第2章

JustHeaven！whatdidInotsuffersomedaysafterwards，whenIunitedaroundmeatdinner，forthelasttime，allthefriendswhohadbeendearesttomeinthedaysofmyworldlylife！Whatwordscandescribethetumultofmyheartwhenoneofmyguestssaidtome，"YouaregivingustoogoodadinnerforaWednesdayinPassionWeek；"andwhenanotheranswered，jestingly，"Youforgetthatthisisherfarewelldinnertoherfriends！"Ifeltreadytofaintwhiletheyweretalking，androsefromtablepretextingasanexcuse，thatIhadapaymenttomakethatevening，whichIcouldnotinhonourdeferanylonger。Thecompanyrosewithme，andsawmetothedoor。Igotintomycarriage，andthecompanyreturnedtotable。MynerveswereinsuchastatethatI

shriekedatthefirstcrackofthecoachman"swhip；andthecompanycamerunningdownagaintoknowwhatwasthematter。Oneofmyservantscleverlystoppedthemfromallhurryingouttothecarriagetogether，bydeclaringthatthescreamproceededfrommyadoptedorphan。Uponthistheyreturnedquietlyenoughtotheirwine，andIdroveoffwithmygeneralconfessiontothevicarofSaintSulpice。

Myinterviewwiththevicarlastedthreehours。HisjoyatdiscoveringthatIwasinastateofgracewasextreme。Myownemotionswerequiteindescribable。LateatnightIreturnedtomyownhouse，andfoundmyguestsallgone。Iemployedmyselfinwritingfarewellletterstothemanagerandcompanyofthetheatre，andinmakingthenecessaryarrangementsforsendingbackmyadoptedorphantohisfriends，withtwentypistoles。Finally，Idirectedtheservantstosay，ifanybodyenquiredaftermethenextday，thatIhadgoneoutoftownforsometime；andafterthat，atfiveo"clockinthemorning，IleftmyhomeinParisnevertoreturntoitagain。

BythistimeIhadthoroughlyrecoveredmytranquillity。IwasaseasyinmymindatleavingmyhouseasIamnowwhenIquitmycelltosinginthechoir。Suchalreadywasthehappyresultofmyperpetualmasses，mygeneralconfession，andmythreehours"interviewwiththevicarofSaintSulpice。

Beforetakingleaveoftheworld，IwenttoVersaillestosaygood-byetomyworthypatrons，CardinalFleuryandtheDukedeGesvres。Fromthem，IwenttomassintheKing"sChapel；andafterthat，IcalledonaladyofVersailleswhomIhadmortallyoffended，forthepurposeofmakingmypeacewithher。Shereceivedmeangrilyenough。ItoldherI

hadnotcometojustifymyself，buttoaskherpardon。Ifshegrantedit，shewouldsendmeawayhappy。Ifshedeclinedtobereconciled，Providencewouldprobablybesatisfiedwithmysubmission，butcertainlynotwithherrefusal。Shefelttheforceofthisargument；andwemadeituponthespot。

IleftVersaillesimmediatelyafterwards，withouttakinganythingtoeat；theactofhumilitywhichIhadjustperformedbeingasgoodasamealtome。

Towardsevening，IenteredthehouseoftheCommunityofSaintPerpetuaatParis。Ihadorderedalittleroomtobefurnishedthereforme，untiltheinventoryofmyworldlyeffectswascompleted，anduntilI

couldconcludemyarrangementsforenteringaconvent。Onfirstinstallingmyself，Ibegantofeelhungryatlast，andbeggedtheSuperioroftheCommunitytogivemeforsupperanythingthatremainedfromthedinnerofthehouse。Theyhadnothingbutalittlestewedcarp，ofwhichIeatwithanexcellentappetite。Marvelloustorelate，althoughIhadbeenabletokeepnothingonmystomachforthepastthreemonths，althoughIhadbeendreadfullysickafteralittlericesoupontheeveningbefore，thestewedcarpofthesisterhoodofSaintPerpetua，withsomenutsafterwardsfordessert，agreedwithmecharmingly，andIsleptallthroughthenightafterwardsaspeacefullyasachild！

Whenthenewsofmyretirementbecamepublic，itoccasionedgreattalkinParis。VariouspeopleassignedvariousreasonsforthestrangecoursethatIhadtaken。Nobody，however，believedthatIhadquittedtheworldintheprimeofmylife（Iwasthenthirty-oneyearsold），nevertoreturntoitagain。Meanwhile，myinventorywasfinishedandmygoodsweresold。Oneofmyfriendssentaletter，entreatingmetoreconsidermydetermination。Mymindwasmadeup，andIwrotetosayso。Whenmygoodshadbeenallsold，IleftParistogoandliveincognitoasaparlour-boarderintheConventoftheUrsulinenunsofPondevaux。HereIwishedtotrythemodeoflifeforalittlewhilebeforeIassumedtheseriousresponsibilityoftakingtheveil。Iknewmyowncharacter——Irememberedmyearlyhorroroftotalseclusion，andmyinveteratedisliketothecompanyofwomenonly；and，movedbytheseconsiderations，Iresolved，nowthatIhadtakenthefirstimportantstep，toproceedinthefuturewithcaution。

ThenunsofPondevauxreceivedmeamongthemwithgreatkindness。Theygavemealargeroom，whichIpartitionedoffintothreesmallones。I

assistedatallthepiousexercisesoftheplace。Deceivedbymyfashionableappearanceandmyplumpfigure，thegoodnunstreatedmeasifIwasapersonofhighdistinction。Thisafflictedme，andI

undeceivedthem。WhentheyknewwhoIreallywas，theyonlybehavedtowardsmewithstillgreaterkindness。Ipassedmytimeinreadingandpraying，andledthequietest，sweetestlifeitispossibletoconceive。

Aftertenmonths"sojournatPondevaux，IwenttoLyons，andentered（stillasparlour-boarderonly）theHouseofAnticaille，occupiedbythenunsoftheOrderofSaintMary。Here，Ienjoyedtheadvantageofhavingfordirectorofmyconsciencethatholyman，FatherDeveaux。HebelongedtotheOrderoftheJesuits；andhewasgoodenough，whenI

firstaskedhimforadvice，tosuggestthatIshouldgetupateleveno"clockatnighttosaymyprayers，andshouldremainabsorbedindevotionuntilmidnight。Inobediencetothedirectionsofthissaintlyperson，IkeptmyselfawakeaswellasIcouldtilleleveno"clock。I

thengotonmykneeswithgreatfervour，andIblushtoconfessit，immediatelyfellasfastasleepasadormouse。Thiswentonforseveralnights，whenFatherDeveauxfindingthatmymidnightdevotionswererathertoomuchforme，wassoobligingastoprescribeanotherspeciesofpiousexercise，inaletterwhichhewrotetomewithhisownhand。

Theholyfather，afterdeeplyregrettingmyinabilitytokeepawake，informedmethathehadanewactofpenitencetosuggesttomebytheperformanceofwhichImightstillhopetoexpiatemysins。Hethen，intheplainestterms，advisedmetohaverecoursetothedisciplineofflagellation，everyFriday，usingthecat-o"-nine-tailsonmybareshouldersforthelengthoftimethatitwouldtaketorepeataMiserere。Inconclusion，heinformedmethatthenunsofAnticaillewouldprobablylendmethenecessaryinstrumentofflagellation；but，iftheymadeanydifficultyaboutit，hewasbenevolentlyreadytofurnishmewithanewandspecialcat-o"-nine-tailsofhisownmaking。