第9章

Whenacounterorarowofshelvesinthestorebecameuseless，clerkscarrieditupthestairwayandthrewitonthepile。

DoctorReefy"sofficewasaslargeasabarn。A

stovewitharoundpaunchsatinthemiddleoftheroom。Arounditsbasewaspiledsawdust，heldinplacebyheavyplanksnailedtothefloor。BythedoorstoodahugetablethathadoncebeenapartofthefurnitureofHerrick"sClothingStoreandthathadbeenusedfordisplayingcustom-madeclothes。

Itwascoveredwithbooks，bottles，andsurgicalin-

struments。NeartheedgeofthetablelaythreeorfourapplesleftbyJohnSpaniard，atreenurserymanwhowasDoctorReefy"sfriend，andwhohadslippedtheapplesoutofhispocketashecameinatthedoor。

AtmiddleageDoctorReefywastallandawk-

ward。Thegreybeardhelaterworehadnotyetap-

peared，butontheupperlipgrewabrownmustache。

Hewasnotagracefulman，aswhenhegrewolder，andwasmuchoccupiedwiththeproblemofdispos-

ingofhishandsandfeet。

Onsummerafternoons，whenshehadbeenmar-

riedmanyyearsandwhenhersonGeorgewasaboyoftwelveorfourteen，ElizabethWillardsome-

timeswentupthewornstepstoDoctorReefy"sof-

fice。Alreadythewoman"snaturallytallfigurehadbeguntodroopandtodragitselflistlesslyabout。

Ostensiblyshewenttoseethedoctorbecauseofherhealth，butonthehalfdozenoccasionswhenshehadbeentoseehimtheoutcomeofthevisitsdidnotprimarilyconcernherhealth。Sheandthedoctortalkedofthatbuttheytalkedmostofherlife，oftheirtwolivesandoftheideasthathadcometothemastheylivedtheirlivesinWinesburg。

Inthebigemptyofficethemanandthewomansatlookingateachotherandtheywereagooddealalike。Theirbodiesweredifferent，aswerealsothecoloroftheireyes，thelengthoftheirnoses，andthecircumstancesoftheirexistence，butsomethinginsidethemmeantthesamething，wantedthesamerelease，wouldhaveleftthesameimpressiononthememoryofanonlooker。Later，andwhenhegrewolderandmarriedayoungwife，thedoctoroftentalkedtoherofthehoursspentwiththesickwomanandexpressedagoodmanythingshehadbeenun-

abletoexpresstoElizabeth。Hewasalmostapoetinhisoldageandhisnotionofwhathappenedtookapoeticturn。"IhadcometothetimeinmylifewhenprayerbecamenecessaryandsoIinventedgodsandprayedtothem，"hesaid。"IdidnotsaymyprayersinwordsnordidIkneeldownbutsatperfectlystillinmychair。InthelateafternoonwhenitwashotandquietonMainStreetorinthewinterwhenthedaysweregloomy，thegodscameintotheofficeandIthoughtnooneknewaboutthem。ThenIfoundthatthiswomanElizabethknew，thatsheworshippedalsothesamegods。Ihaveanotionthatshecametotheofficebecauseshethoughtthegodswouldbetherebutshewashappytofindherselfnotalonejustthesame。Itwasanexperiencethatcannotbeexplained，althoughIsupposeitisalwayshappeningtomenandwomeninallsortsofplaces。"

OnthesummerafternoonswhenElizabethandthedoctorsatintheofficeandtalkedoftheirtwolivestheytalkedofotherlivesalso。Sometimesthedoctormadephilosophicepigrams。Thenhechuck-

ledwithamusement。Nowandthenafteraperiodofsilence，awordwassaidorahintgiventhatstrangelyilluminatedthefifeofthespeaker，awishbecameadesire，oradream，halfdead，flaredsud-

denlyintolife。Forthemostpartthewordscamefromthewomanandshesaidthemwithoutlookingattheman。

Eachtimeshecametoseethedoctorthehotelkeeper"swifetalkedalittlemorefreelyandafteranhourortwoinhispresencewentdownthestairwayintoMainStreetfeelingrenewedandstrengthenedagainstthedullnessofherdays。Withsomethingapproachingagirlhoodswingtoherbodyshewalkedalong，butwhenshehadgotbacktoherchairbythewindowofherroomandwhendark-

nesshadcomeonandagirlfromthehoteldiningroombroughtherdinneronatray，sheletitgrowcold。Herthoughtsranawaytohergirlhoodwithitspassionatelongingforadventureandsheremem-

beredthearmsofmenthathadheldherwhenad-

venturewasapossiblethingforher。Particularlysherememberedonewhohadforatimebeenherloverandwhointhemomentofhispassionhadcriedouttohermorethanahundredtimes，sayingthesamewordsmadlyoverandover:"Youdear!Youdear!

Youlovelydear!"Thewords，shethought，ex-

pressedsomethingshewouldhavelikedtohaveachievedinlife。

Inherroomintheshabbyoldhotelthesickwifeofthehotelkeeperbegantoweepand，puttingherhandstoherface，rockedbackandforth。Thewordsofheronefriend，DoctorReefy，ranginherears。

"Loveislikeawindstirringthegrassbeneathtreesonablacknight，"hehadsaid。"Youmustnottrytomakelovedefinite。Itisthedivineaccidentoflife。

Ifyoutrytobedefiniteandsureaboutitandtolivebeneaththetrees，wheresoftnightwindsblow，thelonghotdayofdisappointmentcomesswiftlyandthegrittydustfrompassingwagonsgathersuponlipsinflamedandmadetenderbykisses。"

ElizabethWillardcouldnotrememberhermotherwhohaddiedwhenshewasbutfiveyearsold。Hergirlhoodhadbeenlivedinthemosthaphazardman-

nerimaginable。Herfatherwasamanwhohadwantedtobeletaloneandtheaffairsofthehotelwouldnotlethimalone。Healsohadlivedanddiedasickman。Everydayhearosewithacheerfulface，butbyteno"clockinthemorningallthejoyhadgoneoutofhisheart。Whenaguestcomplainedofthefareinthehoteldiningroomoroneofthegirlswhomadeupthebedsgotmarriedandwentaway，hestampedonthefloorandswore。Atnightwhenhewenttobedhethoughtofhisdaughtergrowingupamongthestreamofpeoplethatdriftedinandoutofthehotelandwasovercomewithsadness。Asthegirlgrewolderandbegantowalkoutintheeveningwithmenhewantedtotalktoher，butwhenhetriedwasnotsuccessful。Healwaysforgotwhathewantedtosayandspentthetimecomplain-

ingofhisownaffairs。

InhergirlhoodandyoungwomanhoodElizabethhadtriedtobearealadventurerinlife。Ateighteenlifehadsogrippedherthatshewasnolongeravirginbut，althoughshehadahalfdozenloversbeforeshemarriedTomWillard，shehadneveren-

tereduponanadventurepromptedbydesirealone。

Likeallthewomenintheworld，shewantedareallover。Alwaystherewassomethingshesoughtblindly，passionately，somehiddenwonderinlife。

Thetallbeautifulgirlwiththeswingingstridewhohadwalkedunderthetreeswithmenwasforeverputtingoutherhandintothedarknessandtryingtogetholdofsomeotherhand。Inallthebabbleofwordsthatfellfromthelipsofthemenwithwhomsheadventuredshewastryingtofindwhatwouldbeforherthetrueword，ElizabethhadmarriedTomWillard，aclerkinherfather"shotel，becausehewasathandandwantedtomarryatthetimewhenthedeterminationtomarrycametoher。Forawhile，likemostyounggirls，shethoughtmarriagewouldchangethefaceoflife。Iftherewasinhermindadoubtoftheout-

comeofthemarriagewithTomshebrusheditaside。

Herfatherwasillandneardeathatthetimeandshewasperplexedbecauseofthemeaninglessout-

comeofanaffairinwhichshehadjustbeenin-

volved。OthergirlsofherageinWinesburgweremarryingmenshehadalwaysknown，groceryclerksoryoungfarmers。IntheeveningtheywalkedinMainStreetwiththeirhusbandsandwhenshepassedtheysmiledhappily。Shebegantothinkthatthefactofmarriagemightbefullofsomehiddensignificance。Youngwiveswithwhomshetalkedspokesoftlyandshyly。"Itchangesthingstohaveamanofyourown，"theysaid。

Ontheeveningbeforehermarriagetheperplexedgirlhadatalkwithherfather。Latershewonderedifthehoursalonewiththesickmanhadnotledtoherdecisiontomarry。Thefathertalkedofhislifeandadvisedthedaughtertoavoidbeingledintoanothersuchmuddle。HeabusedTomWillard，andthatledElizabethtocometotheclerk"sdefense。Thesickmanbecameexcitedandtriedtogetoutofbed。

Whenshewouldnotlethimwalkabouthebegantocomplain。"I"veneverbeenletalone，"hesaid。

"AlthoughI"veworkedhardI"venotmadethehotelpay。EvennowIowemoneyatthebank。You"llfindthatoutwhenI"mgone。"

Thevoiceofthesickmanbecametensewithear-

nestness。Beingunabletoarise，heputouthishandandpulledthegirl"sheaddownbesidehisown。

"There"sawayout，"hewhispered。"Don"tmarryTomWillardoranyoneelsehereinWinesburg。

Thereiseighthundreddollarsinatinboxinmytrunk。Takeitandgoaway。"

Againthesickman"svoicebecamequerulous。

"You"vegottopromise，"hedeclared。"Ifyouwon"tpromisenottomarry，givemeyourwordthatyou"llnevertellTomaboutthemoney。ItismineandifI

giveittoyouI"vetherighttomakethatdemand。

Hideitaway。Itistomakeuptoyouformyfailureasafather。Sometimeitmayprovetobeadoor，agreatopendoortoyou。Comenow，ItellyouI"mabouttodie，givemeyourpromise。"

InDoctorReefy"soffice，Elizabeth，atiredgauntoldwomanatforty-one，satinachairnearthestoveandlookedatthefloor。Byasmalldesknearthewindowsatthedoctor。Hishandsplayedwithaleadpencilthatlayonthedesk。Elizabethtalkedofherlifeasamarriedwoman。Shebecameimpersonalandforgotherhusband，onlyusinghimasalayfiguretogivepointtohertale。"AndthenIwasmarriedanditdidnotturnoutatall，"shesaidbitterly。"AssoonasIhadgoneintoitIbegantobeafraid。PerhapsIknewtoomuchbeforeandthenperhapsIfoundouttoomuchduringmyfirstnightwithhim。Idon"tremember。

"WhatafoolIwas。Whenfathergavemethemoneyandtriedtotalkmeoutofthethoughtofmarriage，Iwouldnotlisten。IthoughtofwhatthegirlswhoweremarriedhadsaidofitandIwantedmarriagealso。Itwasn"tTomIwanted，itwasmar-

riage。WhenfatherwenttosleepIleanedoutofthewindowandthoughtofthelifeIhadled。Ididn"twanttobeabadwoman。Thetownwasfullofsto-

riesaboutme。IevenbegantobeafraidTomwouldchangehismind。"

Thewoman"svoicebegantoquiverwithexcite-

ment。ToDoctorReefy，whowithoutrealizingwhatwashappeninghadbeguntoloveher，therecameanoddillusion。Hethoughtthatasshetalkedthewoman"sbodywaschanging，thatshewasbecom-

ingyounger，straighter，stronger。Whenhecouldnotshakeofftheillusionhismindgaveitaprofes-

sionaltwist。"Itisgoodforbothherbodyandhermind，thistalking，"hemuttered。

Thewomanbegantellingofanincidentthathadhappenedoneafternoonafewmonthsafterhermarriage。Hervoicebecamesteadier。"InthelateafternoonIwentforadrivealone，"shesaid。"IhadabuggyandalittlegreyponyIkeptinMoyer"sLivery。Tomwaspaintingandrepaperingroomsinthehotel。HewantedmoneyandIwastryingtomakeupmymindtotellhimabouttheeighthun-

dreddollarsfatherhadgiventome。Icouldn"tde-

cidetodoit。Ididn"tlikehimwellenough。Therewasalwayspaintonhishandsandfaceduringthosedaysandhesmelledofpaint。Hewastryingtofixuptheoldhotel，andmakeitnewandsmart。"

Theexcitedwomansatupverystraightinherchairandmadeaquickgirlishmovementwithherhandasshetoldofthedrivealoneonthespringafternoon。"Itwascloudyandastormthreatened，"

shesaid。"Blackcloudsmadethegreenofthetreesandthegrassstandoutsothatthecolorshurtmyeyes。IwentoutTrunionPikeamileormoreandthenturnedintoasideroad。Thelittlehorsewentquicklyalonguphillanddown。Iwasimpatient。

ThoughtscameandIwantedtogetawayfrommythoughts。Ibegantobeatthehorse。Theblackcloudssettleddownanditbegantorain。Iwantedtogoataterriblespeed，todriveonandonforever。I

wantedtogetoutoftown，outofmyclothes，outofmymarriage，outofmybody，outofeverything。

Ialmostkilledthehorse，makinghimrun，andwhenhecouldnotrunanymoreIgotoutofthebuggyandranafootintothedarknessuntilIfellandhurtmyside。IwantedtorunawayfromeverythingbutIwantedtoruntowardssomethingtoo。Don"tyousee，dear，howitwas？"

Elizabethsprangoutofthechairandbegantowalkaboutintheoffice。ShewalkedasDoctorReefythoughthehadneverseenanyonewalkbefore。Toherwholebodytherewasaswing，arhythmthatintoxicatedhim。Whenshecameandkneltonthefloorbesidehischairhetookherintohisarmsandbegantokissherpassionately。"Icriedallthewayhome，"shesaid，asshetriedtocontinuethestoryofherwildride，buthedidnotlisten。"Youdear!

Youlovelydear!Ohyoulovelydear!"hemutteredandthoughtheheldinhisarmsnotthetired-outwomanofforty-onebutalovelyandinnocentgirlwhohadbeenablebysomemiracletoprojecther-

selfoutofthehuskofthebodyofthetired-outwoman。

DoctorReefydidnotseethewomanhehadheldinhisarmsagainuntilafterherdeath。Onthesum-

merafternoonintheofficewhenhewasonthepointofbecomingherloverahalfgrotesquelittleincidentbroughthislove-makingquicklytoanend。

Asthemanandwomanheldeachothertightlyheavyfeetcametrampinguptheofficestairs。Thetwosprangtotheirfeetandstoodlisteningandtrembling。ThenoiseonthestairswasmadebyaclerkfromtheParisDryGoodsCompany。Withaloudbanghethrewanemptyboxonthepileofrubbishinthehallwayandthenwentheavilydownthestairs。Elizabethfollowedhimalmostimmedi-

ately。Thethingthathadcometolifeinherasshetalkedtoheronefrienddiedsuddenly。Shewashysterical，aswasalsoDoctorReefy，anddidnotwanttocontinuethetalk。Alongthestreetshewentwiththebloodstillsinginginherbody，butwhensheturnedoutofMainStreetandsawaheadthelightsoftheNewWillardHouse，shebegantotrem-

bleandherkneesshooksothatforamomentshethoughtshewouldfallinthestreet。

Thesickwomanspentthelastfewmonthsofherlifehungeringfordeath。Alongtheroadofdeathshewent，seeking，hungering。Shepersonifiedthefigureofdeathandmadehimnowastrongblack-

hairedyouthrunningoverhills，nowastemquietmanmarkedandscarredbythebusinessofliving。

Inthedarknessofherroomsheputoutherhand，thrustingitfromunderthecoversofherbed，andshethoughtthatdeathlikealivingthingputouthishandtoher。"Bepatient，lover，"shewhispered。

"Keepyourselfyoungandbeautifulandbepatient。"

OntheeveningwhendiseaselaiditsheavyhanduponheranddefeatedherplansfortellinghersonGeorgeoftheeighthundreddollarshiddenaway，shegotoutofbedandcrepthalfacrosstheroompleadingwithdeathforanotherhouroflife。"Wait，dear!Theboy!Theboy!Theboy!"shepleadedasshetriedwithallofherstrengthtofightoffthearmsofthelovershehadwantedsoearnestly。

ElizabethdiedonedayinMarchintheyearwhenhersonGeorgebecameeighteen，andtheyoungmanhadbutlittlesenseofthemeaningofherdeath。Onlytimecouldgivehimthat。Foramonthhehadseenherlyingwhiteandstillandspeechlessinherbed，andthenoneafternoonthedoctorstoppedhiminthehallwayandsaidafewwords。

Theyoungmanwentintohisownroomandclosedthedoor。Hehadaqueeremptyfeelingintheregionofhisstomach。Foramomenthesatstar-

ingat，thefloorandthenjumpingupwentforawalk。Alongthestationplatformhewent，andaroundthroughresidencestreetspastthehigh-

schoolbuilding，thinkingalmostentirelyofhisownaffairs。Thenotionofdeathcouldnotgetholdofhimandhewasinfactalittleannoyedthathismotherhaddiedonthatday。HehadjustreceivedanotefromHelenWhite，thedaughterofthetownbanker，inanswertoonefromhim。"TonightIcouldhavegonetoseeherandnowitwillhavetobeputoff，"hethoughthalfangrily。

ElizabethdiedonaFridayafternoonatthreeo"clock。Ithadbeencoldandrainyinthemorningbutintheafternoonthesuncameout。Beforeshediedshelayparalyzedforsixdaysunabletospeakormoveandwithonlyhermindandhereyesalive。

Forthreeofthesixdaysshestruggled，thinkingofherboy，tryingtosaysomefewwordsinregardtohisfuture，andinhereyestherewasanappealsotouchingthatallwhosawitkeptthememoryofthedyingwomanintheirmindsforyears。EvenTomWillard，whohadalwayshalfresentedhiswife，for-

gothisresentmentandthetearsranoutofhiseyesandlodgedinhismustache。ThemustachehadbeguntoturngreyandTomcoloreditwithdye。

Therewasoilinthepreparationheusedforthepurposeandthetears，catchinginthemustacheandbeingbrushedawaybyhishand，formedafinemist-

likevapor。InhisgriefTomWillard"sfacelookedlikethefaceofalittledogthathasbeenoutalongtimeinbitterweather。

GeorgecamehomealongMainStreetatdarkonthedayofhismother"sdeathand，aftergoingtohisownroomtobrushhishairandclothes，wentalongthehallwayandintotheroomwherethebodylay。

TherewasacandleonthedressingtablebythedoorandDoctorReefysatinachairbythebed。Thedoctoraroseandstartedtogoout。Heputouthishandasthoughtogreettheyoungermanandthenawkwardlydrewitbackagain。Theairoftheroomwasheavywiththepresenceofthetwoself-

conscioushumanbeings，andthemanhurriedaway。

Thedeadwoman"ssonsatdowninachairandlookedatthefloor。Heagainthoughtofhisownaffairsanddefinitelydecidedhewouldmakeachangeinhisfife，thathewouldleaveWinesburg。

"Iwillgotosomecity。PerhapsIcangetajobonsomenewspaper，"hethought，andthenhismindturnedtothegirlwithwhomhewastohavespentthiseveningandagainhewashalfangryattheturnofeventsthathadpreventedhisgoingtoher。

Inthedimlylightedroomwiththedeadwomantheyoungmanbegantohavethoughts。Hismindplayedwiththoughtsoflifeashismother"smindhadplayedwiththethoughtofdeath。HeclosedhiseyesandimaginedthattheredyounglipsofHelenWhitetouchedhisownlips。Hisbodytrembledandhishandsshook。Andthensomethinghappened。

Theboysprangtohisfeetandstoodstiffly。Helookedatthefigureofthedeadwomanunderthesheetsandshameforhisthoughtssweptoverhimsothathebegantoweep。Anewnotioncameintohismindandheturnedandlookedguiltilyaboutasthoughafraidhewouldbeobserved。

GeorgeWillardbecamepossessedofamadnesstoliftthesheetfromthebodyofhismotherandlookatherface。Thethoughtthathadcomeintohismindgrippedhimterribly。Hebecameconvincedthatnothismotherbutsomeoneelselayinthebedbeforehim。Theconvictionwassorealthatitwasalmostunbearable。Thebodyunderthesheetswaslongandindeathlookedyoungandgraceful。Totheboy，heldbysomestrangefancy，itwasunspeakablylovely。Thefeelingthatthebodybeforehimwasalive，thatinanothermomentalovelywomanwouldspringoutofthebedandconfronthim，be-

camesooverpoweringthathecouldnotbearthesuspense。Againandagainheputouthishand。

Oncehetouchedandhalfliftedthewhitesheetthatcoveredher，buthiscouragefailedandhe，likeDoc-

torReefy，turnedandwentoutoftheroom。Inthehallwayoutsidethedoorhestoppedandtrembledsothathehadtoputahandagainstthewalltosupporthimself。"That"snotmymother。That"snotmymotherinthere，"hewhisperedtohimselfandagainhisbodyshookwithfrightanduncertainty。

WhenAuntElizabethSwift，whohadcometowatchoverthebody，cameoutofanadjoiningroomheputhishandintohersandbegantosob，shakinghisheadfromsidetoside，halfblindwithgrief。"Mymotherisdead，"hesaid，andthenforgettingthewomanheturnedandstaredatthedoorthroughwhichhehadjustcome。"Thedear，thedear，ohthelovelydear，"theboy，urgedbysomeimpulseoutsidehimself，mutteredaloud。

AsfortheeighthundreddollarsthedeadwomanhadkepthiddensolongandthatwastogiveGeorgeWillardhisstartinthecity，itlayinthetinboxbehindtheplasterbythefootofhismother"sbed。Elizabethhadputitthereaweekafterhermar-

riage，breakingtheplasterawaywithastick。Thenshegotoneoftheworkmenherhusbandwasatthattimeemployingaboutthehoteltomendthewall。"Ijammedthecornerofthebedagainstit，"

shehadexplainedtoherhusband，unableatthemomenttogiveupherdreamofrelease，thereleasethatafterallcametoherbuttwiceinherlife，inthemomentswhenherloversDeathandDoctorReefyheldherintheirarms。

SOPHISTICATION

ITWASEARLYeveningofadayin，thelatefallandtheWinesburgCountyFairhadbroughtcrowdsofcountrypeopleintotown。Thedayhadbeenclearandthenightcameonwarmandpleasant。OntheTrunionPike，wheretheroadafteritlefttownstretchedawaybetweenberryfieldsnowcoveredwithdrybrownleaves，thedustfrompassingwag-

onsaroseinclouds。Children，curledintolittleballs，sleptonthestrawscatteredonwagonbeds。Theirhairwasfullofdustandtheirfingersblackandsticky。Thedustrolledawayoverthefieldsandthedepartingsunsetitablazewithcolors。

InthemainstreetofWinesburgcrowdsfilledthestoresandthesidewalks。Nightcameon，horseswhinnied，theclerksinthestoresranmadlyabout，childrenbecamelostandcriedlustily，anAmericantownworkedterriblyatthetaskofamusingitself。

PushinghiswaythroughthecrowdsinMainStreet，youngGeorgeWillardconcealedhimselfinthestairwayleadingtoDoctorReefy"sofficeandlookedatthepeople。Withfeverisheyeshewatchedthefacesdriftingpastunderthestorelights。

Thoughtskeptcomingintohisheadandhedidnotwanttothink。Hestampedimpatientlyonthewoodenstepsandlookedsharplyabout。"Well，isshegoingtostaywithhimallday？HaveIdoneallthiswaitingfornothing？"hemuttered。

GeorgeWillard，theOhiovillageboy，wasfastgrowingintomanhoodandnewthoughtshadbeencomingintohismind。Allthatday，amidthejamofpeopleattheFair，hehadgoneaboutfeelinglonely。

HewasabouttoleaveWinesburgtogoawaytosomecitywherehehopedtogetworkonacitynewspaperandhefeltgrownup。Themoodthathadtakenpossessionofhimwasathingknowntomenandunknowntoboys。Hefeltoldandalittletired。Memoriesawokeinhim。Tohismindhisnewsenseofmaturitysethimapart，madeofhimahalf-

tragicfigure。Hewantedsomeonetounderstandthefeelingthathadtakenpossessionofhimafterhismother"sdeath。

Thereisatimeinthelifeofeveryboywhenheforthefirsttimetakesthebackwardviewoflife。

Perhapsthatisthemomentwhenhecrossesthelineintomanhood。Theboyiswalkingthroughthestreetofhistown。Heisthinkingofthefutureandofthefigurehewillcutintheworld。Ambitionsandre-

gretsawakewithinhim。Suddenlysomethinghap-

pens；hestopsunderatreeandwaitsasforavoicecallinghisname。Ghostsofoldthingscreepintohisconsciousness；thevoicesoutsideofhimselfwhisperamessageconcerningthelimitationsoflife。Frombeingquitesureofhimselfandhisfuturehebe-

comesnotatallsure。Ifhebeanimaginativeboyadooristomopenandforthefirsttimehelooksoutupontheworld，seeing，asthoughtheymarchedinprocessionbeforehim，thecountlessfiguresofmenwhobeforehistimehavecomeoutofnothingnessintotheworld，livedtheirlivesandagaindisap-

pearedintonothingness。Thesadnessofsophistica-

tionhascometotheboy。Withalittlegaspheseeshimselfasmerelyaleafblownbythewindthroughthestreetsofhisvillage。Heknowsthatinspiteofallthestouttalkofhisfellowshemustliveanddieinuncertainty，athingblownbythewinds，athingdestinedlikecorntowiltinthesun。Heshiversandlookseagerlyabout。Theeighteenyearshehaslivedseembutamoment，abreathingspaceinthelongmarchofhumanity。Alreadyhehearsdeathcalling。

Withallhishearthewantstocomeclosetosomeotherhuman，touchsomeonewithhishands，betouchedbythehandofanother。Ifheprefersthattheotherbeawoman，thatisbecausehebelievesthatawomanwillbegentle，thatshewillunder-

stand。Hewants，mostofall，understanding。

WhenthemomentofsophisticationcametoGeorgeWillardhismindturnedtoHelenWhite，theWines-

burgbanker"sdaughter。Alwayshehadbeencon-

sciousofthegirlgrowingintowomanhoodashegrewintomanhood。Onceonasummernightwhenhewaseighteen，hehadwalkedwithheronacoun-

tryroadandinherpresencehadgivenwaytoanimpulsetoboast，tomakehimselfappearbigandsignificantinhereyes。Nowhewantedtoseeherforanotherpurpose。Hewantedtotellherofthenewimpulsesthathadcometohim。Hehadtriedtomakeherthinkofhimasamanwhenheknewnothingofmanhoodandnowhewantedtobewithherandtotrytomakeherfeelthechangehebe-

lievedhadtakenplaceinhisnature。

AsforHelenWhite，shealsohadcometoaperiodofchange。WhatGeorgefelt，sheinheryoungwom-

an"swayfeltalso。Shewasnolongeragirlandhungeredtoreachintothegraceandbeautyofwomanhood。ShehadcomehomefromCleveland，whereshewasattendingcollege，tospendadayattheFair。Shealsohadbeguntohavememories。Dur-

ingthedayshesatinthegrand-standwithayoungman，oneoftheinstructorsfromthecollege，whowasaguestofhermother"s。Theyoungmanwasofapedanticturnofmindandshefeltatoncehewouldnotdoforherpurpose。AttheFairshewasgladtobeseeninhiscompanyashewaswelldressedandastranger。Sheknewthatthefactofhispresencewouldcreateanimpression。Duringthedayshewashappy，butwhennightcameonshebegantogrowrestless。Shewantedtodrivethein-

structoraway，togetoutofhispresence。Whiletheysattogetherinthegrand-standandwhiletheeyesofformerschoolmateswereuponthem，shepaidsomuchattentiontoherescortthathegrewinterested。

"Ascholarneedsmoney。Ishouldmarryawomanwithmoney，"hemused。

HelenWhitewasthinkingofGeorgeWillardevenashewanderedgloomilythroughthecrowdsthink-

ingofher。Sherememberedthesummereveningwhentheyhadwalkedtogetherandwantedtowalkwithhimagain。Shethoughtthatthemonthsshehadspentinthecity，thegoingtotheatersandtheseeingofgreatcrowdswanderinginlightedthor-

oughfares，hadchangedherprofoundly。Shewantedhimtofeelandbeconsciousofthechangeinhernature。

Thesummereveningtogetherthathadleftitsmarkonthememoryofboththeyoungmanandwomanhad，whenlookedatquitesensibly，beenratherstupidlyspent。Theyhadwalkedoutoftownalongacountryroad。ThentheyhadstoppedbyafencenearafieldofyoungcornandGeorgehadtakenoffhiscoatandletithangonhisarm。"Well，I"vestayedhereinWinesburg——yes——I"venotyetgoneawaybutI"mgrowingup，"hehadsaid。"I"vebeenreadingbooksandI"vebeenthinking。I"mgoingtotrytoamounttosomethinginlife。

"Well，"heexplained，"thatisn"tthepoint。Per-

hapsI"dbetterquittalking。"

Theconfusedboyputhishandonthegirl"sarm。

Hisvoicetrembled。Thetwostartedtowalkbackalongtheroadtowardtown。InhisdesperationGeorgeboasted，"I"mgoingtobeabigman，thebiggestthateverlivedhereinWinesburg，"hede-

clared。"Iwantyoutodosomething，Idon"tknowwhat。Perhapsitisnoneofmybusiness。Iwantyoutotrytobedifferentfromotherwomen。Youseethepoint。It"snoneofmybusinessItellyou。Iwantyoutobeabeautifulwoman。YouseewhatIwant。"

Theboy"svoicefailedandinsilencethetwocamebackintotownandwentalongthestreettoHelenWhite"shouse。Atthegatehetriedtosaysomethingimpressive。Speecheshehadthoughtoutcameintohishead，buttheyseemedutterlypointless。"I

thought——Iusedtothink——IhaditinmymindyouwouldmarrySethRichmond。NowIknowyouwon"t，"wasallhecouldfindtosayasshewentthroughthegateandtowardthedoorofherhouse。

Onthewarmfalleveningashestoodinthestair-

wayandlookedatthecrowddriftingthroughMainStreet，Georgethoughtofthetalkbesidethefieldofyoungcornandwasashamedofthefigurehehadmadeofhimself。Inthestreetthepeoplesurgedupanddownlikecattleconfinedinapen。Buggiesandwagonsalmostfilledthenarrowthoroughfare。A

bandplayedandsmallboysracedalongtheside-

walk，divingbetweenthelegsofmen。Youngmenwithshiningredfaceswalkedawkwardlyaboutwithgirlsontheirarms。Inaroomaboveoneofthestores，whereadancewastobeheld，thefiddlerstunedtheirinstruments。Thebrokensoundsfloateddownthroughanopenwindowandoutacrossthemurmurofvoicesandtheloudblareofthehornsoftheband。ThemedleyofsoundsgotonyoungWillard"snerves。Everywhere，onallsides，thesenseofcrowding，movinglifeclosedinabouthim。Hewantedtorunawaybyhimselfandthink。"Ifshewantstostaywiththatfellowshemay。WhyshouldIcare？Whatdifferencedoesitmaketome？"hegrowledandwentalongMainStreetandthroughHern"sGroceryintoasidestreet。

Georgefeltsoutterlylonelyanddejectedthathewantedtoweepbutpridemadehimwalkrapidlyalong，swinginghisarms。HecametoWesleyMoy-

er"sliverybarnandstoppedintheshadowstolistentoagroupofmenwhotalkedofaraceWesley"sstallion，TonyTip，hadwonattheFairduringtheafternoon。AcrowdhadgatheredinfrontofthebarnandbeforethecrowdwalkedWesley，prancingupanddownboasting。Heheldawhipinhishandandkepttappingtheground。Littlepuffsofdustaroseinthelamplight。"Hell，quityourtalking，"

Wesleyexclaimed。"Iwasn"tafraid，IknewIhad"embeatallthetime。Iwasn"tafraid。"

OrdinarilyGeorgeWillardwouldhavebeenin-

tenselyinterestedintheboastingofMoyer，thehorseman。Nowitmadehimangry。Heturnedandhurriedawayalongthestreet。"Oldwindbag，"hesputtered。"Whydoeshewanttobebragging？Whydon"theshutup？"

Georgewentintoavacantlotand，ashehurriedalong，felloverapileofrubbish。Anailprotrudingfromanemptybarreltorehistrousers。Hesatdownonthegroundandswore。Withapinhemendedthetornplaceandthenaroseandwenton。"I"llgotoHelenWhite"shouse，that"swhatI"lldo。I"llwalkrightin。I"llsaythatIwanttoseeher。I"llwalkrightinandsitdown，that"swhatI"lldo，"hedeclared，climbingoverafenceandbeginningtorun。

OntheverandaofBankerWhite"shouseHelenwasrestlessanddistraught。Theinstructorsatbe-

tweenthemotheranddaughter。Histalkweariedthegirl。AlthoughhehadalsobeenraisedinanOhiotown，theinstructorbegantoputontheairsofthecity。Hewantedtoappearcosmopolitan。"I

likethechanceyouhavegivenmetostudytheback-

groundoutofwhichmostofourgirlscome，"hedeclared。"Itwasgoodofyou，Mrs。White，tohavemedownfortheday。"HeturnedtoHelenandlaughed。"Yourlifeisstillboundupwiththelifeofthistown？"heasked。"Therearepeoplehereinwhomyouareinterested？"Tothegirlhisvoicesoundedpompousandheavy。

Helenaroseandwentintothehouse。Atthedoorleadingtoagardenatthebackshestoppedandstoodlistening。Hermotherbegantotalk。"ThereisnooneherefittoassociatewithagirlofHelen"sbreeding，"shesaid。

Helenrandownaflightofstairsatthebackofthehouseandintothegarden。Inthedarknessshestoppedandstoodtrembling。Itseemedtoherthattheworldwasfullofmeaninglesspeoplesayingwords。Afirewitheagernesssheranthroughagar-

dengateand，turningacornerbythebanker"sbarn，wentintoalittlesidestreet。"George!Whereareyou，George？"shecried，filledwithnervousexcite-

ment。Shestoppedrunning，andleanedagainstatreetolaughhysterically。AlongthedarklittlestreetcameGeorgeWillard，stillsayingwords。"I"mgoingtowalkrightintoherhouse。I"llgorightinandsitdown，"hedeclaredashecameuptoher。Hestoppedandstaredstupidly。"Comeon，"hesaidandtookholdofherhand。Withhangingheadstheywalkedawayalongthestreetunderthetrees。Dryleavesrustledunderfoot。NowthathehadfoundherGeorgewonderedwhathehadbetterdoandsay。

AttheupperendoftheFairGround，inWines-

burg，thereisahalfdecayedoldgrand-stand。Ithasneverbeenpaintedandtheboardsareallwarpedoutofshape。TheFairGroundstandsontopofalowhillrisingoutofthevalleyofWineCreekandfromthegrand-standonecanseeatnight，overacornfield，thelightsofthetownreflectedagainstthesky。

GeorgeandHelenclimbedthehilltotheFairGround，comingbythepathpastWaterworksPond。

ThefeelingoflonelinessandisolationthathadcometotheyoungmaninthecrowdedstreetsofhistownwasbothbrokenandintensifiedbythepresenceofHelen。Whathefeltwasreflectedinher。

Inyouththerearealwaystwoforcesfightinginpeople。Thewarmunthinkinglittleanimalstrugglesagainstthethingthatreflectsandremembers，andtheolder，themoresophisticatedthinghadposses-

sionofGeorgeWillard。Sensinghismood，Helenwalkedbesidehimfilledwithrespect。Whentheygottothegrand-standtheyclimbedupundertheroofandsatdownononeofthelongbench-likeseats。

ThereissomethingmemorableintheexperiencetobehadbygoingintoafairgroundthatstandsattheedgeofaMiddleWesterntownonanightaftertheannualfairhasbeenheld。Thesensationisonenevertobeforgotten。Onallsidesareghosts，notofthedead，butoflivingpeople。Here，duringthedayjustpassed，havecomethepeoplepouringinfromthetownandthecountryaround。Farmerswiththeirwivesandchildrenandallthepeoplefromthehundredsoflittleframehouseshavegath-

eredwithintheseboardwalls。Younggirlshavelaughedandmenwithbeardshavetalkedoftheaffairsoftheirlives。Theplacehasbeenfilledtooverflowingwithlife。Ithasitchedandsquirmedwithlifeandnowitisnightandthelifehasallgoneaway。Thesilenceisalmostterrifying。Oneconcealsoneselfstandingsilentlybesidethetrunkofatreeandwhatthereisofareflectivetendencyinhisna-

tureisintensified。Oneshuddersatthethoughtofthemeaninglessnessoflifewhileatthesamein-

stant，andifthepeopleofthetownarehispeople，oneloveslifesointenselythattearscomeintotheeyes。

Inthedarknessundertheroofofthegrand-stand，GeorgeWillardsatbesideHelenWhiteandfeltverykeenlyhisowninsignificanceintheschemeofexis-

tence。Nowthathehadcomeoutoftownwherethepresenceofthepeoplestirringabout，busywithamultitudeofaffairs，hadbeensoirritating，theirritationwasallgone。ThepresenceofHelenre-

newedandrefreshedhim。Itwasasthoughherwoman"shandwasassistinghimtomakesomemi-

nutereadjustmentofthemachineryofhislife。Hebegantothinkofthepeopleinthetownwherehehadalwayslivedwithsomethinglikereverence。

HehadreverenceforHelen。Hewantedtoloveandtobelovedbyher，buthedidnotwantatthemo-

menttobeconfusedbyherwomanhood。Inthedarknesshetookholdofherhandandwhenshecreptcloseputahandonhershoulder。Awindbegantoblowandheshivered。Withallhisstrengthhetriedtoholdandtounderstandthemoodthathadcomeuponhim。Inthathighplaceinthedark-

nessthetwooddlysensitivehumanatomsheldeachothertightlyandwaited。Inthemindofeachwasthesamethought。"Ihavecometothislonelyplaceandhereisthisother，"wasthesubstanceofthethingfelt。

InWinesburgthecrowdeddayhadrunitselfoutintothelongnightofthelatefall。Farmhorsesjoggedawayalonglonelycountryroadspullingtheirportionofwearypeople。Clerksbegantobringsam-

plesofgoodsinoffthesidewalksandlockthedoorsofstores。IntheOperaHouseacrowdhadgatheredtoseeashowandfurtherdownMainStreetthefiddlers，theirinstrumentstuned，sweatedandworkedtokeepthefeetofyouthflyingoveradancefloor。

Inthedarknessinthegrand-standHelenWhiteandGeorgeWillardremainedsilent。Nowandthenthespellthatheldthemwasbrokenandtheyturnedandtriedinthedimlighttoseeintoeachother"seyes。Theykissedbutthatimpulsedidnotlast。AttheupperendoftheFairGroundahalfdozenmenworkedoverhorsesthathadracedduringtheafter-

noon。Themenhadbuiltafireandwereheatingkettlesofwater。Onlytheirlegscouldbeseenastheypassedbackandforthinthelight。Whenthewindblewthelittleflamesofthefiredancedcrazilyabout。

GeorgeandHelenaroseandwalkedawayintothedarkness。Theywentalongapathpastafieldofcornthathadnotyetbeencut。Thewindwhisperedamongthedrycornblades。Foramomentduringthewalkbackintotownthespellthatheldthemwasbroken。WhentheyhadcometothecrestofWaterworksHilltheystoppedbyatreeandGeorgeagainputhishandsonthegirl"sshoulders。Sheem-

bracedhimeagerlyandthenagaintheydrewquicklybackfromthatimpulse。Theystoppedkiss-

ingandstoodalittleapart。Mutualrespectgrewbiginthem。Theywerebothembarrassedandtorelievetheirembarrassmentdroppedintotheanimalismofyouth。Theylaughedandbegantopullandhaulateachother。Insomewaychastenedandpurifiedbythemoodtheyhadbeenin，theybecame，notmanandwoman，notboyandgirl，butexcitedlittleanimals。

Itwassotheywentdownthehill。Inthedarknesstheyplayedliketwosplendidyoungthingsinayoungworld。Once，runningswiftlyforward，HelentrippedGeorgeandhefell。Hesquirmedandshouted。

Shakingwithlaughter，heroileddownthehill。

Helenranafterhim。Forjustamomentshestoppedinthedarkness。Therewasnowayofknowingwhatwoman"sthoughtswentthroughhermindbut，whenthebottomofthehillwasreachedandshecameuptotheboy，shetookhisarmandwalkedbesidehimindignifiedsilence。Forsomereasontheycouldnothaveexplainedtheyhadbothgotfromtheirsilenteveningtogetherthethingneeded。

Manorboy，womanorgirl，theyhadforamomenttakenholdofthethingthatmakesthematurelifeofmenandwomeninthemodernworldpossible。

DEPARTURE

YOUNGGEORGEWILLARDgotoutofbedatfourinthemorning。ItwasAprilandtheyoungtreeleaveswerejustcomingoutoftheirbuds。ThetreesalongtheresidencestreetsinWinesburgaremapleandtheseedsarewinged。Whenthewindblowstheywhirlcrazilyabout，fillingtheairandmakingacar-

petunderfoot。

Georgecamedownstairsintothehotelofficecar-

ryingabrownleatherbag。Histrunkwaspackedfordeparture。Sincetwoo"clockhehadbeenawakethinkingofthejourneyhewasabouttotakeandwonderingwhathewouldfindattheendofhisjourney。Theboywhosleptinthehotelofficelayonacotbythedoor。Hismouthwasopenandhesnoredlustily。Georgecreptpastthecotandwentoutintothesilentdesertedmainstreet。Theeastwaspinkwiththedawnandlongstreaksoflightclimbedintotheskywhereafewstarsstillshone。

BeyondthelasthouseonTrunionPikeinWines-

burgthereisagreatstretchofopenfields。ThefieldsareownedbyfarmerswholiveintownanddrivehomewardateveningalongTrunionPikeinlightcreakingwagons。Inthefieldsareplantedberriesandsmallfruits。Inthelateafternooninthehotsummerswhentheroadandthefieldsarecoveredwithdust，asmokyhazeliesoverthegreatflatbasinofland。Tolookacrossitislikelookingoutacrossthesea。Inthespringwhenthelandisgreentheeffectissomewhatdifferent。Thelandbecomesawidegreenbilliardtableonwhichtinyhumanin-

sectstoilupanddown。

AllthroughhisboyhoodandyoungmanhoodGeorgeWillardhadbeeninthehabitofwalkingonTrunionPike。Hehadbeeninthemidstofthegreatopenplaceonwinternightswhenitwascoveredwithsnowandonlythemoonlookeddownathim；

hehadbeenthereinthefallwhenbleakwindsblewandonsummereveningswhentheairvibratedwiththesongofinsects。OntheAprilmorninghewantedtogothereagain，towalkagaininthesilence。Hedidwalktowheretheroaddippeddownbyalittlestreamtwomilesfromtownandthenturnedandwalkedsilentlybackagain。WhenhegottoMainStreetclerksweresweepingthesidewalksbeforethestores。"Hey，youGeorge。Howdoesitfeeltobegoingaway？"theyasked。

ThewestboundtrainleavesWinesburgatsevenforty-fiveinthemorning。TomLittleisconductor。

HistrainrunsfromClevelandtowhereitconnectswithagreattrunklinerailroadwithterminalsinChicagoandNewYork。Tomhaswhatinrailroadcirclesiscalledan"easyrun。"Everyeveninghereturnstohisfamily。InthefallandspringhespendshisSundaysfishinginLakeErie。Hehasaroundredfaceandsmallblueeyes。Heknowsthepeopleinthetownsalonghisrailroadbetterthanacitymanknowsthepeoplewholiveinhisapart-

mentbuilding。

GeorgecamedownthelittleinclinefromtheNewWillardHouseatseveno"clock。TomWillardcarriedhisbag。Thesonhadbecometallerthanthefather。

Onthestationplatformeveryoneshooktheyoungman"shand。Morethanadozenpeoplewaitedabout。Thentheytalkedoftheirownaffairs。EvenWillHenderson，whowaslazyandoftensleptuntilnine，hadgotoutofbed。Georgewasembarrassed。

GertrudeWilmot，atallthinwomanoffiftywhoworkedintheWinesburgpostoffice，camealongthestationplatform。ShehadneverbeforepaidanyattentiontoGeorge。Nowshestoppedandputoutherhand。Intwowordsshevoicedwhateveryonefelt。"Goodluck，"shesaidsharplyandthenturningwentonherway。

WhenthetraincameintothestationGeorgefeltrelieved。Hescamperedhurriedlyaboard。HelenWhitecamerunningalongMainStreethopingtohaveapartingwordwithhim，buthehadfoundaseatanddidnotseeher。WhenthetrainstartedTomLittlepunchedhisticket，grinnedand，althoughheknewGeorgewellandknewonwhatadventurehewasjustsettingout，madenocomment。TomhadseenathousandGeorgeWillardsgooutoftheirtownstothecity。Itwasacommonplaceenoughincidentwithhim。InthesmokingcartherewasamanwhohadjustinvitedTomtogoonafishingtriptoSanduskyBay。Hewantedtoaccepttheinvi-

tationandtalkoverdetails。

Georgeglancedupanddownthecartobesurenoonewaslooking，thentookouthispocketbookandcountedhismoney。Hismindwasoccupiedwithadesirenottoappeargreen。Almostthelastwordshisfatherhadsaidtohimconcernedthemat-

terofhisbehaviorwhenhegottothecity。"Beasharpone，"TomWillardhadsaid。"Keepyoureyesonyourmoney。Beawake。That"stheticket。Don"tletanyonethinkyou"reagreenhorn。"

AfterGeorgecountedhismoneyhelookedoutofthewindowandwassurprisedtoseethatthetrainwasstillinWinesburg。

Theyoungman，goingoutofhistowntomeettheadventureoflife，begantothinkbuthedidnotthinkofanythingverybigordramatic。Thingslikehismother"sdeath，hisdeparturefromWinesburg，theuncertaintyofhisfuturelifeinthecity，theseri-

ousandlargeraspectsofhislifedidnotcomeintohismind。

Hethoughtoflittlethings——TurkSmolletwheel-

ingboardsthroughthemainstreetofhistowninthemorning，atallwoman，beautifullygowned，whohadoncestayedovernightathisfather"shotel，ButchWheelerthelamplighterofWinesburghur-

ryingthroughthestreetsonasummereveningandholdingatorchinhishand，HelenWhitestandingbyawindowintheWinesburgpostofficeandput-

tingastamponanenvelope。

Theyoungman"smindwascarriedawaybyhisgrowingpassionfordreams。Onelookingathimwouldnothavethoughthimparticularlysharp。

Withtherecollectionoflittlethingsoccupyinghismindheclosedhiseyesandleanedbackinthecarseat。HestayedthatwayforalongtimeandwhenhearousedhimselfandagainlookedoutofthecarwindowthetownofWinesburghaddisappearedandhislifetherehadbecomebutabackgroundonwhichtopaintthedreamsofhismanhood。