第9章

Timeisthenurseandbreederofallgood。

Hereifthoustay，thoucanstnotseethylove;

Besides，thystayingwillabridgethylife。

Hopeisalover"sstaff;walkhencewiththatAndmanageitagainstdespairingthoughts。

Thylettersmaybehere，thoughthouarthence;

Which，beingwrittome，shallbedeliver"dEveninthemilk—whitebosomofthylove。

Thetimenowservesnottoexpostulate:

Come，I"llconveytheethroughthecity—gate;

And，ereIpartwiththee，conferatlargeOfallthatmayconcernthylove—affairs。

AsthoulovestSilvia，thoughnotforthyself，Regardthydanger，andalongwithme！VALENTINEIpraythee，Launce，anifthouseestmyboy，BidhimmakehasteandmeetmeattheNorth—gate。PROTEUSGo，sirrah，findhimout。Come，Valentine。VALENTINEOmydearSilvia！HaplessValentine！

ExeuntVALENTINEandPROTEUSLAUNCEIambutafool，lookyou;andyetI

havethewittothinkmymasterisakindofaknave:butthat"sallone，ifhebebutoneknave。Helivesnotnowthatknowsmetobeinlove;yetIaminlove;

butateamofhorseshallnotpluckthatfromme;norwho"tisIlove;andyet"tisawoman;butwhatwoman，I

willnottellmyself;andyet"tisamilkmaid;

yet"tisnotamaid，forshehathhadgossips;yet"tisamaid，forsheishermaster"smaid，andservesforwages。Shehathmorequalitiesthanawater—spaniel;

whichismuchinabareChristian。

PullingoutapaperHereisthecate—logofhercondition。

"Imprimis:Shecanfetchandcarry。"Why，ahorsecandonomore:nay，ahorsecannotfetch，butonlycarry;thereforeisshebetterthanajade。"Item:

Shecanmilk;"lookyou，asweetvirtueinamaidwithcleanhands。

EnterSPEEDSPEEDHownow，SigniorLaunce！whatnewswithyourmastership？LAUNCEWithmymaster"sship？why，itisatsea。SPEEDWell，youroldvicestill;mistaketheword。Whatnews，then，inyourpaper？LAUNCETheblackestnewsthateverthouheardest。SPEEDWhy，man，howblack？LAUNCEWhy，asblackasink。SPEEDLetmereadthem。LAUNCEFieonthee，jolt—head！thoucanstnotread。SPEEDThouliest;Ican。LAUNCEIwilltrythee。Tellmethis:whobegotthee？SPEEDMarry，thesonofmygrandfather。LAUNCEOilliterateloiterer！itwasthesonofthygrandmother:thisprovesthatthoucanstnotread。SPEEDCome，fool，come;trymeinthypaper。LAUNCEThere;andSt。Nicholasbethyspeed！SPEED[Reads]"Imprimis:Shecanmilk。"LAUNCEAy，thatshecan。SPEED"Item:Shebrewsgoodale。"LAUNCEAndthereofcomestheproverb:"Blessingofyourheart，youbrewgoodale。"SPEED"Item:Shecansew。"LAUNCEThat"sasmuchastosay，Cansheso？SPEED"Item:Shecanknit。"LAUNCEWhatneedamancareforastockwithawench，whenshecanknithimastock？SPEED"Item:Shecanwashandscour。"LAUNCEAspecialvirtue:forthensheneednotbewashedandscoured。SPEED"Item:Shecanspin。"LAUNCEThenmayIsettheworldonwheels，whenshecanspinforherliving。SPEED"Item:Shehathmanynamelessvirtues。"LAUNCEThat"sasmuchastosay，bastardvirtues;

that，indeed，knownottheirfathersandthereforehavenonames。SPEED"Herefollowhervices。"LAUNCECloseattheheelsofhervirtues。SPEED"Item:Sheisnottobekissedfastinginrespectofherbreath。"LAUNCEWell，thatfaultmaybemendedwithabreakfast。Readon。SPEED"Item:Shehathasweetmouth。"LAUNCEThatmakesamendsforhersourbreath。SPEED"Item:Shedothtalkinhersleep。"LAUNCEIt"snomatterforthat，soshesleepnotinhertalk。SPEED"Item:Sheisslowinwords。"LAUNCEOvillain，thatsetthisdownamonghervices！Tobeslowinwordsisawoman"sonlyvirtue:I

praythee，outwith"t，andplaceitforherchiefvirtue。SPEED"Item:Sheisproud。"LAUNCEOutwiththattoo;itwasEve"slegacy，andcannotbeta"enfromher。SPEED"Item:Shehathnoteeth。"LAUNCEIcarenotforthatneither，becauseIlovecrusts。SPEED"Item:Sheiscurst。"LAUNCEWell，thebestis，shehathnoteethtobite。SPEED"Item:Shewilloftenpraiseherliquor。"LAUNCEIfherliquorbegood，sheshall:ifshewillnot，I

will;forgoodthingsshouldbepraised。SPEED"Item:Sheistooliberal。"LAUNCEOfhertongueshecannot，forthat"swritdownsheisslowof;ofherpursesheshallnot，forthatI"llkeepshut:now，ofanotherthingshemay，andthatcannotIhelp。Well，proceed。SPEED"Item:Shehathmorehairthanwit，andmorefaultsthanhairs，andmorewealththanfaults。"LAUNCEStopthere;I"llhaveher:shewasmine，andnotmine，twiceorthriceinthatlastarticle。

Rehearsethatoncemore。SPEED"Item:Shehathmorehairthanwit，"——LAUNCEMorehairthanwit？Itmaybe;I"llproveit。Thecoverofthesalthidesthesalt，andthereforeitismorethanthesalt;thehairthatcoversthewitismorethanthewit，forthegreaterhidestheless。What"snext？SPEED"Andmorefaultsthanhairs，"——LAUNCEThat"smonstrous:O，thatthatwereout！SPEED"Andmorewealththanfaults。"LAUNCEWhy，thatwordmakesthefaultsgracious。

Well，I"llhaveher;andifitbeamatch，asnothingisimpossible，——SPEEDWhatthen？LAUNCEWhy，thenwillItellthee——thatthymasterstaysfortheeattheNorth—gate。SPEEDForme？LAUNCEForthee！ay，whoartthou？hehathstayedforabettermanthanthee。SPEEDAndmustIgotohim？LAUNCEThoumustruntohim，forthouhaststayedsolongthatgoingwillscarceservetheturn。SPEEDWhydidstnottellmesooner？poxofyourloveletters！

ExitLAUNCENowwillhebeswingedforreadingmyletter;anunmannerlyslave，thatwillthrusthimselfintosecrets！I"llafter，torejoiceintheboy"scorrection。

ExitSCENEII。Thesame。TheDUKE"spalace。EnterDUKEandTHURIODUKESirThurio，fearnotbutthatshewillloveyou，NowValentineisbanish"dfromhersight。THURIOSincehisexileshehathdespisedmemost，Forswornmycompanyandrail"datme，ThatIamdesperateofobtainingher。DUKEThisweakimpressofloveisasafigureTrenchedinice，whichwithanhour"sheatDissolvestowateranddothlosehisform。

AlittletimewillmeltherfrozenthoughtsAndworthlessValentineshallbeforgot。

EnterPROTEUS

Hownow，SirProteus！IsyourcountrymanAccordingtoourproclamationgone？PROTEUSGone，mygoodlord。DUKEMydaughtertakeshisgoinggrievously。PROTEUSAlittletime，mylord，willkillthatgrief。DUKESoIbelieve;butThuriothinksnotso。

Proteus，thegoodconceitIholdofthee——

Forthouhastshownsomesignofgooddesert——

Makesmethebettertoconferwiththee。PROTEUSLongerthanIproveloyaltoyourgraceLetmenotlivetolookuponyourgrace。DUKEThouknow"sthowwillinglyIwouldeffectThematchbetweenSirThurioandmydaughter。PROTEUSIdo，mylord。DUKEAndalso，Ithink，thouartnotignorantHowsheopposesheragainstmywillPROTEUSShedid，mylord，whenValentinewashere。DUKEAy，andperverselysheperseversso。

WhatmightwedotomakethegirlforgetTheloveofValentineandloveSirThurio？PROTEUSThebestwayistoslanderValentineWithfalsehood，cowardiceandpoordescent，Threethingsthatwomenhighlyholdinhate。DUKEAy，butshe"llthinkthatitisspokeinhate。PROTEUSAy，ifhisenemydeliverit:

ThereforeitmustwithcircumstancebespokenByonewhomsheesteemethashisfriend。DUKEThenyoumustundertaketoslanderhim。PROTEUSAndthat，mylord，Ishallbeloathtodo:

"Tisanillofficeforagentleman，Especiallyagainsthisveryfriend。DUKEWhereyourgoodwordcannotadvantagehim，Yourslandernevercanendamagehim;

Thereforetheofficeisindifferent，Beingentreatedtoitbyyourfriend。PROTEUSYouhaveprevail"d，mylord;ifIcandoitByoughtthatIcanspeakinhisdispraise，Sheshallnotlongcontinuelovetohim。