithafitoflaughing。Theyhaslookedatthebillcloset，andseentheyissold，andistakingitgood-natured。Andstillshoutingandlaughingmostofthembeginstostartalongoff。AndI
thoughtallchancetoftroublewasoverwith。
Butitwasn"t。
Furtheyisalwaysanatcheralbornkickereverywhere，andtheywasonehere，too。
Hewasaleanfellerwithastickingoutjaw，andoneofhiseyeswasinakindofablackpocket，andhewasjestnatcherallylayingitofftoaboutadozenfellersthatwasinalittleknotaroundhim。
Thedoctorseesthemainpartofthecrowdgoingandclimbsdownoff"nthewagon。Ashedoessothathullbunchofaboutadozenmovesinundertherope，andsomemorethatwasgoingoutseenit，andstoppedandcomeback。
“Perfessor，“saysthemanwiththepatchoverhiseyetoDoctorKirby，“yousaythismanAcker-
manisdead？”
“Yes，“saysthedoctor，eyinghimover，“he"sdead。“
“Howdidhedie？”aststhefeller。
“Hediedhard，Iunderstand，“saysthedoctor，careless-like。
“Felloutofhisballoon？”
“Yes。“
“Thisaeronauttradeisadangeroustrade，Ihear，“saysthefellerwiththepatchonhiseye。
“Theysayso，“saysDoctorKirby，easy-like。
“Wasyoueveranaeronautyourself？”aststhefeller。
“No，“saysthedoctor。
“Neverbeenupinaballoon？”
“No。“
“Well，you"regoingupinonethisafternoon！”
“Whatdoyoumean？”astsDoctorKirby。
“We"vecomeouttoseeaballoonascension——
andwe"regoingtoseeit，too。“
Andwiththatthehullcrowdmadearushatthedoctor。
Well，Ibeeninfightsbeforethat，andIbeeninfightssincethen。ButIneverbeeninnoharderone。ThedoctorandthetwoBlanchetbrothersandmemanagedtogetbackedupaginthefenceinarowwhentherushcome。IguessIdonemyshare，andIguesstheBlanchetbrothersdonetheirn，too。Buttheywastoomanyof"emforus——toodernmany。Itwouldn"tofendedasquickasitdidifDoctorKirbyhadn"tgonecleancrazy。
Hisbackwastothefence，andhecleanedouteverythinginfrontofhim，andthenhegiveawildroarjestlikeabullandrushedthathullgang——
twentymen，theywas——withhisheaddown。
Hecaughttwofellers，oneineachhand，andhecrackedtheirheadstogether，andhecaughttwomore，anddonethesame。Butheorternevertookhisbackawayfromthatfence。Thehullgangclosedinonhim，anddownhewentatthebottomofapile。Iwasawfulbusymyself，butIseenthatpilemovingandchurning。ThenI
madeabigmistakemyself。Ikickedafellerinthestomach，andanotherfellercaughtmyleg，anddownIwent。FurahalfaminuteIneverknowednothing。AndwhenIcometoIwasallmashedabouttheface，andtwofellerswassittingonme。
ThecrowdwastyingDoctorKirbytothatparachute。Theystraddledlegsovertheparachutebar，andtiedhisfeetbelowit。Hewasstillfight-
ing，buttheywastoomanyfurhim。Theylefthisarmsuntied，buttheyheld"em，andthen——
Thentheycutherloose。Shewentuplikeshewasshotfromagun，andasshedidDoctorKirbytookagriponafeller"sarmthathadn"tletloosequickenoughandliftedhimplumboff"ntheground。
Heslewedaroundonthetrapezebarwiththefeller"sweight，andslippedheaddownward。Andasheslippedhegivethatfelleraswingandletlooseofhim，andthenketchedhimselfbythecrookofoneknee。Thefellerturnedovertwicetintheairandlandedinalittlecrumpled-uppileontheground，andnevermadeasound。
Thefellersthathadholtofmeforgotmeandstoodup，andIstooduptoo，andlooked。Theballoonwasrisingfast。DoctorKirbywastryingtopullhimselfuptothetrapezebar，twistingandsquirmingandhavingahardtimeofit，andshoot-
inghighereverysecond。Ireckonedhecouldn"tfallcomplete，furwherehisfeetwastiedwouldlikelyholdevenifhiskneecomestraight——buthewoulddiemebbywithhisheadfillingupwithblood。Butfinallyhemadeasquirmandraisedhimselfalotandgrabbedtheropeatonesideofthebar。Andthenhereachedandgottheropeontheotherside，andsetstraddleofher。Andjestashedonethatthewindketchedtheballoongoodandhard，andsheturnedouttowardLakeErie。Itwastoolatefurhimtopulltheropethatsetstheparachuteloosethen，anddropontotheland。
Irushedoutofthatschoolhouseyardanddownthestreettowardthelakefront，andrun，stumblingalongandlookingup。Shewasgettingsmallereveryminute。Andwithmyheadintheairlook-
ingupIwasrunningplumbtotheedgeofthewaterbeforeIknowedit。
Shewasawayoutoverthelakenow，andawfulhigh，andgoingfastbeforethewind，andthedoctorwasonlyaspeck。AndasIstaredatthatspeckawayupintheskyIthoughtthiswasameanworldtolivein。FurtherewastheonlyrealfriendI
everhad，andnowayfurmetohelphim。Hehadlearntmetoread，andboughtmegoodclothes，andmademeknowtheywasthingsintheworldworthtravellingaroundtosee，andmademefeellikeIwassomethingmorethanjestOldHankWalters"sdog。AndIguessedhewouldbedrowndedandIwouldneverseehimaginnow。Andallofasuddensomethingbustedlooseinsideofme，andIsunkdownthereattheedgeofthewater，sickatmystomach，andweakandshivering。
CHAPTERX
Ididn"texactlyfaintthere，butthingsgotallmixedfurme，andwhentheywasstraightenedoutaginIwasinahospital。
ItseemsIhadbeenconsiderablesteppedoninthatfight，andthreeribswasbroke。IknowedIwashurting，butIwassointerestedinwhatwashappeningtothedoctorthehullhurtnevercometometilltheballoonwaswayoutoverthelake。
ButnowIwasinaplastercast，andbeforeI
gotoutofthatIwasinafever。Iwassomeweeksgettingoutofthere。
ItriedtogetsomewordofDoctorKirby，butcouldn"t。Nothinghadbeenheardofhimortheballoon。Thenewspapershadhadstuffaboutitfuradayortwo，andtheyguessedthebodymightcometolightsometime。Butthatwasall。AndIdidn"tknowwheretohuntnorhow。
Thehossesandwagonandtentandthingsworriedmesome，too。Theywasn"tmine，andsoIcouldn"tsell"em。Andtheywasn"tnogoodtomewithoutDoctorKirby。SoItellsthemanthatownstheliverystabletousetheteamfuritsboardandkeepittillDoctorKirbycallsfurit，andifheneverdoesmebbyIwillsometime。
Ididn"twanttostayinthattownorIcouldofgotajobintheliverystable。Theyofferedmeone，butIhatedthattown。Iwantedtolightout。
Ididn"tmuchcarewhereto。
ThemBlanchetBrothershadleftagoodshareofthemoneywetookinattheballoonascensionwiththehospitalpeoplefurmebeforetheyclearedout。
ButbeforeIleftthattheretownIseentheywasonethingIhadtodotomakemyselfeasyinmymind。SoIdoneher。
Thatwastohuntupthatfellerwithhiseyeinthepatch。Ittookmeaweektofindhim。Heliveddownnearsomerailroadyards。Imightofsoakedhimwithacouplinglinkandfeltahulllotbetter。ButIdidn"tguessitwoulddotopetandpampermyfeelingstoomuch。SoIdoesitwithmyfistsinaquietplace，anddoesitverycomplete，andleavesthattowninacattlecar，feelingahulllotmorecontentedinmymind。
ThentheywasahulldernyearIdidn"tstaynowhereverylong，norworkatanyonejobtoolong，neither。Ijestworkedfromplacetoplaceseeingthings——bigtownsandriversandmoun-
tains。Workinghereandthere，andloafingandridingblindbaggagesandfreighttrainsbetweenjobs，Icoveredalotofgroundthatyear，andmadesomepurtybigjumps，andgotacquaintedwithsomeawfulqueerfolks，firstandlast。
ButtheworstofthatislotsofpeoplegetstothinkingIamahobo。EvenoneortwojudgesinpolicecourtsIgotacquaintedwithhadthatthereideaofme。IalwaysexplainsthatIamnotone，andamjesttravellingaroundtoseethings，andworkingwhenIfeelslikeit，andain"tnobum。
ButfrequentIamnotbelieved。Andtwo，threedifferenttimesIgetstotheplacewhereIcouldn"thardlyoftoldmyselffromahobo，ifIhadn"tofknowedIwasn"tone。
Igotrightwellacquaintedwithsomeofthemhobos，too。AsfurasIcansee，theyisasmuchdifferenceinthemasinotherhumans。Sometravelsbecausetheylikestoseethings，andsomebecausetheyhatestowork，andsomebecausetheyisinthehabitandcan"tstopit。Well，I
knowmyselfit"spurtyhardafterwhiletostopit，furwherewouldyoustopat？Whatexcuseistheytostoponeplacemore"nanother？Imetallkindsof"em，andoncetIgotinfuraweekwithacoupleofrealJohnnyYeggsthatisbothinthepennow。Ihearnafellersayonetimethereissomegoodineveryman。Iwentthesamewayasthemtwoyeggmenahulldernweektotryandfindoutwherethegoodin"emwas。Iguesstheymustbesomemistakesomewheres，furIlookedhardandIwatchedclosetandIneverfoundit。
Theyismanykindsofhobosandtramps，per-
fessionalandamachure，andlotsofkindsofbums，andlotsofyoungfellersworkingtheirwayaroundtoseethings，likeIwas，andlotsofworkingmeninhardluckgoingfromplacetoplace，andallthemkindsishumans。Buttherealyeggmanain"tevenadog。
AndoncetIwentallthewayfromChicagotoBaltimorewithaserious，dernfoolthatsaidhewasasoshyologest，whateverthemis，andwasgoingtoputherallintoabookaboutthecriminalclasses。
HeworkedhardtryingtogetatthereasonIwasahobo。Whichtheywasn"tnoreason，furIwasn"tnohobo。ButIdidn"twanttodisappointthatfellerandspoilhisbookfurhim。SoItellshimthings。Thingsnotoverlytruthful，butveryfullofcrime。AboutayearafterwardIwasintooneofthesehereAndrewCarnegielib"arieswiththenamesoftheold-timepresidentsallchiselledalongthetopandIseenthehulldernthinginprint。
HesaidofmethesamethingIhavesaidaboutthemyeggmen。Ifallhemetjoshedthatfellerthesameasme，thatbookmustofbeenwhatyoumightcallmisleadinginspots。
OnemorningIwokeupinagood-sizedtowninIllinoise，notahundredmilesfromwhereIwasraised，withoutnomoney，andmyclothesnotmuchtolookat，andnojob。Ihadbeenwitharailroadshowfurabouttwoweeks，drivingstakesandotherroughwork，andithadwentoffandleftmesleepingontheground。circusesneverwaitsfurnothingnorcaresadernfurnoone。Itriedalldayaroundtownfurtogetsomekindofajob。
ButIwaslookingpurtyroughandIcouldn"tlandnothing。AlongintheafternoonIwasawfulhungry。
Iwasfeelingpurtylowdowntohavetoastfurameal，butfinallyIdoneit。
IdunnohowIevercometopickoutsuchaswell-
lookinghouse，butImakesalittletalkatthebackdoorandtheIrishgirlshesays，“Comein，“andintothekitchenIgoes。
“It"sMinnesotayou"reworkingtoward？”astsshe，pouringmeoutacupofcoffee。