第6章

BecauseItellyouthiswillyouthinkmesomelittlegirlwhocultivatesagarden—fullofillusions？You，whoarewittyandwise，haveyounotguessedthatwhenMademoiselled’Estereceivedyourpedanticlessonshesaidtoherself:"No，dearpoet，myfirstletterwasnotthepebblewhichavagabondchildflingsaboutthehighwaytofrightentheowneroftheadjacentfruit—trees，butanetcarefullyandprudentlythrownbyafishermanseatedonarockabovethesea，hopingandexpectingamiraculousdraught。"

Allthatyousaysobeautifullyaboutthefamilyhasmyapproval。

Themanwhoisabletopleaseme，andofwhomIbelievemyselfworthy，willhavemyheartandmylife，——withtheconsentofmyparents，forIwillneithergrievethem，nortakethemunawares:

happily，Iamcertainofreigningoverthem;and，besides，theyarewhollywithoutprejudice。Indeed，ineveryway，Ifeelmyselfprotectedagainstanydelusionsinmydream。Ihavebuiltthefortresswithmyownhands，andIhaveletitbefortifiedbytheboundlessdevotionofthosewhowatchovermeasifIwereatreasure，——notthatIamunabletodefendmyselfintheopen，ifneedbe;for，letmesay，circumstanceshavefurnishedmewitharmorofproofonwhichisengravedtheword"Disdain。"Ihavethedeepesthorrorofallthatiscalculating，——ofallthatisnotpure，disinterested，andwhollynoble。Iworshipthebeautiful，theideal，withoutbeingromantic;thoughIHAVEbeen，inmyheartofhearts，inmydreams。ButIrecognizethetruthofthevariousthings，justeventovulgarity，whichyouhavewrittenmeaboutSocietyandsociallife。

Forthetimebeingweare，andwecanonlybe，twofriends。Whyseekanunseenfriend？youask。Yourpersonmaybeunknowntome，butyourmind，yourheartIKNOW;theypleaseme，andIfeelaninfinitudeofthoughtswithinmysoulwhichneedamanofgeniusfortheirconfidant。Idonotwishthepoemofmyhearttobewasted;IwouldhaveitknowntoyouasitistoGod。Whatapreciousthingisatruecomrade，onetowhomwecantellall！Youwillsurelynotrejecttheunpublishedleafletsofayounggirl’sthoughtswhentheyflytoyouliketheprettyinsectsflutteringtothesun？Iamsureyouhaveneverbeforemetwiththisgoodfortuneofthesoul，——thehonestconfidencesofanhonestgirl。

Listentoherprattle;acceptthemusicthatshesingstoyouinherownheart。Later，ifoursoulsaresisters，ifourcharacterswarranttheattempt，awhite—hairedoldserving—manshallawaityoubythewaysideandleadyoutothecottage，thevilla，thecastle，thepalace——Idon’tknowyetwhatsortofboweritwillbe，norwhatitscolor，norwhetherthisconclusionwilleverbepossible;butyouwilladmit，willyounot？thatitispoetic，andthatMademoiselled’Estehasacomplyingdisposition。Hasshenotleftyoufree？HasshegonewithjealousfeettowatchyouinthesalonsofParis？Hassheimposeduponyouthelaborsofsomehighemprise，suchaspaladinssoughtvoluntarilyintheoldentime？

No，sheasksaperfectlyspiritualandmysticalliance。Cometomewhenyouareunhappy，wounded，weary。Tellmeall，hidenothing;I

havebalmsforallyourills。Iamtwentyyearsofage，dearfriend，butIhavethesenseoffifty，andunfortunatelyIhaveknownthroughtheexperienceofanotherallthehorrorsandthedelightsoflove。Iknowwhatbasenessthehumanheartcancontain，whatinfamy;yetImyselfamanhonestgirl。No，Ihavenoillusions;butIhavesomethingbetter，somethingreal，——Ihavebeliefsandareligion。See！Iopentheballofourconfidences。

WhoeverImarry——providedIchoosehimformyself——maysleepinpeaceorgototheEastIndiessurethathewillfindmeonhisreturnworkingatthetapestrywhichIbeganbeforeheleftme;

andineverystitchheshallreadaverseofthepoemofwhichhehasbeenthehero。Yes，Ihaveresolvedwithinmyheartnevertofollowmyhusbandwherehedoesnotwishmetogo。Iwillbethedivinityofhishearth。Thatismyreligionofhumanity。ButwhyshouldInottestandchoosethemantowhomIamtobelikethelifetothebody？Isamaneverimpededbylife？Whatcanthatwomanbewhothwartsthemansheloves？——anillness，adisease，notlife。Bylife，Imeanthatjoyoushealthwhichmakeseachhourapleasure。

Buttoreturntoyourletter，whichwillalwaysbeprecioustome。

Yes，jestingapart，itcontainsthatwhichIdesired，anexpressionofprosaicsentimentswhichareasnecessarytofamilylifeasairtothelungs;andwithoutwhichnohappinessispossible。Toactasanhonestman，tothinkasapoet，toloveaswomenlove，thatiswhatIlongedforinmyfriend，anditisnownolongerachimera。

Adieu，myfriend。Iampooratthismoment。ThatisoneofthereasonswhyIclingtomyconcealment，mymask，myimpregnablefortress。Ihavereadyourlastversesinthe"Revue，"——ah！withwhatdelight，nowthatIaminitiatedintheaustereloftinessofyoursecretsoul。

Willitmakeyouunhappytoknowthatayounggirlpraysforyou;

thatyouarehersolitarythought，——withoutarivalexceptinherfatherandmother？Cantherebeanyreasonwhyyoushouldrejectthesepagesfullofyou，writtenforyou，seenbynoeyebutyours？Sendmetheircounterpart。Iamsolittleofawomanyetthatyourconfidences——providedtheyarefullandtrue——willsufficeforthehappinessofyourO。d’EsteM。

"Goodheavens！canIbeinlovealready？"criedtheyoungsecretary，whenheperceivedthathehadheldtheaboveletterinhishandsmorethananhourafterreadingit。"WhatshallIdo？Shethinkssheiswritingtothegreatpoet！CanIcontinuethedeception？Issheawomanofforty，oragirloftwenty？"

Ernestwasnowfascinatedbythegreatgulfoftheunseen。Theunseenistheobscurityofinfinitude，andnothingismorealluring。Inthatsombrevastnessfiresflash，andfurrowandcolortheabysswithfancieslikethoseofMartin。ForabusymanlikeCanalis，anadventureofthiskindissweptawaylikeaharebellbyamountaintorrent，butinthemoreunoccupiedlifeoftheyoungsecretary，thischarminggirl，whomhisimaginationpersistentlyconnectedwiththeblondebeautyatthewindow，fasteneduponhisheart，anddidasmuchmischiefinhisregulatedlifeasafoxinapoultry—yard。LaBriereallowedhimselftobepreoccupiedbythismysteriouscorrespondent;

andheansweredherlastletterwithanother，apretentiousandcarefullystudiedepistle，inwhich，however，passionbeginstorevealitselfthroughpique。

Mademoiselle，——Isitquiteloyalinyoutoenthroneyourselfintheheartofapoorpoetwithalatentintentionofabandoninghimifheisnotexactlywhatyouwish，leavinghimtoendlessregrets，——showinghimforamomentanimageofperfection，wereitonlyassumed，andatanyrategivinghimaforetasteofhappiness？

Iwasveryshort—sightedinsolicitingthisletter，inwhichyouhavebeguntounfoldtheelegantfabricofyourthoughts。Amancaneasilybecomeenamoredwithamysteriousunknownwhocombinessuchfearlessnesswithsuchoriginality，somuchimaginationwithsomuchfeeling。Whowouldnotwishtoknowyouafterreadingyourfirstconfidence？Itrequiresastrongeffortonmyparttoretainmysensesinthinkingofyou，foryoucombineallthatcantroubletheheadortheheartofman。Ithereforemakethemostofthelittleself—possessionyouhaveleftmetoofferyoumyhumbleremonstrances。

Doyoureallybelieve，mademoiselle，thatletters，moreorlesstrueinrelationtothelifeofthewriters，moreorlessinsincere，——forthosewhichwewritetoeachotheraretheexpressionsofthemomentatwhichwepenthem，andnotofthegeneraltenorofourlives，——doyoubelieve，Isay，thatbeautifulastheymaybe，theycanatallreplacetherepresentationthatwecouldmakeofourselvestoeachotherbytherevelationsofdailyintercourse？Manisdual。Thereisalifeinvisible，thatoftheheart，towhichlettersmaysuffice;andthereisalifematerial，towhichmoreimportanceis，alas，attachedthanyouareawareofatyourage。Thesetwoexistencesmust，however，bemadetoharmonizeintheidealwhichyoucherish;andthis，Imayremarkinpassing，isveryrare。

Thepure，spontaneous，disinterestedhomageofasolitarysoulwhichisbotheducatedandchaste，isoneofthosecelestialflowerswhosecolorandfragranceconsoleforeverygrief，foreverywound，foreverybetrayalwhichmakesupthelifeofaliteraryman;andIthankyouwithanimpulseequaltoyourown。

Butafterthispoeticalexchangeofmygriefsforthepearlsofyourcharity，whatnext？whatdoyouexpect？IhaveneitherthegeniusnorthesplendidpositionofLordByron;aboveall，Ihavenotthehaloofhisfictitiousdamnationandhisfalsesocialwoes。Butwhatcouldyouhavehopedfromhiminlikecircumstances？Hisfriendship？Well，hewhooughttohavefeltonlypridewaseatenupbyvanityofeverykind，——sickly，irritablevanitywhichdiscouragedfriendship。I，athousand—foldmoreinsignificantthanhe，mayInothavediscordancesofcharacter，andmakefriendshipaburdenheavyindeedtobear？Inexchangeforyourreveries，whatwillyougain？Thedissatisfactionofalifewhichwillnotbewhollyyours。Thecompactismadness。Letmetellyouwhy。Inthefirstplace，yourprojectedpoemisaplagiarism。AyoungGermangirl，whowasnot，likeyou，semi—German，butaltogetherso，adoredGoethewiththerashintoxicationofgirlhood。Shemadehimherfriend，herreligion，hergod，knowingatthesametimethathewasmarried。

MadameGoethe，aworthyGermanwoman，lentherselftothisworshipwithaslygood—naturewhichdidnotcureBettina。Butwhatwastheendofitall？TheyoungecstaticmarriedamanwhowasyoungerandhandsomerthanGoethe。Now，betweenourselves，letusadmitthatayounggirlwhoshouldmakeherselfthehandmaidofamanofgenius，hisequalthroughcomprehension，andshouldpiouslyworshiphimtilldeath，likeoneofthosedivinefiguressketchedbythemastersontheshuttersoftheirmysticshrines，andwho，whenGermanylosthim，shouldhaveretiredtosomesolitudeawayfrommen，likethefriendofLordBolingbroke，——letusadmit，I

say，thattheyounggirlwouldhavelivedforever，inlaidinthegloryofthepoetasMaryMagdaleneinthecrossandtriumphofourLord。Ifthatissublime，whatsayyoutothereverseofthepicture？AsIamneitherGoethenorLordByron，thecolossiofpoetryandegotism，butsimplytheauthorofafewesteemedverses，Icannotexpectthehonorsofacult。NeitheramI

disposedtobeamartyr。Ihaveambition，andIhaveaheart;IamstillyoungandIhavemycareertomake。SeemeforwhatIam。

Thebountyofthekingandtheprotectionofhisministersgivemesufficientmeansofliving。Ihavetheoutwardbearingofaveryordinaryman。IgotothesoireesinParislikeanyotherempty—

headedfop;andifIdrive，thewheelsofmycarriagedonotrollonthesolidground，absolutelyindispensableinthesedays，ofpropertyinvestedinthefunds。ButifIamnotrich，neitherdoI

havethereliefsandconsolationsoflifeinagarret，thetoiluncomprehended，thefameinpenury，whichbelongtomenwhoareworthfarmorethanI，——D’Arthez，forinstance。

Ah！whatprosaicconclusionswillyouryoungenthusiasmfindtotheseenchantingvisions。Letusstophere。IfIhavehadthehappinessofseemingtoyouaterrestrialparagon，youhavebeentomeathingoflightandabeacon，likethosestarsthatshineforamomentanddisappear。Maynothingevertarnishthisepisodeofourlives。WerewetocontinueitImightloveyou;Imightconceiveoneofthosemadpassionswhichrendallobstacles，whichlightfiresintheheartwhoseviolenceisgreaterthantheirduration。AndsupposeIsucceededinpleasingyou？weshouldendourtaleinthecommonvulgarway，——marriage，ahousehold，children，BeliseandHenrietteChrysaletogether！——coulditbe？

Therefore，adieu。

CHAPTERX

THEMARRIAGEOFSOULS

ToMonsieurdeCanalis:

MyFriend，——Yourlettergivesmeasmuchpainaspleasure。Butperhapssomedayweshallfindnothingbutpleasureinwritingtoeachother。Understandmethoroughly。ThesoulspeakstoGodandaskshimformanythings;heismute。IseektoobtaininyoutheanswersthatGoddoesnotmaketome。CannotthefriendshipofMademoiselledeGournayandMontaigneberevivedinus？DoyounotrememberthehouseholdofSismondedeSismondiinGeneva？Themostlovelyhomeeverknown，asIhavebeentold;somethinglikethatoftheMarquisdePescaireandhiswife，——happytooldage。Ah！

friend，isitimpossiblethattwohearts，twoharps，shouldexistasinasymphony，answeringeachotherfromadistance，vibratingwithdeliciousmelodyinunison？Manaloneofallcreationisinhimselftheharp，themusician，andthelistener。Doyouthinktofindmeuneasyandjealouslikeordinarywomen？IknowthatyougointotheworldandmeetthehandsomestandthewittiestwomeninParis。MayInotsupposethatsomeoneofthosemermaidshasdeignedtoclaspyouinhercoldandscalyarms，andthatshehasinspiredtheanswerwhoseprosaicopinionssaddenme？ThereissomethinginlifemorebeautifulthanthegarlandsofParisiancoquetry;theregrowsaflowerfarupthoseAlpinepeakscalledmenofgenius，thegloryofhumanity，whichtheyfertilizewiththedewstheirloftyheadsdrawfromtheskies。Iseektocultivatethatflowerandmakeitbloom;foritswildyetgentlefragrancecanneverfail，——itiseternal。

Domethehonortobelievethatthereisnothingloworcommonplaceinme。WereIBettina，forIknowtowhomyouallude，IshouldneverhavebecomeMadamevonArnim;andhadIbeenoneofLordByron’smanyloves，Ishouldbeatthismomentinacloister。

Youhavetouchedmetothequick。Youdonotknowme，butyoushallknowme。Ifeelwithinmesomethingthatissublime，ofwhichIdarespeakwithoutvanity。GodhasputintomysoultherootsofthatAlpineflowerbornonthesummitsofwhichIspeak，andIcannotplantitinanearthenpotuponmywindow—sillandseeitdie。No，thatgloriousflower—cup，singleinitsbeauty，intoxicatinginitsfragrance，shallnotbedraggedthroughthevulgaritiesoflife！itisyours——yours，beforeanyeyehasblightedit，yoursforever！Yes，mypoet，toyoubelongmythoughts，——all，thosethataresecret，thosethataregayest;myheartisyourswithoutreserveandwithitsinfiniteaffection。Ifyoushouldpersonallynotpleaseme，Ishallnevermarry。Icanliveinthelifeoftheheart，Icanexistonyourmind，yoursentiments;theypleaseme，andIwillalwaysbewhatIam，yourfriend。Yoursisanoblemoralnature;Ihaverecognizedit，I

haveappreciatedit，andthatsufficesme。Inthatisallmyfuture。Donotlaughatayoungandprettyhandmaidenwhoshrinksnotfromthethoughtofbeingsomedaytheoldcompanionofapoet，——asortofmotherperhaps，orahousekeeper;theguideofhisjudgmentandasourceofhiswealth。Thishandmaiden——sodevoted，soprecioustothelivesofsuchasyou——isFriendship，pure，disinterestedfriendship，towhomyouwilltellall，wholistensandsometimesshakesherhead;whoknitsbythelightofthelampandwaitstobepresentwhenthepoetreturnshomesoakedwithrain，orvexedinmind。SuchshallbemydestinyifIdonotfindthatofahappywifeattachedforevertoherhusband;Ismilealikeatthethoughtofeitherfate。DoyoubelieveFrancewillbeanytheworseifMademoiselled’Estedoesnotgiveittwoorthreesons，andneverbecomesaMadameVilquin—something—or—other？Asforme，Ishallneverbeanoldmaid。Ishallmakemyselfamother，bytakingcareofothersandbymysecretco—operationintheexistenceofagreatman，towhomalsoIshallcarryallmythoughtsandallmyearthlyefforts。

Ihavethedeepesthorrorofcommonplaceness。IfIamfree，ifI

amrich（andIknowthatIamyoungandpretty），IwillneverbelongtoanyninnyjustbecauseheisthesonofapeerofFrance，nortoamerchantwhocouldruinhimselfandmeinaday，nortoahandsomecreaturewhowouldbeasortofwomaninthehousehold，nortoamanofanykindwhowouldmakemeblushtwentytimesadayforbeinghis。Makeyourselfeasyonthatpoint。Myfatheradoresmywishes;hewillneveropposethem。IfIpleasemypoet，andhepleasesme，thegloriousstructureofourloveshallbebuiltsohighastobeinaccessibletoanykindofmisfortune。

Iamaneaglet;andyouwillseeitinmyeyes。

IshallnotrepeatwhatIhavealreadysaid，butIwillputitssubstanceintheleastpossiblenumberofwords，andconfesstoyouthatIshouldbethehappiestofwomenifIwereimprisonedbyloveasIamnowimprisonedbythewishandwillofafather。Ah！

myfriend，maywebringtoarealendtheromancethathascometousthroughthefirstexerciseofmywill:listentoitsargument:——

Ayounggirlwithalivelyimagination，lockedupinatower，iswearywithlongingtorunlooseintheparkwherehereyesonlyareallowedtorove。Sheinventsawaytoloosenherbars;shejumpsfromthecasement;shescalestheparkwall;shefrolicsalongtheneighbor’ssward——itistheEverlastingcomedy。Well，thatyounggirlismysoul，theneighbor’sparkisyourgenius。Isitnotallverynatural？Wasthereeveraneighborthatdidnotcomplainthatunknownfeetbrokedownhistrellises？Ileaveittomypoettoanswer。

ButdoestheloftyreasonerafterthefashionofMolierewantstillbetterreasons？Well，heretheyare。MydearGeronte，marriagesareusuallymadeindefianceofcommon—sense。Parentsmakeinquiriesaboutayoungman。IftheLeander——whoissuppliedbysomefriend，orcaughtinaball—room——isnotathief，andhasnovisiblerentinhisreputation，ifhehasthenecessaryfortune，ifhecomesfromacollegeoralaw—schoolandsofulfilsthepopularideasofeducation，andifhewearshisclotheswithagentlemanlyair，heisallowedtomeettheyounglady，whosemotherhasorderedhertoguardhertongue，toletnosignofherheartorsoulappearonherface，whichmustwearthesmileofadanseusefinishingapirouette。Thesecommandsarecoupledwithinstructionsastothedangerofrevealingherrealcharacter，andtheadditionaladviceofnotseemingalarminglywelleducated。Ifthesettlementshaveallbeenagreedupon，theparentsaregood—

naturedenoughtoletthepairseeeachotherforafewmoments;

theyareallowedtotalkorwalktogether，butalwayswithouttheslightestfreedom，andknowingthattheyareboundbyrigidrules。

Themanisasmuchdressedupinsoulasheisinbody，andsoistheyounggirl。Thispitiablecomedy，mixedwithbouquets，jewels，andtheatre—partiesiscalled"payingyouraddresses。"Itrevoltsme:Idesirethatactualmarriageshallbetheresultofapreviousandlongmarriageofsouls。Ayounggirl，awoman，hasthroughoutherlifeonlythisonemomentwhenreflection，secondsight，andexperiencearenecessarytoher。Sheplaysherliberty，herhappiness，andsheisnotallowedtothrowthedice;sherisksherall，andisforcedtobeamerespectator。Ihavetheright，thewill，thepowertomakemyownunhappiness，andIusethem，asdidmymother，who，wonbybeautyandledbyinstinct，marriedthemostgenerous，themostliberal，themostlovingofmen。Iknowthatyouarefree，apoet，andnoble—looking。BesurethatI

shouldnothavechosenoneofyourbrothersinApollowhowasalreadymarried。Ifmymotherwaswonbybeauty，whichisperhapsthespiritofform，whyshouldInotbeattractedbythespiritandtheformunited？ShallInotknowyoubetterbystudyingyouinthiscorrespondencethanIcouldthroughthevulgarexperienceof"receivingyouraddresses"？Thisisthequestion，asHamletsays。

Butmyproceedings，dearChrysale，haveatleastthemeritofnotbindinguspersonally。Iknowthatlovehasitsillusions，andeveryillusionitsto—morrow。Thatiswhytherearesomanypartingsamongloversvowedtoeachotherforlife。Theproofofloveliesintwothings，——sufferingandhappiness。When，afterpassingthroughthesedoubletrialsoflifetwobeingshaveshowneachothertheirdefectsaswellastheirgoodqualities，whentheyhavereallyobservedeachother’scharacter，thentheymaygototheirgravehandinhand。MydearArgante，whotoldyouthatourlittledramathusbegunwastohavenofuture？Inanycaseshallwenothaveenjoyedthepleasuresofourcorrespondence？

Iawaityourorders，monseigneur，andIamwithallmyheart，Yourhandmaiden，O。d’EsteM。

ToMademoiselleO。d’EsteM。，——Youareawitch，aspirit，andI

loveyou！Isthatwhatyoudesireofme，mostoriginalofgirls？

Perhapsyouareonlyseekingtoamuseyourprovincialleisurewiththefollieswhichareyouabletomakeapoetcommit。Ifso，youhavedoneabaddeed。YourtwolettershaveenoughofthespiritofmischiefinthemtoforcethisdoubtintothemindofaParisian。ButIamnolongermasterofmyself;mylife，myfuturedependontheansweryouwillmakeme。Tellmeifthecertaintyofanunboundedaffection，obliviousofallsocialconventions，willtouchyou，——ifyouwillsuffermetoseekyou。ThereisanxietyenoughanduncertaintyenoughinthequestionastowhetherIcanpersonallypleaseyou。IfyourreplyisfavorableIchangemylife，Ibidadieutoalltheirksomepleasureswhichwehavethefollytocallhappiness。Happiness，mydearandbeautifulunknown，iswhatyoudreamittobe，——afusionoffeelings，aperfectaccordanceofsouls，theimprintofanobleideal（suchasGoddoespermitustoforminthislowworld）uponthetrivialroundofdailylifewhosehabitswemustneedsobey，aconstancyofheartmorepreciousfarthanwhatwecallfidelity。Canwesaythatwemakesacrificeswhentheendinviewisoureternalgood，thedreamofpoets，thedreamofmaidens，thepoemwhich，attheentranceoflifewhenthoughtessaysitswings，eachnobleintellecthasponderedandcaressedonlytoseeitshiveredtofragmentsonsomestoneofstumblingashardasitisvulgar？——fortothegreatmajorityofmen，thefootofrealitystepsinstantlyonthatmysteriouseggsoseldomhatched。

Icannotspeaktoyouanymoreofmyself;notofmypastlife，norofmycharacter，norofanaffectionalmostmaternalononeside，filialonmine，whichyouhavealreadyseriouslychanged——aneffectuponmylifewhichmustexplainmyuseoftheword"sacrifice。"Youhavealreadyrenderedmeforgetful，ifnotungrateful;doesthatsatisfyyou？Oh，speak！Saytomeoneword，andIwillloveyoutillmyeyescloseindeath，astheMarquisdePescairelovedhiswife，asRomeolovedJuliet，andfaithfully。

Ourlifewillbe，formeatleast，that"felicityuntroubled"

whichDantemadetheveryelementofhisParadiso，——apoemfarsuperiortohisInferno。Strange，itisnotmyselfthatIdoubtinthelongreveriethroughwhich，likeyou，Ifollowthewindingsofadreamedexistence;itisyou。Yes，dear，Ifeelwithinmethepowertolove，andtoloveendlessly，——tomarchtothegravewithgentleslownessandasmilingeye，withmybelovedonmyarm，andwithneveraclouduponthesunshineofoursouls。Yes，Idaretofaceourmutualoldage，toseeourselveswithwhiteningheads，likethevenerablehistorianofItaly，inspiredalwayswiththesameaffectionbuttransformedinsoulbyourlife’sseasons。Hearme，Icannolongerbeyourfriendonly。ThoughChrysale，Geronte，andArgantere—live，yousay，inme，Iamnotyetoldenoughtodrinkfromthecupheldtomylipsbythesweethandsofaveiledwomanwithoutapassionatedesiretotearoffthedominoandthemaskandseetheface。Eitherwritemenomore，orgivemehope。

Letmeseeyou，orletmego。MustIbidyouadieu？Willyoupermitmetosignmyself，YourFriend？

ToMonsieurdeCanalis，——Whatflattery！withwhatrapidityisthegraveAnselmetransformedintoahandsomeLeander！TowhatmustI

attributesuchachange？tothisblackwhichIputuponthiswhite？totheseideaswhicharetotheflowersofmysoulwhatarosedrawnincharcoalistotherosesinthegarden？Orisittoarecollectionoftheyounggirlwhomyoutookforme，andwhoispersonallyaslikemeasawaiting—womanislikehermistress？

Havewechangedroles？HaveIthesense？haveyouthefancy？Butatrucewithjesting。

Yourletterhasmademeknowtheelatingpleasuresofthesoul;

thefirstthatIhaveknownoutsideofmyfamilyaffections。What，saysapoet，arethetiesofbloodwhicharesostronginordinaryminds，comparedtothosedivinelyforgedwithinusbymysterioussympathies？Letmethankyou——no，wemustnotthankeachotherforsuchthings——butGodblessyouforthehappinessyouhavegivenme;behappyinthejoyyouhaveshedintomysoul。Youexplaintomesomeoftheapparentinjusticesinsociallife。Thereissomething，Iknownotwhat，sodazzling，sovirileinglory，thatitbelongsonlytoman;Godforbidsuswomentowearitshalo，buthemakesloveourportion，givingusthetendernesswhichsoothesthebrowscorchedbyhislightnings。Ihavefeltmymission，andyouhavenowconfirmedit。

Sometimes，myfriend，Iriseinthemorninginastateofinexpressiblesweetness;asortofpeace，tenderanddivine，givesmeanideaofheaven。Myfirstthoughtisthenlikeabenediction。

IcallthesemorningsmylittleGermanwakings，inoppositiontomySouthernsunsets，fullofheroicdeeds，battles，Romanfetesandardentpoems。Well，afterreadingyourletter，sofulloffeverishimpatience，Ifeltinmyheartallthefreshnessofmycelestialwakings，whenIlovetheairaboutmeandallnature，andfancythatIamdestinedtodieforoneIlove。Oneofyourpoems，"TheMaiden’sSong，"paintsthesedeliciousmoments，whengaietyistender，whenaspirationisaneed;itisoneofmyfavorites。Doyouwantmetoputallmyflatteriesintoone？——wellthen，IthinkyouworthytobeME！

Yourletter，thoughshort，enablesmetoreadwithinyou。Yes，I

haveguessedyourtumultuousstruggles，yourpiquedcuriosity，yourprojects;butIdonotyetknowyouwellenoughtosatisfyyourwishes。Hearme，dear;themysteryinwhichIamshroudedallowsmetousethatword，whichletsyouseetothebottomofmyheart。Hearme:ifweoncemeet，adieutoourmutualcomprehension！Willyoumakeacompactwithme？Wasthefirstdisadvantageoustoyou？Butrememberitwonyoumyesteem，anditisagreatdeal，myfriend，togainanadmirationlinedthroughoutwithesteem。Hereisthecompact:writemeyourlifeinafewwords;thentellmewhatyoudoinParis，daybyday，withnoreservations，andasifyouweretalkingtosomeoldfriend。Well，havingdonethat，Iwilltakeastepmyself——Iwillseeyou，I

promiseyouthat。Anditisagreatdeal。

This，dear，isnointrigue，noadventure;nogallantry，asyoumensay，cancomeofit，Iwarnyoufrankly。Itinvolvesmylife，andmorethanthat，——somethingthatcausesmeremorseforthemanythoughtsthatflytoyouinflocks——itinvolvesmyfather’sandmymother’slife。Iadorethem，andmychoicemustpleasethem;theymustfindasoninyou。

Tellme，towhatextentcanthesuperbspiritsofyourkind，towhomGodhasgiventhewingsofhisangels，withoutalwaysaddingtheiramiability，——howfarcantheybendunderafamilyyoke，andputupwithitslittlemiseries？ThatisatextIhavemeditatedupon。Ah！thoughIsaidtomyheartbeforeIcametoyou，Forward！

Onward！itdidnottrembleandpalpitateanythelessontheway;

andIdidnotconcealfrommyselfthestoninessofthepathnortheAlpinedifficultiesIhadtoencounter。Ithoughtofallinmylong，longmeditations。DoInotknowthateminentmenlikeyouhaveknownthelovetheyhaveinspiredquiteaswellasthatwhichtheythemselveshavefelt;thattheyhavehadmanyromancesintheirlives，——youparticularly，whosendforththoseairyvisionsofyoursoulthatwomenrushtobuy？YetstillIcriedtomyself，"Onward！"becauseIhavestudied，morethanyougivemecreditfor，thegeographyofthegreatsummitsofhumanity，whichyoutellmearesocold。DidyounotsaythatGoetheandByronwerethecolossiofegoismandpoetry？Ah，myfriend，thereyousharedamistakeintowhichsuperficialmindsareapttofall;butinyouperhapsitcamefromgenerosity，falsemodesty，orthedesiretoescapefromme。Vulgarmindsmaymistaketheeffectoftoilforthedevelopmentofpersonalcharacter，butyoumustnot。NeitherLordByron，norGoethe，norWalterScott，norCuvier，noranyinventor，belongstohimself，heistheslaveofhisidea。Andthismysteriouspowerismorejealousthanawoman;itsuckstheirblood，itmakesthemlive，itmakesthemdieforitssake。Thevisibledevelopmentsoftheirhiddenexistencedoseem，intheirresults，likeegotism;butwhoshalldaretosaythatthemanwhohasabnegatedselftogivepleasure，instruction，orgrandeurtohisepoch，isanegoist？Isamotherselfishwhensheimmolatesallthingstoherchild？Well，thedetractorsofgeniusdonotperceiveitsfecundmaternity，thatisall。Thelifeofapoetissoperpetualasacrificethatheneedsagiganticorganizationtobeareventheordinarypleasuresoflife。Therefore，intowhatsorrowsmayhenotfallwhen，likeMoliere，hewishestolivethelifeoffeelinginitsmostpoignantcrises;tome，rememberinghispersonallife，Moliere’scomedyishorrible。

Thegenerosityofgeniusseemstomehalfdivine;andIplaceyouinthisnoblefamilyofallegedegoists。Ah！ifIhadfoundself—

interest，ambition，asearednaturewhereInowcanseemybestlovedflowersofthesoul，youknownotwhatlonganguishIshouldhavehadtobear。ImetwithdisappointmentbeforeIwassixteen。

WhatwouldhavebecomeofmehadIlearnedattwentythatfameisalie，thathewhosebooksexpressthefeelingshiddeninmyheartwasincapableoffeelingthemhimself？Oh！myfriend，doyouknowwhatwouldhavebecomeofme？ShallItakeyouintotherecessesofmysoul？Ishouldhavegonetomyfatherandsaid，"Bringmetheson—in—lawwhomyoudesire;mywillabdicates，——marrymetowhomyouplease。"Andthemanmighthavebeenanotary，banker，miser，fool，dullard，wearisomeasarainyday，commonastheusherofaschool，amanufacturer，orsomebravesoldierwithouttwoideas，——hewouldhavehadaresignedandattentiveservantinme。Butwhatanawfulsuicide！nevercouldmysoulhaveexpandedinthelife—givingraysofabelovedsun。Nomurmurshouldhaverevealedtomyfather，ormymother，ormychildrenthesuicideofthecreaturewhoatthisinstantisshakingherfetters，castinglightningsfromhereyes，andflyingtowardsyouwitheagerwing。

See，sheisthere，attheangleofyourdesk，likePolyhymnia，breathingtheairofyourpresence，andglancingaboutherwithacuriouseye。Sometimesinthefieldswheremyhusbandwouldhavetakenmetowalk，Ishouldhavewept，apartandsecretly，atsightofagloriousmorning;andinmyheart，orhiddeninabureau—