第3章

saidItomyterrifiedemployer。IshmaelPickupwrunghisdirtyhandsandanswered，"Yesh，mydear!"

Ourinformantinthisawkwardmatterwasemployedattheofficeofthelawyerswhoweretohavetheconductingofthecaseagainstus；andhewasabletotellmesomeofthethingsImostwantedtoknowinrelationtothepicture。

IfoundoutfromhimthattheRembrandtwasstillinourcustomer"spossession。Theoldgentlemanhadconsentedtothequestionofitsgenuinenessbeingtried，buthadfartoohighanideaofhisownknowledgeasaconnoisseurtoinclinetotheopinionthathehadbeentakenin。Hissuspiciousrelativewasnotstayinginthehouse，butwasinthehabitofvisitinghim，everyday，intheforenoon。ThatwasasmuchasIwantedtoknowfromothers。Therestdependedonmyself，onluck，time，humancredulity，andasmatteringofchemicalknowledgewhichIhadacquiredinthedaysofmymedicalstudies。Ilefttheconclaveatthepicture-dealer"sforthwith，andpurchasedatthenearestdruggist"sabottlecontainingacertainpowerfulliquid，whichI

declinetoparticularizeonhighmoralgrounds。Ilabeledthebottle"TheAmsterdamCleansingCompound"；andIwrappedrounditthefollowingnote:

"Mr。Pickup"srespectfulcomplimentstoMr——(letussay，Green)。

IsrejoicedtostatethathefindshimselfunexpectedlyabletoforwardMr。Green"sviewsrelativetothecleaningof"TheBurgomaster"sBreakfast。"TheinclosedcompoundhasjustreachedhimfromAmsterdam。ItismadefromarecipefoundamongthepapersofRembrandthimself——hasbeenusedwiththemostastonishingresultsontheMaster"spicturesineverygalleryofHolland，andisnowbeingappliedtothesurfaceofthelargestRembrandtinMr。P。"sowncollection。Directionsforuse:Laythepictureflat，pourthewholecontentsofthebottleoveritgently，soastofloodtheentiresurface；leavetheliquidonthesurfaceforsixhours，thenwipeitoffbrisklywithasoftclothofaslargeasizeascanbeconvenientlyused。Theeffectwillbethemostwonderfulremovalofalldirt，andacompleteandbrilliantmetamorphosisofthepresentdingysurfaceofthepicture。”

Ileftthisnoteandthebottlemyselfattwoo"clockthatday；

thenwenthome，andconfidentlyawaitedtheresult。

Thenextmorningourfriendfromtheofficecalled，announcinghimselfbyaburstoflaughteroutsidethedoor。Mr。Greenhadimplicitlyfollowedthedirectionsintheletterthemomenthereceivedit——hadallowedthe"AmsterdamCleansingCompound"toremainontheRembrandtuntileighto"clockintheevening——hadcalledforthesoftestlinenclothinthewholehouse——andhadthen，withhisownvenerablehands，carefullywipedoffthecompound，andwithitthewholesurfaceofthepicture!Thebrown，theblack，theBurgomaster，thebreakfast，andtherayofyellowlight，allcamecleanofftogetherinconsiderablylessthanaminuteoftime。Ifthepicture，wasbroughtintocourtnow，theevidenceitcouldgiveagainstuswaslimitedtoabitofplainpanel，andamassofblackpulprolledupinaduster。

Ourlineofdefensewas，ofcourse，thatthecompoundhadbeenimproperlyused。Fortherest，wereliedwithwell-placedconfidenceonthewantofevidenceagainstus。Mr。Pickupwiselyclosedhisshopforawhile，andwentofftotheContinenttoransacktheforeigngalleries。Ireceivedmyfiveandtwentypounds，rubbedoutthebeginningofmysecondRembrandt，closedthebackdooroftheworkshopbehindme，andtherewasanothersceneofmylifeatanend。Ihadbutonecircumstancetoregret——andIdidregretitbitterly。Iwasstillasignorantaseveroftheyounglady"snameandaddress。

Myfirstvisitwastothestudioofmyexcellentartist-friend，whomIhavealreadypresentedtothereaderunderthesympatheticnameof"Dick。”Hegreetedmewithaletterinhishand。Itwasaddressedtome——ithadbeenleftatthestudioafewdayssince；

and(marvelofallmarvels!)thehandwritingwasMr。

Batterbury"s。Hadthisphilanthropicmannotdonebefriendingmeevenyet？Werethereanypresentorprospectiveadvantagestobegotoutofhimstill？Readhisletter，andjudge。

"SIR——Althoughyouhaveforfeitedbyyourungentlemanlyconducttowardmyself，andyourheartlesslymischievousreceptionofmydearwife，allclaimupontheforbearanceofthemostforbearingofyourrelatives，Iamdisposed，frommotivesofregardforthetranquillityofMrs。Batterbury"sfamily，andofsheergood-naturesofarasIammyselfconcerned，toaffordyouonemorechanceofretrievingyourpositionbyleadingarespectablelife。ThesituationIamenabledtoofferyouisthatofsecretarytoanewLiteraryandScientificInstitution，abouttobeopenedinthetownofDuskydale，nearwhichneighborhoodI

possess，asyoumustbeaware，somelandedproperty。Theofficehasbeenplacedatmydisposal，asvice-presidentofthenewInstitution。Thesalaryisfiftypoundsayear，withapartmentsontheattic-floorofthebuilding。Thedutiesarevarious，andwillbeexplainedtoyoubythelocalcommittee，ifyouchoosetopresentyourselftothemwiththeinclosedletterofintroduction。Aftertheunscrupulousmannerinwhichyouhaveimposedonmyliberalitybydeceivingmeintogivingyoufiftypoundsforanaudaciouscaricatureofmyself，whichitisimpossibletohangupinanyroomofthehouse，Ithinkthisinstanceofmyforgivingdispositionstilltobefriendyou，afterallthathashappened，oughttoappealtoanybetterfeelingsthatyoumaystillhaveleft，andrevivethelongdormantemotionsofrepentanceandself-reproach，whenyouthinkonyourobedientservant，"DANIELBATTERBURY。”

Blessme!WhatAlong-windedstyle，andwhatafussaboutfiftypoundsayear，andabedinanattic!ThesewerenaturallythefirstemotionswhichMr。Batterbury"sletterproducedinme。Whatwashisrealmotiveforwritingit？IhopenobodywilldomesogreataninjusticeastosupposethatIhesitatedforoneinstantaboutthewayoffinding_that_out。OfcourseIstartedoffdirectlytoinquireifLadyMalkinshawhadhadanothernarrowescapeofdyingbeforeme。

"Muchbetter，sir，"answeredmygrandmother"svenerablebutler，wipinghislipscarefullybeforehespoke；"herladyship"shealthhasbeenmuchimprovedsinceheraccident。”

"Accident!"Iexclaimed。"What，another？Lately？Stairsagain？"

"No，sir；thedrawing-roomwindowthistime，"answeredthebutler，withsemi-tipsygravity。"Herladyship"ssighthavingbeendefectiveoflateyears，occasionshersomedifficultyincalculatingdistances。Threedaysago，herladyshipwenttolookoutofthewindow，and，miscalculatingthedistance——"Herethebutler，withafinedramaticfeelingfortellingastory，stoppedjustbeforetheclimaxofthenarrative，andlookedmeinthefacewithanexpressionofthedeepestsympathy。

"Andmiscalculatingthedistance？"Irepeatedimpatiently。

"Putherheadthroughapaneofglass，"saidthebutler，inasoftvoicesuitedtothepatheticnatureofthecommunication。

"Bygreatgoodfortuneherladyshiphadbeendressedfortheday，andhadgotherturbanon。Thissavedherladyship"shead。Butherladyship"sneck，sir，hadaverynarrowescape。Abitofthebrokenglasswoundeditwithinhalfaquarterofaninchofthecarottyartery"(meaning，probably，carotid)；"Iheardthemedicalgentlemansay，andshallneverforgetittomydyingday，thatherladyship"slifehadbeensavedbyahair-breadth。Asitwas，thebloodlost(themedicalgentlemansaidthat，too，sir)

wasaccidentallyofthegreatestpossiblebenefit，beingapoplectic，inthewayofclearingoutthesystem。Herladyship"sappetitehasbeenimprovedeversince——thecarriageisoutairingofheratthisverymoment——likewise，shetakesthefootman"sarmandthemaid"supanddownstairsnow，whichsheneverwouldhearofbeforethislastaccident。"Ifeeltenyearsyounger"(thosewereherladyship"sownwordstome，thisveryday)，"Ifeeltenyearsyounger，Vokins，sinceIbrokethedrawing-roomwindow。"

Andherladyshiplooksit!"

Nodoubt。HerewasthekeytoMr。Batterbury"sletterofforgiveness。Hischanceofreceivingthelegacylookednowfurtheroffthanever；hecouldnotfeelthesameconfidenceashiswifeinmypoweroflivingdownanyamountofstarvationandadversity；andhewas，therefore，quitereadytotakethefirstopportunityofpromotingmypreciouspersonalwelfareandsecurity，ofwhichhecouldavailhimself，withoutspendingafarthingofmoney。Isawitallclearly，andadmiredthehereditarytoughnessoftheMalkinshawfamilymoregratefullythanever。WhatshouldIdo？GotoDuskydale？Whynot？Itdidn"tmattertomewhereIwent，nowthatIhadnohopeofeverseeingthoselovelybrowneyesagain。

Igottomynewdestinationthenextday，presentedmycredentials，gavemyselfthefulladvantageofmyhighconnections，andwasreceivedwithenthusiasmanddistinction。

IfoundthenewInstitutiontornbyinternalschismsevenbeforeitwasopenedtothepublic。Twofactiousgovernedit——agravefactionandagayfaction。Twoquestionsagitatedit:thefirstreferringtotheproprietyofcelebratingtheopeningseasonbyapublicball，andthesecondtotheexpediencyofadmittingnovelsintothelibrary。ThegrimPuritaninterestofthewholeneighborhoodwas，ofcourse，onthegraveside——againstbothdancingandnovels，asproposedbylocalloosethinkersandlatitudinariansofeverydegree。Iwasofficiallyintroducedtothedebateattheheightofthesquabble；andfoundmyselfoneofalargepartyinasmallroom，sittingroundalongtable，eachmanofuswithanewpewterinkstand，anewquillpen，andacleansheetoffoolscappaperbeforehim。Seeingthateverybodyspoke，Igotonmylegsalongwiththerest，andmadeaslashingspeechontheloose-thinkingside。Iwasfollowedbytheleaderofthegrimfaction——anunlickedcurateofthelargestdimensions。

"Iftherewere，sotospeak，nootherreasonagainstdancing，"

saidmyreverendopponent，"thereisoneunanswerableobjectiontoit。Gentlemen!JohntheBaptistlosthisheadthroughdancing!""

Everymanofthegrimfactionhammereddelightedlyonthetable，asthatformidableargumentwasproduced；andthecuratesatdownintriumph。Ijumpeduptoreply，amidthecounter-cheeringoftheloose-thinkers；butbeforeIcouldsayawordthePresidentoftheInstitutionandtherectoroftheparishcameintotheroom。

Theywerebothmenofauthority，menofsense，andfathersofcharmingdaughters，andtheyturnedthescaleontherightsideinnotime。Thequestionrelatingtotheadmissionofnovelswaspostponed，andthequestionofdancingornodancingwasputtothevoteonthespot。ThePresident，therectorandmyself，thethreehandsomestandhighest-bredmenintheassembly，ledthewayontheliberalside，waggishlywarningallgallantgentlemenpresenttobewareofdisappointingtheyoungladies。Thisdecidedthewaverers，andthewaverersdecidedthemajority。Myfirstbusiness，asSecretary，wasthedrawingoutofamodelcardofadmissiontotheball。

Mynextoccupationwastolookattheroomsprovidedforme。

TheDuskydaleInstitutionoccupiedabadly-repairedten-roomedhouse，withagreatflimsysaloonbuiltatonesideofit，smellingofpaintanddampplaster，andcalledtheLectureTheater。Itwasthechilliest，ugliest，emptiest，gloomiestplaceIeverenteredinmylife；theideaofdoinganythingbutsittingdownandcryinginitseemedtomequitepreposterous；butthecommitteetookadifferentviewofthematter，andpraisedtheLectureTheaterasaperfectballroom。TheSecretary"sapartmentsweretwogarrets，assertingthemselvesinthemostbarefacedmanner，withoutanattemptatdisguise。IfIhadintendedtodomorethanearnmyfirstquarter"ssalary，Ishouldhavecomplained。ButasIhadnottheslightestintentionofremainingatDuskydale，Icouldaffordtoestablishareputationforamiabilitybysayingnothing。

"HaveyouseenMr。Softly，thenewSecretary？Amostdistinguishedperson，andquiteanacquisitiontotheneighborhood。”Suchwasthepopularopinionofmeamongtheyoungladiesandtheliberalinhabitants。"HaveyouseenMr。Softly，thenewSecretary？Aworldly，vaingloriousyoungman。ThelastpersoninEnglandtopromotetheinterestsofournewInstitution。”Suchwasthecounter-estimateofmeamongthePuritanpopulation。Ireportbothopinionsquitedisinterestedly。

Thereisgenerallysomethingtobesaidoneithersideofeveryquestion；and，asforme，Icanalwaysholdupthescalesimpartially，evenwhenmyowncharacteristhesubstanceweighinginthem。Readersofancienthistoryneednotbereminded，atthistimeofday，thattheremaybeRomanvirtueeveninaRogue。

Theobjects，interests，andgeneralbusinessoftheDuskydaleInstitutionwerematterswithwhichIneverthoughtoftroublingmyselfonassumingthedutiesofSecretary。Allmyenergiesweregiventothearrangementsconnectedwiththeopeningball。

Iwaselectedbyacclamationtotheofficeofgeneralmanageroftheentertainments；andIdidmybesttodeservetheconfidencereposedinme；leavingliteratureandscience，sofarasIwasconcerned，perfectlyatlibertytoadvancethemselvesornot，justastheyliked。Whatevermycolleaguesmayhavedone，afterI

leftthem，nobodyatDuskydalecanaccusemeofhavingeverbeenaccessorytothedisturbingofquietpeoplewithusefulknowledge。ItookthearduousanduniversallyneglecteddutyofteachingtheEnglishpeoplehowtobeamusedentirelyonmyownshoulders，andlefttheeasyandcustomarybusinessofmakingthemmiserabletoothers。

Myunhappycountrymen!(andthriceunhappytheyofthepoorersort)——anymancanpreachtothem，lecturetothem，andformthemintoclasses——butwhereisthemanwhocangetthemtoamusethemselves？Anybodymaycramtheirpoorheads；butwhowillbrightentheirgravefaces？Don"treadstory-books，don"tgotoplays，don"tdance!Finishyourlongday"sworkandthenintoxicateyourmindswithsolidhistory，revelinthetoo-attractiveluxuryofthelecture-room，sinkunderthesofttemptationofclassesformutualinstruction!Howmanypotent，graveandreverenttonguesdiscoursetothepopularearinthesesirenstrains，andhowobedientlyandresignedlythissamewearypopularearlistens!Whatifaboldmanspringuponeday，cryingaloudinoursocialwilderness，"Play，forHeaven"ssake，oryouwillworkyourselvesintoanationofautomatons!Shakealooselegtoalivelyfiddle!WomenofEngland!dragthelecturerofftherostrum，andthemalemutualinstructoroutoftheclass，andeasetheirpooraddledheadsofeveningsbymakingthemdanceandsingwithyou。Acceptnoofferfromanymanwhocannotbeproved，forayearpast，tohavesystematicallylosthisdignityatleastthreetimesaweek，afterofficehours。You，daughtersofEve，whohavethatwholesomeloveofpleasurewhichisoneofthegreatestadornmentsofthefemalecharacter，setupasocietyforthepromotionofuniversalamusement，andsavetheBritishnationfromthelamentablesocialconsequencesofitsowngravity!"

Imagineavoicecryinglustilyafterthisfashion——whatsortofechoeswoulditfind？——Groans？

Iknowwhatsortofechoesmyvoicefound。Theyweresodiscouragingtome，andtothefrivolousminorityofpleasure-seekers，thatIrecommendedloweringthepriceofadmissionsoastosuitthemeansofanydecentpeoplewhowerewillingtoleaveoffmoney-grubbingandtearthemselvesfromthecharmsofmutualinstructionforoneeveningatleast。ThepropositionwasindignantlynegativedbythemanagersoftheInstitution。IamsosingularlyobstinateamanthatIwasnottobedepressedevenbythis。

Mynexteffortstofilltheballroomcouldnotbeblamed。I

procuredalocaldirectory，putfiftyticketsinmypocket，dressedmyselfinnankeenpantaloonsandasky-bluecoat(thentheheightoffashion)，andsetforthtotoutfordancersamongallthemembersofthegenteelpopulation，who，notbeingnotoriousPuritans，hadalsonotbeensoobligingastotaketicketsfortheball。Thereneverwasanyprideorbashfulnessaboutme。Exceptingcertainperiodsofsuspenseandanxiety，Iamaseven-temperedaRogueasyouhavemetwithanywheresincethedaysofGilBlas。

Mytemperamentbeingopposedtodoinganythingwithregularity，I

openedthedirectoryathazard，anddeterminedtomakemyfirstcallatthefirsthousethatcaughtmyeye。VallombrosaValeCottages。No。1。DoctorandMissDulcifer。Verygood。Ihavenopreferences。Letmesellthefirsttwoticketsthere。Ifoundtheplace；Iopenedthegardengate；Iadvancedtothedoor，innocentlywonderingwhatsortofpeopleIshouldfindinside。

IfIamaskedwhatwasthetruereasonforthisextraordinaryactivityonmypart，inservingtheinterestsofasetofpeopleforwhomIcarednothing，Imusthonestlyownthatthelossofmyyoungladywasatthebottomofit。Anyoccupationwaswelcomewhichkeptmymind，insomedegreeatleast，fromdwellingonthebitterdisappointmentthathadbefallenme。WhenIrangthebellatNo。1，didIfeelnopresentimentoftheexquisitesurpriseinstoreforme？Ifeltnothingofthesort。Thefactis，mydigestionisexcellent。Presentimentsaremorecloselyconnectedthanisgenerallysupposedwithaweakstateofstomach。

IaskedforMissDulcifer，andwasshownintothesitting-room。

Don"texpectmetodescribemysensations:hundredsofsensationsflewalloverme。Thereshewas，sittingalone，nearthewindow!

Thereshewas，withnimblewhitefingers，workingasilkpurse!

Themelancholyinherfaceandmanner，whenIhadlastseenher，appearednomore。Shewasprettilydressedinmaizecolor，andtheroomwaswellfurnished。Herfatherhadevidentlygotoverhisdifficulties。Ihadbeeninclinedtolaughathisoddname，whenIfounditinthedirectory!NowIbegantodislikeit，becauseitwashername，too。Itwasaconsolationtorememberthatshecouldchangeit。Wouldshechangeitformine？

Iwasthefirsttorecover；Iboldlydrewachairnearherandtookherhand。

"Yousee，"Isaid，"itisofnousetotrytoavoidme。Thisisthethirdtimewehavemet。Willyoureceivemeasavisitor，undertheseextraordinarycircumstances？WillyougivemealittlehappinesstocompensateforwhatIhavesufferedsinceyouleftme？"

Shesmiledandblushed。

"Iamsosurprised，"sheanswered，"Idon"tknowwhattosay。”

"Disagreeablysurprised？"Iasked。

Shefirstwentonwithherwork，andthenreplied(alittlesadly，asIthought):

"No!"

Iwasreadyenoughtotakeadvantageofmyopportunitiesthistime；butshecontrivedwithperfectpolitenesstostopme。Sheseemedtorememberwithshame，poorsoul，thecircumstancesunderwhichIhadlastseenher。

"HowdoyoucometobeatDuskydale？"sheinquired，abruptlychangingthesubject。"Andhowdidyoufindusouthere？"

WhileIwasgivingherthenecessaryexplanationsherfathercamein。Ilookedathimwithconsiderablecuriosity。

Atallstoutgentlemanwithimpressiverespectabilityoozingoutofhimateverypore——withaswellingoutlineofblack-waistcoatedstomach，withaloftyforehead，withasmoothdoublechinrestingpulpilyonawhitecravat。Everythinginharmonyabouthimexcepthiseyes，andtheseweresosharp，brightandresolutethattheyseemedtocontradicttheblandconventionalitywhichoverspreadalltherestoftheman。Eyeswithwonderfulintelligenceandself-dependenceinthem；perhaps，also，withsomethingalittlefalseinthem，whichImighthavediscoveredimmediatelyunderordinarycircumstances:butIlookedatthedoctorthroughthemediumofhisdaughter，andsawnothingofhimatthefirstglancebuthismerits。

"Wearebothverymuchindebtedtoyou，sir，foryourpolitenessincalling，"hesaid，withexcessivecivilityofmanner。"Butourstayatthisplacehasdrawntoanend。Ionlycamehereforthere-establishmentofmydaughter"shealth。Shehasbenefitedgreatlybythechangeofair，andwehavearrangedtoreturnhometo-morrow。Otherwise，weshouldhavegladlyprofitedbyyourkindofferofticketsfortheball。”

OfcourseIhadoneeyeontheyoungladywhilehewasspeaking。

Shewaslookingatherfather，andasuddensadnesswasstealingoverherface。Whatdiditmean？Disappointmentatmissingtheball？No，itwasamuchdeeperfeelingthanthat。Myinterestwasexcited。Iaddressedacomplimentaryentreatytothedoctornottotakehisdaughterawayfromus。IaskedhimtoreflectontheirreparableeclipsethathewouldbecastingovertheDuskydaleballroom。Tomyamazement，sheonlylookeddowngloomilyonherworkwhileIspoke；herfatherlaughedcontemptuously。

"Wearetoocompletelystrangershere，"hesaid，"forourlosstobefeltbyanyone。FromallthatIcangather，societyinDuskydalewillbegladtohearofourdeparture。Ibegyourpardon，Alicia——Ioughttohavesaid_my_departure。”

HernamewasAlicia!Ideclareitwasaluxurytometohearit——thenamewassoappropriate，sosuggestiveofthegraceanddignityofherbeauty。

Iturnedtowardherwhenthedoctorhaddone。Shelookedmoregloomilythanbefore。Iprotestedagainstthedoctor"saccountofhimself。Helaughedagain，withaquickdistrustfullook，thistime，athisdaughter。

"Ifyouweretomentionmynameamongyourrespectableinhabitants，"hewenton，withastrong，sneeringemphasisonthewordrespectable，"theywouldmostlikelypurseuptheirlipsandlookgraveatit。SinceIgaveuppracticeasaphysician，Ihaveengagedinchemicalinvestigationsonalargescale，destinedI

hope，toleadtosomeimportantpublicresults。UntilIarriveatthese，Iamnecessarilyobliged，inmyowninterests，tokeepmyexperimentssecret，andtoimposesimilardiscretionontheworkmenwhomIemploy。Thisunavoidableappearanceofmystery，andthestrictlyretiredlifewhichmystudiescompelmetolead，offendthenarrow-mindedpeopleinmypartofthecounty，closetoBarkingham；andtheunpopularityofmypursuitshasfollowedmehere。Thegeneralopinion，Ibelieve，is，thatIamseekingbyunholyartsforthephilosopher"sstone。Plainman，asyouseeme，IfindmyselfgettingquitethereputationofaDoctorFaustusinthepopularmind。Eveneducatedpeopleinthisveryplaceshaketheirheadsandpitymydaughterthereforlivingwithanalchemicalparent，withineasysmelling-distanceofanexplosivelaboratory。Excessivelyabsurd，isitnot？"

Itmighthavebeenexcessivelyabsurd，butthelovelyAliciasatwithhereyesonherwork，lookingasifitwereexcessivelysad，andnotgivingherfatherthefaintestansweringsmilewhenheglancedtowardherandlaughed，ashesaidhislastwords。I

couldnotatalltellwhattomakeofit。Thedoctortalkedofthesocialconsequencesofhischemicalinquiriesasifhewerelivinginthemiddleages。However，Iwasfartooanxioustoseethecharmingbrowneyesagaintoaskquestionswhichwouldbesuretokeepthemcastdown。SoIchangedthetopictochemistryingeneral；and，tothedoctor"sevidentastonishmentandpleasure，toldhimofmyownearlystudiesinthescience。

Thisledtothementionofmyfather，whosereputationhadreachedtheearsofDoctorDulcifer。Ashetoldmethat，hisdaughterlookedup——thesunofbeautyshoneonmeagain!I

touchednextonmyhighconnections，andonLadyMalkinshaw；I

describedmyselfastemporarilybanishedfromhomeforhumorouscaricaturing，andamiableyouthfulwildness。Shewasinterested；

shesmiled——andthesunofbeautyshonewarmerthanever!I

divergedtogeneraltopics，andgotbrilliantandamusing。Shelaughed——thenightingalenotesofhermerrimentbubbledintomyearscaressingly——whycouldInotshutmyeyesandlistentothem？Hercolorrose；herfacegrewanimated。Poorsoul!Alittlelivelycompanywasbuttooevidentlyararetreattoher。Undersuchcircumstances，whowouldnotbeamusing？Ifshehadsaidtome，"Mr。Softly，Iliketumbling，"Ishouldhavemadeaclownofmyselfonthespot。Ishouldhavestoodonmyhead(ifIcould)，andbeenamplyrewardedforthegracefulexertion，iftheeyesofAliciahadlookedkindlyonmyelevatedheels!

HowlongIstayedismorethanIcantell。Lunchcameup。Ieatanddrank，andgrewmoreamusingthanever。WhenIatlastrosetogo，thebrowneyeslookedonmeverykindly，andthedoctorgavemehiscard。

"Ifyoudon"tmindtrustingyourselfintheclutchesofDoctorFaustus，"hesaid，withagaysmile，"IshallbedelightedtoseeyouifyouareeverintheneighborhoodofBarkingham。”

Iwrunghishand，mentallyrelinquishingmysecretaryshipwhileI

thankedhimfortheinvitation。Iputoutmyhandnexttohisdaughter，andthedearfriendlygirlmettheadvancewiththemostcharmingreadiness。Shegavemeagood，hearty，vigorous，uncompromisingshake。Opreciousrighthand!neverdidIproperlyappreciateyourvalueuntilthatmoment。

Goingoutwithmyheadintheair，andmysensesintheseventhheaven，Ijostledanelderlygentlemanpassingbeforethegardengate。Iturnedroundtoapologize；itwasmybrotherinoffice，theestimableTreasureroftheDuskydaleInstitute。

"Ihavebeenhalfoverthetownlookingafteryou，"hesaid。"TheManagingCommittee，onreflection，consideryourplanofpersonallysolicitingpublicattendanceatthehalltobecompromisingthedignityoftheInstitution，andbegyou，therefore，toabandonit。”

"Verywell，"saidI，"thereisnoharmdone。Thusfar，Ihaveonlysolicitedtwopersons，DoctorandMissDulcifer，inthatdelightfullittlecottagethere。”

"Youdon"tmeantosayyouhaveasked_them_tocometotheball!"

"TobesureIhave。AndIamsorrytosaytheycan"taccepttheinvitation。Whyshouldtheynotbeasked？"

"Becausenobodyvisitsthem。”

"Andwhyshouldnobodyvisitthem？"

TheTreasurerputhisarmconfidentiallythroughmine，andwalkedmeonafewsteps。

"Inthefirstplace，"hesaid，"DoctorDulcifer"snameisnotdownintheMedicalList。”

"Somemistake，"Isuggested，inmyoff-handway。"Orsomeforeigndoctor"sdegreenotrecognizedbytheprejudicedpeopleinEngland。”

"Inthesecondplace，"continuedtheTreasurer，"wehavefoundoutthatheisnotvisitedatBarkingham。Consequently，itwouldbetheheightofimprudencetovisithimhere。”

"Pooh!pooh!Allthenonsenseofnarrow-mindedpeople，becausehelivesaretiredlife，andisengagedinfindingoutchemicalsecretswhichtheignorantpublicdon"tknowhowtoappreciate。”

"TheshuttersarealwaysupinthefronttopwindowsofhishouseatBarkingham，"saidtheTreasurer，loweringhisvoicemysteriously。"Iknowitfromafriendresidentnearhim。Thewindowsthemselvesarebarred。Itiscurrentlyreportedthatthetopofthehouse，inside，isshutoffbyirondoorsfromthebottom。Workmenareemployedtherewhodon"tbelongtotheneighborhood，whodon"tdrinkatthepublichouses，whoonlyassociatewitheachother。Unfamiliarsmellsandnoisesfindtheirwayoutsidesometimes。Nobodyinthehousecanbegottotalk。Thedoctor，ashecallshimself，doesnotevenmakeanattempttogetintosociety，doesnoteventrytoseecompanyforthesakeofhispoorunfortunatedaughter。Whatdoyouthinkofallthat？"

"Think!"Irepeatedcontemptuously；"IthinktheinhabitantsofBarkinghamarethebestfindersofmares"nestsinallEngland。

Thedoctorismakingimportantchemicaldiscoveries(thepossiblevalueofwhichIcanappreciate，beingchemicalmyself)，andheisnotquitefoolenoughtoexposevaluablesecretstotheviewofalltheworld。Hislaboratoryisatthetopofthehouse，andhewiselyshutsitofffromthebottomtopreventaccidents。HeisoneofthebestfellowsIevermetwith，andhisdaughteristheloveliestgirlintheworld。Whatdoyouallmeanbymakingmysteriesaboutnothing？Hehasgivenmeaninvitationtogoandseehim。Isupposethenextthingyouwillfindoutis，thatthereissomethingunderhandeveninthat？"

"Youwon"taccepttheinvitation？"

"Ishall，attheveryfirstopportunity；andifyouhadseenMissAlicia，sowouldyou。”

"Don"tgo。Takemyadviceanddon"tgo，"saidtheTreasurer，gravely。"Youareayoungman。Reputablefriendsareofimportancetoyouattheoutsetoflife。IsaynothingagainstDoctorDulcifer——hecamehereasastranger，andhegoesawayagainasastranger——butyoucan"tbesurethathispurposeinaskingyousoreadilytohishouseisaharmlessone。Makinganewacquaintanceisalwaysadoubtfulspeculation；butwhenamanisnotvisitedbyhisrespectableneighbors——"

"Becausehedoesn"topenhisshutters，"Iinterposedsarcastically。

"Becausetherearedoubtsabouthimandhishousewhichhewillnotclearup，"retortedtheTreasurer。"Youcantakeyourownway。Youmayturnoutright，andwemayallbewrong；Icanonlysayagain，itisrashtomakedoubtfulacquaintances。Soonerorlateryouarealwayssuretorepentit。InyourplaceIshouldcertainlynotaccepttheinvitation。”

"Inmyplace，mydearsir，"Ianswered，"youwoulddoexactlywhatImeantodo。”

TheTreasurertookhisarmoutofmine，andwithoutsayinganotherword，wishedmegood-morning。

CHAPTERVII。

IHADspokenconfidentlyenough，whilearguingthequestionofDoctorDulcifer"srespectabilitywiththeTreasureroftheD

uskydaleInstitution；but，ifmyperceptionshadnotbeenblindedbymyenthusiasticadmirationforAlicia，IthinkIshouldhavesecretlydistrustedmyownopinionassoonasIwasleftbymyself。HadIbeeninfullpossessionofmysenses，Imighthavequestioned，onreflection，whetherthedoctor"smethodofaccountingforthesuspicionswhichkepthisneighborsalooffromhim，wasquitesatisfactory。Loveisgenerallydescribed，I

believe，asthetenderpassion。WhenIremembertheinsidiouslyrelaxingeffectofitonallmyfaculties，Ifeelinclinedtoalterthepopulardefinition，andtocallitamoralvapor-bath。

WhattheManagingCommitteeoftheDuskydaleInstitutionthoughtofthechangeinme，Icannotimagine。Thedoctorandhisdaughterleftthetownonthedaytheyhadoriginallyappointed，beforeIcouldmakeanyexcuseforcallingagain；and，asanecessaryconsequenceoftheirdeparture，Ilostallinterestintheaffairsoftheball，andyawnedinthefacesofthecommitteewhenIwasobligedtobepresentattheirdeliberationsinmyofficialcapacity。

ItwasallAliciawithme，whatevertheydid。IreadtheMinutesthroughasoftmediumofmaize-coloredskirts。Notesofmelodiouslaughterbubbled，inmymind"sear，throughallthedrawlingandstammeringofourspeech-makingmembers。WhenourdignifiedPresidentthoughthehadcaughtmyeye，andmadeoratoricaloverturestomefromthetopofthetable，Iwaslostinthecontemplationofsilkpursesandwhitefingersweavingthem。I

meant"Alicia"whenIsaid"hear，hear"——andwhenIofficiallyproducedmysubscriptionlist，itwasallaglowwiththeroseatehuesofthemarriage-license。Ifanyunsympatheticmalereadersshouldthinkthisstatementexaggerated，Iappealtotheladies——_they_willappreciatetherigid，yettender，truthofit。

Thenightoftheballcame。Ihavenothingbutthevaguestrecollectionofit。

Irememberthatthemoretheperverselecturetheaterwaswarmedthemorepersistentlyitsmelledofdampplaster；andthatthemorebrightlyitwaslighted，themoreovergrownandlonesomeitlooked。Icanrecalltomindthatthecompanyassemblednumberedaboutfifty，theroombeingbigenoughtoholdthreehundred。I

haveavisionstillbeforeme，oftwentyoutofthesefiftyguests，solemnlyexecutingintricatefigure-dances，underthesuperintendenceofaninfirmlocaldancing-master——amerespeckoffidgetyhumanwretchednesstwistingaboutinthemiddleofanemptyfloor。Isee，faintly，downthedimvistaofthePast，anagreeablefigure，likemyself，withacockedhatunderitsarm，blacktightsonitslightlytrippinglegs，arosetteinitsbuttonhole，andanengagingsmileonitsface，walkingfromendtoendoftheroom，inthecharacterofMasteroftheCeremonies。

ThesevisionsandeventsIcanrecallvaguely；andwiththemmyremembrancesoftheballcometoaclose。Itwasacompletefailure，andthatwould，ofitself，havebeenenoughtosickenmeofremainingattheDuskydaleInstitution，evenifIhadnothadanyreasonsofthetendersortforwishingtoextendmytravelsinruralEnglandtotheneighborhoodofBarkingham。

Thedifficultywashowtofindadecentpretextforgettingaway。

Fortunately，theManagingCommitteerelievedmeofanyperplexityonthishead，bypassingaresolution，oneday，whichcalleduponthePresidenttoremonstratewithmeonmywantofproperinterestintheaffairsoftheInstitution。IrepliedtotheremonstrancethattheaffairsoftheInstitutionweresohopelesslydullthatitwasequallyabsurdandunjusttoexpectanyhumanbeingtotakethesmallestinterestinthem。Atthistherearoseanindignantcryof"Resign!"fromthewholecommittee；towhichIansweredpolitely，thatIshouldbedelightedtoobligethegentlemen，andtogoforthwith，onconditionofreceivingaquarter"ssalaryinthewayofpreviouscompensation。

Afterasordidoppositionfromaneconomicalminority，myconditionofdeparturewasaccepted。Iwrotealetterofresignation，receivedinexchangetwelvepoundstenshillings，andtookmyplace，thatsameday，onthebox-seatoftheBarkinghammail。

Ratherchangeablethislifeofmine，wasitnot？BeforeIwastwenty-fiveyearsofage，Ihadtrieddoctoring，caricaturingportrait-painting，oldpicture-making，andInstitution-managing；

andnow，withthehelpofAlicia，Iwasabouttotryhowalittlemarryingwouldsuitme。Surely，Shakespearemusthavehadmepropheticallyinhiseye，whenhewroteabout"onemaninhistimeplayingmanyparts。”WhatacharacterIshouldhavemadeforhim，ifhehadonlybeenalivenow!

Ifoundoutfromthecoachman，amongothermatters，thattherewasafamousfishingstreamnearBarkingham；andthefirstthingIdid，onarrivingatthetown，wastobuyarodandline。