第1章

Toasmallgirl—child，whomaylivetograspsomewhatofthatwhichforusisyetsight，nottouch。

Note。

TheseDreamsareprintedintheorderinwhichtheywerewritten。

Inthecaseoftwotherewasalapseofsomeyearsbetweenthewritingofthefirstandlastparts;theseareplacedaccordingtothedateofthefirstpart。

OliveSchreiner。

Matjesfontein，CapeColony，SouthAfrica。

November，1890。

CONTENTS。

I。TheLostJoy。

II。TheHunter（From"TheStoryofofanAfricanFarm"）。

III。TheGardensofPleasure。

IV。InaFar—offWorld。

V。ThreeDreamsinaDesert。

VI。ADreamofWildBees（Writtenasalettertoafriend）。

VII。InaRuinedChapel。

VIII。Life’sGifts。

IX。TheArtist’sSecret。

X。"IThoughtIStood。"

XI。TheSunlightLayacrossMyBed。

I。THELOSTJOY。

Allday，wherethesunlightplayedonthesea—shore，Lifesat。

Alldaythesoftwindplayedwithherhair，andtheyoung，youngfacelookedoutacrossthewater。Shewaswaiting——shewaswaiting;butshecouldnottellforwhat。

Alldaythewavesranupanduponthesand，andranbackagain，andthepinkshellsrolled。Lifesatwaiting;allday，withthesunlightinhereyes，shesatthere，till，grownweary，shelaidherheaduponherkneeandfellasleep，waitingstill。

Thenakeelgratedonthesand，andthenastepwasontheshore——Lifeawokeandheardit。Ahandwaslaiduponher，andagreatshudderpassedthroughher。Shelookedup，andsawoverherthestrange，wideeyesofLove——andLifenowknewforwhomshehadsattherewaiting。

AndLovedrewLifeuptohim。

Andofthatmeetingwasbornathingrareandbeautiful——Joy，First—Joywasitcalled。Thesunlightwhenitshinesuponthemerrywaterisnotsoglad;therosebuds，whentheyturnbacktheirlipsforthesun’sfirstkiss，arenotsoruddy。Itstinypulsesbeatquick。Itwassowarm，sosoft！Itneverspoke，butitlaughedandplayedinthesunshine:andLoveandLiferejoicedexceedingly。Neitherwhisperedittotheother，butdeepinitsownhearteachsaid，"Itshallbeoursforever。"

Thentherecameatime——wasitafterweeks？wasitaftermonths？（LoveandLifedonotmeasuretime）——whenthethingwasnotasithadbeen。

Stillitplayed;stillitlaughed;stillitstaineditsmouthwithpurpleberries;butsometimesthelittlehandshungweary，andthelittleeyeslookedoutheavilyacrossthewater。

AndLifeandLovedarednotlookintoeachother’seyes，darednotsay，"Whatailsourdarling？"Eachheartwhisperedtoitself，"Itisnothing，itisnothing，tomorrowitwilllaughoutclear。"Buttomorrowandtomorrowcame。Theyjourneyedon，andthechildplayedbesidethem，butheavily，moreheavily。

OnedayLifeandLovelaydowntosleep;andwhentheyawoke，itwasgone:

only，nearthem，onthegrass，satalittlestranger，withwide—openeyes，verysoftandsad。Neithernoticedit;buttheywalkedapart，weepingbitterly，"Oh，ourJoy！ourlostJoy！shallweseeyounomoreforever？"

Thelittlesoftandsad—eyedstrangerslippedahandintoonehandofeach，anddrewthemcloser，andLifeandLovewalkedonwithitbetweenthem。

AndwhenLifelookeddowninanguish，shesawhertearsreflectedinitssofteyes。AndwhenLove，madwithpain，criedout，"Iamweary，Iamweary！Icanjourneynofurther。Thelightisallbehind，thedarkisallbefore，"alittlerosyfingerpointedwherethesunlightlayuponthehill—

sides。Alwaysitslargeeyesweresadandthoughtful:alwaysthelittlebravemouthwassmilingquietly。

WhenonthesharpstonesLifecutherfeet，hewipedtheblooduponhisgarments，andkissedthewoundedfeetwithhislittlelips。WheninthedesertLovelaydownfaint（forLoveitselfgrowsfaint），heranoverthehotsandwithhislittlenakedfeet，andeventhereinthedesertfoundwaterintheholesintherockstomoistenLove’slipswith。Hewasnoburden——heneverweightedthem;heonlyhelpedthemforwardontheirjourney。

Whentheycametothedarkravinewheretheicicleshangfromtherocks——

forLoveandLifemustpassthroughstrangedrearplaces——there，wherealliscold，andthesnowliesthick，hetooktheirfreezinghandsandheldthemagainsthisbeatinglittleheart，andwarmedthem——andsoftlyhedrewthemonandon。

Andwhentheycamebeyond，intothelandofsunshineandflowers，strangelythegreateyeslitup，anddimplesbrokeoutupontheface。Brightlylaughing，itranoverthesoftgrass;gatheredhoneyfromthehollowtree;

andbroughtitthemonthepalmofitshand;carriedthemwaterintheleavesofthelily，andgatheredflowersandwreathedthemroundtheirheads，softlylaughingallthewhile。HetouchedthemastheirJoyhadtouchedthem，buthisfingersclungmoretenderly。

Sotheywanderedon，throughthedarklandsandthelight，alwayswiththatlittlebravesmilingonebetweenthem。SometimestheyrememberedthatfirstradiantJoy，andwhisperedtothemselves，"Oh！couldwebutfindhimalso！"

AtlasttheycametowhereReflectionsits;thatstrangeoldwomanwhohasalwaysoneelbowonherknee，andherchininherhand，andwhostealslightoutofthepasttosheditonthefuture。

AndLifeandLovecriedout，"Owiseone！tellus:whenfirstwemet，alovelyradiantthingbelongedtous——gladnesswithoutatear，sunshinewithoutashade。Oh！howdidwesinthatwelostit？Whereshallwegothatwemayfindit？"

Andshe，thewiseoldwoman，answered，"Tohaveitback，willyougiveupthatwhichwalksbesideyounow？"

AndinagonyLoveandLifecried，"No！"

"Giveupthis！"saidLife。"Whenthethornshavepiercedme，whowillsuckthepoisonout？Whenmyheadthrobs，whowilllayhistinyhandsuponitandstillthebeating？Inthecoldandthedark，whowillwarmmyfreezingheart？"

AndLovecriedout，"Betterletmedie！WithoutJoyIcanlive;withoutthisIcannot。Letmeratherdie，notloseit！"

Andthewiseoldwomananswered，"Ofoolsandblind！Whatyouoncehadisthatwhichyouhavenow！WhenLoveandLifefirstmeet，aradiantthingisborn，withoutashade。Whentheroadsbegintoroughen，whentheshadesbegintodarken，whenthedaysarehard，andthenightscoldandlong——thenitbeginstochange。LoveandLifeWILLnotseeit，WILLnotknowit——tillonedaytheystartupsuddenly，crying，’OGod！OGod！wehavelostit！

Whereisit？’Theydonotunderstandthattheycouldnotcarrythelaughingthingunchangedintothedesert，andthefrost，andthesnow。

TheydonotknowthatwhatwalksbesidethemstillistheJoygrownolder。

Thegrave，sweet，tenderthing——warminthecoldestsnows，braveinthedreariestdeserts——itsnameisSympathy;itisthePerfectLove。"

SouthAfrica。

II。THEHUNTER。

Incertainvalleystherewasahunter。Daybydayhewenttohuntforwild—fowlinthewoods;anditchancedthatoncehestoodontheshoresofalargelake。Whilehestoodwaitingintherushesforthecomingofthebirds，agreatshadowfellonhim，andinthewaterhesawareflection。

Helookeduptothesky;butthethingwasgone。Thenaburningdesirecameoverhimtoseeonceagainthatreflectioninthewater，andalldayhewatchedandwaited;butnightcameandithadnotreturned。Thenhewenthomewithhisemptybag，moodyandsilent。Hiscomradescamequestioningabouthimtoknowthereason，butheansweredthemnothing;hesataloneandbrooded。Thenhisfriendcametohim，andtohimhespoke。

"Ihaveseentoday，"hesaid，"thatwhichIneversawbefore——avastwhitebird，withsilverwingsoutstretched，sailingintheeverlastingblue。Andnowitisasthoughagreatfireburntwithinmybreast。Itwasbutasheen，ashimmer，areflectioninthewater;butnowIdesirenothingmoreonearththantoholdher。"

Hisfriendlaughed。

"Itwasbutabeamplayingonthewater，ortheshadowofyourownhead。

Tomorrowyouwillforgether，"hesaid。

Buttomorrow，andtomorrow，andtomorrowthehunterwalkedalone。Hesoughtintheforestandinthewoods，bythelakesandamongtherushes，buthecouldnotfindher。Heshotnomorewildfowl;whatweretheytohim？

"Whatailshim？"saidhiscomrades。

"Heismad，"saidone。

"No;butheisworse，"saidanother;"hewouldseethatwhichnoneofushaveseen，andmakehimselfawonder。"

"Come，letusforswearhiscompany，"saidall。

Sothehunterwalkedalone。

Onenight，ashewanderedintheshade，veryheartsoreandweeping，anoldmanstoodbeforehim，granderandtallerthanthesonsofmen。

"Whoareyou？"askedthehunter。

"IamWisdom，"answeredtheoldman;"butsomemencallmeKnowledge。AllmylifeIhavegrowninthesevalleys;butnomanseesmetillhehassorrowedmuch。Theeyesmustbewashedwithtearsthataretobeholdme;

and，accordingasamanhassuffered，Ispeak。"

Andthehuntercried:

"Oh，youwhohavelivedheresolong，tellme，whatisthatgreatwildbirdIhaveseensailingintheblue？Theywouldhavemebelievesheisadream;theshadowofmyownhead。"

Theoldmansmiled。

"HernameisTruth。Hewhohasonceseenherneverrestsagain。Tilldeathhedesiresher。"

Andthehuntercried:

"Oh，tellmewhereImayfindher。"

Buttheoldmansaid:

"Youhavenotsufferedenough，"andwent。

ThenthehuntertookfromhisbreasttheshuttleofImagination，andwoundonitthethreadofhisWishes;andallnighthesatandwoveanet。

Inthemorninghespreadthegoldennetupontheground，andintoithethrewafewgrainsofcredulity，whichhisfatherhadlefthim，andwhichhekeptinhisbreast—pocket。Theywerelikewhitepuff—balls，andwhenyoutrodonthemabrowndustflewout。Thenhesatbytoseewhatwouldhappen。Thefirstthatcameintothenetwasasnow—whitebird，withdove’seyes，andhesangabeautifulsong——"Ahuman—God！ahuman—God！ahuman—God！"itsang。Thesecondthatcamewasblackandmystical，withdark，lovelyeyes，thatlookedintothedepthsofyoursoul，andhesangonlythis——"Immortality！"

Andthehuntertookthembothinhisarms，forhesaid——

"TheyaresurelyofthebeautifulfamilyofTruth。"

Thencameanother，greenandgold，whosanginashrillvoice，likeonecryinginthemarketplace，——"RewardafterDeath！RewardafterDeath！"

Andhesaid——

"Youarenotsofair;butyouarefairtoo，"andhetookit。

Andotherscame，brightlycoloured，singingpleasantsongs，tillallthegrainswerefinished。Andthehuntergatheredallhisbirdstogether，andbuiltastrongironcagecalledanewcreed，andputallhisbirdsinit。

Thenthepeoplecameaboutdancingandsinging。

"Oh，happyhunter！"theycried。"Oh，wonderfulman！Oh，delightfulbirds！

Oh，lovelysongs！"

Nooneaskedwherethebirdshadcomefrom，norhowtheyhadbeencaught;

buttheydancedandsangbeforethem。Andthehuntertoowasglad，forhesaid:

"SurelyTruthisamongthem。Intimeshewillmoultherfeathers，andI

shallseehersnow—whiteform。"

Butthetimepassed，andthepeoplesanganddanced;butthehunter’sheartgrewheavy。Hecreptalone，asofold，toweep;theterribledesirehadawakenedagaininhisbreast。Oneday，ashesataloneweeping，itchancedthatWisdommethim。Hetoldtheoldmanwhathehaddone。

AndWisdomsmiledsadly。

"Manymen，"hesaid，"havespreadthatnetforTruth;buttheyhaveneverfoundher。Onthegrainsofcredulityshewillnotfeed;inthenetofwishesherfeetcannotbeheld;intheairofthesevalleysshewillnotbreathe。ThebirdsyouhavecaughtareofthebroodofLies。Lovelyandbeautiful，butstilllies;Truthknowsthemnot。"

Andthehuntercriedoutinbitterness——

"AndmustIthensitstill，tobedevouredofthisgreatburning？"

Andtheoldmansaid，"Listen，andinthatyouhavesufferedmuchandweptmuch，IwilltellyouwhatIknow。HewhosetsouttosearchforTruthmustleavethesevalleysofsuperstitionforever，takingwithhimnotoneshredthathasbelongedtothem。AlonehemustwanderdownintotheLandofAbsoluteNegationandDenial;hemustabidethere;hemustresisttemptation;whenthelightbreakshemustariseandfollowitintothecountryofdrysunshine。Themountainsofsternrealitywillrisebeforehim;hemustclimbthem;beyondthemliesTruth。"

"Andhewillholdherfast！hewillholdherinhishands！"thehuntercried。

Wisdomshookhishead。

"Hewillneverseeher，neverholdher。Thetimeisnotyet。"

"Thenthereisnohope？"criedthehunter。

"Thereisthis，"saidWisdom:"Somemenhaveclimbedonthosemountains;

circleabovecircleofbarerocktheyhavescaled;and，wanderingthere，inthosehighregions，somehavechancedtopickuponthegroundonewhitesilverfeather，droppedfromthewingofTruth。Anditshallcometopass，"saidtheoldman，raisinghimselfpropheticallyandpointingwithhisfingertothesky，"itshallcometopass，thatwhenenoughofthosesilverfeathersshallhavebeengatheredbythehandsofmen，andshallhavebeenwovenintoacord，andthecordintoanet，thatinthatnetTruthmaybecaptured。NothingbutTruthcanholdTruth。"

Thehunterarose。"Iwillgo，"hesaid。

Butwisdomdetainedhim。

"Markyouwell——wholeavesthesevalleysneverreturnstothem。Thoughheshouldweeptearsofbloodsevendaysandnightsupontheconfines，hecanneverputhisfootacrossthem。Left——theyareleftforever。Upontheroadwhichyouwouldtravelthereisnorewardoffered。Whogoes，goesfreely——forthegreatlovethatisinhim。Theworkishisreward。"

"Igo"saidthehunter;"butuponthemountains，tellme，whichpathshallItake？"

"IamthechildofThe—Accumulated—Knowledge—of—Ages，"saidtheman;"Icanwalkonlywheremanymenhavetrodden。Onthesemountainsfewfeethavepassed;eachmanstrikesoutapathforhimself。Hegoesathisownperil:

myvoicehehearsnomore。Imayfollowafterhim，butcannotgobeforehim。"

ThenKnowledgevanished。

Andthehunterturned。Hewenttohiscage，andwithhishandsbrokedownthebars，andthejaggedirontorehisflesh。Itissometimeseasiertobuildthantobreak。

Onebyonehetookhisplumedbirdsandletthemfly。Butwhenhecametohisdark—plumedbirdheheldit，andlookedintoitsbeautifuleyes，andthebirduttereditslow，deepcry——"Immortality！"

Andhesaidquickly:"Icannotpartwithit。Itisnotheavy;iteatsnofood。Iwillhideitinmybreast;Iwilltakeitwithme。"Andheburieditthereandcovereditoverwithhiscloak。

Butthethinghehadhiddengrewheavier，heavier，heavier——tillitlayonhisbreastlikelead。Hecouldnotmovewithit。Hecouldnotleavethosevalleyswithit。Thenagainhetookitoutandlookedatit。

"Oh，mybeautiful！myheart’sown！"hecried，"mayInotkeepyou？"

Heopenedhishandssadly。

"Go！"hesaid。"ItmayhappenthatinTruth’ssongonenoteislikeyours;

butIshallneverhearit。"

Sadlyheopenedhishand，andthebirdflewfromhimforever。

ThenfromtheshuttleofImaginationhetookthethreadofhiswishes，andthrewitontheground;andtheemptyshuttleheputintohisbreast，forthethreadwasmadeinthosevalleys，buttheshuttlecamefromanunknowncountry。Heturnedtogo，butnowthepeoplecameabouthim，howling。

"Fool，hound，dementedlunatic！"theycried。"Howdaredyoubreakyourcageandletthebirdsfly？’

Thehunterspoke;buttheywouldnothearhim。

"Truth！whoisshe？Canyoueather？canyoudrinkher？Whohaseverseenher？Yourbirdswerereal:allcouldhearthemsing！Oh，fool！vilereptile！atheist！"theycried，"youpollutetheair。"

"Come，letustakeupstonesandstonehim，"criedsome。

"Whataffairisitofours？"saidothers。"Lettheidiotgo，"andwentaway。Buttherestgatheredupstonesandmudandthrewathim。Atlast，whenhewasbruisedandcut，thehuntercreptawayintothewoods。Anditwaseveningabouthim。

Hewanderedonandon，andtheshadegrewdeeper。Hewasonthebordersnowofthelandwhereitisalwaysnight。Thenhesteppedintoit，andtherewasnolightthere。Withhishandshegroped;buteachbranchashetoucheditbrokeoff，andtheearthwascoveredwithcinders。Ateverystephisfootsankin，andafinecloudofimpalpableashesflewupintohisface;anditwasdark。Sohesatdownuponastoneandburiedhisfaceinhishands，towaitintheLandofNegationandDenialtillthelightcame。