第6章

Yvettereplied:

"Isawyou，mamma，lastnight。Youcannot——ifyouknew——wewillbothgoaway。Iwillloveyousomuchthatyouwillforget——"

MadameObardisaidinatremblingvoice:"Listen，my，daughter，therearesomethingswhichyoudonotyetunderstand。Well，don"tforget——don"tforget-thatIforbidyouevertospeaktomeaboutthosethings。"

Buttheyounggirl，brusquelytakingtheroleofsaviorwhichshehadimposeduponherself，rejoined:

"No，mamma，Iamnolongerachild，andIhavetherighttoknow。I

knowthatwereceivepersonsofbadrepute，adventurers，andIknowthat，onthataccount，peopledonotrespectus。Iknowmore。Well，itmustnotbe，anylonger，doyouhear？Idonotwishit。Wewillgoaway:youwillsellyourjewels；wewillwork，ifneedbe，andwewillliveashonestwomen，somewhereveryfaraway。AndifIcanmarry，somuchthebetter。"

Sheanswered:"Youarecrazy。Youwilldomethefavortoriseandcomedowntobreakfastwithalltherest。"

"No，mamma。ThereissomeonewhomIshallneverseeagain，youunderstandme。Iwanthimtoleave，orIshallleave。Youshallchoosebetweenhimandme。"

Shewassittingupinbed，andsheraisedhervoice，speakingastheydoonthestage，playing，finally，thedramawhichshehaddreamed，almostforgettinghergriefintheefforttofulfillhermission。

TheMarquise，stupefied，againrepeated:"Youarecrazy——"notfindinganythingelsetosay。

Yvetterepliedwithatheatricalenergy:"No，mamma，thatmanshallleavethehouse，orIshallgomyself，forIwillnotweaken。"

"Andwherewillyougo？Whatwillyoudo？"

"Idonotknow，itmatterslittle——Iwantyoutobeanhonestwoman。"

Thesewordswhichrecurred，arousedintheMarquiseaperfectfury，andshecried:

"Besilent。Idonotpermityoutotalktomelikethat。Iamasgoodasanybodyelse，doyouunderstand？Ileadacertainsortoflife，itistrue，andIamproudofit；the"honestwomen"arenotasgoodasIam。"

Yvette，astonished，lookedather，andstammered:"Oh！mammal"

ButtheMarquise，carriedawaywithexcitement，continued:

"Yes，Ileadacertainlife——whatofit？Otherwiseyouwouldbeacook，asIwasonce，andearnthirtysousaday。Youwouldbewashingdishes，andyourmistresswouldsendyoutomarket——doyouunderstand——andshewouldturnyououtifyouloitered，justasyouloiter，nowbecauseIam——becauseIleadthislife。Listen。Whenapersonisonlyanursemaid，apoorgirl，withfiftyfrancssavedup，shemustknowhowtomanage，ifshedoesnotwanttostarvetodeath；andtherearenottwowaysforus，therearenottwoways，doyouunderstand，whenweareservants。Wecannotmakeourfortunewithofficialpositions，norwithstockjobbingtricks。Wehaveonlyoneway——onlyoneway。"

Shestruckherbreastasapenitentattheconfessional，andflushedandexcited，comingtowardthebed，shecontinued:"Somuchtheworse。Aprettygirlmustliveorsuffer——shehasnochoice！"Thenreturningtoherformeridea:"Muchtheydenythemselves，your"honestwomen。"Theyareworse，becausenothingcompelsthem。Theyhavemoneytoliveonandamusethemselves，andtheychooseviciouslivesoftheirownaccord。Theyarethebadonesinreality。"

ShewasstandingnearthebedofthedistractedYvette，whowantedtocryout"Help，"toescape。Yvetteweptaloud，likechildrenwhoarewhipped。TheMarquisewassilentandlookedatherdaughter，and，seeingheroverwhelmedwithdespair，felt，herself，thepangsofgrief，remorse，tenderness，andpity，andthrowingherselfuponthebedwithopenarms，shealsobegantosobandstammered:

"Mypoorlittlegirl，mypoorlittlegirl，ifyouknew，howyouwerehurtingme。"Andtheywepttogether，alongwhile。

ThentheMarquise，inwhomgriefcouldnotlongendure，softlyrose，andgentlysaid:

"Come，darling，itisunavoidable；whatwouldyouhave？Nothingcanbechangednow。Wemusttakelifeasitcomestous。"

Yvettecontinuedtoweep。Theblowhadbeentooharshandtoounexpectedtopermithertoreflectandtorecoveratonce。

Hermotherresumed:"Now，getupandcomedowntobreakfast，sothatnoonewillnoticeanything。"

Theyounggirlshookherheadasiftosay，"No，"withoutbeingabletospeak。Thenshesaid，withaslowvoicefullofsobs:

"No，mamma，youknowwhatIsaid，Iwon"taltermydetermination。I

shallnotleavemyroomtilltheyhavegone。Ineverwanttoseeoneofthosepeopleagain，never，never。Iftheycomeback，youwillseenomoreofme。"

TheMarquisehaddriedhereyes，andweariedwithemotion，shemurmured:

"Come，reflect，bereasonable。"

Then，afteramoment"ssilence:

"Yes，youhadbetterrestthismorning。Iwillcomeuptoseeyouthisafternoon。"Andhavingkissedherdaughterontheforehead，shewenttodressherself，alreadycalmed。

Yvette，assoonashermotherhaddisappeared，rose，andrantoboltthedoor，tobealone，allalone；thenshebegantothink。Thechambermaidknockedabouteleveno"clock，andaskedthroughthedoor:"MadametheMarquisewantstoknowifMademoisellewishesanything，andwhatshewilltakeforherbreakfast。"

Yvetteanswered:"Iamnothungry，Ionlyasknottobedisturbed。"

Andsheremainedinbed，justasifshehadbeenill。Towardthreeo"clock，someoneknockedagain。Sheasked:

"Whoisthere？"

Itwashermother"svoicewhichreplied:"ItisI，darling，Ihavecometoseehowyouare。"

Shehesitatedwhatsheshoulddo。Sheopenedthedoor，andthenwentbacktobed。TheMarquiseapproached，and，speakinginlowtones，aspeopledotoaconvalescent，said:

"Well，areyoubetter？Won"tyoueatanegg？"

"No，thanks，nothingatall。"

MadameObardisatdownnearthebed。Theyremainedwithoutsayinganything，then，finally，asherdaughterstayedquiet，withherhandsinertuponthebedclothes，sheasked:

"Don"tyouintendtogetup？"

Yvetteanswered:"Yes，prettysoon。"

Theninagraveandslowtoneshesaid:"Ihavethoughtagreatdeal，mamma，andthis——thisismyresolution。Thepastisthepast，letusspeaknomoreofit。ButthefutureshallbedifferentorI

knowwhatisleftformetodo。Now，letussaynomoreaboutit。"

TheMarquise，whothoughttheexplanationfinished，feltherimpatiencegainingalittle。Itwastoomuch。Thisbiggooseofagirloughttohaveknownaboutthingslongago。Butshedidnotsayanythinginreply，onlyrepeating:

"Youaregoingtogetup？"

"Yes，Iamready。"

Thenhermotherbecamemaidforher，bringingherstockings，hercorset，andherskirts。Thenshekissedher。

"Willyoutakeawalkbeforedinner？"

"Yes，mamma。"

Andtheytookastrollalongthewater，speakingonlyofcommonplacethings。

CHAPTERIV。

FROMEMOTIONTOPHILOSOPHY

Thefollowingday，earlyinthemorning，YvettewentoutalonetotheplacewhereServignyhadreadherthehistoryoftheants。Shesaidtoherself:

"Iamnotgoingawayfromthisspotwithouthavingformedaresolution。"

Beforeher，atherfeet，thewaterflowedrapidly，filledwithlargebubbleswhichpassedinsilentflightwithdeepwhirlings。Shealreadyhadsummedupthepointsofthesituationandthemeansofextricatingherselffromit。Whatshouldshedoifhermotherwouldnotaccepttheconditionswhichshehadimposed，wouldnotrenounceherpresentwayofliving，hersetofvisitors——everythingandgoandhidewithherinadistantland？

Shemightgoalone，takeflight，butwhere，andhow？Whatwouldsheliveon？Byworking？Atwhat？Towhomshouldsheapplytofindwork？

And，then，thedullandhumblelifeofworking-women，daughtersofthepeople，seemedalittledisgraceful，unworthyofher。Shethoughtofbecomingagoverness，likeyounggirlsinnovels，andofbecominglovedbythesonofthehouse，andthenmarryinghim。Buttoaccomplishthatshemusthavebeenofgoodbirth，sothat，whentheexasperatedfathershouldapproachherwithhavingstolenhisson"slove，shemightsayinaproudvoice:

"MynameisYvetteObardi。"

Shecouldnotdothis。Andthen，eventhatwouldhavebeenatriteandthreadbaremethod。

Theconventwasnotworthmuchmore。Besides，shefeltnovocationforareligiouslife，havingonlyanintermittentandfleetingpiety。Noonewouldsaveherbymarryingher，beingwhatshewas！Noaidwasacceptablefromaman，nopossibleissue，nodefiniteresource。

Andthenshewishedtodosomethingenergeticandreallygreatandstrong，whichshouldserveasanexample:sosheresolvedupondeath。

Shedecideduponthisstepsuddenly，buttranquilly，asifitwereajourney，withoutreflecting，withoutlookingatdeath，withoutunderstandingthatitistheendwithoutrecommencement，thedeparturewithoutreturn，theeternalfarewelltoearthandtothislife。

Sheimmediatelysettledonthisextrememeasure，withthelightnessofyoungandexcitedsouls，andshethoughtofthemeanswhichshewouldemploy。Buttheyallseemedtoherpainfulandhazardous，and，furthermore，requiredaviolenceofactionwhichrepelledher。

Shequicklyabandonedtheponiardandrevolver，whichmightwoundonly，blindherordisfigureher，andwhichdemandedapracticedandsteadyhand。Shedecidedagainsttherope；itwassocommon，thepoorman"swayofsuicide，ridiculousandugly；andagainstwaterbecausesheknewhowtoswimSopoisonremained——butwhichkind？

Almostallofthemcausesufferingandincitevomitings。Shedidnotwanteitherofthesethings。

Thenshethoughtofchloroform，havingreadinanewspaperhowayoungwomanhadmanagedtoasphyxiateherselfbythisprocess。Andshefeltatonceasortofjoyinherresolution，aninnerpride，asensationofbravery。Peopleshouldseewhatshewas，andwhatshewasworth。

ShereturnedtoBougivalandwenttoadruggist，fromwhomsheaskedalittlechloroformforatoothwhichwasaching。Theman，whoknewher，gaveheratinybottleofthenarcotic。

ThenshesetoutonfootforCroissy，wheresheprocuredasecondphialofpoison。SheobtainedathirdatChaton，afourthatRuril，andgothomelateforbreakfast。

Asshewasveryhungryafterthislongwalk，sheateheartilywiththepleasurableappetiteofpeoplewhohavetakenexercise。

Hermother，happytoseehersohungry，andnowfeelingtranquilherself，saidtoherastheyleftthetable:

"AllourfriendsarecomingtospendSundaywithus。IhaveinvitedthePrince，theChevalier，andMonsieurdeBelvigne。"

Yvetteturnedalittlepale，butdidnotreply。Shewentoutalmostimmediately，reachedtherailwaystation，andtookaticketforParis。Andduringalltheafternoon，shewentfromdruggisttodruggist，buyingfromeachoneafewdropsofchloroform。Shecamebackintheeveningwithherpocketsfulloflittlebottles。

Shebeganthesamesystemonthefollowingday，andbychancefoundachemistwhogaveher，atonestroke，aquarterofaliter。ShedidnotgooutonSaturday；itwasaloweringandsultryday；shepasseditentirelyontheterrace，stretchedonalongwicker-chair。

Shethoughtofalmostnothing，veryresoluteandverycalm。Sheputonthenextmorning，abluecostumewhichwasverybecomingtoher，wishingtolookwell。Thenlookingatherselfintheglass，shesuddenlysaid:

"To-morrow，Ishallbedead。"Andapeculiarshudderpassedoverherbody。"Dead！Ishallspeaknomore，thinknomore，noonewillseememore，andIshallneverseeanythingagain。"

Andshegazedattentivelyathercountenance，asifshehadneverobservedit，examiningespeciallyhereyes，discoveringathousandthingsinherself，asecretcharacterinherphysiognomywhichshehadnotknownbefore，astonishedtoseeherself，asifshehadoppositeherastrangeperson，anewfriend。

Shesaidtoherself:"ItisI，inthemirror，there。Howqueeritistolookatoneself。Butwithoutthemirrorwewouldneverknowourselves。Everybodyelsewouldknowhowwelook，andweourselveswouldknownothing。"

Sheplacedtheheavybraidsofherthickhairoverherbreast，followingwithherglanceallhergestures，allherposes，andallhermovements。"HowprettyIam！"shethought。"TomorrowIshallbedead，there，uponmybed。"Shelookedatherbed，andseemedtoseeherselfstretchedout，whiteasthesheets。

Dead！Inaweekshewouldbenothingbutdust，todustreturned！A

horribleanguishoppressedherheart。Thebrightsunlightfellinfloodsuponthefields，andthesoftmorningaircameinatthewindow。

Shesatdownthinkingofit。Death！Itwasasiftheworldwasgoingtodisappearfromher；butno，sincenothingwouldbechangedintheworld，notevenherbedroom。Yes，herroomwouldremainjustthesame，withthesamebed，thesamechairs，thesametoilettearticles，butshewouldbeforevergone，andnoonewouldbesorry，excepthermother，perhaps。

Peoplewouldsay:"Howprettyshewas！thatlittleYvette，"andnothingmore。Andasshelookedatherarmleaningonthearmofherchair，shethoughtagain，ashestoashes，dusttodust。Andagainagreatshudderofhorrorranoverherwholebody，andshedidnotknowhowshecoulddisappearwithoutthewholeearthbeingblottedout，somuchitseemedtoherthatshewasapartofeverything，ofthefields，oftheair，ofthesunshine，oflifeitself。

Therewereburstsoflaughterinthegarden，agreatnoiseofvoicesandofcalls，thebustlinggaietyofcountryhouseparties，andsherecognizedthesonoroustonesofM。deBelvigne，singing:

"Iamunderneaththywindow，Oh，deigntoshowthyface。"Sherose，withoutreflecting，andlookedout。Theyallapplauded。Theywereallfivethere，withtwogentlemenwhomshedidnotknow。

Shebrusquelywithdrew，annoyedbythethoughtthatthesemenhadcometoamusethemselvesathermother"shouse，asatapublicplace。

Thebellsoundedforbreakfast。"Iwillshowthemhowtodie，"shesaid。

Shewentdownstairswithafirmstep，withsomethingoftheresolutionoftheChristianmartyrsgoingintothecircus，wherethelionsawaitedthem。

Shepressedtheirhands，smilinginanaffablebutratherhaughtymanner。Servignyaskedher:

"Areyoulesscrossto-day，Mam"zelle？"

Sheansweredinasevereandpeculiartone:"Today，Iamgoingtocommitfollies。IaminmyParismood，lookout！"

ThenturningtowardMonsieurdeBelvigne，shesaid:

"Youshallbemyescort，mylittleMalmsey。IwilltakeyouallafterbreakfasttothefeteatMarly。"

Therewas，infact，afeteatMarly。Theyintroducedthetwonewcomerstoher，theComtedeTamineandtheMarquisdeBriquetot。

Duringthemeal，shesaidnothingfurther，strengtheningherselftobegayintheafternoon，sothatnooneshouldguessanything，——sothattheyshouldbeallthemoreastonished，andshouldsay:"Whowouldhavethoughtit？Sheseemedsohappy，socontented！Whatdoestakeplaceinthoseheads？"

Sheforcedherselfnottothinkoftheevening，thechosenhour，whentheyshouldallbeupontheterrace。Shedrankasmuchwineasshecouldstand，tonerveherself，andtwolittleglassesofbrandy，andshewasflushedassheleftthetable，alittlebewildered，heatedinbodyandmind。Itseemedtoherthatshewasstrengthenednow，andresolvedforeverything。

"Letusstart！"shecried。ShetookMonsieurdeBelvigne"sarmandsetthepacefortheothers。"Come，youshallformmybattalion，Servigny。Ichooseyouassergeant；youwillkeepoutsidetheranks，ontheright。Youwillmaketheforeignguardmarchinfront——thetwoexotics，thePrince，andtheChevalier——andintherearthetworecruitswhohaveenlistedto-day。Come！"

Theystarted。AndServignybegantoimitatethetrumpet，whilethetwonewcomersmadebelievetobeatthedrum。MonsieurdeBelvigne，alittleconfused，saidinalowtone:

"MademoiselleYvette，bereasonable，youwillcompromiseyourself。"

Sheanswered:"ItisyouwhomIamcompromising，Raisine。Asforme，Idon"tcaremuchaboutit。To-morrowitwillnotoccur。Somuchtheworseforyou:yououghtnottogooutwithgirlslikeme。"

TheywentthroughBougivaltotheamazementofthepassers-by。Allturnedtolookatthem；thecitizenscametotheirdoors；thetravelersonthelittlerailwaywhichrunsfromRuriltoMarlyjeeredatthem。Themenontheplatformscried:

"Tothewaterwiththem！"

Yvettemarchedwithamilitarystep，holdingBelvignebythearm，asaprisonerisled。Shedidnotlaugh；uponherfeaturessatapaleseriousness，asortofsinistercalm。Servignyinterruptedhistrumpetblastsonlytoshoutorders。ThePrinceandtheChevalierweregreatlyamused，findingallthisveryfunnyandingoodtaste。

Thetworecruitsdrummedawaycontinually。

Whentheyarrivedatthefete，theymadeasensation。Girlsapplauded；youngmenjeered，andastoutgentlemanwithhiswifeonhisarmsaidenviously:"Therearesomepeoplewhoarefulloffun。"

YvettesawthewoodenhorsesandcompelledBelvignetomountatherright，whilehersquadscrambleduponthewhirlingbeastsbehind。

Whenthetimewasupsherefusedtodismount，constrainingherescorttotakeseveralmoreridesonthebackofthesechildren"sanimals，tothegreatdelightofthepublic，whoshoutedjokesatthem。MonsieurdeBelvignewaslividanddizzywhenhegotoff。

Thenshebegantowanderamongthebooths。Sheforcedallhermentogetweighedamongacrowdofspectators。Shemadethembuyridiculoustoyswhichtheyhadtocarryintheirhands。ThePrinceandtheChevalierbegantothinkthejokewasbeingcarriedtoofar。

Servignyandthedrummers，alone，didnotseemtobediscouraged。

Theyfinallycametotheendoftheplace。Thenshegazedatherfollowersinapeculiarmanner，withashyandmischievousglance，andastrangefancycametohermind。Shedrewthemuponthebankoftheriver。

"Lettheonewholovesmethemostjumpintothewater，"shesaid。

Nobodyleaped。Amobgatheredbehindthem。Womeninwhiteapronslookedoninstupor。Twotroopers，inredbreeches，laughedloudly。

Sherepeated:"Thenthereisnotoneofyoucapableofjumpingintothewateratmydesire？"

Servignymurmured:"Oh，yes，thereis，"andleapedfeetforemostintotheriver。HisplungecastasplashoverasfarasYvette"sfeet。Amurmurofastonishmentandgaietyaroseinthecrowd。

Thentheyounggirlpickedupfromthegroundalittlepieceofwood，andthrowingitintothestream:"Fetchit，"shecried。

Theyoungmanbegantoswim，andseizingthefloatingstickinhismouth，likeadog，hebroughtitashore，andthenclimbingthebankhekneeledononekneetopresentit。

Yvettetookit。"Youarehandsome，"saidshe，andwithafriendlystroke，shecaressedhishair。

Astoutwomanindignantlyexclaimed:"Aresuchthingspossible！"

Anotherwomansaid:"Canpeopleamusethemselveslikethat！"

Amanremarked:"Iwouldnottakeaplungeforthatsortofagirl。"

SheagaintookBelvigne"sarm，exclaiminginhisface:"Youareagoose，myfriend；youdon"tknowwhatyoumissed。"