第5章

Butthatceremonyholdsandcandragamantohisundoingjustasthoroughlyasthe“longasyebothshalllive“cursefromthealtar-

rails，withthebridesmaidsgigglingbehind，and“TheVoicethatbreathedo"erEden“liftingtheroofoff。InthismannerwasDickyHattkidnapped，andheconsidereditvastlyfine，forhehadreceivedanappointmentinIndiawhichcarriedamagnificentsalaryfromtheHomepointofview。Themarriagewastobekeptsecretforayear。ThenMrs。DickyHattwastocomeoutandtherestoflifewastobeagloriousgoldenmist。ThatwashowtheysketcheditundertheAddisonRoadStationlamps；and，afteroneshortmonth，cameGravesendandDickysteamingouttohisnewlife，andthegirlcryinginathirty-shillingsaweekbed-and-livingroom，inabackstreetoffMontpelierSquareneartheKnightsbridgeBarracks。

ButthecountrythatDickycametowasahardland，where“men“oftwenty-onewerereckonedverysmallboysindeed，andlifewasexpensive。Thesalarythatloomedsolargesixthousandmilesawaydidnotgofar。ParticularlywhenDickydivideditbytwo，andremittedmorethanthefairhalf，at1-6，toMontpelierSquare。Onehundredandthirty-fiverupeesoutofthreehundredandthirtyisnotmuchtoliveon；butitwasabsurdtosupposethatMrs。Hattcouldexistforeveronthe20poundsheldbackbyDicky，fromhisoutfitallowance。Dickysawthis，andremittedatonce；alwaysrememberingthatRs。700weretobepaid，twelvemonthslater，forafirst-classpassageoutforalady。Whenyouaddtothesetriflingdetailsthenaturalinstinctsofaboybeginninganewlifeinanewcountryandlongingtogoaboutandenjoyhimself，andthenecessityforgrapplingwithstrangework——which，properlyspeaking，shouldtakeupaboy"sundividedattention——youwillseethatDickystartedhandicapped。Hesawithimselfforabreathortwo；buthedidnotguessthefullbeautyofhisfuture。

Asthehotweatherbegan，theshacklessettledonhimandateintohisflesh。Firstwouldcomeletters——big，crossed，sevensheetletters——fromhiswife，tellinghimhowshelongedtoseehim，andwhataHeavenuponearthwouldbetheirpropertywhentheymet。

ThensomeboyofthechummerywhereinDickylodgedwouldpoundonthedoorofhisbarelittleroom，andtellhimtocomeoutandlookatapony——theverythingtosuithim。Dickycouldnotaffordponies。Hehadtoexplainthis。Dickycouldnotaffordlivinginthechummery，modestasitwas。Hehadtoexplainthisbeforehemovedtoasingleroomnexttheofficewhereheworkedallday。Hekepthouseonagreenoil-clothtable-cover，onechair，onecharpoy，onephotograph，onetooth-glass，verystrongandthick，aseven-

rupeeeight-annafilter，andmessingbycontractatthirty-sevenrupeesamonth。Whichlastitemwasextortion。Hehadnopunkah，forapunkahcostsfifteenrupeesamonth；buthesleptontheroofoftheofficewithallhiswife"slettersunderhispillow。Nowandagainhewasaskedouttodinnerwherehegotbothapunkahandaniceddrink。Butthiswasseldom，forpeopleobjectedtorecognizingaboywhohadevidentlytheinstinctsofaScotchtallow-chandler，andwholivedinsuchanastyfashion。Dickycouldnotsubscribetoanyamusement，sohefoundnoamusementexceptthepleasureofturningoverhisBank-bookandreadingwhatitsaidabout“loansonapprovedsecurity。”Thatcostnothing。HeremittedthroughaBombayBank，bytheway，andtheStationknewnothingofhisprivateaffairs。

EverymonthhesentHomeallhecouldpossiblyspareforhiswife——

andforanotherreasonwhichwasexpectedtoexplainitselfshortlyandwouldrequiremoremoney。

Aboutthistime，Dickywasovertakenwiththenervous，hauntingfearthatbesetsmarriedmenwhentheyareoutofsorts。Hehadnopensiontolookto。Whatifheshoulddiesuddenly，andleavehiswifeunprovidedfor?Thethoughtusedtolayholdofhiminthestill，hotnightsontheroof，tilltheshakingofhisheartmadehimthinkthathewasgoingtodiethenandthereofheart-disease。

Nowthisisaframeofmindwhichnoboyhasarighttoknow。Itisastrongman"strouble；but，comingwhenitdid，itnearlydrovepoorpunkah-less，perspiringDickyHattmad。Hecouldtellnooneaboutit。

Acertainamountof“screw“isasnecessaryforamanasforabilliard-ball。Itmakesthembothdowonderfulthings。Dickyneededmoneybadly，andheworkedforitlikeahorse。But，naturally，themenwhoownedhimknewthataboycanliveverycomfortablyonacertainincome——payinIndiaisamatterofage，notmerit，yousee，andiftheirparticularboywishedtoworkliketwoboys，Businessforbidthattheyshouldstophim！ButBusinessforbidthattheyshouldgivehimanincreaseofpayathispresentridiculouslyimmatureage！SoDickywoncertainrisesofsalary——

ampleforaboy——notenoughforawifeandchild——certainlytoolittlefortheseven-hundred-rupeepassagethatheandMrs。Hatthaddiscussedsolightlyonceuponatime。Andwiththishewasforcedtobecontent。

Somehow，allhismoneyseemedtofadeawayinHomedraftsandthecrushingExchange，andthetoneoftheHomeletterschangedandgrewquerulous。“Whywouldn"tDickyhavehiswifeandthebabyout?

Surelyhehadasalary——afinesalary——anditwastoobadofhimtoenjoyhimselfinIndia。Butwouldhe——couldhe——makethenextdraftalittlemoreelastic?“Herefollowedalistofbaby"skit，aslongasaParsee"sbill。ThenDicky，whoseheartyearnedtohiswifeandthelittlesonhehadneverseen——which，again，isafeelingnoboyisentitledto——enlargedthedraftandwrotequeerhalf-boy，half-

manletters，sayingthatlifewasnotsoenjoyableafterallandwouldthelittlewifewaityetalittlelonger?Butthelittlewife，howevermuchsheapprovedofmoney，objectedtowaiting，andtherewasastrange，hardsortofringinherlettersthatDickydidn"tunderstand。Howcouldhe，poorboy?

Lateronstill——justasDickyhadbeentold——aproposofanotheryoungsterwhohad“madeafoolofhimself，“asthesayingis——thatmatrimonywouldnotonlyruinhisfurtherchancesofadvancement，butwouldlosehimhispresentappointment——camethenewsthatthebaby，hisownlittle，littleson，haddied，and，behindthis，fortylinesofanangrywoman"sscrawl，sayingthatdeathmighthavebeenavertedifcertainthings，allcostingmoney，hadbeendone，orifthemotherandthebabyhadbeenwithDicky。TheletterstruckatDicky"snakedheart；but，notbeingofficiallyentitledtoababy，hecouldshownosignoftrouble。

HowDickywonthroughthenextfourmonths，andwhathopehekeptalighttoforcehimintohiswork，noonedaresay。Hepoundedon，theseven-hundred-rupeepassageasfarawayasever，andhisstyleoflivingunchanged，exceptwhenhelaunchedintoanewfilter。

Therewasthestrainofhisoffice-work，andthestrainofhisremittances，andtheknowledgeofhisboy"sdeath，whichtouchedtheboymore，perhaps，thanitwouldhavetouchedaman；and，beyondall，theenduringstrainofhisdailylife。Gray-headedseniors，whoapprovedofhisthriftandhisfashionofdenyinghimselfeverythingpleasant，remindedhimoftheoldsawthatsays:

“Ifayouthwouldbedistinguishedinhisart，art，art，Hemustkeepthegirlsawayfromhisheart，heart，heart。”

AndDicky，whofanciedhehadbeenthrougheverytroublethatamanispermittedtoknow，hadtolaughandagree；withthelastlineofhisbalancedBank-bookjinglinginhisheaddayandnight。

Buthehadonemoresorrowtodigestbeforetheend。Therearrivedaletterfromthelittlewife——thenaturalsequenceoftheothersifDickyhadonlyknownit——andtheburdenofthatletterwas“gonewithahandsomermanthanyou。”Itwasarathercuriousproduction，withoutstops，somethinglikethis:——“ShewasnotgoingtowaitforeverandthebabywasdeadandDickywasonlyaboyandhewouldneverseteyesonheragainandwhyhadn"thewavedhishandkerchieftoherwhenheleftGravesendandGodwasherjudgeshewasawickedwomanbutDickywasworseenjoyinghimselfinIndiaandthisothermanlovedthegroundshetrodonandwouldDickyeverforgiveherforshewouldneverforgiveDicky；andtherewasnoaddresstowriteto。”

Insteadofthankinghisluckystarsthathewasfree，Dickydiscoveredexactlyhowaninjuredhusbandfeels——again，notatalltheknowledgetowhichaboyisentitled——forhismindwentbacktohiswifeasherememberedherinthethirty-shilling“suite“inMontpelierSquare，whenthedawnofhislastmorninginEnglandwasbreaking，andshewascryinginthebed。Whereatherolledaboutonhisbedandbithisfingers。Heneverstoppedtothinkwhether，ifhehadmetMrs。Hattafterthosetwoyears，hewouldhavediscoveredthatheandshehadgrownquitedifferentandnewpersons。This，theoretically，heoughttohavedone。HespentthenightaftertheEnglishMailcameinratherseverepain。

Nextmorning，DickyHattfeltdisinclinedtowork。Hearguedthathehadmissedthepleasureofyouth。Hewastired，andhehadtastedallthesorrowinlifebeforethree-and-twenty。HisHonorwasgone——thatwastheman；andnowhe，too，wouldgototheDevil——

thatwastheboyinhim。Soheputhisheaddownonthegreenoil-

clothtable-cover，andweptbeforeresigninghispost，andallitoffered。

Buttherewardofhisservicescame。Hewasgiventhreedaystoreconsiderhimself，andtheHeadoftheestablishment，aftersometelegraphings，saidthatitwasamostunusualstep，but，inviewoftheabilitythatMr。Hatthaddisplayedatsuchandsuchatime，atsuchandsuchjunctures，hewasinapositiontoofferhimaninfinitelysuperiorpost——firstonprobation，andlater，inthenaturalcourseofthings，onconfirmation。“Andhowmuchdoesthepostcarry?“saidDicky。“Sixhundredandfiftyrupees，“saidtheHeadslowly，expectingtoseetheyoungmansinkwithgratitudeandjoy。

Anditcamethen！Thesevenhundredrupeepassage，andenoughtohavesavedthewife，andthelittleson，andtohaveallowedofassuredandopenmarriage，camethen。Dickyburstintoaroaroflaughter——laughterhecouldnotcheck——nasty，janglingmerrimentthatseemedasifitwouldgoonforever。Whenhehadrecoveredhimselfhesaid，quiteseriously:——“I"mtiredofwork。I"manoldmannow。It"sabouttimeIretired。AndIwill。”

“Theboy"smad！“saidtheHead。

Ithinkhewasright；butDickyHattneverreappearedtosettlethequestion。

PIG。

Go，stalkthereddeero"ertheheatherRide，followthefoxifyoucan！

But，forpleasureandprofittogether，AllowmethehuntingofMan，——

ThechaseoftheHuman，thesearchfortheSoulToitsruin，——thehuntingofMan。

TheOldShikarri。

Ibelievethedifferencebeganinthematterofahorse，withatwistinhistemper，whomPinecoffinsoldtoNaffertonandbywhomNaffertonwasnearlyslain。Theremayhavebeenothercausesofoffence；thehorsewastheofficialstalking-horse。Naffertonwasveryangry；butPinecoffinlaughedandsaidthathehadneverguaranteedthebeast"smanners。Naffertonlaughed，too，thoughhevowedthathewouldwriteoffhisfallagainstPinecoffinifhewaitedfiveyears。Now，aDalesmanfrombeyondSkiptonwillforgiveaninjurywhentheStridletsamanlive；butaSouthDevonmanisassoftasaDartmoorbog。YoucanseefromtheirnamesthatNaffertonhadtherace-advantageofPinecoffin。Hewasapeculiarman，andhisnotionsofhumorwerecruel。Hetaughtmeanewandfascinatingformofshikar。HehoundedPinecoffinfromMithankottoJagadri，andfromGurgaontoAbbottabadupandacrossthePunjab，alargeprovinceandinplacesremarkablydry。HesaidthathehadnointentionofallowingAssistantCommissionersto“sellhimpups，“intheshapeoframping，screamingcountrybreds，withoutmakingtheirlivesaburdentothem。

MostAssistantCommissionersdevelopabentforsomespecialworkaftertheirfirsthotweatherinthecountry。TheboyswithdigestionshopetowritetheirnameslargeontheFrontierandstrugglefordrearyplaceslikeBannuandKohat。ThebiliousonesclimbintotheSecretariat。Whichisverybadfortheliver。

OthersarebittenwithamaniaforDistrictwork，GhuznividecoinsorPersianpoetry；whilesome，whocomeoffarmers"stock，findthatthesmelloftheEarthaftertheRainsgetsintotheirblood，andcallsthemto“developtheresourcesoftheProvince。”Thesemenareenthusiasts。Pinecoffinbelongedtotheirclass。Heknewagreatmanyfactsbearingonthecostofbullocksandtemporarywells，andopium-scrapers，andwhathappensifyouburntoomuchrubbishonafield，inthehopeofenrichingused-upsoil。AllthePinecoffinscomeofalandholdingbreed，andsothelandonlytookbackherownagain。Unfortunately——mostunfortunatelyforPinecoffin——hewasaCivilian，aswellasafarmer。Naffertonwatchedhim，andthoughtaboutthehorse。Naffertonsaid:——“Seemechasethatboytillhedrops！“Isaid:——“Youcan"tgetyourknifeintoanAssistantCommissioner。”NaffertontoldmethatIdidnotunderstandtheadministrationoftheProvince。

OurGovernmentisratherpeculiar。Itgushesontheagriculturalandgeneralinformationside，andwillsupplyamoderatelyrespectablemanwithallsortsof“economicstatistics，“ifhespeakstoitprettily。Forinstance，youareinterestedingold-

washinginthesandsoftheSutlej。Youpullthestring，andfindthatitwakesuphalfadozenDepartments，andfinallycommunicates，say，withafriendofyoursintheTelegraph，whooncewrotesomenotesonthecustomsofthegold-washerswhenhewasonconstruction-workintheirpartoftheEmpire。Hemayormaynotbepleasedatbeingorderedtowriteouteverythingheknowsforyourbenefit。Thisdependsonhistemperament。Thebiggermanyouare，themoreinformationandthegreatertroublecanyouraise。

Naffertonwasnotabigman；buthehadthereputationofbeingveryearnest。”An“earnest“mancandomuchwithaGovernment。Therewasanearnestmanwhooncenearlywrecked……butallIndiaknowsTHATstory。Iamnotsurewhatreal“earnestness“is。Averyfairimitationcanbemanufacturedbyneglectingtodressdecently，bymooningaboutinadreamy，mistysortofway，bytakingoffice-workhomeafterstayinginofficetillseven，andbyreceivingcrowdsofnativegentlemenonSundays。Thatisonesortof“earnestness。”

Naffertoncastaboutforapegwhereontohanghisearnestness，andforastringthatwouldcommunicatewithPinecoffin。Hefoundboth。

TheywerePig。NaffertonbecameanearnestinquirerafterPig。HeinformedtheGovernmentthathehadaschemewherebyaverylargepercentageoftheBritishArmyinIndiacouldbefed，ataverylargesaving，onPig。ThenhehintedthatPinecoffinmightsupplyhimwiththe“variedinformationnecessarytotheproperinceptionofthescheme。”SotheGovernmentwroteonthebackoftheletter:——

“InstructMr。PinecoffintofurnishMr。Naffertonwithanyinformationinhispower。”Governmentisverypronetowritingthingsonthebacksofletterswhich，later，leadtotroubleandconfusion。

NaffertonhadnotthefaintestinterestinPig，butheknewthatPinecoffinwouldflounceintothetrap。PinecoffinwasdelightedatbeingconsultedaboutPig。TheIndianPigisnotexactlyanimportantfactorinagriculturallife；butNaffertonexplainedtoPinecoffinthattherewasroomforimprovement，andcorrespondeddirectwiththatyoungman。

YoumaythinkthatthereisnotmuchtobeevolvedfromPig。Italldependshowyousettowork。PinecoffinbeingaCivilianandwishingtodothingsthoroughly，beganwithanessayonthePrimitivePig，theMythologyofthePig，andtheDravidianPig。

Naffertonfiledthatinformation——twenty-sevenfoolscapsheets——andwantedtoknowaboutthedistributionofthePiginthePunjab，andhowitstoodthePlainsinthehotweather。Fromthispointonwards，rememberthatIamgivingyouonlythebarestoutlinesoftheaffair——theguy-ropes，asitwere，ofthewebthatNaffertonspunroundPinecoffin。

PinecoffinmadeacoloredPig-populationmap，andcollectedobservationsonthecomparativelongevityofthePig(a)inthesub-

montanetractsoftheHimalayas，and(b)intheRechnaDoab。

Naffertonfiledthat，andaskedwhatsortofpeoplelookedafterPig。Thisstartedanethnologicalexcursusonswineherds，anddrewfromPinecoffinlongtablesshowingtheproportionperthousandofthecasteintheDerajat。Naffertonfiledthatbundle，andexplainedthatthefigureswhichhewantedreferredtotheCis-

Sutlejstates，whereheunderstoodthatPigswereveryfineandlarge，andwhereheproposedtostartaPiggery。Bythistime，GovernmenthadquiteforgottentheirinstructionstoMr。Pinecoffin。

Theywerelikethegentlemen，inKeats"poem，whoturnedwell-oiledwheelstoskinotherpeople。ButPinecoffinwasjustenteringintothespiritofthePig-hunt，asNaffertonwellknewhewoulddo。Hehadafairamountofworkofhisowntoclearaway；buthesatupofnightsreducingPigtofiveplacesofdecimalsforthehonorofhisService。HewasnotgoingtoappearignorantofsoeasyasubjectasPig。

ThenGovernmentsenthimonspecialdutytoKohat，to“inquireinto“

thebig-seven-foot，iron-shodspadesofthatDistrict。Peoplehadbeenkillingeachotherwiththosepeacefultools；andGovernmentwishedtoknow“whetheramodifiedformofagriculturalimplementcouldnot，tentativelyandasatemporarymeasure，beintroducedamongtheagriculturalpopulationwithoutneedlesslyorundulyexasperatingtheexistingreligioussentimentsofthepeasantry。”

BetweenthosespadesandNafferton"sPig，Pinecoffinwasratherheavilyburdened。

Naffertonnowbegantotakeup“(a)Thefood-supplyoftheindigenousPig，withaviewtotheimprovementofitscapacitiesasaflesh-former。(b)TheacclimatizationoftheexoticPig，maintainingitsdistinctivepeculiarities。”PinecoffinrepliedexhaustivelythattheexoticPigwouldbecomemergedintheindigenoustype；andquotedhorse-breedingstatisticstoprovethis。

Theside-issuewasdebated，atgreatlengthonPinecoffin"sside，tillNaffertonownedthathehadbeeninthewrong，andmovedthepreviousquestion。WhenPinecoffinhadquitewrittenhimselfoutaboutflesh-formers，andfibrins，andglucoseandthenitrogenousconstituentsofmaizeandlucerne，Naffertonraisedthequestionofexpense。BythistimePinecoffin，whohadbeentransferredfromKohat，haddevelopedaPigtheoryofhisown，whichhestatedinthirty-threefoliopages——allcarefullyfiledbyNafferton。Whoaskedformore。

Thesethingstooktenmonths，andPinecoffin"sinterestinthepotentialPiggeryseemedtodiedownafterhehadstatedhisownviews。ButNaffertonbombardedhimwithletterson“theImperialaspectofthescheme，astendingtoofficializethesaleofpork，andtherebycalculatedtogiveoffencetotheMahomedanpopulationofUpperIndia。”HeguessedthatPinecoffinwouldwantsomebroad，free-handworkafterhisniggling，stippling，decimaldetails。

Pinecoffinhandledthelatestdevelopmentofthecaseinmasterlystyle，andprovedthatno“popularebullitionofexcitementwastobeapprehended。”NaffertonsaidthattherewasnothinglikeCivilianinsightinmattersofthiskind，andluredhimupabye-

path——“thepossibleprofitstoaccruetotheGovernmentfromthesaleofhog-bristles。”Thereisanextensiveliteratureofhog-

bristles，andtheshoe，brush，andcolorman"stradesrecognizemorevarietiesofbristlesthanyouwouldthinkpossible。AfterPinecoffinhadwonderedalittleatNafferton"srageforinformation，hesentbackamonograph，fifty-onepages，on“ProductsofthePig。”Thisledhim，underNafferton"stenderhandling，straighttotheCawnporefactories，thetradeinhog-skinforsaddles——andthencetothetanners。Pinecoffinwrotethatpomegranate-seedwasthebestcureforhog-skin，andsuggested——forthepastfourteenmonthshadweariedhim——thatNaffertonshould“raisehispigsbeforehetannedthem。”

Naffertonwentbacktothesecondsectionofhisfifthquestion。

HowcouldtheexoticPigbebroughttogiveasmuchporkasitdidintheWestandyet“assumetheessentiallyhirsutecharacteristicsofitsorientalcongener?“Pinecoffinfeltdazed，forhehadforgottenwhathehadwrittensixteenmonth"sbefore，andfanciedthathewasabouttoreopentheentirequestion。Hewastoofarinvolvedinthehideoustangletoretreat，and，inaweakmoment，hewrote:——“Consultmyfirstletter。”WhichrelatedtotheDravidianPig。Asamatteroffact，Pinecoffinhadstilltoreachtheacclimatizationstage；havinggoneoffonaside-issueonthemergingoftypes。

THENNaffertonreallyunmaskedhisbatteries！HecomplainedtotheGovernment，instatelylanguage，of“thepaucityofhelpaccordedtomeinmyearnestattemptstostartapotentiallyremunerativeindustry，andtheflippancywithwhichmyrequestsforinformationaretreatedbyagentlemanwhosepseudo-scholarlyattainmentsshouldatlesthavetaughthimtheprimarydifferencesbetweentheDravidianandtheBerkshirevarietyofthegenusSus。IfIamtounderstandthatthelettertowhichherefersmecontainshisseriousviewsontheacclimatizationofavaluable，thoughpossiblyuncleanly，animal，Iamreluctantlycompelledtobelieve，“etc。，etc。

TherewasanewmanattheheadoftheDepartmentofCastigation。

ThewretchedPinecoffinwastoldthattheServicewasmadefortheCountry，andnottheCountryfortheService，andthathehadbetterbegintosupplyinformationaboutPigs。

PinecoffinansweredinsanelythathehadwritteneverythingthatcouldbewrittenaboutPig，andthatsomefurloughwasduetohim。

Naffertongotacopyofthatletter，andsentit，withtheessayontheDravidianPig，toadown-countrypaper，whichprintedbothinfull。Theessaywasratherhighflown；butiftheEditorhadseenthestacksofpaper，inPinecoffin"shandwriting，onNafferton"stable，hewouldnothavebeensosarcasticaboutthe“nebulousdiscursivenessandblatantself-sufficiencyofthemodernCompetition-wallah，andhisutterinabilitytograspthepracticalissuesofapracticalquestion。”ManyfriendscutouttheseremarksandsentthemtoPinecoffin。

IhavealreadystatedthatPinecoffincameofasoftstock。Thislaststrokefrightenedandshookhim。Hecouldnotunderstandit；

buthefelthehadbeen，somehow，shamelesslybetrayedbyNafferton。

HerealizedthathehadwrappedhimselfupinthePigskinwithoutneed，andthathecouldnotwellsethimselfrightwithhisGovernment。Allhisacquaintancesaskedafterhis“nebulousdiscursiveness“orhis“blatantself-sufficiency，“andthismadehimmiserable。

HetookatrainandwenttoNafferton，whomhehadnotseensincethePigbusinessbegan。Healsotookthecuttingfromthepaper，andblusteredfeeblyandcalledNaffertonnames，andthendieddowntoawatery，weakprotestofthe“I-say-it"s-too-bad-you-know“

order。

Naffertonwasverysympathetic。

“I"mafraidI"vegivenyouagooddealoftrouble，haven"tI?“saidhe。

“Trouble！“whimperedPinecoffin；“Idon"tmindthetroublesomuch，thoughthatwasbadenough；butwhatIresentisthisshowingupinprint。Itwillsticktomelikeaburrallthroughmyservice。AndIDIDdomybestforyourinterminableswine。It"stoobadofyou，onmysoulitis！“

“Idon"tknow，“saidNafferton；“haveyoueverbeenstuckwithahorse?Itisn"tthemoneyImind，thoughthatisbadenough；butwhatIresentisthechaffthatfollows，especiallyfromtheboywhostuckme。ButIthinkwe"llcryquitenow。”

Pinecoffinfoundnothingtosaysavebadwords；andNaffertonsmiledeversosweetly，andaskedhimtodinner。

THEROUTOFTHEWHITEHUSSARS。

ItwasnotintheopenfightWethrewawaythesword，ButinthelonelywatchingInthedarknessbytheford。

Thewaterslapped，thenight-windblew，Full-armedtheFearwasbornandgrew，AndwewereflyingereweknewFrompanicinthenight。

BeoniBar。

SomepeopleholdthatanEnglishCavalryregimentcannotrun。Thisisamistake。Ihaveseenfourhundredandthirty-sevensabresflyingoverthefaceofthecountryinabjectterror——haveseenthebestRegimentthateverdrewbridle，wipedofftheArmyListforthespaceoftwohours。IfyourepeatthistaletotheWhiteHussarstheywill，inallprobability，treatyouseverely。Theyarenotproudoftheincident。

YoumayknowtheWhiteHussarsbytheir“side，“whichisgreaterthanthatofalltheCavalryRegimentsontheroster。Ifthisisnotasufficientmark，youmayknowthembytheiroldbrandy。IthasbeensixtyyearsintheMessandisworthgoingfartotaste。

Askforthe“McGaire“oldbrandy，andseethatyougetit。IftheMessSergeantthinksthatyouareuneducated，andthatthegenuinearticlewillbelostonyou，hewilltreatyouaccordingly。Heisagoodman。But，whenyouareatMess，youmustnevertalktoyourhostsaboutforcedmarchesorlong-distancerides。TheMessareverysensitive；and，iftheythinkthatyouarelaughingatthem，willtellyouso。

AstheWhiteHussarssay，itwasalltheColonel"sfault。Hewasanewman，andheoughtnevertohavetakentheCommand。HesaidthattheRegimentwasnotsmartenough。ThistotheWhiteHussars，whoknewtheycouldwalkroundanyHorseandthroughanyGuns，andoveranyFootonthefaceoftheearth！Thatinsultwasthefirstcauseofoffence。

ThentheColonelcasttheDrum-Horse——theDrum-HorseoftheWhiteHussars！Perhapsyoudonotseewhatanunspeakablecrimehehadcommitted。Iwilltrytomakeitclear。ThesouloftheRegimentlivesintheDrum-Horse，whocarriesthesilverkettle-drums。HeisnearlyalwaysabigpiebaldWaler。Thatisapointofhonor；andaRegimentwillspendanythingyoupleaseonapiebald。Heisbeyondtheordinarylawsofcasting。Hisworkisverylight，andheonlymanoeuvresatafoot-pace。Wherefore，solongashecanstepoutandlookhandsome，hiswell-beingisassured。HeknowsmoreabouttheRegimentthantheAdjutant，andcouldnotmakeamistakeifhetried。

TheDrum-HorseoftheWhiteHussarswasonlyeighteenyearsold，andperfectlyequaltohisduties。Hehadatleastsixyears"moreworkinhim，andcarriedhimselfwithallthepompanddignityofaDrum-

MajoroftheGuards。TheRegimenthadpaidRs。1，200forhim。

ButtheColonelsaidthathemustgo，andhewascastindueformandreplacedbyawashy，baybeastasuglyasamule，withaewe-

neck，rat-tail，andcow-hocks。TheDrummerdetestedthatanimal，andthebestoftheBand-horsesputbacktheirearsandshowedthewhitesoftheireyesattheverysightofhim。Theyknewhimforanupstartandnogentleman。IfancythattheColonel"sideasofsmartnessextendedtotheBand，andthathewantedtomakeittakepartintheregularparademovements。ACavalryBandisasacredthing。ItonlyturnsoutforCommandingOfficers"parades，andtheBandMasterisonedegreemoreimportantthantheColonel。HeisaHighPriestandthe“KeelRow“ishisholysong。The“KeelRow“istheCavalryTrot；andthemanwhohasneverheardthattunerising，highandshrill，abovetherattleoftheRegimentgoingpastthesaluting-base，hassomethingyettohearandunderstand。

WhentheColonelcasttheDrum-horseoftheWhiteHussars，therewasnearlyamutiny。

Theofficerswereangry，theRegimentwerefurious，andtheBandsmanswore——liketroopers。TheDrum-Horsewasgoingtobeputuptoauction——publicauction——tobebought，perhaps，byaParseeandputintoacart！ItwasworsethanexposingtheinnerlifeoftheRegimenttothewholeworld，orsellingtheMessPlatetoaJew——ablackJew。

TheColonelwasameanmanandabully。HeknewwhattheRegimentthoughtabouthisaction；and，whenthetroopersofferedtobuytheDrum-Horse，hesaidthattheirofferwasmutinousandforbiddenbytheRegulations。

ButoneoftheSubalterns——Hogan-Yale，anIrishman——boughttheDrum-

HorseforRs。160atthesale；andtheColonelwaswroth。Yaleprofessedrepentance——hewasunnaturallysubmissive——andsaidthat，ashehadonlymadethepurchasetosavethehorsefrompossibleill-treatmentandstarvation，hewouldnowshoothimandendthebusiness。ThisappearedtosoothetheColonel，forhewantedtheDrum-Horsedisposedof。Hefeltthathehadmadeamistake，andcouldnotofcourseacknowledgeit。Meantime，thepresenceoftheDrum-Horsewasanannoyancetohim。

Yaletooktohimselfaglassoftheoldbrandy，threecheroots，andhisfriend，Martyn；andtheyalllefttheMesstogether。YaleandMartynconferredfortwohoursinYale"squarters；butonlythebull-terrierwhokeepswatchoverYale"sboot-treesknowswhattheysaid。Ahorse，hoodedandsheetedtohisears，leftYale"sstablesandwastaken，veryunwillingly，intotheCivilLines。Yale"sgroomwentwithhim。TwomenbrokeintotheRegimentalTheatreandtookseveralpaint-potsandsomelargescenerybrushes。ThennightfellovertheCantonments，andtherewasanoiseasofahorsekickinghisloose-boxtopiecesinYale"sstables。Yalehadabig，old，whiteWalertrap-horse。

ThenextdaywasaThursday，andthemen，hearingthatYalewasgoingtoshoottheDrum-Horseintheevening，determinedtogivethebeastaregularregimentalfuneral——afineronethantheywouldhavegiventheColonelhadhediedjustthen。Theygotabullock-cartandsomesacking，andmoundsandmoundsofroses，andthebody，undersacking，wascarriedouttotheplacewheretheanthraxcaseswerecremated；two-thirdsoftheRegimentfollowed。TherewasnoBand，buttheyallsang“ThePlacewheretheoldHorsedied“assomethingrespectfulandappropriatetotheoccasion。Whenthecorpsewasdumpedintothegraveandthemenbeganthrowingdownarmfulsofrosestocoverit，theFarrier-Sergeantrippedoutanoathandsaidaloud:——“Why，itain"ttheDrum-Horseanymorethanit"sme！“TheTroop-Sergeant-MajorsaskedhimwhetherhehadlefthisheadintheCanteen。TheFarrier-SergeantsaidthatheknewtheDrum-Horse"sfeetaswellasheknewhisown；buthewassilencedwhenhesawtheregimentalnumberburntinonthepoorstiff，upturnednear-fore。

ThuswastheDrum-HorseoftheWhiteHussarsburied；theFarrier-

Sergeantgrumbling。Thesackingthatcoveredthecorpsewassmearedinplaceswithblackpaint；andtheFarrier-Sergeantdrewattentiontothisfact。ButtheTroop-Sergeant-MajorofETroopkickedhimseverelyontheshin，andtoldhimthathewasundoubtedlydrunk。

OntheMondayfollowingtheburial，theColonelsoughtrevengeontheWhiteHussars。Unfortunately，beingatthattimetemporarilyinCommandoftheStation，heorderedaBrigadefield-day。Hesaidthathewishedtomaketheregiment“sweatfortheirdamnedinsolence，“andhecarriedouthisnotionthoroughly。ThatMondaywasoneofthehardestdaysinthememoryoftheWhiteHussars。

Theywerethrownagainstaskeleton-enemy，andpushedforward，andwithdrawn，anddismounted，and“scientificallyhandled“ineverypossiblefashionoverdustycountry，tilltheysweatedprofusely。

Theironlyamusementcamelateintheday，whentheyfelluponthebatteryofHorseArtilleryandchaseditfortwomile"s。Thiswasapersonalquestion，andmostofthetroopershadmoneyontheevent；

theGunnerssayingopenlythattheyhadthelegsoftheWhiteHussars。Theywerewrong。Amarch-pastconcludedthecampaign，andwhentheRegimentgotbacktotheirLines，themenwerecoatedwithdirtfromspurtochin-strap。

TheWhiteHussarshaveonegreatandpeculiarprivilege。TheywonitatFontenoy，Ithink。

ManyRegimentspossessspecialrights，suchaswearingcollarswithundressuniform，orabowofribbonbetweentheshoulders，orredandwhiterosesintheirhelmetsoncertaindaysoftheyear。Somerightsareconnectedwithregimentalsaints，andsomewithregimentalsuccesses。Allarevaluedhighly；butnonesohighlyastherightoftheWhiteHussarstohavetheBandplayingwhentheirhorsesarebeingwateredintheLines。Onlyonetuneisplayed。

andthattunenevervaries。Idon"tknowitsrealname，buttheWhiteHussarscallit:——“TakemetoLondonagain。”Itsound"sverypretty。TheRegimentwouldsoonerbestruckofftherosterthanforegotheirdistinction。

Afterthe“dismiss“wassounded，theofficersrodeoffhometoprepareforstables；andthemenfiledintothelines，ridingeasy。

Thatistosay，theyopenedtheirtightbuttons，shiftedtheirhelmets，andbegantojokeortoswearasthehumortookthem；themorecarefulslippingoffandeasinggirthsandcurbs。Agoodtroopervalueshismountexactlyasmuchashevalueshimself，andbelieves，orshouldbelieve，thatthetwotogetherareirresistiblewherewomenormen，girl"sorgun"s，areconcerned。

ThentheOrderly-Officergavetheorder:——“Waterhorses，“andtheRegimentloafedofftothesquadron-troughs，whichwereinrearofthestablesandbetweentheseandthebarracks。Therewerefourhugetroughs，oneforeachsquadron，arrangedenechelon，sothatthewholeRegimentcouldwaterintenminutesifitliked。Butitlingeredforseventeen，asarule，whiletheBandplayed。

Thebandstruckupasthesquadronsfiledoffthetroughsandthemenslippedtheirfeetoutofthestirrupsandchaffedeachother。

Thesunwasjustsettinginabig，hotbedofredcloud，andtheroadtotheCivilLinesseemedtorunstraightintothesun"seye。

Therewasalittledotontheroad。Itgrewandgrewtillitshowedasahorse，withasortofgridironthingonhisback。Theredcloudglaredthroughthebarsofthegridiron。Someofthetroopersshadedtheireyeswiththeirhandsandsaid:——“Whatthemischiefasthatthere"orsegoton"im！“

Inanotherminutetheyheardaneighthateverysoul——horseandman——

intheRegimentknew，andsaw，headingstraighttowardstheBand，thedeadDrum-HorseoftheWhiteHussars！

Onhiswithersbangedandbumpedthekettle-drumsdrapedincrape，andonhisback，verystiffandsoldierly，satabare-headedskeleton。

Thebandstoppedplaying，and，foramoment，therewasahush。

ThensomeoneinEtroop——mensaiditwastheTroop-Sergeant-Major——

swunghishorseroundandyelled。Noonecanaccountexactlyforwhathappenedafterwards；butitseemsthat，atleast，onemanineachtroopsetanexampleofpanic，andtherestfollowedlikesheep。Thehorsesthathadbarelyputtheirmuzzlesintothetrough"srearedandcapered；but，assoonastheBandbroke，whichitdidwhentheghostoftheDrum-Horsewasaboutafurlongdistant，allhoovesfollowedsuit，andtheclatterofthestampede——quitedifferentfromtheorderlythrobandroarofamovementonparade，ortheroughhorse-playofwateringincamp——madethemonlymoreterrified。Theyfeltthatthemenontheirbackswereafraidofsomething。WhenhorsesonceknowTHAT，allisoverexceptthebutchery。

Troopaftertroopturnedfromthetroughsandran——anywhere，andeverywhere——likespitquicksilver。Itwasamostextraordinaryspectacle，formenandhorseswereinallstagesofeasiness，andthecarbine-bucketsfloppingagainsttheirsidesurgedthehorseson。Menwereshoutingandcursing，andtryingtopullclearoftheBandwhichwasbeingchasedbytheDrum-Horsewhoseriderhadfallenforwardandseemedtobespurringforawager。

TheColonelhadgoneovertotheMessforadrink。Mostoftheofficerswerewithhim，andtheSubalternoftheDaywaspreparingtogodowntothelines，andreceivethewateringreportsfromtheTroop-SergeantMajors。When“TakemetoLondonagain“stopped，aftertwentybars，everyoneintheMesssaid:——“Whatonearthhashappened?“Aminutelater，theyheardunmilitarynoises，andsaw，faracrosstheplain，theWhiteHussarsscattered，andbroken，andflying。

TheColonelwasspeechlesswithrage，forhethoughtthattheRegimenthadrisenagainsthimorwasunanimouslydrunk。TheBand，adisorganizedmob，torepast，andatit"sheelslaboredtheDrum-

Horse——thedeadandburiedDrum-Horse——withthejolting，clatteringskeleton。Hogan-YalewhisperedsoftlytoMartyn:——“Nowirewillstandthattreatment，“andtheBand，whichhaddoubledlikeahare，camebackagain。ButtherestoftheRegimentwasgone，wasriotingallovertheProvince，fortheduskhadshutinandeachmanwashowlingtohisneighborthattheDrum-Horsewasonhisflank。

Troop-Horsesarefartootenderlytreatedasarule。Theycan，onemergencies，doagreatdeal，evenwithseventeenstoneontheirbacks。Asthetroopersfoundout。

HowlongthispaniclastedIcannotsay。Ibelievethatwhenthemoonrosethemensawtheyhadnothingtofear，and，bytwosandthreesandhalf-troops，creptbackintoCantonmentsverymuchashamedofthemselves。Meantime，theDrum-Horse，disgustedathistreatmentbyoldfriends，pulledup，wheeledround，andtrotteduptotheMessverandah-stepsforbread。Noonelikedtorun；butnoonecaredtogoforwardtilltheColonelmadeamovementandlaidholdoftheskeleton"sfoot。TheBandhadhaltedsomedistanceaway，andnowcamebackslowly。TheColonelcalledit，individuallyandcollectively，everyevilnamethatoccurredtohimatthetime；

forhehadsethishandonthebosomoftheDrum-Horseandfoundfleshandblood。Thenhebeatthekettle-drumswithhisclenchedfist，anddiscoveredthattheywerebutmadeofsilveredpaperandbamboo。Next，stillswearing，hetriedtodragtheskeletonoutofthesaddle，butfoundthatithadbeenwiredintothecantle。ThesightoftheColonel，withhisarmsroundtheskeleton"spelvisandhiskneeintheoldDrum-Horse"sstomach，wasstriking。Nottosayamusing。Heworriedthethingoffinaminuteortwo，andthrewitdownontheground，sayingtotheBand:——“Here，youcurs，that"swhatyou"reafraidof。”Theskeletondidnotlookprettyinthetwilight。TheBand-Sergeantseemedtorecognizeit，forhebegantochuckleandchoke。“ShallItakeitaway，sir?“saidtheBand-

Sergeant。“Yes，“saidtheColonel，“takeittoHell，andridethereyourselves！“

TheBand-Sergeantsaluted，hoistedtheskeletonacrosshissaddle-

bow，andledofftothestables。ThentheColonelbegantomakeinquiriesfortherestoftheRegiment，andthelanguageheusedwaswonderful。HewoulddisbandtheRegiment——hewouldcourt-martialeverysoulinit——hewouldnotcommandsuchasetofrabble，andsoon，andsoon。Asthemendroppedin，hislanguagegrewwilder，untilatlastitexceededtheutmostlimitsoffreespeechallowedeventoaColonelofHorse。

MartyntookHogan-Yaleasideandsuggestedcompulsoryretirementfromtheserviceasanecessitywhenallwasdiscovered。Martynwastheweakermanofthetwo，Hogan-Yaleputuphiseyebrowsandremarked，firstly，thathewasthesonofaLord，andsecondly，thathewasasinnocentasthebabeunbornofthetheatricalresurrectionoftheDrum-Horse。

“Myinstructions，“saidYale，withasingularlysweetsmile，“werethattheDrum-Horseshouldbesentbackasimpressivelyaspossible。

Iaskyou，AMIresponsibleifamule-headedfriendsendshimbackinsuchamannerastodisturbthepeaceofmindofaregimentofHerMajesty"sCavalry?“

Martynsaid:——“youareagreatmanandwillintimebecomeaGeneral；butI"dgivemychanceofatrooptobesafeoutofthisaffair。”

ProvidencesavedMartynandHogan-Yale。TheSecond-in-CommandledtheColonelawaytothelittlecurtainedalcovewhereinthesubalternsofthewhiteHussarswereaccustomedtoplaypokerofnights；andthere，aftermanyoathsontheColonel"spart，theytalkedtogetherinlowtones。IfancythattheSecond-in-Commandmusthaverepresentedthescareastheworkofsometrooperwhomitwouldbehopelesstodetect；andIknowthathedweltuponthesinandtheshameofmakingapubliclaughingstockofthescare。

“Theywillcallus，“saidtheSecond-in-Command，whohadreallyafineimagination，“theywillcallusthe"Fly-by-Nights"；theywillcallusthe"GhostHunters"；theywillnicknameusfromoneendoftheArmylisttotheother。Alltheexplanationsintheworldwon"tmakeoutsidersunderstandthattheofficerswereawaywhenthepanicbegan。ForthehonoroftheRegimentandforyourownsakekeepthisthingquiet。”

TheColonelwassoexhaustedwithangerthatsoothinghimdownwasnotsodifficultasmightbeimagined。Hewasmadetosee，gentlyandbydegrees，thatitwasobviouslyimpossibletocourt-martialthewholeRegiment，andequallyimpossibletoproceedagainstanysubalternwho，inhisbelief，hadanyconcerninthehoax。

“Butthebeast"salive！He"sneverbeenshotatall！“shoutedtheColonel。“It"sflat，flagrantdisobedience！I"veknownamanbrokeforless，d——dsightless。They"remockingme，Itellyou，Mutman！

They"remockingme！“

Oncemore，theSecond-in-CommandsethimselftosooththeColonel，andwrestledwithhimforhalf-an-hour。Attheendofthattime，theRegimentalSergeant-Majorreportedhimself。Thesituationwasrathernoveltelltohim；buthewasnotamantobeputoutbycircumstances。Hesalutedandsaid:“Regimentallcomeback，Sir。”

Then，topropitiatetheColonel:——“An"noneofthehorsesanytheworse，Sir。”

TheColonelonlysnortedandanswered:——“You"dbettertuckthemenintotheircots，then，andseethattheydon"twakeupandcryinthenight。”TheSergeantwithdrew。

HislittlestrokeofhumorpleasedtheColonel，and，further，hefeltslightlyashamedofthelanguagehehadbeenusing。TheSecond-in-Commandworriedhimagain，andthetwosattalkingfarintothenight。

Nextdaybutone，therewasaCommandingOfficer"sparade，andtheColonelharanguedtheWhiteHussarsvigorously。Thepithofhisspeechwasthat，sincetheDrum-HorseinhisoldagehadprovedhimselfcapableofcuttinguptheWholeRegiment，heshouldreturntohispostofprideattheheadoftheband，BUTtheRegimentwereasetofruffianswithbadconsciences。

TheWhiteHussarsshouted，andthreweverythingmovableaboutthemintotheair，andwhentheparadewasover，theycheeredtheColoneltilltheycouldn"tspeak。NocheerswereputupforLieutenantHogan-Yale，whosmiledverysweetlyinthebackground。

SaidtheSecond-in-CommandtotheColonel，unofficially:——“Theselittlethingsensurepopularity，anddonottheleastaffectdiscipline。”

“ButIwentbackonmyword，“saidtheColonel。

“Nevermind，“saidtheSecond-in-Command。“TheWhiteHussarswillfollowyouanywherefromto-day。Regiment"sarejustlikewomen。

Theywilldoanythingfortrinketry。”

Aweeklater，Hogan-Yalereceivedanextraordinaryletterfromsomeonewhosignedhimself“SecretaryCharityandZeal，3709，E。C。，“

andaskedfor“thereturnofourskeletonwhichwehavereasontobelieveisinyourpossession。”

“Whothedeuceisthislunaticwhotradesinbones?“saidHogan-

Yale。

“Begyourpardon，Sir，“saidtheBand-Sergeant，“buttheskeletoniswithme，an"I"llreturnitifyou"llpaythecarriageintotheCivilLines。There"sacoffinwithit，Sir。”

Hogan-YalesmiledandhandedtworupeestotheBand-Sergeant，saying:——“Writethedateontheskull，willyou?“

Ifyoudoubtthisstory，andknowwheretogo，youcanseethedateontheskeleton。Butdon"tmentionthemattertotheWhiteHussars。

Ihappentoknowsomethingaboutit，becauseIpreparedtheDrum-

Horseforhisresurrection。Hedidnottakekindlytotheskeletonatall。

THEBRONCKHORSTDIVORCE-CASE。

Inthedaytime，whenshemovedaboutme，Inthenight，whenshewassleepingatmyside，——

Iwaswearied，Iwasweariedofherpresence。

DaybydayandnightbynightIgrewtohateher——

WouldtoGodthatsheorIhaddied！

Confessions。

TherewasamancalledBronckhorst——athree-cornered，middle-agedmanintheArmy——grayasabadger，and，somepeoplesaid，withatouchofcountry-bloodinhim。That，however，cannotbeproved。

Mrs。Bronckhorstwasnotexactlyyoung，thoughfifteenyearsyoungerthanherhusband。Shewasalarge，pale，quietwoman，withheavyeyelids，overweakeyes，andhairthatturnedredoryellowasthelightsfellonit。

Bronckhorstwasnotniceinanyway。Hehadnorespectfortheprettypublicandprivateliesthatmakelifealittlelessnastythanitis。Hismannertowardshiswifewascoarse。Therearemanythings——includingactualassaultwiththeclenchedfist——thatawifewillendure；butseldomawifecanbear——asMrs。Bronckhorstbore——

withalongcourseofbrutal，hardchaff，makinglightofherweaknesses，herheadaches，hersmallfitsofgayety，herdresses，herqueerlittleattemptstomakeherselfattractivetoherhusbandwhensheknowsthatsheisnotwhatshehasbeen，and——worstofall——

thelovethatshespendsonherchildren。Thatparticularsortofheavy-handedjestwasspeciallydeartoBronckhorst。Isupposethathehadfirstslippedintoit，meaningnoharm，inthehoneymoon，whenfolkfindtheirordinarystockofendearmentsrunshort，andsogototheotherextremetoexpresstheirfeelings。Asimilarimpulsemake"samansay:——“Hutt，youoldbeast！“whenafavoritehorsenuzzleshiscoat-front。Unluckily，whenthereactionofmarriagesetsin，theformofspeechremains，and，thetendernesshavingdiedout，hurtsthewifemorethanshecarestosay。ButMrs。Bronckhorstwasdevotedtoher“teddy，“asshecalledhim。

Perhapsthatwaswhyheobjectedtoher。Perhaps——thisisonlyatheorytoaccountforhisinfamousbehaviorlateron——hegavewaytothequeersavagefeelingthatsometimestakesbythethroatahusbandtwentyyears"married，whenhesees，acrossthetable，thesamefaceofhisweddedwife，andknowsthat，ashehassatfacingit，somusthecontinuetosituntildayofitsdeathorhisown。

Mostmenandallwomenknowthespasm。Itonlylastsforthreebreathsasarule，mustbea“throw-back“totimeswhenmenandwomenwereratherworsethantheyarenow，andistoounpleasanttobediscussed。

DinnerattheBronckhorst"swasaninflictionfewmencaredtoundergo。Bronckhorsttookapleasureinsayingthingsthatmadehiswifewince。Whentheirlittleboycameinatdessert，Bronckhorstusedtogivehimhalfaglassofwine，andnaturallyenough，thepoorlittlemitegotfirstriotous，nextmiserable，andwasremovedscreaming。BronckhorstaskedifthatwasthewayTeddyusuallybehaved，andwhetherMrs。Bronckhorstcouldnotsparesomeofhertimetoteachthe“littlebeggardecency。”Mrs。Bronckhorst，wholovedtheboymorethanherownlife，triednottocry——herspiritseemedtohavebeenbrokenbyhermarriage。Lastly，Bronckhorstusedtosay:——“There！That"lldo，that"lldo。ForGod"ssaketrytobehavelikearationalwoman。Gointothedrawing-room。”Mrs。

Bronckhorstwouldgo，tryingtocarryitalloffwithasmile；andtheguestoftheeveningwouldfeelangryanduncomfortable。

Afterthreeyearsofthischeerfullife——forMrs。Bronckhorsthadnowoman-friendstotalkto——theStationwasstartledbythenewsthatBronckhorsthadinstitutedproceedingsONTHECRIMINALCOUNT，againstamancalledBiel，whocertainlyhadbeenratherattentivetoMrs。Bronckhorstwhenevershehadappearedinpublic。TheutterwantofreservewithwhichBronckhorsttreatedhisowndishonorhelpedustoknowthattheevidenceagainstBielwouldbeentirelycircumstantialandnative。Therewerenoletters；butBronckhorstsaidopenlythathewouldrackHeavenandEarthuntilhesawBielsuperintendingthemanufactureofcarpetsintheCentralJail。Mrs。

Bronckhorstkeptentirelytoherhouse，andletcharitablefolkssaywhattheypleased。Opinionsweredivided。Sometwo-thirdsoftheStationjumpedatoncetotheconclusionthatBielwasguilty；butadozenmenwhoknewandlikedhimheldbyhim。Bielwasfuriousandsurprised。Hedeniedthewholething，andvowedthathewouldthrashBronckhorstwithinaninchofhislife。Nojury，weknew，couldconvictamanonthecriminalcountonnativeevidenceinalandwhereyoucanbuyamurder-charge，includingthecorpse，allcompleteforfifty-fourrupees；butBieldidnotcaretoscrapethroughbythebenefitofadoubt。Hewantedthewholethingcleared:butashesaidonenight:——“Hecanproveanythingwithservants"evidence，andI"veonlymybareword。”Thiswasaboutamonthbeforethecasecameon；andbeyondagreeingwithBiel，wecoulddolittle。AllthatwecouldbesureofwasthatthenativeevidencewouldbebadenoughtoblastBiel"scharacterfortherestofhisservice；forwhenanativebeginsperjuryheperjureshimselfthoroughly。Hedoesnotboggleoverdetails。

Somegeniusattheendofthetablewhereattheaffairwasbeingtalkedover，said:——“Lookhere！Idon"tbelievelawyersareanygood。GetamantowiretoStrickland，andbeghimtocomedownandpullusthrough。”

Stricklandwasaboutahundredandeightymilesuptheline。HehadnotlongbeenmarriedtoMissYoughal，buthescentedinthetelegramachanceofreturntotheolddetectiveworkthathissoullustedafter，andnextnighthecameinandheardourstory。Hefinishedhispipeandsaidoracularly:——wemustgetattheevidence。

Ooryabearer，Mussalmankhitandmethraniayah，Isuppose，arethepillarsofthecharge。Iamoninthispiece；butI"mafraidI"mgettingrustyinmytalk。”

HeroseandwentintoBiel"sbedroomwherehistrunkhadbeenput，andshutthedoor。Anhourlater，weheardhimsay:——“Ihadn"tthehearttopartwithmyoldmakeupswhenImarried。Willthisdo?“

Therewasalothelyfaquirsalaaminginthedoorway。

“Nowlendmefiftyrupees，“saidStrickland，“andgivemeyourWordsofHonorthatyouwon"ttellmyWife。”

Hegotallthatheaskedfor，andleftthehousewhilethetabledrankhishealth。Whathedidonlyhehimselfknows。AfaquirhungaboutBronckhorst"scompoundfortwelvedays。Thenamehterappeared，andwhenBielheardofHIM，hesaidthatStricklandwasanangelfull-fledged。WhetherthemehtermadelovetoJanki，Mrs。

Bronckhorst"sayah，isaquestionwhichconcernsStricklandexclusively。

Hecamebackattheendofthreeweeks，andsaidquietly:——“Youspokethetruth，Biel。Thewholebusinessisputupfrombeginningtoend。Jove！ItalmostastonishesME！ThatBronckhorst-beastisn"tfittolive。”

Therewasuproarandshouting，andBielsaid:——“Howareyougoingtoproveit?Youcan"tsaythatyou"vebeentrespassingonBronckhorst"scompoundindisguise！“

“No，“saidStrickland。“Tellyourlawyer-fool，whoeverheis，togetupsomethingstrongabout"inherentimprobabilities"and"discrepanciesofevidence。"Hewon"thavetospeak，butitwillmakehimhappy。I"Mgoingtorunthisbusiness。”

Bielheldhistongue，andtheothermenwaitedtoseewhatwouldhappen。TheytrustedStricklandasmentrustquietmen。WhenthecasecameofftheCourtwascrowded。StricklandhungaboutintheverandahoftheCourt，tillhemettheMohammedankhitmatgar。Thenhemurmuredafaquir"sblessinginhisear，andaskedhimhowhissecondwifedid。Themanspunround，and，ashelookedintotheeyesof“EstreekenSahib，“hisjawdropped。YoumustrememberthatbeforeStricklandwasmarried，hewas，asIhavetoldyoualready，apoweramongnatives。Stricklandwhisperedarathercoarsevernacularproverbtotheeffectthathewasabreastofallthatwasgoingon，andwentintotheCourtarmedwithaguttrainer"s-whip。

TheMohammedanwasthefirstwitnessandStricklandbeameduponhimfromthebackoftheCourt。Themanmoistenedhislipswithhistongueand，inhisabjectfearof“EstreekenSahib“thefaquir，wentbackoneverydetailofhisevidence——saidhewasapoormanandGodwashiswitnessthathehadforgotteneverythingthatBronckhorstSahibhadtoldhimtosay。BetweenhisterrorofStrickland，theJudge，andBronckhorsthecollapsed，weeping。

Thenbeganthepanicamongthewitnesses。Janki，theayah，leeringchastelybehindherveil，turnedgray，andthebearerlefttheCourt。HesaidthathisMammawasdyingandthatitwasnotwholesomeforanymantolieunthriftilyinthepresenceof“EstreekenSahib。”

BielsaidpolitelytoBronckhorst:——“Yourwitnessesdon"tseemtowork。Haven"tyouanyforgedletterstoproduce?“ButBronckhorstwasswayingtoandfroinhischair，andtherewasadeadpauseafterBielhadbeencalledtoorder。

Bronckhorst"sCounselsawthelookonhisclient"sface，andwithoutmoreado，pitchedhispapersonthelittlegreenbaizetable，andmumbledsomethingabouthavingbeenmisinformed。ThewholeCourtapplaudedwildly，likesoldiersatatheatre，andtheJudgebegantosaywhathethought……

Bielcameoutoftheplace，andStricklanddroppedaguttrainer"s-

whipintheverandah。Tenminuteslater，BielwascuttingBronckhorstintoribbonsbehindtheoldCourtcells，quietlyandwithoutscandal。WhatwasleftofBronckhorstwassenthomeinacarriage；andhiswifeweptoveritandnurseditintoamanagain。

Lateron，afterBielhadmanagedtohushupthecounter-chargeagainstBronckhorstoffabricatingfalseevidence，Mrs。Bronckhorst，withherfaintwaterysmile，saidthattherehadbeenamistake，butitwasn"therTeddy"sfaultaltogether。ShewouldwaittillherTeddycamebacktoher。Perhapshehadgrowntiredofher，orshehadtriedhispatience，andperhapswewouldn"tcutheranymore，andperhapsthemotherswouldlettheirchildrenplaywith“littleTeddy“again。Hewassolonely。ThentheStationinvitedMrs。

Bronckhorsteverywhere，untilBronckhorstwasfittoappearinpublic，whenhewentHomeandtookhiswifewithhim。Accordingtothelatestadvices，herTeddydid“comebacktoher，“andtheyaremoderatelyhappy。Though，ofcourse，hecanneverforgiveherthethrashingthatshewastheindirectmeansofgettingforhim……

WhatBielwantstoknowis:——“Whydidn"tIpresshomethechargeagainsttheBronckhorst-brute，andhavehimrunin?“

WhatMrs。Stricklandwantstoknowis:——“HowDIDmyhusbandbringsuchalovely，lovelyWalerfromyourStation?IknowALLhismoney-affairs；andI"mCERTAINhedidn"tBUYit。”

WhatIwanttoknowis:——HowdowomenlikeMrs。BronckhorstcometomarrymenlikeBronckhorst?“

Andmyconundrumisthemostunanswerableofthethree。

VENUSANNODOMINI。

Andtheyearswentonastheyearsmustdo；

ButourgreatDianawasalwaysnew——

Fresh，andblooming，andblonde，andfair，Withazureeyesandwithaureatehair；

Andallthefolk，astheycameorwent，Offeredherpraisetoherheart"scontent。

DianaofEphesus。

ShehadnothingtodowithNumberEighteenintheBraccioNuovooftheVatican，betweenVisconti"sCeresandtheGodoftheNile。ShewaspurelyanIndiandeity——anAnglo-Indiandeity，thatistosay——

andwecalledherTHEVenusAnnodomini，todistinguishherfromotherAnnodominisofthesameeverlastingorder。TherewasalegendamongtheHillsthatshehadoncebeenyoung；butnolivingmanwaspreparedtocomeforwardandsayboldlythatthelegendwastrue。

MenrodeuptoSimla，andstayed，andwentawayandmadetheirnameanddidtheirlife"swork，andreturnedagaintofindtheVenusAnnodominiexactlyastheyhadlefther。ShewasasimmutableastheHills。Butnotquitesogreen。Allthatagirlofeighteencoulddointhewayofriding，walking，dancing，picnickingandover-exertiongenerally，theVenusAnnodominidid，andshowednosignoffatigueortraceofweariness。Besidesperpetualyouth，shehaddiscovered，mensaid，thesecretofperpetualhealth；andherfamespreadabouttheland。Fromamerewoman，shegrewtobeanInstitution，insomuchthatnoyoungmancouldbesaidtobeproperlyformed，whohadnot，atsometimeoranother，worshippedattheshrineoftheVenusAnnodomini。Therewasnoonelikeher，thoughthereweremanyimitations。Sixyearsinhereyeswerenomorethansixmonthstoordinarywomen；andtenmadelessvisibleimpressiononherthandoesaweek"sfeveronanordinarywoman。Everyoneadoredher，andinreturnshewaspleasantandcourteoustonearlyeveryone。Youthhadbeenahabitofhersforsolong，thatshecouldnotpartwithit——neverrealized，infact，thenecessityofpartingwithit——andtookforhermorechosenassociatesyoungpeople。

AmongtheworshippersoftheVenusAnnodominiwasyoungGayerson。

“VeryYoung“Gayerson，hewascalledtodistinguishhimfromhisfather“Young“Gayerson，aBengalCivilian，whoaffectedthecustoms——ashehadtheheart——ofyouth。“VeryYoung“Gayersonwasnotcontenttoworshipplacidlyandforform"ssake，astheotheryoungmendid，ortoacceptarideoradance，oratalkfromtheVenusAnnodominiinaproperlyhumbleandthankfulspirit。Hewasexacting，and，therefore，theVenusAnnodominirepressedhim。Heworriedhimselfnearlysickinafutilesortofwayoverher；andhisdevotionandearnestnessmadehimappeareithershyorboisterousorrude，ashismoodmightvary，bythesideoftheoldermenwho，withhim，bowedbeforetheVenusAnnodomini。Shewassorryforhim。Heremindedherofaladwho，three-and-twentyyearsago，hadprofessedaboundlessdevotionforher，andforwhominreturnshehadfeltsomethingmorethanaweek"sweakness。Butthatladhadfallenawayandmarriedanotherwomanlessthanayearafterhehadworshippedher；andtheVenusAnnodominihadalmost——notquite——

forgottenhisname。“VeryYoung“Gayersonhadthesamebigblueeyesandthesamewayofpoutinghisunderlipwhenhewasexcitedortroubled。ButtheVenusAnnodominicheckedhimsternlynonetheless。Toomuchzealwasathingthatshedidnotapproveof；

preferringinstead，atemperedandsobertenderness。

“VeryYoung“Gayersonwasmiserable，andtooknotroubletoconcealhiswretchedness。HewasintheArmy——aLineregimentIthink，butamnotcertain——and，sincehisfacewasalooking-glassandhisforeheadanopenbook，byreasonofhisinnocence，hisbrothersinarmsmadehislifeaburdentohimandembitteredhisnaturallysweetdisposition。Nooneexcept“VeryYoung“Gayerson，andhenevertoldhisviews，knewhowold“VeryYoung“GayersonbelievedtheVenusAnnodominitobe。Perhapshethoughtherfiveandtwenty，orperhapsshetoldhimthatshewasthisage。“VeryYoung“

GayersonwouldhavefordedtheGuggerinfloodtocarryherlightestword，andhadimplicitfaithinher。Everyonelikedhim，andeveryonewassorrywhentheysawhimsoboundaslaveoftheVenusAnnodomini。Everyone，too，admittedthatitwasnotherfault；fortheVenusAnnodominidifferedfromMrs。HauksbeeandMrs。Reiverinthisparticular——shenevermovedafingertoattractanyone；but，likeNinondel"Enclos，allmenwereattractedtoher。OnecouldadmireandrespectMrs。Hauksbee，despiseandavoidMrs。Reiver，butonewasforcedtoadoretheVenusAnnodomini。

“VeryYoung“Gayerson"spapaheldaDivisionoraCollectorateorsomethingadministrativeinaparticularlyunpleasantpartofBengal——fullofBabuswhoeditednewspapersprovingthat“Young“

Gayersonwasa“Nero“anda“Scylla“anda“Charybdis“；and，inadditiontotheBabus，therewasagooddealofdysenteryandcholeraabroadforninemonthsoftheyear。“Young“Gayerson——hewasaboutfiveandforty——ratherlikedBabus，theyamusedhim，butheobjectstodysentery，andwhenhecouldgetaway，wenttoDarjillingforthemostpart。ThisparticularseasonhefanciedthathewouldcomeuptoSimla，andseehisboy。Theboywasnotaltogetherpleased。HetoldtheVenusAnnodominithathisfatherwascomingup，andsheflushedalittleandsaidthatsheshouldbedelightedtomakehisacquaintance。Thenshelookedlongandthoughtfullyat“VeryYoung“Gayerson；becauseshewasvery，verysorryforhim，andhewasavery，verybigidiot。

“Mydaughteriscomingoutinafortnight，Mr。Gayerson，“shesaid。

“YourWHAT?“saidhe。

“Daughter，“saidtheVenusAnnodomini。“She"sbeenoutforayearatHomealready，andIwanthertoseealittleofIndia。Sheisnineteenandaverysensible，nicegirlIbelieve。”

“VeryYoung“Gayerson，whowasashorttwenty-twoyearsold，nearlyfelloutofhischairwithastonishment；forhehadpersistedinbelieving，againstallbelief，intheyouthoftheVenusAnnodomini。

She，withherbacktothecurtainedwindow，watchedtheeffectofhersentencesandsmiled。

“VeryYoung“Gayerson"spapacameuptwelvedayslater，andhadnotbeeninSimlafourandtwentyhours，beforetwomen，oldacquaintancesofhis，hadtoldhimhow“VeryYoung“Gayersonhadbeenconductinghimself。