第2章

HeleftBertonhiswall，graveandpensive，withhiscaponthebackofhishead，andacigarettesmoulderinginthecornerofhismouth。

"Ifwhathesaysistrue，"saidBert，"meandGrubb，webeenwastingourblessedoldtime。Besidesincurringexpensewiththetgreen—’ouse。"

5

ItwaswhilethismysterioustalkwiththesoldierstillstirredinBertSmallways’imaginationthatthemostastoundingincidentinthewholeofthatdramaticchapterofhumanhistory，thecomingofflying，occurred。Peopletalkgliblyenoughofepoch—makingevents;thiswasanepoch—makingevent。ItwastheunanticipatedandentirelysuccessfulflightofMr。AlfredButteridgefromtheCrystalPalacetoGlasgowandbackinasmallbusinesslike—lookingmachineheavierthanair——anentirelymanageableandcontrollablemachinethatcouldflyaswellasapigeon。

Itwasn’t，onefelt，afreshstepforwardinthemattersomuchasagiantstride，aleap。Mr。Butteridgeremainedintheairaltogetherforaboutninehours，andduringthattimeheflewwiththeeaseandassuranceofabird。Hismachinewas，howeverneitherbird—likenorbutterfly—like，norhaditthewide，lateralexpansionoftheordinaryaeroplane。Theeffectupontheobserverwasrathersomethinginthenatureofabeeorwasp。

Partsoftheapparatuswerespinningveryrapidly，andgaveoneahazyeffectoftransparentwings;butparts，includingtwopeculiarlycurved"wing—cases"——ifonemayborrowafigurefromtheflyingbeetles——remainedexpandedstiffly。Inthemiddlewasalongroundedbodylikethebodyofamoth，andonthisMr。

Butteridgecouldbeseensittingastride，muchasamanbestridesahorse。Thewasp—likeresemblancewasincreasedbythefactthattheapparatusflewwithadeepboominghum，exactlythesoundmadebyawaspatawindowpane。

Mr。Butteridgetooktheworldbysurprise。HewasoneofthosegentlemenfromnowhereFatestillsucceedsinproducingforthestimulationofmankind。Hecame，itwasvariouslysaid，fromAustraliaandAmericaandtheSouthofFrance。HewasalsodescribedquiteincorrectlyasthesonofamanwhohadamassedacomfortablefortuneinthemanufactureofgoldnibsandtheButteridgefountainpens。ButthiswasanentirelydifferentstrainofButteridges。Forsomeyears，inspiteofaloudvoice，alargepresence，anaggressiveswagger，andanimplacablemanner，hehadbeenanundistinguishedmemberofmostoftheexistingaeronauticalassociations。ThenonedayhewrotetoalltheLondonpaperstoannouncethathehadmadearrangementsforanascentfromtheCrystalPalaceofamachinethatwoulddemonstratesatisfactorilythattheoutstandingdifficultiesinthewayofflyingwerefinallysolved。Fewofthepapersprintedhisletter，stillfewerwerethepeoplewhobelievedinhisclaim。NoonewasexcitedevenwhenafracasonthestepsofaleadinghotelinPiccadilly，inwhichhetriedtohorse—whipaprominentGermanmusicianuponsomepersonalaccount，delayedhispromisedascent。Thequarrelwasinadequatelyreported，andhisnamespeltvariouslyBetteridgeandBetridge。Untilhisflightindeed，hedidnotandcouldnotcontrivetoexistinthepublicmind。Therewerescarcelythirtypeopleonthelook—outforhim，inspiteofallhisclamour，whenaboutsixo’clockonesummermorningthedoorsofthebigshedinwhichhehadbeenputtingtogetherhisapparatusopened——itwasnearthebigmodelofamegatheriumintheCrystalPalacegrounds——andhisgiantinsectcamedroningoutintoanegligentandincredulousworld。

ButbeforehehadmadehissecondcircuitoftheCrystalPalacetowers，Famewasliftinghertrumpet，shedrewadeepbreathasthestartledtrampswhosleepontheseatsofTrafalgarSquarewererousedbyhisbuzzandawoketodiscoverhimcirclingtheNelsoncolumn，andbythetimehehadgottoBirmingham，whichplacehecrossedabouthalf—pastten，herdeafeningblastwasechoingthroughoutthecountry。Thedespaired—ofthingwasdone。

Amanwasflyingsecurelyandwell。

Scotlandwasagapeforhiscoming。Glasgowhereachedbyoneo’clock，anditisrelatedthatscarcelyaship—yardorfactoryinthatbusyhiveofindustryresumedworkbeforehalf—pasttwo。

ThepublicmindwasjustsufficientlyeducatedintheimpossibilityofflyingtoappreciateMr。Butteridgeathispropervalue。HeeircledtheUniversitybuildings，anddroppedtowithinshoutingdistanceofthecrowdsinWestEndParkandontheslopeofGilmorehill。Thethingflewquitesteadilyatapaceofaboutthreemilesanhour，inawidecircle，makingadeephumthat，wouldhavedrownedhisfull，richvoicecompletelyhadhenotprovidedhimselfwithamegaphone。Heavoidedchurches，buildings，andmono—railcableswithconsummateeaseasheconversed。

"Mename’sButteridge，"heshouted;"B—U—T—T—E—R—I—D—G—E。—Gotit？MemotherwasScotch。"

Andhavingassuredhimselfthathehadbeenunderstood，heroseamidstcheersandshoutingandpatrioticcries，andthenflewupveryswiftlyandeasilyintothesouth—easternsky，risingandfallingwithlong，easyundulationsinanextraordinarilywasp—likemanner。

HisreturntoLondon——hevisitedandhoveredoverManchesterandLiverpoolandOxfordonhisway，andspelthisnameouttoeachplace——wasanoccasionofunparalleledexcitement。Everyonewasstaringheavenward。Morepeoplewererunoverinthestreetsuponthatoneday，thaninthepreviousthreemonths，andaCountyCouncilsteamboat，theIsaacWalton，collidedwithapierofWestminsterBridge，andnarrowlyescapeddisasterbyrunningashore——itwaslowwater——onthemudonthesouthside。HereturnedtotheCrystalPalacegrounds，thatclassicstarting—pointofaeronauticaladventure，aboutsunset，re—enteredhisshedwithoutdisaster，andhadthedoorslockedimmediatelyuponthephotographersandjournalistswhobeenwaitinghisreturn。

"Lookhere，youchaps，"hesaid，ashisassistantdidso，"I’mtiredtodeath，andsaddlesore。Ican’tgiveyouawordoftalk。I’mtoo——done。Myname’sButteridge。B—U—T—T—E—R—I—D—

G—E。Getthatright。I’manImperialEnglishman。I’lltalktoyouallto—morrow。"

Foggysnapshotsstillsurvivetorecordthatincident。Hisassistantstrugglesinaseaofaggressiveyoungmencarryingnote—booksorupholdingcamerasandwearingbowlerhatsandenterprisingties。Hehimselftowersupinthedoorway，abigfigurewithamouth——aneloquentcavitybeneathavastblackmoustache——distortedbyhisshouttotheserelentlessagentsofpublicity。Hetowersthere，themostfamousmaninthecountry，。

Almostsymbolicallyheholdsandgesticulateswithamegaphoneinhislefthand。

6

TomandBertSmallwaysbothsawthatreturn。TheywatchedfromthecrestofBunHill，fromwhichtheyhadsooftensurveyedthepyrotechnicsoftheCrystalPalace。Bertwasexcited，Tomkeptcalmandlumpish，butneitherofthemrealisedhowtheirownlivesweretobeinvadedbythefruitsofthatbeginning。

"P’rapsoldGrubb’llmindtheshopabitnow，"hesaid，"andputhisblessedmodelinthefire。Notthatthatcansaveus，ifwedon’ttideoverwithSteinhart’saccount。"

Bertknewenoughofthingsandtheproblemofaeronauticstorealisethatthisgiganticimitationofabeewould，tousehisownidiom，"givethenewspapersfits。"Thenextdayitwasclearthefitshadbeengivenevenashesaid:theirmagazinepageswereblackwithhastyphotographs，theirprosewasconvulsivetheyfoamedattheheadline。Thenextdaytheywereworse。

Beforetheweekwasouttheywerenotsomuchpublishedascarriedscreamingintothestreet。

ThedominantfactintheuproarwastheexceptionalpersonalityofMr。Butteridge，andtheextraordinarytermshedemandedforthesecretofhismachine。

Foritwasasecretandhekeptitsecretinthemostelaboratefashion。HebuilthisapparatushimselfinthesafeprivacyofthegreatCrystalPalacesheds，withtheassistanceofinattentiveworkmen，andthedaynextfollowinghisflighthetookittopiecessinglehanded，packedcertainportions，andthensecuredunintelligentassistanceinpackinganddispersingtherest。Sealedpacking—caseswentnorthandeastandwesttovariouspantechnicons，andtheengineswereboxedwithpeculiarcare。Itbecameevidenttheseprecautionswerenotinadvisableinviewoftheviolentdemandforanysortofphotographorimpressionsofhismachine。ButMr。Butteridge，havingoncemadehisdemonstration，intendedtokeephissecretsafefromanyfurtherriskofleakage。HefacedtheBritishpublicnowwiththequestionwhethertheywantedhissecretornot;hewas，hesaidperpetually，an"ImperialEnglishman，"andhisfirstwishandhislastwastoseehisinventiontheprivilegeandmonopolyoftheEmpire。Only——

Itwastherethedifficultybegan。

Mr。Butteridge，itbecameevident，wasamansingularlyfreefromanyfalsemodesty——indeed，fromanymodestyofanykind——singularlywillingtoseeinterviewers，answerquestionsuponanytopicexceptaeronautics，volunteeropinions，criticisms，andautobiography，supplyportraitsandphotographsofhimself，andgenerallyspreadhispersonalityacrosstheterrestrialsky。Thepublishedportraitsinsistedprimarilyuponanimmenseblackmoustache，andsecondarilyuponafiercenessbehindthemoustache。ThegeneralimpressionuponthepublicwasthatButteridge，wasasmallman。Noonebig，itwasfelt，couldhavesovirulentlyaggressiveanexpression，though，asamatteroffact，Butteridgehadaheightofsixfeettwoinches，andaweightaltogetherproportionatetothat。Moreover，hehadaloveaffairoflargeandunusualdimensionsandirregularcircumstancesandthestilllargelydecorousBritishpubliclearntwithreluctanceandalarmthatasympathetictreatmentofthisaffairwasinseparablefromtheexclusiveacquisitionofthepricelesssecretofaerialstabilitybytheBritishEmpire。Theexactparticularsofthesimilaritynevercametolight，butapparentlytheladyhad，inafitofhigh—mindedinadvertence，hadgonethroughtheceremonyofmarriagewith，onequotestheunpublisheddiscourseofMr。Butteridge——"awhite—liveredskunk，"

andthiszoologicalaberrationdidinsomelegalandvexatiousmannermarhersocialhappines。Hewantedtotalkaboutthebusiness，toshowthesplendourofhernatureinthelightofitscomplications。Itwasreallymostembarrassingtoapressthathasalwayspossessedaconsiderableturnforreticence，thatwantedthingspersonalindeedinthemodernfashion。Yetnottoopersonal。Itwasembarrassing，Isay，tobeinexorablyconfrontedwithMr。Butteridge’sgreatheart，toseeitlaidopeninrelentlesssself—vivisection，anditspulsatingdissepiments’

adornedwithemphaticflaglabels。

Confrontedtheywere，andtherewasnogettingawayfromit。Hewouldmakethisappallingviscusbeatandthrobbeforetheshrinkingjournalists——nounclewithabigwatchandalittleeverbabyeverharpeduponitsorelentlessly;whateverevasiontheyattemptedhesetaside。He"gloriedinhislove，"hesaid，andcompelledthemtowriteitdown。

"That’sofcourseaprivateaffair，Mr。Butteridge，"theywouldobject。

"Theinjustice，sorr，ispublic。IdonotcareeitherIamupagainstinstitutionsorindividuals。IdonotcareifIamupagainsttheuniversalAll。Iampleadingthecauseofawoman，awomanIlurve，sorr——anoblewoman——misunderstood。Iintendtovindicateher，sorr，tothefourwindsofheaven！"

"IlurveEngland，"heusedtosay——"lurveEngland，butPuritanism，sorr，Iabhor。Itfillsmewithloathing。Itraisesmygorge。Takemyowncase。"

Heinsistedrelentlesslyuponhisheart，anduponseeingproofsoftheinterview。Iftheyhadnotdonejusticetohiseroticbellowingsandgesticulations，hestuckin，inalargeinkyscrawl，allandmorethantheyhadomitted。

ItwasastrangelyembarrassingthingforBritishjournalism。

Neverwasthereamoreobviousoruninterestingaffair;neverhadtheworldheardthestoryoferraticaffectionwithlessappetiteorsympathy。OntheotherhanditwasextremelycuriousaboutMr。Butteridge’sinvention。ButwhenMr。Butteridgecouldbedeflectedforamomentfromthecauseoftheladyhechampioned，thenhetalkedchiefly，andusuallywithtearsoftendernessinhisvoice，abouthismotherandhischildhood——hismotherwhocrownedacompleteencyclopediaofmaternalvirtuebybeing"largelyScotch。"Shewasnotquiteneat，butnearlyso。"Ioweeverythinginmetomemother，"heasserted——"everything。Eh！"

and——"askanymanwho’sdoneanything。You’llhearthesamestory。Allwehaveweowetowomen。Theyarethespecies，sorr。

Manisbutadream。Hecomesandgoes。Thewoman’ssoulleadethusupwardandon！"

Hewasalwaysgoingonlikethat。

WhatinparticularhewantedfromtheGovernmentforhissecretdidnotappear，norwhatbeyondamoneypaymentcouldbeexpectedfromamodemstateinsuchanaffair。Thegeneraleffectuponjudiciousobservers，indeed，wasnotthathewastreatingforanything，butthathewasusinganunexampledopportunitytobellowandshowofftoanattentiveworld。Rumoursofhisrealidentityspreadabroad。ItwassaidthathehadbeenthelandlordofanambiguoushotelinCapeTown，andhadtheregivenshelterto，andwitnessed，theexperimentsandfinallystolenthepapersandplansof，anextremelyshyandfriendlessyounginventornamedPalliser，whohadcometoSouthAfricafromEnglandinanadvancedstageofconsumption，anddiedthere。

This，atanyrate，wastheallegationofthemoreoutspokenAmericanpress。Buttheproofordisproofofthatneverreachedthepublic。

Mr。Butteridgealsoinvolvedhimselfpassionatelyinatangleofdisputesforthepossessionofagreatnumberofvaluablemoneyprizes。Someofthesehadbeenofferedsolongagoas1906forsuccessfulmechanicalflight。BythetimeofMr。Butteridge’ssuccessareallyveryconsiderablenumberofnewspapers，temptedbytheimpunityofthepioneersinthisdirection，hadpledgedthemselvestopayinsomecases，quiteoverwhelmingsumstothefirstpersontoflyfromManchestertoGlasgow，fromLondontoManchester，onehundredmiles，twohundredmilesinEngland，andthelike。Mosthadhedgedalittlewithambiguousconditions，andnowofferedresistance;oneortwopaidatonce，andvehementlycalledattentiontothefact;andMr。Butteridgeplungedintolitigationwiththemorerecalcitrant，whileatthesametimesustainingavigorousagitationandcanvasstoinducetheGovernmenttopurchasehisinvention。

Onefact，however，remainedpermanentthroughoutallthedevelopmentsofthisaffairbehindButteridge’spreposterousloveinterest，hispoliticsandpersonality，andallhisshoutingandboasting，andthatwasthat，sofarasthemassofpeopleknew，hewasinsolepossessionofthesecretofthepracticableaeroplaneinwhich，forallonecouldtelltothecontrary，thekeyofthefutureempireoftheworldresided。Andpresently，tothegreatconsternationofinnumerablepeople，includingamongothersMr。BertSmallways，itbecameapparentthatwhatevernegotiationswereinprogressfortheacquisitionofthisprecioussecretbytheBritishGovernmentwereindangeroffallingthrough。TheLondonDailyRequiemfirstvoicedtheuniversalalarm，andpublishedaninterviewundertheterrificcaptionof，"Mr。ButteridgeSpeakshisMind。"

Thereintheinventor——ifhewasaninventor——pouredouthisheart。

"Icamefromtheendoftheearth，"hesaid，whichratherseemedtoconfirmtheCapeTownstory，"bringingmeMotherlandthesecretthatwouldgivehertheempireoftheworld。AndwhatdoIget？"Hepaused。"Iamsniffedatbyelderlymandarins！……

AndthewomanIloveistreatedlikealeper！"

"IamanImperialEnglishman，"hewentoninasplendidoutburst，subsequentlywrittenintotheinterviewbyhisownhand;"buttheretherearelimitstothehumanheart！Thereareyoungernations——livingnations！Nationsthatdonotsnoreandgurglehelplesslyinparoxysmsofplethorauponbedsofformalityandredtape！Therearenationsthatwillnotflingawaytheempireofearthinordertoslightanunknownmanandinsultanoblewomanwhosebootstheyarenotfittedtounlatch。TherearenationsnotblindedtoScience，notgivenoverhandandfoottoeffetesnobocraciesandDegenerateDecadents。Inshort，markmywords——THEREAREOTHERNATIONS！"

ThisspeechitwasthatparticularlyimpressedBertSmallways。

"IfthemGermansorthemAmericansgetholdofthis，"hesaidimpressivelytohisbrother，"theBritishEmpire’sdone。It’sU—P。TheUnionJack，sotospeak，won’tbeworththepaperit’swrittenon，Tom。"

"Isupposeyoucouldn’tlendusahandthismorning，"saidJessica，inhisimpressivepause。"EverybodyinBunHillseemswantingearlypotatoesatonce。Tomcan’tcarryhalfofthem。"

"We’relivingonavolcano，"saidBert，disregardingthesuggestion。"Atanymomentwarmaycome——suchawar！"

Heshookhisheadportentously。

"You’dbettertakethislotfirst，Tom，"saidJessica。SheturnedbrisklyonBert。"Canyouspareusamorning？"sheasked。

"IdessayIcan，"saidBert。"Theshop’sveryquiets’morning。

ThoughallthisdangertotheEmpireworriesmesomethingfrightful。"

"Work’lltakeitoffyourmind，"saidJessica。

Andpresentlyhetoowasgoingoutintoaworldofchangeandwonder，bowedbeneathaloadofpotatoesandpatrioticinsecurity，thatmergedatlastintoaverydefiniteirritationattheweightandwantofstyleofthepotatoesandaveryclearconceptionoftheentiredetestablenessofJessica。

CHAPTERII

HOWBERTSMALLWAYSGOTINTODIFFICULTIES

ItdidnotoccurtoeitherTomorBertSmallwaysthatthisremarkableaerialperformanceofMr。Butteridgewaslikelytoaffecteitheroftheirlivesinanyspecialmanner，thatitwouldinanywaysinglethemoutfromthemillionsaboutthem;andwhentheyhadwitnesseditfromthecrestofBunHillandseenthefly—likemechanism，itsrotatingplanesagoldenhazeinthesunset，sinkhummingtotheharbourofitsshedagain，theyturnedbacktowardsthesunkengreen—grocerybeneaththegreatironstandardoftheLondontoBrightonmono—rail，andtheirmindsrevertedtothediscussionthathadengagedthembeforeMr。

Butteridge’striumphhadcomeinsightoutoftheLondonhaze。

Itwasadifficultandunsuccessfuldiscussions。Theyhadtocarryitoninshoutsbecauseofthemoaningandroaringofthegyroscopicmotor—carsthattraversedtheHighStreet，andinitsnatureitwascontentiousandprivate。TheGrubbbusinesswasindifficulties，andGrubbinamomentoffinancialeloquencehadgivenahalf—shareinittoBert，whoserelationswithhisemployerhadbeenforsometimeunsalariedandpallishandinformal。

BertwastryingtoimpressTomwiththeideathatthereconstructedGrubb&Smallwaysofferedunprecedentedandunparalleledopportunitiestothejudicioussmallinvestor。ItwascominghometoBert，asthoughitwereanentirelynewfact，thatTomwassingularlyimpervioustoideas。Intheendheputthefinancialissuesononeside，and，makingthethingentirelyamatteroffraternalaffection，succeededinborrowingasovereignonthesecurityofhiswordofhonour。

ThefirmofGrubb&Smallways，formerlyGrubb，hadindeedbeensingularlyunluckyinthelastyearorso。Formanyyearsthebusinesshadstruggledalongwithaflavourofromanticinsecurityinasmall，dissolute—lookingshopintheHighStreet，adornedwithbrilliantlycolouredadvertisementsofcycles，adisplayofbells，trouser—clips，oil—cans，pump—clips，frame—cases，wallets，andotheraccessories，andtheannouncementof"BicyclesonHire，""Repairs，""Freeinflation，""Petrol，"

andsimilarattractions。Theywereagentsforseveralobscuremakesofbicycle，——twosamplesconstitutedthestock，——andoccasionallytheyeffectedasale;theyalsorepairedpuncturesanddidtheirbest——thoughluckwasnotalwaysontheirside——

withanyotherrepairingthatwasbroughttothem。Theyhandledalineofcheapgramophones，anddidalittlewithmusicalboxes。

Thestapleoftheirbusinesswas，however，thelettingofbicyclesonhire。Itwasasingulartrade，obeyingnoknowncommercialoreconomicprinciples——indeed，noprinciples。Therewasastockofladies’andgentlemen’sbicyclesinastateofdisrepairthatpassesdescription，andthese，thehiringstock，werelettounexactingandrecklesspeople，inexpertinthethingsofthisworld，atanominalrateofoneshillingforthefirsthourandsixpenceperhourafterwards。Butreallytherewerenofixedprices，andinsistentboyscouldgetbicyclesandthethrillofdangerforanhourforsolowasumasthreepence，providedtheycouldconvinceGrubbthatthatwasalltheyhad。

Thesaddleandhandle—barwerethensketchilyadjustedbvGrubb，adepositexacted，exceptinthecaseoffamiliarboys，themachinelubricated，andtheadventurerstarteduponhiscareer。

Usuallyheorshecameback，butattimes，whentheaccidentwasserious，BertorGrubbhadtogooutandfetchthemachinehome。

Hirewasalwayschargeduptothehourofreturntotheshopanddeductedfromthedeposit。Itwasrarethatabicyclestartedoutfromtheirhandsinastateofpedanticefficiency。Romanticpossibilitiesofaccidentlurkedinthewornthreadofthescrewthatadjustedthesaddle，intheprecariouspedals，intheloose—knitchain，inthehandle—bars，aboveallinthebrakesandtyres。Tappingsandclankingsandstrangerhythmiccreakingsawokeastheintrepidhirerpedalledoutintothecountry。Thenperhapsthebellwouldjamorabrakefailtoactonahill;ortheseat—pillarwouldgetloose，andthesaddledropthreeorfourincheswithadisconcertingbump;orthelooseandrattlingchainwouldjumpthecogsofthechain—wheelasthemachinerandownhill，andsobringthemechanismtoanabruptanddisastrousstopwithoutatthesametimearrestingtheforwardmomentumoftherider;oratyrewouldbang，orsighquietly，andgiveupthestruggleforefficiency。

Whenthehirerreturned，aheatedpedestrian，Grubbwouldignoreallverbalcomplaints，andexaminethemachinegravely。

"Thisain’t’adfairusage，"heusedtobegin。

Hebecameamildembodimentofthespiritofreason。"Youcan’texpectabicycletotakeyouupinitsarmsandcarryyou，"heusedtosay。"Yougottoshowintelligence。Afterall——it’smachinery。"

Sometimestheprocessofliquidatingtheconsequentclaimsborderedonviolence。Itwasalwaysaveryrhetoricalandoftenatryingaffair，butintheseprogressivetimesyouhavetomakeanoisetogetaliving。Itwasoftenhardwork，butneverthelessthishiringwasafairlysteadysourceofprofit，untilonedayallthepanesinthewindowanddoorwerebrokenandthestockonsaleinthewindowgreatlydamagedanddisorderedbvtwoover—criticalhirerswithnosenseofrhetoricalirrelevance。Theywerebig，coarsestokersfromGravesend。Onewasannoyedbecausehisleftpedalhadcomeoff，andtheotherbecausehistyrehadbecomedeflated，smallandindeednegligibleaccidentsbyBunHillstandards，dueentirelytotheungentlehandlingofthedelicatemachinesentrustedtothem——andtheyfailedtoseeclearlyhowtheyputthemselvesinthewrongbythismethodofargument。Itisapoorwayofconvincingamanthathehasletyouadefectivemachinetothrowhisfoot—pumpabouthisshop，andtakehisstockofgongsoutsideinordertoreturnthemthroughthewindow—panes。ItcarriednorealconvictiontothemindsofeitherGrubborBert;itonlyirritatedandvexedthem。Onequarrelmakesmany，andthisunpleasantnessledtoaviolentdisputebetweenGrubbandthelandlorduponthemoralaspectsofandlegalresponsibilityfortheconsequentre—glazing。IntheendGrubbandSmallwayswereputtotheexpenseofastrategicnocturnalremovaltoanotherposition。

Itwasapositiontheyhadlongconsidered。Itwastsmall，shed—likeshopwithaplate—glasswindowandoneroombehind，justatthesharpbendintheroadatthebottomofBunHill;andheretheystruggledalongbravely，inspiteofpersistentannoyancefromtheirformerlandlord，hopingforcertaineventualitiesthepeculiarsituationoftheshopseemedtopromise。Here，too，theyweredoomedtodisappointment。

TheHighRoadfromLondontoBrightonthatranthroughBunHillwasliketheBritishEmpireortheBritishConstitution——athingthathadgrowntoitspresentimportance。UnlikeanyotherroadsinEuropetheBritishhighroadshaveneverbeensubjectedtoanyorganisedattemptstogradeorstraightenthemout，andtothatnodoubttheirpeculiarpicturesquenessistobeascribed。TheoldBunHillHighStreetdropsatitsendforperhapseightyorahundredfeetofdescentatanangleofoneinfive，turnsatrightanglestotheleft，runsinacurveforaboutthirtyyardstoabrickbridgeoverthedryditchthathadoncebeentheOtterbourne，andthenbendssharplytotherightagainroundadenseclumpoftreesandgoeson，asimple，straightforward，peacefulhighroad。Therehadbeenoneortwohorse—and—vanandbicycleaccidentsintheplacebeforetheshopBertandGrubbtookwasbuilt，and，tobefrank，itwastheprobabilityofothersthatattractedthemtoit。

Itspossibilitieshadcometothemfirstwithahumorousflavour。

"Here’soneoftheplaceswhereachapmightgetalivingbykeepinghens，"saidGrubb。

"Youcan’tgetalivingbykeepinghens，"saidBert。

"You’dkeepthehenandhaveitspatch—cocked，"saidGrubb。"Themotorchapswouldpayforit。"

Whentheyreallycametotaketheplacetheyrememberedthisconversation。Hens，however，wereoutofthequestion;therewasnoplaceforarununlesstheyhaditintheshop。Itwouldhavebeenobviouslyoutofplacethere。Theshopwasmuchmoremodernthantheirformerone，andhadaplate—glassfront。"Soonerorlater，"saidBert，"weshallgetamotor—carthroughthis。"

"That’sallright，"saidGrubb。"Compensation。Idon’tmindwhenthatmotor—carcomesalong。Idon’tmindevenifitgivesmeashocktothesystem。

"Andmeanwhile，"saidBert，withgreatartfulness，"I’mgoingtobuymyselfadog。"

Hedid。Heboughtthreeinsuccession。HesurprisedthepeopleattheDogs’HomeinBatterseabydemandingadeafretriever，andrejectingeverycandidatethatprickedupitsears。"Iwantagood，deaf，slow—movingdog，"hesaid。"Adogthatdoesn’tputhimselfoutforthings。"

Theydisplayedinconvenientcuriosity;theydeclaredagreatscarcityofdeafdogs。

"Yousee，"theysaid，"dogsaren’tdeaf。"

"Mine’sgottobe，"saidBert。"I’veHADdogsthataren’tdeaf。

AllIwant。It’slikethis，yousee——Isellgramophones。

NaturallyIgottomake’emtalkandtootleabittoshow’emorf。Well，adogthatisn’tdeafdoesn’tlikeit——getsexcited，smellsround，barks，growls。Thatupsetsthecustomer。See？

Thenadogthathashishearingfanciesthings。Makesburglarsoutofpassingtramps。Wantstofighteverymotorthatmakesawhizz。Allverywellifyouwantliveningup，butourplaceislivelyenough。Idon’twantadogofthatsort。Iwantaquietdog。"

Intheendhegotthreeinsuccession，butnoneofthemturnedoutwell。Thefirststrayedoffintotheinfinite，heedingnoappeals;thesecondwaskilledinthenightbyafruitmotor—waggonwhichfledbeforeGrubbcouldgetdown;thethirdgotitselfentangledinthefrontwheelofapassingcyclist，whocamethroughtheplateglass，andprovedtobeanactoroutofworkandanundischargedbankrupt。Hedemandedcompensationforsomefanciedinjury，wouldhearnothingofthevaluabledoghehadkilledorthewindowhehadbroken，obligedGrubbbysheerphysicalobduracytostraightenhisbuckledfrontwheel，andpesteredthestrugglingfirmwithaseriesofinhumanlywordedsolicitor’sletters。Grubbansweredthem——stingingly，andputhimself，Bertthought，inthewrong。

Affairsgotmoreandmoreexasperatingandstrainedunderthesepressures。Thewindowwasboardedup，andanunpleasantaltercationabouttheirdelayinrepairingitwiththenewlandlord，aBunHillbutcher——andaloud，bellowing，unreasonablepersonatthat——servedtoremindthemoftheirunsettledtroubleswiththeold。ThingswereatthispitchwhenBertbethoughthimselfofcreatingasortofdebenturecapitalinthebusinessforthebenefitofTom。But，asIhavesaid，Tomhadnoenterpriseinhiscomposition。Hisideaofinvestmentwasthestocking;hebribedhisbrothernottokeeptheofferopen。

Andthenill—luckmadeitslastlungeattheircrumblingbusinessandbroughtittotheground。

2

Itisapoorheartthatneverrejoices，andWhitsuntidehadanairofcomingasanagreeablebreakinthebusinesscomplicationsofGrubb&Smallways。EncouragedbythepracticaloutcomeofBert’snegotiationswithhisbrother，andbythefactthathalfthehiring—stockwasoutfromSaturdaytoMonday，theydecidedtoignoretheresiduumofhiring—tradeonSundayanddevotethatdaytomuch—neededrelaxationandrefreshment——tohave，infact，anunstintedgoodtime，abeanoonWhitSundayandreturninvigoratedtograpplewiththeirdifficultiesandtheBankHolidayrepairsontheMonday。Nogoodthingwaseverdonebyexhaustedanddispiritedmen。IthappenedthattheyhadmadetheacquaintanceoftwoyoungladiesinemploymentinClapham，MissFlossieBrightandMissEdnaBunthorne，anditwasresolvedthereforetomakeacheerfullittlecyclistpartyoffourintotheheartofKent，andtopicnicandspendanindolentafternoonandeveningamongthetreesandbrackenbetweenAshfordandMaidstone。

MissBrightcouldrideabicycle，andamachinewasfoundforher，notamongthehiringstock，butspecially，inthesampleheldforsale。MissBunthorne，whomBertparticularlyaffected，couldnotride，andsowithsomedifficultyhehiredabasket—

worktrailerfromthebigbusinessofWray’sintheClaphamRoad。