第15章

Unwontedsilencereigned。Hetappedonthenurserydoor。Itwasdeserted;hepassedthroughtoNoel’sroom;butthattoowasempty。

Thewardrobestoodopenasifithadbeenhastilyransacked，andherdressing—tablewasbare。Inalarmhewenttothebellandpulleditsharply。Theold—fashionedringofitjingledoutfarbelow。Theparlour—maidcameup。

"WhereareMissNoelandNurse，Susan？"

"Ididn’tknowyouwerein，sir。MissNoelleftmethisnotetogiveyou。They——I——"

Piersonstoppedherwithhishand。"Thankyou，Susan;getmesometea，please。"Withthenoteunopenedinhishand，hewaitedtillshewasgone。Hisheadwasgoinground，andhesatdownonthesideofNoel’sbedtoread:

"DARLINGDADDY，"Themanwhocamethismorningtoldmeofwhatisgoingtohappen。I

simplywon’thaveit。I’msendingNurseandbabydowntoKestrelatonce，andgoingtoLeila’sforthenight，untilI’vemadeupmymindwhattodo。Iknewitwasamistakemycomingback。Idon’tcarewhathappenstome，butIwon’thaveyouhurt。Ithinkit’shatefulofpeopletotryandinjureyouformyfault。I’vehadtoborrowmoneyfromSusan—sixpounds。Oh！Daddydear，forgiveme。

"YourlovingNOLLIE。"

Hereaditwithunutterablerelief;atalleventsheknewwhereshewas——poor，wilful，rushing，loving—heartedchild;knewwhereshewas，andcouldgetather。Afterhisbathandsometea，hewouldgotoLeila’sandbringherback。PoorlittleNollie，thinkingthatbyjustleavinghishouseshecouldsettlethisdeepmatter！Hedidnothurry，feelingdecidedlyexhausted，anditwasnearlyeightbeforehesetout，leavingamessageforGratian，whodidnotasarulecomeinfromherhospitaltillpastnine。

Thedaywasstillglowing，andnow，inthecoolofevening，hisrefreshedsensessoakedupitsbeauty。’Godhassomadethisworld，’

hethought，’that，nomatterwhatourstrugglesandsufferings，it’severajoytolivewhenthesunshines，orthemoonisbright，orthenightstarry。Evenwecan’tspoilit。’InRegent’sParkthelilacsandlaburnumswerestillinbloomthoughJunehadcome，andhegazedattheminpassing，asalovermightathislady。Hisconscienceprickedhimsuddenly。Mrs。Mitchettandthedark—eyedgirlshehadbroughttohimonNewYear’sEve，theverynighthehadlearnedofhisowndaughter’stragedy——hadheeverthoughtofthemsince？Howhadthatpoorgirlfared？Hehadbeentooimpatientofherimpenetrablemood。Whatdidheknowoftheheartsofothers，whenhedidnotevenknowhisown，couldnotrulehisfeelingsofangerandrevolt，hadnotguidedhisowndaughterintothewatersofsafety！

AndLeila！Hadhenotbeentoocensoriousinthought？Howpowerful，howstrangewasthisinstinctofsex，whichhoveredandswoopedonlives，seizedthem，borethemaway，thendroppedthemexhaustedanddefenceless！Somemunition—wagons，paintedadullgrey，lumberedpast，drivenbysunburnedyouthsindrab。Life—force，Death—force——

wasitallone;thegreatunknowablemomentumfromwhichtherewasbuttheoneescape，inthearmsoftheirHeavenlyFather？Blake’slittleoldstanzascameintohismind:

"Andweareputonearthalittlespace，Thatwemaylearntobearthebeamsoflove;

AndtheseblackbodiesandthissunburntfaceArebutacloud，andlikeashadygrove。

"Forwhenoursoulshavelearnedtheheattobear，Thecloudwillvanish，weshallhearHisvoice，Saying:Comeoutfromthegrove，myloveandcare，Androundmygoldententlikelambsrejoice！"

Learnedtheheattobear！Thoselambshehadwatchedinafieldthatafternoon，theirsuddenlittleleapsandrushes，theirfunnyquiveringwrigglingtails，theirtinynuzzlingblacksnouts——whatlittlemiraclesofcarelessjoyamongthemeadowflowers！Lambs，andflowers，andsunlight！Famine，lust，andthegreatgreyguns！A

maze，awilderness;andbutforfaith，whatissue，whatpathformantotakewhichdidnotkeephimwanderinghopeless，initsthicket？

’Godpreserveourfaithinlove，incharity，andthelifetocome！’

hethought。Andablindmanwithadog，towhoseneckwastiedalittledeepdishforpennies，groundahurdy—gurdyashepassed。

Piersonputashillinginthedish。Themanstoppedplaying，hiswhitisheyeslookedup。"Thankyoukindly，sir;I’llgohomenow。

Comeon，Dick！"Hetappedhiswayroundthecorner，withhisdogstraininginfront。Ablackbirdhiddenamongtheblossomsofanacacia，burstintoeveningsong，andanothergreatgreymunition—

wagonrumbledoutthroughtheParkgate。

2

TheChurch—clockwasstrikingninewhenhereachedLeila’sflat，wentup，andknocked。Soundsfrom—apianoceased;thedoorwasopenedbyNoel。Sherecoiledwhenshesawwhoitwas，andsaid:

"Whydidyoucome，Daddy？Itwasmuchbetternot。"

"Areyoualonehere？"

"Yes;Leilagavemeherkey。Shehastobeatthehospitaltilltento—night"

"Youmustcomehomewithme，mydear。"

Noelclosedthepiano，andsatdownonthedivan。HerfacehadthesameexpressionaswhenhehadtoldherthatshecouldnotmarryCyrilMorland。

"Come，Nollie，"hesaid;"don’tbeunreasonable。Wemustseethisthroughtogether。"

"No。"

"Mydear，that’schildish。Doyouthinkthemereaccidentofyourbeingornotbeingathomecanaffectmydecisionastowhatmydutyis？"

"Yes;it’smybeingtherethatmatters。Thosepeopledon’tcare，solongasitisn’tanopenscandal"

"Nollie！"

"Butitisso，Daddy。Ofcourseit’sso，andyouknowit。IfI’mawaythey’lljustpityyouforhavingabaddaughter。Andquiterighttoo。Iamabaddaughter。"

Piersonsmiled。"Justlikewhenyouwereatiny。"

"IwishIwereatinyagain，ortenyearsolder。It’sthishalfage——ButI’mnotcomingbackwithyou，Daddy;soit’snogood。"

Piersonsatdownbesideher。

"I’vebeenthinkingthisoverallday，"hesaidquietly。"PerhapsinmyprideImadeamistakewhenIfirstknewofyourtrouble。PerhapsIoughttohaveacceptedtheconsequencesofmyfailure，then，andhavegivenup，andtakenyouawayatonce。Afterall，ifamanisnotfittohavethecareofsouls，heshouldhavethegracetoknowit。"

"Butyouarefit，"criedNoelpassionately;"Daddy，youarefit！"

"I’mafraidnot。Thereissomethingwantinginme，Idon’tknowexactlywhat;butsomethingverywanting。"

"Thereisn’t。It’sonlythatyou’retoogood——that’swhy！"

Piersonshookhishead。"Don’t，Nollie！"

"Iwill，"criedNoel。"You’retoogentle，andyou’retoogood。

You’recharitable，andyou’resimple，andyoubelieveinanotherworld;that’swhat’sthematterwithyou，Daddy。Doyouthinktheydo，thosepeoplewhowanttochaseusout？Theydon’tevenbegintobelieve，whatevertheysayorthink。Ihatethem，andsometimesI

hatetheChurch;eitherit’shardandnarrow，orelseit’sworldly。"

Shestoppedattheexpressiononherfather’sface，themoststrangelookofpain，andhorror，asifanunspokentreacheryofhisownhadbeendraggedforthforhisinspection。

"You’retalkingwildly，"hesaid，buthislipsweretrembling。"Youmustn’tsaythingslikethat;they’reblasphemousandwicked。"

Noelbitherlips，sittingverystiffandstill，againstahighbluecushion。Thensheburstoutagain:

"You’veslavedforthosepeopleyearsandyears，andyou’vehadnopleasureandyou’vehadnolove;andtheywouldn’tcarethatifyoubrokeyourheart。Theydon’tcareforanything，solongasitallseemsproper。Daddy，ifyouletthemhurtyou，Iwon’tforgiveyou！"

"Andwhatifyouhurtmenow，Nollie？"

Noelpressedhishandagainstherwarmcheek。

"Oh，no！Oh，no！Idon’t——Iwon’t。Notagain。I’vedonethatalready。"

"Verywell，mydear！thencomehomewithme，andwe’llseewhat’sbesttobedone。Itcan’tbesettledbyrunningaway。"

Noeldroppedhishand。"No。TwiceI’vedonewhatyouwanted，andit’sbeenamistake。IfIhadn’tgonetoChurchonSundaytopleaseyou，perhapsitwouldneverhavecometothis。Youdon’tseethings，Daddy。Icouldtell，thoughIwassittingrightinfront。Iknewwhattheirfaceswerelike，andwhattheywerethinking。"

"Onemustdoright，Nollie，andnotmind。"

"Yes;butwhatisright？It’snotrightformetohurtyou，andI’mnotgoingto。"

Piersonunderstoodallatoncethatitwasuselesstotryandmoveher。

"Whatareyougoingtodo，then？"

"IsupposeIshallgotoKestrelto—morrow。Auntiewillhaveme，I

know;IshalltalktoLeila。"

"Whateveryoudo，promisetoletmeknow。"

Noelnodded。

"Daddy，you——lookawfully，awfullytired。I’mgoingtogiveyousomemedicine。"Shewenttoalittlethree—corneredcupboard，andbentdown。Medicine！Themedicinehewantedwasnotforthebody;

knowledgeofwhathisdutywas——thatalonecouldhealhim！

Theloudpoppingofacorkrousedhim。"Whatareyoudoing，Nollie？"

Noelrosewithaflushedface，holdinginonehandaglassofchampagne，intheotherabiscuit。

"You’retotakethis;andI’mgoingtohavesomemyself。"

"Mydear，"saidPiersonbewildered;"it’snotyours。"

"Drinkit;Daddy！Don’tyouknowthatLeilawouldneverforgivemeifIletyougohomelookinglikethat。Besides，shetoldmeIwastoeat。Drinkit。Youcansendheranicepresent。Drinkit！"Andshestampedherfoot。

Piersontooktheglass，andsattherenibblingandsipping。Itwasnice，very！Hehadnotquiterealisedhowmuchheneededfoodanddrink。Noelreturnedfromthecupboardasecondtime;shetoohadaglassandabiscuit。

"There，youlookbetteralready。Nowyou’retogohomeatonce，inacabifyoucangetone;andtellGratiantomakeyoufeedup，oryouwon’thaveabodyatall;youcan’tdoyourdutyifyouhaven’tone，youknow。"

Piersonsmiled，andfinishedthechampagne。

Noeltooktheglassfromhim。"You’remychildto—night，andI’mgoingtosendyoutobed。Don’tworry，Daddy;it’llallcomeright。"

And，takinghisarm，shewentdownstairswithhim，andblewhimakissfromthedoorway。

Hewalkedawayinasortofdream。Daylightwasnotquitegone，butthemoonwasup，justpastitsfull，andthesearch—lightshadbeguntheirnightlywanderings。Itwasaskyofghostsandshadows，fittingtothethoughtwhichcametohim。ThefingerofProvidencewasinallthis，perhaps！WhyshouldhenotgoouttoFrance！Atlast;whynot？Somebetterman，whounderstoodmen’shearts，whoknewtheworld，wouldtakehisplace;andhecouldgowheredeathmadeallthingssimple，andhecouldnotfail。Hewalkedfasterandfaster，fullofanintoxicatingrelief。ThirzaandGratianwouldtakecareofNolliefarbetterthanhe。Yes，surelyitwasordained！

Moonlighthadthetownnow;andallwassteelblue，theveryairsteel—blue;adream—cityofmarvellousbeauty，throughwhichhepassed，exalted。Soonhewouldbewherethatpoorboy，andamillionothers，hadgiventheirlives;withthemudandtheshellsandthescarredgreyground，andthejaggedtrees，whereChristwasdailycrucified——therewherehehadsooftenlongedtobethesethreeyearspast。Itwasordained！

Andtwowomenwhomhemetlookedateachotherwhenhehadgoneby，andthosewords’theblightedcrow’whichtheyhadbeenabouttospeak，diedontheirlips。

VIII

Noelfeltlight—heartedtoo，asifshehadwonavictory。Shefoundsomepottedmeat，spreaditonanotherbiscuit，ateitgreedily，andfinishedthepintbottleofchampagne。Thenshehuntedforthecigarettes，andsatdownatthepiano。Sheplayedoldtunes——"ThereisaTavernintheTown，""OnceILovedaMaidenFair，""MowingtheBarley，""Clementine，""Lowlands，"andsangtothemsuchwordsassheremembered。Therewasadeliciousrunninginherveins，andonceshegotupanddanced。Shewaskneelingatthewindow，lookingout，whensheheardthedooropen，andwithoutgettingup，criedout:

"Isn’titagorgeousnight！I’vehadDaddyhere。Igavehimsomeofyourchampagne，anddranktherest——"thenwasconsciousofafigurefartootallforLeila，andaman’svoicesaying:

"I’mawfullysorry。It’sonlyI，JimmyFort。"

Noelscrambledup。"Leilaisn’tin;butshewillbedirectly——it’spastten。"

Hewasstandingstock—stillinthemiddleoftheroom。

"Won’tyousitdown？Oh！andwon’tyouhaveacigarette？"

"Thanks。"

Bytheflashofhisbriquetteshesawhisfaceclearly;thelookonitfilledherwithasortofmaliciousglee。

"I’mgoingnow，"shesaid。"WouldyoumindtellingLeilathatI

foundIcouldn’tstop？"Shemadetowardsthedivantogetherhat。

Whenshehadputiton，shefoundhimstandingjustinfrontofher。

"Noel—ifyoudon’tmindmecallingyouthat？"

"Notabit。"

"Don’tgo;I’mgoingmyself。"

"Oh，no！Notforworlds。"Shetriedtoslippast，buthetookholdofherwrist。

"Please;justoneminute！"

Noelstayedmotionless，lookingathim，whilehishandstillheldherwrist。Hesaidquietly:

"Doyoumindtellingmewhyyoucamehere？"

"Oh，justtoseeLeila。"

"Thingshavecometoaheadathome，haven’tthey？"

Noelshruggedhershoulders。

"Youcameforrefuge，didn’tyou？"

"Fromwhom？"

"Don’tbeangry;fromtheneedofhurtingyourfather。"

Shenodded。

"Iknewitwouldcometothat。Whatareyougoingtodo？"

"Enjoymyself。"Shewassayingsomethingfatuous，yetshemeantit。

"That’sabsurd。Don’tbeangry！You’requiteright。Only，youmustbeginattherightend，mustn’tyou？Sitdown！"

Noeltriedtofreeherwrist。

"No;sitdown，please。"

Noelsatdown;butasheloosedherwrist，shelaughed。ThiswaswherehesatwithLeila，wheretheywouldsitwhenshewasgone。

"It’sawfullyfunny，isn’tit？"shesaid。

"Funny？"hemutteredsavagely。"Mostthingsare，inthisfunnyworld。"

Thesoundofataxistoppingnotfaroffhadcometoherears，andshegatheredherfeetunderher，plantingthemfirmly。Ifshesprangup，couldsheslipbyhimbeforehecaughtherarmagain，andgetthattaxi？

"IfIgonow，"hesaid，"willyoupromisemetostoptillyou’veseenLeila？"

"No。"

"That’sfoolish。Come，promise！"

Noelshookherhead。Shefeltaperversepleasureathisembarrassment。

"Leila’slucky，isn’tshe？Nochildren，nohusband，nofather，noanything。Lovely！"

Shesawhisarmgoupasiftowardoffablow。"PoorLeila！"hesaid。

"Whyareyousorryforher？Shehasfreedom！Andshehasyou！"

Sheknewitwouldhurt;butshewantedtohurthim。

"Youneedn’tenvyherforthat。"

Hehadjustspoken，whenNoelsawafigureoverbythedoor。

Shejumpedup，andsaidbreathlessly:

"Oh，hereyouare，Leila！Father’sbeenhere，andwe’vehadsomeofyourchampagne！"

"Capital！Youareinthedark！"

Noelfeltthebloodrushintohercheeks。Thelightleapedup，andLeilacameforward。Shelookedextremelypale，calm，andself—

contained，inhernurse’sdress;herfulllipsweretightlypressedtogether，butNoelcouldseeherbreastheavingviolently。Aturmoilofshameandwoundedpridebeganraginginthegirl。Whyhadshenotflownlongago？Whyhadsheletherselfbetrappedlikethis？Leilawouldthinkshehadbeenmakinguptohim！Horrible！Disgusting！

Whydidn’the——whydidn’tsomeone，speak？ThenLeilasaid:

"Ididn’texpectyou，Jimmy;I’mgladyouhaven’tbeendull。Noelisstayinghereto—night。Givemeacigarette。Sitdown，bothofyou。

I’mawfullytired！"

Shesankintoachair，leaningback，withherkneescrossed;andatthatmomentNoeladmiredher。Shehadsaiditbeautifully;shelookedsocalm。Fortwaslightinghercigarette;hishandwasshaking，hisfaceallsorryandmortified。

"GiveNoelone，too，anddrawthecurtains，Jimmy。Quick！Notthatitmakesanydifference;it’saslightasday。Sitdown，dear。"

ButNoelremainedstanding。

"Whathaveyoubeentalkingof？LoveandChineselanterns，oronlyme？"

AtthosewordsFort，whowasdrawingthelastcurtain，turnedround;

histallfigurewaspoisedawkwardlyagainstthewall，hisface，unsuitedtodiplomacy，hadalookasoffleshbeingbeaten。Ifwealshadstartedupacrossit，Noelwouldnothavebeensurprised。

Hesaidwithpainfulslowness:

"Idon’texactlyknow;wehadhardlybegun，hadwe？"

"Thenightisyoung，"saidLeila。"GoonwhileIjusttakeoffmythings。"

Sherosewiththecigarettebetweenherlips，andwentintotheinnerroom。Inpassing，shegaveNoelalook。Whattherewasinthatlook，thegirlcouldnevermakecleareventoherself。Perhapsacreatureshotwouldgazelikethat，withasortofprofoundanddistantquestioning，reproach，andanger，withasortofpride，andthequiverofdeath。Asthedoorclosed，Fortcamerightacrosstheroom。

"Gotoher;"criedNoel;"shewantsyou。Can’tyousee，shewantsyou？"

Andbeforehecouldmove，shewasatthedoor。Sheflewdownstairs，andoutintothemoonlight。Thetaxi，alittlewayoff，wasjustbeginningtomoveaway;sherantowardsit，callingout:

"Anywhere！Piccadilly！"andjumpingin，blottedherselfagainstthecushionsinthefarcorner。

Shedidnotcometoherself，asitwere，forseveralminutes，andthenfeelingshe’couldnolongerbearthecab，stoppedit，andgotout。Wherewasshe？BondStreet！Shebegan，idly，wanderingdownitsnarrowlength;thefulleststreetbyday，theemptiestbynight。

Oh！ithadbeenhorrible！Nothingsaidbyanyofthem——nothing，andyeteverythingdraggedout——ofhim，ofLeila，ofherself！Sheseemedtohavenoprideordecencyleft，asifshehadbeencaughtstealing。

Allherhappyexhilarationwasgone，leavingamiserablerecklessness。Nothingshedidwasright，nothingturnedoutwell，sowhatdiditallmatter？Themoonlightfloodingdownbetweenthetallhousesgaveherapeculiarheadyfeeling。"Fey"herfatherhadcalledher。Shelaughed。’ButI’mnotgoinghome，’shethought。

Boredwiththestreet’slength;sheturnedoff，andwassuddenlyinHanoverSquare。TherewastheChurch，grey—white，whereshehadbeenbridesmaidtoasecondcousin，whenshewasfifteen。Sheseemedtoseeitallagain——herfrock，theliliesinherhand，thesurplicesofthechoir，thebride’sdress，allmoonlight—coloured，andunreal。

’Iwonderwhat’sbecomeofher！’shethought。’He’sdead，Iexpect，likeCyril！’Shesawherfather’sfaceashewasmarryingthem，heardhisvoice:"Forbetter，forworse，forricher，forpoorer，insicknessandinhealth，tilldeathdoyoupart。"AndthemoonlightontheChurchseemedtoshiftandquiver—somepigeonsperhapshadbeendisturbedupthere。Theninsteadofthatweddingvision，shesawMonsieurBarra，sittingonhischair，gazingatthefloor，andChicanursingherdoll。"Allmad，mademoiselle，alittlemad。

Millionsofmenwithwhitesouls，butallalittletinybitmad，youknow。"ThenLeila’sfacecamebeforeher，withthatlookinhereyes。ShefeltagainthehotclaspofFort’sfingersonherwrist，andwalkedon，rubbingitwiththeotherhand。SheturnedintoRegentStreet。ThewidecurveoftheQuadrantsweptintoaskyofunrealblue，andtheorange—shadedlampsmerelyaddedtotheunreality。’LoveandChineselanterns！Ishouldlikesomecoffee，’

shethoughtsuddenly。ShewasquiteclosetotheplacewhereLavendiehadtakenher。Shouldshegointhere？Whynot？Shemustgosomewhere。Sheturnedintotherevolvingcageofglass。ButnosoonerwassheimprisonedtherethaninaflashLavendie’sfaceofdisgust;andthered—lippedwomen，thegreenstuffthatsmelledofpeppermintcameback，fillingherwitharushofdismay。Shemadethefullcircleintherevolvingcage;andcameoutintothestreetagainwithalaugh。Atallyoungmaninkhakistoodthere:"Hallo！"

hesaid。"Comeinanddance！"Shestarted，recoiledfromhimandbegantowalkawayasfastasevershecould。Shepassedawomanwhoseeyesseemedtoscorchher。Awomanlikeaswiftvisionofruinwiththoseeyes，andthicklypowderedcheeks，andlooseredmouth。

Noelshudderedandfledalong，feelingthatheronlysafetylayinspeed。Butshecouldnotwalkaboutallnight。TherewouldbenotrainforKestreltillthemorning——anddidshereallywanttogothere，andeatherheartout？SuddenlyshethoughtofGeorge。Whyshouldshenotgodowntohim？Hewouldknowwhatwasbestforhertodo。AtthefootofthestepsbelowtheWaterlooColumnshestoodstill。Allwasquietthereandempty，thegreatbuildingswhitened，thetreesblurredandblue;andsweeterairwascomingacrosstheirfloweringtops。Thequeer"fey"moonysensationwasstillwithher;

sothatshefeltsmallandlight，asifshecouldhavefloatedthrougharing。FaintrimsoflightshowedroundthewindowsoftheAdmiralty。Thewar！Howeverlovelythenight，howeversweetthelilacsmelt—thatneverstopped！Sheturnedawayandpassedoutunderthearch，makingforthestation。Thetrainofthewoundedhadjustcomein，andshestoodinthecheeringcrowdwatchingtheambulancesrunout。Tearsofexcitedemotionfilledhereyes，andtrickleddown。Steady，smooth，grey，oneaftertheothertheycamegliding，withalittleburstofcheersgreetingeachone。Allweregonenow，andshecouldpassin。Shewenttothebuffetandgotalargecupofcoffee，andabun。Then，havingnotedthetimeofherearlymorningtrain，shesoughttheladies’waiting—room，andsittingdowninacorner，tookoutherpurseandcountedhermoney。Twopoundsfifteen—enoughtogotothehotel，ifsheliked。But，withoutluggage——itwassoconspicuous，andshecouldsleepinthiscornerallright，ifshewanted。Whatdidgirlsdowhohadnomoney，andnofriendstogoto？Tuckedawayinthecornerofthatempty，heavy，varnishedroom，sheseemedtoseethecrueltyandhardnessoflifeasshehadneverbeforeseenit，notevenwhenfacingherconfinement。

Howluckyshehadbeen，andwas！Everyonewasgoodtoher。Shehadnorealwantordangers，toface。But，forwomen——yes，andmentoo——

whohadnoonetofallbackon，nothingbuttheirownhandsandhealthandluck，itmustbeawful。Thatgirlwhoseeyeshadscorchedher——perhapsshehadnoone——nothing。Andpeoplewhowerebornill，andthemillionsofpoorwomen，likethosewhomshehadgonevisitingwithGratiansometimesinthepoorerstreetsofherfather’sparish——

forthefirsttimesheseemedtoreallyknowandfeelthesortoflivestheyled。Andthen，Leila’sfacecamebacktoheroncemore——

Leilawhomshehadrobbed。Andtheworstofitwas，that，alongsideherremorsefulsympathy，shefeltasortofsatisfaction。ShecouldnothelphisnotlovingLeila，shecouldnothelpitifhelovedherself！Andhedid——sheknewit！Tofeelthatanyonelovedherwassocomforting。Butitwasallawful！Andshe——thecauseofit！Andyet——shehadneverdoneorsaidanythingtoattracthim。No！Shecouldnothavehelpedit。

Shehadbeguntofeeldrowsy，andclosedhereyes。Andgraduallytherecameonheracoseysensation，asifshewereleaningupagainstsomeonewithherheadtuckedinagainsthisshoulder，asshehadsooftenleanedasachildagainstherfather，comingbackfromsomelongdarkeningdriveinWalesorScotland。SheseemedeventofeelthewetsoftWesterlyaironherfaceandeyelids，andtosniffthescentofafriezecoat;tohearthejogofhoofsandtherollingofthewheels;tofeeltheclosinginofthedarkness。Then，sodimlyanddrowsily，sheseemedtoknowthatitwasnotherfather，butsomeone——someone——thennomore，nomoreatall。