第9章

Thereappearedanakedhandandanarm，fromtheelbowdown，beatinguponthefloortillthehousedidshakeagain。"TheFiendnextexclaimedthatifthecandlewereputouthewouldappearintheshapeofFireballs。"

Letitbeobservedthatnow，forthefirsttime，welearnthatallthesceneoccurredincandle-light。Theappearanceoffloatingballsoffireisfrequent(ifwemaybelievethecurrentreports)

atspiritualisticseances。Butwhatastrange，ill-digestedtaleisMr。Sinclair"s!Heletsslipanexpressionwhichshowsthattheinvestigatorswereinoneroom，theBut，whiletheFiendwasdivertinghimselfintheotherroom，theBen!TheFiend(nobodygoingBen)nextchaffedagentlemanwhoworeafashionablebroad-

brimmedhat，"whereuponhepresentlyimaginedthathefeltapairofshearsgoingabouthishat，"buttherewasnosuchmatter。Thevoiceaskedforapieceofbread，whichtheotherswereeating，andsaidthemaidgavehimacrustinthemorning。Thisshedenied，butadmittedthatsomethinghad"clicked"apieceofbreadoutofherhand。

Theseanceended，theDevilslappingasafeportionofthechildren"sbodies，withasoundresemblingapplause。Aftermanymonthsofthisreallyannoyingconduct，poorCampbelllaidhiscasebeforethePresbyters，in1655，thirtyyearsbeforethedateofpublication。Soa"solemnhumiliation"wasactuallyheldallthroughtheboundsofthesynod。ButtolittlepurposedidGlenlucesitinsackclothandashes。Thegoodwife"splatewassnatchedawaybeforeherveryeyes，andthenthrownbackather。

Insimilar"stirs，"describedbyaCatholicmissionaryinPerusoonafterPizarro"sconquest，thecupofanIndianchiefwasliftedupbyaninvisiblehand，andsetdownempty。Inthatcase，too，stoneswerethrown，asbytheDevilofGlenluce。

Andwhatwastheendofitall？Mr。Sinclairhasnoteventakenthetroubletoinquire。Itseemsbysomeconjurationorother，theDevilsufferedhimselftobeputaway，andgavetheweaverahabitation。Theweaver"hasbeenaveryOddmanthatenduredsolongthesemarvellousdisturbances。"

ThisisthetalewhichMr。Sinclairoffers，withoutmentioninghisauthority。HecomplainsthatDr。HenryMorehadplagiarisedit，fromhisbookofHydrostatics。Twopointsmayberemarked。First:

modernPsychicalInquirersaremoreparticularaboutevidencethanMr。Sinclair。Notfornothingdoweliveinanageofscience。

Next:thestoriesofthese"stirs"arealwaysmuchthesameeverywhere，inGlenluce，atTedworth，wheretheDrummercame，inPeru，inWesley"shouse，inheroicIceland，whenGlam，thevampire，"rodetheroofs。"Itiscurioustospeculateonhowthetraditionofmakingthemselveslittlenuisancesinthisparticularmannerhasbeenhandeddownamongchildren，ifwearetosupposethatchildrendothetrick。Lastautumnafarmer"shouseinScotlandwasannoyedexactlyastheweaver"shomewas，andthatwithinaquarterofamileofawell-knownmanofscience。Themattressofthefatherwastenantedbysomethingthatwriggledlikeasnake。Themattresswasopened，nothingwasfound，andthedisturbancebeganagainassoonasthebedwasrestoredtoitsplace。Thisoccurredwhenthefarmer"schildrenhadbeensenttoadistance。

Onecannotbutbeperplexedbytheproblemwhichthesetalessuggest。Almostbareofevidenceastheyare，theirgreatnumber，theirwidediffusion，inmanycountriesandintimesancientandmodern，mayestablishsomesubstratumoftruth。Scottmentionsacaseinwhichtheimposturewasdetectedbyasheriff"sofficer。

Butarecentanecdotemakesmealmostdistrustthedetection。

SomeEnglishpeople，havingtakenacountryhouseinIreland，werevexedbytheusualrappings，stone-throwings，andalltherestofthebusiness。TheysenttoDublinfortwodetectives，whoarrived。

Ontheirfirstnight，theladyofthehousewentintoaroom，whereshefoundoneofthepolicemenasleepinhischair。Beingalivelyperson，sherappedtwiceorthriceonthetable。Heawakened，andsaid:"Ah，soIsuspected。Itwashardlyworthwhile，madam，tobringussofarforthis。"Andnextdaytheworthymenwithdrewindudgeon，butquiteconvincedthattheyhaddiscoveredtheagentinthehauntings。

Buttheyhadnot!

Ontheotherhand，Scott(whohadseenoneghost，ifnottwo，andhadhearda"warning")statesthatMissAnneRobinsonmanagedtheStockwelldisturbancesbytyinghorsehairstoplatesandlightarticles，whichthendemeanedthemselvesasifpossessed。

Herewehaveveracausa，ademonstrablecauseof"stirs，"anditmaybeinferredthatalltheotherhistoricaloccurrenceshadasimilarorigin。Wehave，then，onlytobeinterestedinthepersistenttradition，inaccordancewithwhichmischievouspersonsalwaysdoexactlythesamesortofthing。Butthisisamereexampleoftheidentityofhumannature。

ItiscurioustoseehowMr。SinclairplumeshimselfonthisDevilofGlenluceasa"moliminousrampier"againstirreligion。"ThisoneRelationisworthallthepricethatcanbegivenfortheBook。"ThepriceIhavegivenforthevolumeisTenGoldenGuineas，andperhapstheFoulThiefofGlenluceishardlyworththemoney。

"IbelieveiftheObdurestAtheistamongmenwouldseriouslyandingoodearnestconsiderthatrelation，andponderallthecircumstancesthereof，hewouldpresentlycryout，asaDr。ofPhysickdid，hearingastorylessconsiderable，"IbelieveIhavebeeninthewrongallthetime——ifthisbetrue。""

Mr。SinclairisalsoabelieverintheWoodstockdevils，onwhichScottfoundedhisnovel。HedoesnotgivetheexplanationthatGilesSharp，aliasJosephCollinsofOxford，aliasFunnyJoe，wasalltheDevilinthataffair。ScotthadreadthestoryofFunnyJoe，butcouldneverremember"whetheritexistsinaseparatecollection，orwhereitistobelookedfor。"

Indifferenttoevidence，Mr。SinclairconfutestheObdurestAtheistswiththePiedPiperofHamelin，withtheyoungladyfromHowells""Letters，"whosehouse，likeRahab"s，was"onthecitywall，"andwiththeghostoftheMajorwhoappearedtotheCaptain(ashehadpromised)，andscoldedhimfornotkeepinghisswordclean。HealsogivesusMajorWeir，atfulllength，convincingusthat，asWilliamErskinesaid，"TheMajorwasadisgustingfellow，amostungentlemanlikecharacter。"Scott，ontheotherhand，remarked，longbefore"Waverley，""ifIeverweretobecomeawriterofproseromances，IthinkIwouldchooseMajorWeir，ifnotformyhero，atleastforanagentandaleadingone，inmyproduction。"HeadmittedthatthestreetwheretheMajorlivedwashauntedbyawoman"twicethecommonlength，""butwhyshouldwesethimdownforanungentlemanlyfellow？"ReadersofMr。Sinclairwillunderstandthereasonverywell，anditisnotnecessary，norhereevenpossible，tojustifyErskine"sopinionbyquotations。

Sufficeitthat，byvirtueofhisenchantedstaff，whichwasburnedwithhim，theMajorwasenabled"tocommitevilnottobenamed，yea，eventoreconcilemanandwifewhenatvariance。"Hissister，whowashanged，hadRedgauntlet"shorse-shoemarkonherbrow，andonemaymarvelthatScottdoesnotseemtohaverememberedthiscoincidence。"TherewasseenanexactHorse-shoe，shapedfornails，inherwrinkles。Terribleenough，Iassureyou，tothestoutestbeholder!"

MostmodernreaderswillbelievethatboththelucklessMajorandhissisterwerereligiousmaniacs。Poverty，solitude，andthesuperstitionoftheirtimewerethetruedemonofMajorWeir，burnedatthestakeinApril1670。Perhapsthemostsingularimpressionmadeby"Satan"sInvisibleWorldDiscovered"isthatinSinclair"sday，peoplewhodidnotbelieveinbogiesbelievedinnothing，whilepeoplewhosharedthecommoncreedofChristendomwerecapableofbelievingineverything。

Atheistsareascommonasghostsinhismarvellousrelations，andtheverywizardsthemselveswereoftenAtheists。

NOTE——IhavesaidthatScotthimselfhadseenoneghost，ifnottwo，andhearda"warning。"TheghostwasseennearAshestiel，onanopenspotofhillside，"pleasetoobserveitwasbeforedinner。"

TheanecdoteisinGillis"s，"RecollectionsofSirWalterScott，"

p。170。ThevisionofLordByronstandinginthegreathallofAbbotsfordisdescribedinthe"DemonologyandWitchcraft。"Scottallegesthatitresolveditselfinto"greatcoats，shawls，andplaids"——ahallucination。ButLockhartremarks("Life，"ix。p。

141)thathedidnotcaretohavethecircumstancediscussedingeneral。The"stirs"inAbbotsfordduringthenightwhenhisarchitect，Bullock，diedinLondon，areinLockhart，v。pp。309-

315。"Thenoiseresembledhalf-a-dozenmenhardatworkputtingupboardsandfurniture，andnothingcanbemorecertainthanthattherewasnobodyonthepremisesatthetime。"Thenoise，unluckily，occurredtwice，April28and29，1818，andLockhartdoesnottellusonwhichofthesetwonightsMr。Bullockdied。Suchisthecasualnessofghoststory-tellers。LockhartaddsthatthecoincidencemadeastrongimpressiononSirWalter"smind。Hedidnotcaretoascertainthepointinhisownmentalconstitution"whereincredulitybegantowaver，"accordingtohisfriend，Mr。J。

L。Adolphus。

CHAPTERXVII:THEBOY

Asahumblestudentofsavagelife，Ihavefounditnecessarytomakeresearchesintothemannersandcustomsofboys。Boysarenotwhatavainpeoplesupposes。Ifyoumeetthemintheholidays，youfindthemaffableandfullofkindnessandgoodqualities。Theywillcondescendtoyourweaknessatlawn-tennis，theywillaidyouinyourselectionoffly-hooks，and，tobebrief，willbehavewithmuchmorethanthecivilityoftameZulusorRedMenonamissionarysettlement。Butboysatschoolandamongthemselves，lefttothewildjusticeandtraditionallawswhichmanygenerationsofboyshaveevolved，areentirelydifferentbeings。

TheyresemblethatPolynesianprincewhohadrejectedtheerrorsofpolytheismforthoseofanextremesectofPrimitiveSeceders。Forweeksatatimethisprincewasknowntobe"steady，"buteverymonthorsohedisappeared，andhissubjectssaidhewas"lyingoff。"ToadoptanAmericanidiom，he"feltlikebrandyandwater"；

healso"feltlike"wearingnoclothes，andgenerallyrejectinghisnewconceptionsofdutyanddecency。Infact，hehadagoodboutofsavagery，andthenhereturnedtohistallhat，hisvarnishedboots，hishymn-book，andhisedifyingprinciples。Thelifeofsmallboysatschool(beforetheygetintolong-tailedcoatsandtheupper-fifth)isoftenamerecourseof"lying-off"——ofrelapseintonativesavagerywithitslawsandcustoms。

Ifanyonehassofarforgottenhisownboyhoodastothinkthisdescriptionexaggerated，lethimjustfancywhatourcomfortablecivilisedlifewouldbe，ifwecouldbecomeboysincharacterandcustom。Letussupposethatyouareelectedtoanewclub，ofwhichmostofthemembersarestrangerstoyou。Youenterthedoorsforthefirsttime，whentwooldermembers，whohavebeengossipinginthehall，pounceuponyouwiththeexclamation，"Hullo，here"sanewfellow!Youfellow，what"syourname？"Youreply，letussay，"Johnson。""Idon"tbelieveit，it"ssucharumname。What"syourfather？"Perhapsyouareconstrainedtoanswer"aDuke"or(moreprobably)"asolicitor。"Intheformercaseyourfriendsboundupintothesmoking-room，howling，"Here"sanewfellowsayshisfatherisaDuke。Let"stakethecheekoutofhim。"Andthey"takeitout"withumbrellas，slippers，andothersurgicalinstruments。Or，inthelattercase(yourparentbeingasolicitor)theyreply，"Thenyourfathermustbeabeastlycad。

Allsolicitorsaresharks。MYfathersaysso，andheknows。Howmanysistershaveyou？"Thenewmemberanswers，"Four。""Anyofthemmarried？""No。""Howawfullyawkwardforyou。"

Bythistime，perhaps，luncheonisready，ortheeveningpaperscomein，andyouarereleasedforamoment。Yousneakupintothelibrary，whereyounaturallyexpecttobeentirelyalone，andyousettleonasofawithanovel。Butanoldmemberburstsintotheroom，spiesanewfellow，andputshimthroughtheusualcatechism。

Heendswith，"Howmuchtinhaveyougot？"Youanswer"twentypounds，"orwhateverthesummaybe，forperhapsyouhadcontemplatedplayingwhist。"Verywell，forkitout；youmustgiveadinner，allnewfellowsmust，andYOUarenotgoingtobeginbybeingastingybeast？"Thusaddressed，asyourfriendisabigbaldman，wholooksmischievous，youdo"forkout"allyourreadymoney，andyournewfriendgoesofftoconsultthecook。Meanwhileyou"shedabloomingtear，"asHomersays，andgohomeheart-

broken。Now，doesanygrown-upmancallthisstateofsocietycivilisation？Wouldlifebeworthliving(whateverone"sreligiousconsolations)ontheseterms？Ofcoursenot，andyetthispictureisanotoverdrawnsketchofthecareerofsomenewboy，atsomeschoolsneworold。Theexistenceofasmallschoolboyis，inotherrespects，notunlikethatofanoutsiderinalawless"Brotherhood，"astheIrishplayfullycalltheirmurderclubs。

ThesmallboyisINthesociety，butnotOFit，asfarasanybenefitsgo。Hehastofieldout(andIadmitthatthedisciplineissalutary)whileotherboysbat。Otherboyscommitthefaults，andcompelhimtocopyouttheimpositions——sayfivehundredlinesofVirgil——withwhichtheirsinsarevisited。Otherboysenjoythepleasuresoffootball，whilethesmallboyhastorunvaguelyabout，neverwithinfiveyardsoftheball。Bigboysreapthegloriesofpaperchases，thesmallboygetslostinthebitterweather，ontheopenmoors，orperhaps(asinonehistoricalcase)

isfrozentodeathwithinameasurabledistanceoftheschoolplayground。Andtheworstofitisthat，asamemberofthegreatschoolsecretsociety，thesmallboycannevercomplainofhiswrongs，ordivulgethenameofhistormentors。Itisinthisrespectthatheresemblesaharmlessfellow，draggedintothecoilsofanAnarchist"InnerBrotherhood。"Heisexposedtoallsortsofwrongsfromhisneighbours，andhecanonlyescapebyturning"informer，"bybreakingthemostsacredlawofhissociety，losingallsocialstatus，and，probably，obliginghisparentstoremovehimfromschool。Lifeatschool，asamongtheCelticpeoples，turnsonthebeliefthatlawandauthorityarenaturalenemies，againstwhicheveryoneisbanded。

Thechapterofbullyingamongboysisoneonwhichamanenterswithreluctance。Boysare，onthewhole，suchgoodfellows，andsofulloffineunsophisticatedqualities，thatthematuremindwouldgladlyturnawayitseyesfrombeholdingtheiriniquities。Evenacruelbullydoesnotinevitablyandinvariablydevelopintoabadman。Heis，letushope，onlypassingthroughthesavagestage，inwhichthetortureofprisonersisarecognisedinstitution。Hehas，perhaps，toolittleimaginationtounderstandthepainhecauses。Veryoftenbullyingisnotphysicallycruel，butonlyapervertedsortofhumour，suchasKingsley，in"Hypatia，"

recognisedamonghisfavouriteGoths。Irememberafeeblefoolishboyatschool(feeblehecertainlywas，andwasthoughtfoolish)

whobecamethesubjectofmuchhumorousbullying。Hiscompanionsusedtotieathinthreadroundhisear，andattachthistoabaratsuchaheightthathecouldonlyavoidbreakingitbystandingontiptoe。Buthewastoldthathemustnotbreakthethread。Toavoidinfringingthiscommandment，heputhimselftoconsiderableinconvenienceandaffordedmuchenjoymenttothespectators。

Menofmiddleage，ratherearlymiddleage，rememberthetwofollowingspeciesofbullyingtowhichtheyweresubjected，andwhich，perhaps，areobsolescent。Tallstoolswerepiledupinapyramid，andthevictimwasseatedonthetop，neartheroofoftheroom。Theothersavagesbroughthimdownfromthisbademinencebyhurlingotherstoolsatthosewhichsupportedhim。Orthevictimwasmadetoplacehishandsagainstthedoor，withthefingersoutstretched，whiletheyoungtormentorsplayedattheChineseknife-trick。Theythrewknives，thatistosay，atthedoorbetweentheaperturesofthefingers，and，asarule，theyhitthefingersandnotthedoor。ThesediversionsIknowtobecorrectlyreported，butthefollowingprettystoryis，perhaps，amyth。Atoneofthemostfamouspublicschools，apraepostor，ormonitor，orsixth-formboyhavingauthority，heardapistol-shotintheroomabovehisown。Hewentupandfoundabigboyandalittleboy。

Theydeniedhavinganypistol。Themonitorreturnedtohisstudies，againwassureheheardashot，wentup，andfoundthelittleboydead。ThebigboyhadbeenplayingtheWilliamTelltrickwithhim，andhadhithisheadinsteadoftheapple。Thatisthelegend。Whetheritbetrueorfalse，allboyswillagreethatthelittlevictimcouldnothaveescapedbycomplainingtothemonitor。No。Deathbeforedishonour。Butthesidenotsoseamyofthispictureofschoollifeistheextraordinarypowerofhonouramongboys。Ofcoursethelawsofthesecretsocietymightwellterrifyapuerileinformer。Butthesentimentofhonourisevenmorestrongthanfear，andwillprobablyoutlasttheverydisagreeablecircumstancesinwhichitwasdeveloped。

Peoplesaybullyingisnotwhatitusedtobe。Themuchabusedmonitorialsystemhasthisinitofgood，thatitenablesacleverandkindlyboywhoishighupintheschooltostopthecruelties(ifhehearsofthem)ofamuchbiggerboywhoislowintheschool。Butheseldomhearsofthem。Habitualbulliesareverycunning，andIamacquaintedwithinstancesinwhichtheycarrytheirvictimsofftolonelytorturecells(sotospeak)anddesertedplacesfitforthesport。Someyearsagoasmallboy，afteralongcourseofrope"s-endinginout-of-the-waydens，revealedtheabominationsofsomenavalcadets。Therewasnotmuchsympathywithhiminthepublicmind，andperhapshiscasewasnotwellmanaged。Butitwasmadeclearthatwhereasamongmenanunpopularpersonisonlyspokenevilofbehindhisback，anunpopularsmallboyamongboysismadetosufferinamoredirectandveryunpleasantway。

Mostofusleaveschoolwiththeimpressionthattherewasagooddealofbullyingwhenwewerelittle，butthattheinstitutionhasdiedout。Thetruthisthatwehavegrowntoobigtobebullied，andtoogood-naturedtobullyourselves。WhenIleftschool，I

thoughtbullyingwasanextinctart，likeencausticpainting(beforeitwasrediscoveredbySirWilliamRichmond)。Butadistinguishedwriter，whowasasmallboywhenIwasabigone，hassincerevealedtomethemostabominablecrueltieswhichwerebeingpractisedattheverymomentwhenIsupposedbullyingtohavehaditsdayandceasedtobe。Now，thesmallboyneedonlyhavementionedthecircumstancestoanyoneofascoreofbigboys，andthetormentorwouldhavebeenfirstthrashed，andthen，probably，expelled。

Afriendofmyownwastravellinglatelyinawildandhillyregionontheothersideoftheworld，letussayintheMountainsoftheMoon。Inamountaintavernhehadthrustuponhimthesocietyofthecook，averyuselessyoungman，whoastonishedhimbyreferencestooneofouruniversities，andtotheenjoymentsofthatseatoflearning。Thisyouth(whowasmadecook，andaverybadcooktoo，becausehecoulddonothingelse)hadbeenexpelledfromalargeEnglishschool。Andhewasexpelledbecausehehadfelledabullywithapaving-stone，andhadexpressedhisreadinesstodoitagain。Now，therewasnodoubtthatthiscookinthemountaininnwasaveryunserviceableyoungfellow。ButIwishmoreboyswhohavesufferedthingsliterallyunspeakablefrombullieswouldtrywhetherforce(intheformofapavingstone)isreallynoremedy。

TheCatholicauthorofarecentbook("Schools，"byLieut-Col。

RaleighChichester)，isveryhardon"ProtestantSchools，"andthinksthattheCatholicsystemofconstantwatchingisaremedyforbullyingandotherevils。"Swing-doorswiththeirupperhalfglazed，mighthavetheiruses，"hesays，andhedoesnotseewhyaboyshouldnotbepermittedtocomplain，ifheisroasted，likeTomBrown，beforealargefire。TheboysatoneCatholicschooldescribedbyColonelRaleighChichester，"areneverwithoutsurveillanceofsomesort。"ThisistrueofmostFrenchschools，andanyonewhowishestounderstandtheconsequences(there)mayreadthepublishedconfessionsofapion——anusher，or"spy。"A

moredegradedanddegradinglifethanthatofthewretchedpion，itisimpossibletoimagine。InanEnglishprivateschool，thesystemofespionnageandtalebearing，whenitexists，isprobablynotunlikewhatMr。AnsteydescribesinViceVersa。ButintheCatholicschoolsspokenofbyColonelRaleighChichester，thesurveillancemaybe，ashesays，"thatofaparent；anaidtotheboysintheirgamesratherthanacheck。"ThereligiousquestionasbetweenCatholicsandProtestantshasnoessentialconnectionwiththesubject。AProtestantschoolmight，andGrimstone"sdid，havetale-bearers；possiblyaCatholicschoolmightexistwithoutparentalsurveillance。Thatsystemiscalledbyitsfoesa"police，"byitsfriendsa"paternal"system。Butfathersdon"texercisethe"paternal"systemthemselvesinthiscountry，andwemaytakeitforgrantedthat，whileEnglishsocietyandreligionareastheyare，surveillanceatourlargeschoolswillbeimpossible。Ifanyoneregretsthis，lethimreadthedescriptionsofFrenchschoolsandschooldays，inBalzac"sLouisLambert，inthe"Memoirs"ofM。MaximeduCamp，inanybookwhereaFrenchmanspeakshismindabouthisyouth。Hewillfindspying(ofcourse)

amongtheushers，contemptandhatredonthesideoftheboys，unwholesomeandcruelpunishments，atotallackofhealthyexercise；andhewillhearofholidaysspentinprematureexcursionsintoforbiddenandshadyquartersofthetown。

Nodoubtthebestsecurityagainstbullyingisinconstantoccupation。Therecanhardly(inspiteofMasterGeorgeOsborne"sexperiencein"VanityFair")bemuchbullyinginanopencricket-

field。Bigboys，too，withgoodhearts，shouldnotonlystopbullyingwhentheycomeacrossit，butmakeittheirbusinesstofindoutwhereitexists。Existitwill，moreorless，despiteallprecautions，whileboysareboys——thatis，arepassingthroughamodifiedformofthesavagestate。

Thereisacuriousfactintheboyishcharacterwhichseems，atfirstsight，tomakegoodtheopinionthatprivateeducation，athome，isthetruemethod。Beforetheygooutintoschoollife，manylittlefellowsofnine，orso，areextremelyoriginal，imaginative，andalmostpoetical。Theyarefondofbooks，fondofnature，and，ifyoucanwintheirconfidence，willtellyouallsortsofprettythoughtsandfancieswhichlieaboutthemintheirinfancy。Ihaveknownalittleboywholikedtolieonthegrassandtopeoplethealleysandgladesofthatminiatureforestwithfairiesanddwarfs，whomheseemedactuallytoseeinakindofvision。Buthewenttoschool，heinstantlywonthehundredyardsraceforboysundertwelve，andhecamebackayoungbarbarian，interestedin"thetheoryoftouch"(atfootball)，curiousintheartofbowling，andnomorecapablethanyouorIofseeingfairiesinagreenmeadow。Hewascaughtupintotheairoftheboy"sworld，andhisimaginationwasinabeyanceforaseason。

Thisisacommonenoughthing，andratheramelancholyspectacletobehold。Oneistemptedtobelievethatschoolcausesthelossofagooddealofgenius，andthatthesmallboyswholeavehomepoets，andcomebackbarbarians，havebeenwasted。But，ontheotherhand，iftheyhadbeenkeptathomeandencouraged，thechancesarethattheywouldhaveblossomedintoinfantphenomenaandnothingbetter。TheawfulinfancyofMr。JohnStuartMillisastandingwarning。Mr。Millwouldprobablyhavebeenamuchhappierandwisermanifhehadnotbeenaprecociouslinguist，economist，andphilosopher，buthadpassedthroughahealthystageofindifferencetolearningandspeculationatapublicschool。Lookagain，atthechildhoodofBishopThirlwall。HisPrimitiaewerepublished(bySamuelTipper，London，1808)，whenyoungConnopwasbutelevenyearsofage。Hisindiscreetfather"launchedthisslenderbark，"

ashesays，anditsailedthroughthreeeditionsbetween1808and1809。YoungThirlwallwastaughtLatinatthreeyearsofage，"andatfourreadGreekwithaneaseandfluencywhichastonishedallwhoheardhim。"Atsevenhecomposedanessay，"OntheUncertaintyofHumanLife，"but"histasteforpoetrywasnotdiscoveredtillalaterperiod。"Hissermons，someforty，occupymostofthelittlevolumeinwhichthesePrimitiaewerecollected。

HewasespeciallyconcernedaboutSabbathdesecration。"I

confess，"observesthissageoften，"whenIlookuponthepresentandpaststateofourpublicmorals，andwhenIcontrastourpresentluxury，dissipation，anddepravity，withpastfrugalityandvirtue，Ifeelnotmerelyasensationofregret，butalsoofterror，fortheresultofthechange。""ThelateRevolutioninFrance，"headds，"hasaffordedusaremarkablelessonhownecessaryreligionistoaState，andthatfromadeficiencyonthatheadarisethechiefevilswhichcanbefallsociety。"Hethenbidsus"rememberthattheNebuchadnezzarwhomaydestroyourIsraelisnearathand，"thoughitmightbedifficulttoshowhowNebuchadnezzardestroyedIsrael。

Astotheuncertaintyoflife，heremarksthat"EdwardVI。diedinhisminority，anddisappointedhissubjects，towhomhehadpromisedahappyreign。"Ofthisinfant"sthirty-ninesermons(justasmanyastheArticles)，itmaybesaidthattheyareinnowayinferiortootherexamplesofthisclassofliterature。Butsermonsareamongtheleast"scarce"and"rare"ofhumanessays，andmanyparentswouldratherseetheirboypatientlyacquiringtheartofwicket-keepingatschoolthanmoralisingontheuncertaintyoflifeathome。Someone"havingpresentedtotheyoungauthoracopyofversesonthetriteandfamiliarsubjectofthePloughboy，"

herepliedwithanodeon"ThePotboy。"

"Blissisnotalwaysjoin"dtowealth，NordwellsbeneaththegildedroofForpovertyisblisswithhealth，Ofthatmypotboystandsaproof。"

Thevolumeendswiththisdetermination，"StillshallIseekApollo"sshelt"ringray，Tocheermyspiritsandinspiremylay。"

IfanyparentorguardiandesiresanyfurtherinformationaboutLesEnfansdevenuscelebresparleursecrits，hewillfinditinaworkofthatname，publishedinParisin1688。ThelearnedScioppiuspublishedworksatsixteen，"whichdeserved"(andperhapsobtained)

"theadmirationofdotards。"M。DuMaurierassertsthat，attheageoffifteen，GrotiuspleadedcausesattheBar。AtelevenMeursiusmadeorationsandharangueswhichweremuchadmired。Atfifteen，AlexandreleJeunewroteanacreonticverses，and(lessexcusably)acommentaryontheInstitutionsofGaius。Grevinpublishedatragedyandtwocomediesattheageofthirteen，andatfifteenLouisStellawasaprofessorofGreek。ButnoonereadsGrevinnow，norStella，norAlexandreleJeune，andperhapstheirtimemighthavebeenbetteroccupiedinbeing"soaringhumanboys"

thanincomposingtragediesandcommentaries。MonsieurleDucdeMainepublished，in1678，hisOEuvresd"unAuteurdeSeptAns，aroyalexampletobeavoidedbyallboys。TheseandseveralscoreofotherexamplesmayperhapsreconcileustothespectacleofpuerilegeniusfadingawayintheexistenceofthecommonBritishschoolboy，whoisnothingofapoet，andstilllessofajurisconsult。

TheBritishauthorswhounderstandboysbestarenotthosewhohavewrittenbooksexclusivelyaboutboys。ThereisCanonFarrar，forexample，whoseromancesofboyishlifeappeartobeverypopular，butwhoseboys，somehow，arenotrealboys。Theyaretoogoodwhentheyaregood，andwhentheyarebad，theyarenotperhapstoobad(thatisimpossible)，buttheyarebadinthewrongway。Theyarebadwithamannishandconsciousvice，whereasevenbadboysseemtosinlessconsciouslyandafteraferociousfashionoftheirown。

Oftheboysin"TomBrown"itisdifficulttospeak，becausetheRugbyboyunderArnoldseemstohavebeenofapeculiarspecies。A

contemporarypupilwasasked，whenanundergraduate，whatheconceivedtobethepeculiarcharacteristicofRugbyboys。Hesaid，aftermaturereflection，that"thedifferentiaoftheRugbyboywashismoralthoughtfulness。"Nowthecharacteristicoftheordinaryboyishiswantofwhatiscalledmoralthoughtfulness。

Helivesinsimpleobediencetoschooltraditions。Thesemaycompelhim，atoneschool，tospeakinapeculiarlanguage，andtopersecuteandbeatallboyswhoareslowatlearningthislanguage。

Atanotherschoolhemayregarddislikeofthemanlygameoffootballasthesinwithwhich"heavenheadsthecountofcrimes。"

OnthewholethisnotionseemsausefulprotestagainsttheprematurelyartisticbeingswhofilltheirstudieswithphotographsofGreekfragments，vases，etchingsbythenewestetcher，bitsofChina，Orientalrugs，andverycuriousoldbrasscandlesticks。The"challengecup"soonpassesawayfromthekeepingofanyhouseinapublicschoolwhereBunthorneisapopularandimitatedcharacter。

Butwhenwereachaestheticboys，wepassoutofthesavagestageintohobbledehoyhood。Thebiggerboysatpublicschoolsareoftenterribly"advanced，"andwhentheyarenotatworkorplay，theyarevexingthemselveswiththeriddleoftheearth，evolution，agnosticism，andallthatkindofthing。Latinversesmaynotbewhatconservativesfondlydeemthem，andevencricketmay，itissaid，becometooabsorbingapursuit，buteitherorbotharebetterthanprecociousfreethinkingandsacrificeonthealtaroftheBeautiful。

AbigboywhoistacklingHaeckelorcomposingvirelaisinplaytimeisdoinghimselfnogood，andisworsethanuselesstothesocietyofwhichheisamember。Thesmallboys，whoarethemostardentofhero-worshippers，eitherdespisehimortheyallowhimtoaddresstheminchansonsroyaux，andrespondwithtreblesintriolets。Atpresentagreatmanyboysleaveschool，passthreeyearsorfourattheuniversities，andgobackasmasterstotheplacewheresomeoftheiroldschoolfellowsarestillpupils。Itisthroughtheseveryyoungmasters，perhaps，that"advanced"

speculationsandtastesgetintoschools，where，howeverexcellentinthemselves，theyareratheroutofplace。Indeed，theveryyoungmaster，thoughusuallyearnestinhiswork，mustbeasageindeedifhecanavoidtalkingtotheelderboysabouttheproblemsthatinteresthim，andsoforcingtheirmindsintoprecociousattitudes。TheadvantageofEtonboysusedtobe，perhapsisstill，thattheycameuptocollegeabsolutelydestituteof"ideas，"andguiltlessofreadinganythingmoremodernthanVirgil。

Thustheirintellectswerequitefallow，andtheymadeastonishingprogresswhentheybenttheirfreshandunweariedmindstostudy。

Buttoomanyboysnowleaveschoolwithsettledopinionsderivedfromtheverylatestthingout，fromthenewestGermanpessimistorAmericansocialist。Itmay，however，bearguedthatideasofthesesortsarelikemeasles，andthatitisbettertotakethemearlyandbedonewiththemforever。

WhileschoolsarereformedandLatingrammarsoftheutmostingenuityanddifficultyarepublished，boysonthewholechangeverylittle。TheyremainthebeingswhomThackerayunderstoodbetterthananyotherwriter:Thackeray，wholikedboyssomuchandwassolittleblindtotheirdefects。Ithinkheexaggeratestheirhabitoflyingtomasters，or，iftheyliedinhisday，theircharacterhasalteredinthatrespect，andtheyaremoretruthfulthanmanymenfinditexpedienttobe。Andtheyhavegivenupfighting；theoldbattlesbetweenBerryandBiggs，orDobbinandCuff(major)arethingsofthegloriouspast。Bigboysdon"tfight，andthereisawhisperthatlittleboyskickeachother"sshinswheninwrath。Thatpracticecanhardlybecalledanimprovement，evenifwedonotcareforfisticuffs。Perhapstheglovesarethebestpeacemakersatschool。Whenalltheboys，bypracticeinboxing，knowprettywellwhomtheycaninafriendlywaylick，theyarelesstemptedtomorecrucialexperiments"withoutthegloves。"

Buteventheascertainmentofone"srelativemeritswiththegloveshurtsagooddeal，andonemaythankheaventhatthefountainofyouth(asdescribedbyPontusdeTyarde)isnotacommonbeverage。

Bydrinkingthisliquid，saystheoldFrenchman，oneisinsensiblybroughtbackfromoldtomiddleage，andtoyouthandboyhood。Butonewouldprefertostopdrinkingofthefountainbeforeactuallybeingreducedtoboy"sestate，andpassingoncemorethroughthetumultuousexperiencesofthatperiod。Andofthese，NOTHAVING

ENOUGHTOEATisbynomeanstheleastcommon。Theevidenceastoexecrabledinnersisratherdispiriting，andonemayendbysayingthatifthereisaworsefellowthanabully，itisamasterwhodoesnotseethathisboysaresuppliedwithplentyofwholesomefood。He，atleast，couldnotventure，likeadistinguishedheadmaster，topreachandpublishsermonson"Boys"Life:itsFulness。"Aschoolmasterwhohasboardersisahotel-keeper，andtherebymakeshisincome，butheneednotkeepahotelwhichwouldbedispraisedinguidebooks。Dinnersareabranchofschooleconomywhichshouldnotbelefttothewivesofschoolmasters。