第9章
—— Longer，father——
Sixmonths？——
Eightmonths，father。
Hehadbegun。Thepriestasked:——
Andwhatdoyouremembersincethattime？
Hebegantoconfesshissins:massesmissed，prayersnotsaid，lies——
Anythingelse，mychild？
Sinsofanger，envyofothers，gluttony，vanity，disobedience——
Anythingelse，mychild？
Therewasnohelp。Hemurmured:——
Icommittedsinsofimpurity，father。
Thepriestdidnotturnhishead——
Withyourself，mychild？——
Andwithothers——
Withwomen，mychild？——
Yes，father——
Weretheymarriedwomen，mychild？
Hedidnotknow。Hissinstrickledfromhislips，onebyone，trickledinshamefuldropsfromhissoul，festeringandoozinglikeasore，asqualidstreamofvice。Thelastsinsoozedforth，sluggish，filthy。Therewasnomoretotell。Hebowedhishead，overcome。
ThePriestwassilent。Thenheasked:——
Howoldareyou，mychild？——
Sixteen，father。
Thepriestpassedhishandseveraltimesoverhisface。Then，restinghisforeheadagainsthishand，heleanedtowardsthegratingand，witheyesstillaverted，spokeslowly。Hisvoicewaswearyandold——
Youareveryyoung，mychild，hesaid，andletmeimploreofyoutogiveupthatsin。Itisaterriblesin。Itkillsthebodyanditkillsthesoul。Itisthecauseofmanycrimesandmisfortunes。Giveitup，mychild，forGod"ssake。Itisdishonourableandunmanly。Youcannotknowwherethatwretchedhabitwillleadyouorwhereitwillcomeagainstyou。
Aslongasyoucommitthatsin，mypoorchild，youwillneverbeworthonefarthingtoGod。PraytoourmotherMarytohelpyou。Shewillhelpyou，mychild。PraytoOurBlessedLadywhenthatsincomesintoyourmind。
Iamsureyouwilldothat，willyounot？Yourepentofallthosesins。
Iamsureyoudo。AndyouwillpromiseGodnowthatbyHisholygraceyouwillneveroffendHimanymorebythatwickedsin。YouwillmakethatsolemnpromisetoGod，willyounot？——
Yes，father。
Theoldandwearyvoicefelllikesweetrainuponhisquakingparchingheart。Howsweetandsad!——
Dosomypoorchild。Thedevilhasledyouastray。Drivehimbacktohellwhenhetemptsyoutodishonouryourbodyinthatway-thefoulspiritwhohatesourLord。PromiseGodnowthatyouwillgiveupthatsin，thatwretchedwretchedsin。
BlindedbyhistearsandbythelightofGod"smercifulnesshebenthisheadandheardthegravewordsofabsolutionspokenandsawthepriest"shandraisedabovehimintokenofforgiveness——
Godblessyou，mychild。Prayforme。
Heknelttosayhispenance，prayinginacornerofthedarknave；andhisprayersascendedtoheavenfromhispurifiedheartlikeperfumestreamingupwardsfromaheartofwhiterose。
Themuddystreetsweregay。Hestrodehomeward，consciousofaninvisiblegracepervadingandmakinglighthislimbs。Inspiteofallhehaddoneit。HehadconfessedandGodhadpardonedhim。Hissoulwasmadefairandholyoncemore，holyandhappy。
ItwouldbebeautifultodieifGodsowilled。Itwasbeautifultoliveingracealifeofpeaceandvirtueandforbearancewithothers。
Hesatbythefireinthekitchen，notdaringtospeakforhappiness。
Tillthatmomenthehadnotknownhowbeautifulandpeacefullifecouldbe。Thegreensquareofpaperpinnedroundthelampcastdownatendershade。Onthedresserwasaplateofsausagesandwhitepuddingandontheshelftherewereeggs。Theywouldbeforthebreakfastinthemorningafterthecommunioninthecollegechapel。Whitepuddingandeggsandsausagesandcupsoftea。Howsimpleandbeautifulwaslifeafterall!Andlifelayallbeforehim。
Inadreamhefellasleep。Inadreamheroseandsawthatitwasmorning。
Inawakingdreamhewentthroughthequietmorningtowardsthecollege。
Theboyswereallthere，kneelingintheirplaces。Hekneltamongthem，happyandshy。Thealtarwasheapedwithfragrantmassesofwhiteflowers；
andinthemorninglightthepaleflamesofthecandlesamongthewhiteflowerswereclearandsilentashisownsoul。
Hekneltbeforethealtarwithhisclassmates，holdingthealtarclothwiththemoveralivingrailofhands。Hishandsweretremblingandhissoultrembledasheheardthepriestpasswiththeciboriumfromcommunicanttocommunicant——
CorpusDomininostri。
Coulditbe？Heknelttheresinlessandtimid；andhewouldholduponhistonguethehostandGodwouldenterhispurifiedbody——
Invitameternam。Amen。
Anotherlife!Alifeofgraceandvirtueandhappiness!Itwastrue。
Itwasnotadreamfromwhichhewouldwake。Thepastwaspast——
CorpusDomininostri。
Theciboriumhadcometohim。
Chapter4SundaywasdedicatedtothemysteryoftheHolyTrinity，MondaytotheHolyGhost，TuesdaytotheGuardianAngels，WednesdaytosaintJoseph，ThursdaytotheMostBlessedSacramentoftheAltar，FridaytotheSufferingJesus，SaturdaytotheBlessedVirginMary。
Everymorninghehallowedhimselfanewinthepresenceofsomeholyimageormystery。Hisdaybeganwithanheroicofferingofitseverymomentofthoughtoractionfortheintentionsofthesovereignpontiffandwithanearlymass。Therawmorningairwhettedhisresolutepiety；andoftenashekneltamongthefewworshippersattheside-altar，followingwithhisinterleavedprayer-bookthemurmurofthepriest，heglancedupforaninstanttowardsthevestedfigurestandinginthegloombetweenthetwocandles，whichweretheoldandthenewtestaments，andimaginedthathewaskneelingatmassinthecatacombs。
Hisdailylifewaslaidoutindevotionalareas。Bymeansofejaculationsandprayershestoredupungrudginglyforthesoulsinpurgatorycenturiesofdaysandquarantinesandyears；yetthespiritualtriumphwhichhefeltinachievingwitheasesomanyfabulousagesofcanonicalpenancesdidnotwhollyrewardhiszealofprayer，sincehecouldneverknowhowmuchtemporalpunishmenthehadremittedbywayofsuffragefortheagonizingsouls；andfearfullestinthemidstofthepurgatorialfire，whichdifferedfromtheinfernalonlyinthatitwasnoteverlasting，hispenancemightavailnomorethanadropofmoisture，hedrovehissouldailythroughanincreasingcircleofworksofsupererogation。
Everypartofhisday，dividedbywhatheregardednowasthedutiesofhisstationinlife，circledaboutitsowncentreofspiritualenergy。
Hislifeseemedtohavedrawnneartoeternity；everythought，word，anddeed，everyinstanceofconsciousnesscouldbemadetorevibrateradiantlyinheaven；andattimeshissenseofsuchimmediaterepercussionwassolivelythatheseemedtofeelhissoulindevotionpressinglikefingersthekeyboardofagreatcashregisterandtoseetheamountofhispurchasestartforthimmediatelyinheaven，notasanumberbutasafrailcolumnofincenseorasaslenderflower。
Therosaries，too，whichhesaidconstantly-forhecarriedhisbeadslooseinhistrousers"pocketsthathemighttellthemashewalkedthestreets-transformedthemselvesintocoronalsofflowersofsuchvagueunearthlytexturethattheyseemedtohimashuelessandodourlessastheywerenameless。Heofferedupeachofhisthreedailychapletsthathissoulmightgrowstrongineachofthethreetheologicalvirtues，infaithintheFatherWhohadcreatedhim，inhopeintheSonWhohadredeemedhimandinloveoftheHolyGhostWhohadsanctifiedhim；andthisthricetripleprayerheofferedtotheThreePersonsthroughMaryinthenameofherjoyfulandsorrowfulandgloriousmysteries。
OneachofthesevendaysoftheweekhefurtherprayedthatoneofthesevengiftsoftheHolyGhostmightdescenduponhissoulanddriveoutofitdaybydaythesevendeadlysinswhichhaddefileditinthepast；andheprayedforeachgiftonitsappointedday，confidentthatitwoulddescenduponhim，thoughitseemedstrangetohimattimesthatwisdomandunderstandingandknowledgeweresodistinctintheirnaturethateachshouldbeprayedforapartfromtheothers。YethebelievedthatatsomefuturestageofhisspiritualprogressthisdifficultywouldberemovedwhenhissinfulsoulhadbeenraisedupfromitsweaknessandenlightenedbytheThirdPersonoftheMostBlessedTrinity。Hebelievedthisallthemore，andwithtrepidation，becauseofthedivinegloomandsilencewhereindwelttheunseenParaclete，Whosesymbolswereadoveandamightywind，tosinagainstWhomwasasinbeyondforgiveness，theeternalmysterioussecretBeingtoWhom，asGod，thepriestsofferedupmassonceayear，robedinthescarletofthetonguesoffire。
TheimagerythroughwhichthenatureandkinshipoftheThreePersonsoftheTrinityweredarklyshadowedforthinthebooksofdevotionwhichheread-theFathercontemplatingfromalleternityasinamirrorHisDivinePerfectionsandtherebybegettingeternallytheEternalSonandtheHolySpiritproceedingoutofFatherandSonfromalleternity-wereeasierofacceptancebyhismindbyreasonoftheiraugustincomprehensibilitythanwasthesimplefactthatGodhadlovedhissoulfromalleternity，foragesbeforehehadbeenbornintotheworld，foragesbeforetheworlditselfhadexisted。
Hehadheardthenamesofthepassionsofloveandhatepronouncedsolemnlyonthestageandinthepulpit，hadfoundthemsetforthsolemnlyinbooksandhadwonderedwhyhissoulwasunabletoharbourthemforanytimeortoforcehislipstouttertheirnameswithconviction。Abriefangerhadofteninvestedhimbuthehadneverbeenabletomakeitanabidingpassionandhadalwaysfelthimselfpassingoutofitasifhisverybodywerebeingdivestedwitheaseofsomeouterskinorpeel。Hehadfeltasubtle，dark，andmurmurouspresencepenetratehisbeingandfirehimwithabriefiniquitouslust:it，too，hadslippedbeyondhisgraspleavinghismindlucidandindifferent。This，itseemed，wastheonlyloveandthattheonlyhatehissoulwouldharbour。
Buthecouldnolongerdisbelieveintherealityoflove，sinceGodHimselfhadlovedhisindividualsoulwithdivinelovefromalleternity。
Gradually，ashissoulwasenrichedwithspiritualknowledge，hesawthewholeworldformingonevastsymmetricalexpressionofGod"spowerandlove。Lifebecameadivinegiftforeverymomentandsensationofwhich，wereiteventhesightofasingleleafhangingonthetwigofatree，hissoulshouldpraiseandthanktheGiver。Theworldforallitssolidsubstanceandcomplexitynolongerexistedforhissoulsaveasatheoremofdivinepowerandloveanduniversality。Soentireandunquestionablewasthissenseofthedivinemeaninginallnaturegrantedtohissoulthathecouldscarcelyunderstandwhyitwasinanywaynecessarythatheshouldcontinuetolive。Yetthatwaspartofthedivinepurposeandhedarednotquestionitsuse，heaboveallotherswhohadsinnedsodeeplyandsofoullyagainstthedivinepurpose。Meekandabasedbythisconsciousnessoftheoneeternalomnipresentperfectrealityhissoultookupagainherburdenofpieties，massesandprayersandsacramentsandmortifications，andonlythenforthefirsttimesincehehadbroodedonthegreatmysteryoflovedidhefeelwithinhimawarmmovementlikethatofsomenewlybornlifeorvirtueofthesoulitself。Theattitudeofraptureinsacredart，theraisedandpartedhands，thepartedlipsandeyesasofoneabouttoswoon，becameforhimanimageofthesoulinprayer，humiliatedandfaintbeforeherCreator。
Buthehadbeenforewarnedofthedangersofspiritualexaltationanddidnotallowhimselftodesistfromeventheleastorlowliestdevotion，strivingalsobyconstantmortificationtoundothesinfulpastratherthantoachieveasaintlinessfraughtwithperil。Eachofhissenseswasbroughtunderarigorousdiscipline。Inordertomortifythesenseofsighthemadeithisruletowalkinthestreetwithdowncasteyes，glancingneithertorightnorleftandneverbehindhim。Hiseyesshunnedeveryencounterwiththeeyesofwomen。Fromtimetotimealsohebalkedthembyasuddeneffortofthewill，asbyliftingthemsuddenlyinthemiddleofanunfinishedsentenceandclosingthebook。Tomortifyhishearingheexertednocontroloverhisvoicewhichwasthenbreaking，neithersangnorwhistled，andmadenoattempttofleefromnoiseswhichcausedhimpainfulnervousirritationsuchasthesharpeningofknivesontheknifeboard，thegatheringofcindersonthefire-shovelandthetwiggingofthecarpet。Tomortifyhissmellwasmoredifficultashefoundinhimselfnoinstinctiverepugnancetobadodourswhethertheyweretheodoursoftheoutdoorworld，suchasthoseofdungortar，ortheodoursofhisownpersonamongwhichhehadmademanycuriouscomparisonsandexperiments。
Hefoundintheendthattheonlyodouragainstwhichhissenseofsmellrevoltedwasacertainstalefishystinklikethatoflong-standingurine；
andwheneveritwaspossiblehesubjectedhimselftothisunpleasantodour。
Tomortifythetastehepractisedstricthabitsattable，observedtotheletterallthefastsofthechurchandsoughtbydistractiontodiverthismindfromthesavoursofdifferentfoods。Butitwastothemortificationoftouchhebroughtthemostassiduousingenuityofinventiveness。Heneverconsciouslychangedhispositioninbed，satinthemostuncomfortablepositions，sufferedpatientlyeveryitchandpain，keptawayfromthefire，remainedonhiskneesallthroughthemassexceptatthegospels，leftpartofhisneckandfaceundriedsothatairmightstingthemand，wheneverhewasnotsayinghisbeads，carriedhisarmsstifflyathissideslikearunnerandneverinhispocketsorclaspedbehindhim。
Hehadnotemptationstosinmortally。Itsurprisedhimhowevertofindthatattheendofhiscourseofintricatepietyandself-restrainthewassoeasilyatthemercyofchildishandunworthyimperfections。Hisprayersandfastsavailedhimlittleforthesuppressionofangerathearinghismothersneezeoratbeingdisturbedinhisdevotions。Itneededanimmenseeffortofhiswilltomastertheimpulsewhichurgedhimtogiveoutlettosuchirritation。Imagesoftheoutburstsoftrivialangerwhichhehadoftennotedamonghismasters，theirtwitchingmouths，close-shutlipsandflushedcheeks，recurredtohismemory，discouraginghim，forallhispracticeofhumility，bythecomparison。Tomergehislifeinthecommontideofotherliveswasharderforhimthananyfastingorprayeranditwashisconstantfailuretodothistohisownsatisfactionwhichcausedinhissoulatlastasensationofspiritualdrynesstogetherwithagrowthofdoubtsandscruples。Hissoultraversedaperiodofdesolationinwhichthesacramentsthemselvesseemedtohaveturnedintodried-upsources。Hisconfessionbecameachannelfortheescapeofscrupulousandunrepentedimperfections。Hisactualreceptionoftheeucharistdidnotbringhimthesamedissolvingmomentsofvirginalself-surrenderasdidthosespiritualcommunionsmadebyhimsometimesatthecloseofsomevisittotheBlessedSacrament。ThebookwhichheusedforthesevisitswasanoldneglectedbookwrittenbysaintAlphonsusLiguori，withfadingcharactersandserefoxpaperedleaves。Afadedworldofferventloveandvirginalresponsesseemedtobeevokedforhissoulbythereadingofitspagesinwhichtheimageryofthecanticleswasinterwovenwiththecommunicant"sprayers。Aninaudiblevoiceseemedtocaressthesoul，tellinghernamesandglories，biddingherariseasforespousalandcomeaway，biddingherlookforth，aspouse，fromAmanaandfromthemountainsoftheleopards；
andthesoulseemedtoanswerwiththesameinaudiblevoice，surrenderingherself:Interuberameacommorabitur。
Thisideaofsurrenderhadaperilousattractionforhismindnowthathefelthissoulbesetonceagainbytheinsistentvoicesofthefleshwhichbegantomurmurtohimagainduringhisprayersandmeditations。
Itgavehimanintensesenseofpowertoknowthathecould，byasingleactofconsent，inamomentofthought，undoallthathehaddone。Heseemedtofeelafloodslowlyadvancingtowardshisnakedfeetandtobewaitingforthefirstfainttimidnoiselesswavelettotouchhisfeveredskin。
Then，almostattheinstantofthattouch，almostatthevergeofsinfulconsent，hefoundhimselfstandingfarawayfromtheflooduponadryshore，savedbyasuddenactofthewillorasuddenejaculation；and，seeingthesilverlineofthefloodfarawayandbeginningagainitsslowadvancetowardshisfeet，anewthrillofpowerandsatisfactionshookhissoultoknowthathehadnotyieldednorundoneall。
Whenhehadeludedthefloodoftemptationmanytimesinthiswayhegrewtroubledandwonderedwhetherthegracewhichhehadrefusedtolosewasnotbeingfilchedfromhimlittlebylittle。Theclearcertitudeofhisownimmunitygrewdimandtoitsucceededavaguefearthathissoulhadreallyfallenunawares。ItwaswithdifficultythathewonbackhisoldconsciousnessofhisstateofgracebytellinghimselfthathehadprayedtoGodateverytemptationandthatthegracewhichhehadprayedformusthavebeengiventohiminasmuchasGodwasobligedtogiveit。
Theveryfrequencyandviolenceoftemptationsshowedhimatlastthetruthofwhathehadheardaboutthetrialsofthesaints。Frequentandviolenttemptationswereaproofthatthecitadelofthesoulhadnotfallenandthatthedevilragedtomakeitfall。
Oftenwhenhehadconfessedhisdoubtsandscruples-somemomentaryinattentionatprayer，amovementoftrivialangerinhissoul，orasubtlewilfulnessinspeechoract-hewasbiddenbyhisconfessortonamesomesinofhispastlifebeforeabsolutionwasgivenhim。Henameditwithhumilityandshameandrepentedofitoncemore。Ithumiliatedandshamedhimtothinkthathewouldneverbefreedfromitwholly，howeverholilyhemightliveorwhatevervirtuesorperfectionshemightattain。Arestlessfeelingofguiltwouldalwaysbepresentwithhim:hewouldconfessandrepentandbeabsolved，confessandrepentagainandbeabsolvedagain，fruitlessly。Perhapsthatfirsthastyconfessionwrungfromhimbythefearofhellhadnotbeengood？Perhaps，concernedonlyforhisimminentdoom，hehadnothadsinceresorrowforhissin？Butthesurestsignthathisconfessionhadbeengoodandthathehadhadsinceresorrowforhissinwas，heknew，theamendmentofhislife——
Ihaveamendedmylife，haveInot？heaskedhimselfThedirectorstoodintheembrasureofthewindow，hisbacktothelight，leaninganelbowonthebrowncrossblind，and，ashespokeandsmiled
slowlydanglingandloopingthecordoftheotherblind，Stephenstoodbeforehim，followingforamomentwithhiseyesthewaningofthelongsummerdaylightabovetheroofsortheslowdeftmovementsofthepriestlyfingers。Thepriest"sfacewasintotalshadow，butthewaningdaylightfrombehindhimtouchedthedeeplygroovedtemplesandthecurvesoftheskull。Stephenfollowedalsowithhisearstheaccentsandintervalsofthepriest"svoiceashespokegravelyandcordiallyofindifferentthemes，thevacationwhichhadjustended，thecollegesoftheorderabroad，thetransferenceofmasters。ThegraveandcordialvoicewentoneasilywithitstaleandinthepausesStephenfeltboundtosetitonagainwithrespectfulquestions。Heknewthatthetalewasapreludeandhismindwaitedforthesequel。Eversincethemessageofsummonshadcomeforhimfromthedirectorhismindhadstruggledtofindthemeaningofthemessage；and，duringthelongrestlesstimehehadsatinthecollegeparlourwaitingforthedirectortocomein，hiseyeshadwanderedfromonesoberpicturetoanotheraroundthewallsandhismindwanderedfromoneguesstoanotheruntilthemeaningofthesummonshadalmostbecomeclear。Then，justashewaswishingthatsomeunforeseencausemightpreventthedirectorfromcoming，hehadheardthehandleofthedoorturningandtheswishofasoutane。
ThedirectorhadbeguntospeakofthedominicanandfranciscanordersandofthefriendshipbetweensaintThomasandsaintBonaventure。Thecapuchindress，hethought，wasrathertooStephen"sfacegavebackthepriest"sindulgentsmileand，notbeinganxioustogiveanopinion，hemadeaslightdubitativemovementwithhislips——
Ibelieve，continuedthedirector，thatthereissometalknowamongthecapuchinsthemselvesofdoingawaywithitandfollowingtheexampleoftheotherfranciscans——
Isupposetheywouldretainitinthecloisters？saidStephen——
Ocertainly，saidthedirector。ForthecloisteritisallrightbutforthestreetIreallythinkitwouldbebettertodoawaywithit，don"tyou？——
Itmustbetroublesome，Iimagine——
Ofcourseitis，ofcourse。JustimaginewhenIwasinBelgiumI
usedtoseethemoutcyclinginallkindsofweatherwiththisthingupabouttheirknees!Itwasreallyridiculous。Lesjupes，theycalltheminBelgium。
Thevowelwassomodifiedastobeindistinct——
Whatdotheycallthem？——
Lesjupes——
O!
Stephensmiledagaininanswertothesmilewhichhecouldnotseeonthepriest"sshadowedface，itsimageorspectreonlypassingrapidlyacrosshismindasthelowdiscreetaccentfelluponhisear。Hegazedcalmlybeforehimatthewaningsky，gladofthecooloftheeveningandofthefaintyellowglowwhichhidthetinyflamekindlinguponhischeek。
Thenamesofarticlesofdresswornbywomenorofcertainsoftanddelicatestuffsusedintheirmakingbroughtalwaystohismindadelicateandsinfulperfume。AsaboyhehadimaginedthereinsbywhichhorsesaredrivenasslendersilkenbandsanditshockedhimtofeelatStradbrookethegreasyleatherofharness。Ithadshockedhim，too，whenhehadfeltforthefirsttimebeneathhistremulousfingersthebrittletextureofawoman"sstockingfor，retainingnothingofallhereadsavethatwhichseemedtohimanechooraprophecyofhisownstate，itwasonlyamidsoft-wordedphrasesorwithinrose-softstuff"sthathedaredtoconceiveofthesoulorbodyofawomanmovingwithtenderlife。
Butthephraseonthepriest"slipswasdisingenuousforheknewthatapriestshouldnotspeaklightlyonthattheme。Thephrasehadbeenspokenlightlywithdesignandhefeltthathisfacewasbeingsearchedbytheeyesintheshadow。Whateverhehadheardorreadofthecraftofjesuitshehadputasidefranklyasnotborneoutbyhisownexperience。Hismasters，evenwhentheyhadnotattractedhim，hadseemedtohimalwaysintelligentandseriouspriests，athleticandhigh-spiritedprefects。Hethoughtofthemasmenwhowashedtheirbodiesbrisklywithcoldwaterandworecleancoldlinen。DuringalltheyearshehadlivedamongtheminClongowesandinBelvederehehadreceivedonlytwopandiesand，thoughthesehadbeendealthiminthewrong，heknewthathehadoftenescapedpunishment。Duringallthoseyearshehadneverheardfromanyofhismastersaflippantword:
itwastheywhohadtaughthimchristiandoctrineandurgedhimtoliveagoodlifeand，whenhehadfallenintogrievoussin，itwastheywhohadledhimbacktograce。TheirpresencehadmadehimdiffidentofhimselfwhenhewasamuffinClongowesandithadmadehimdiffidentofhimselfalsowhilehehadheldhisequivocalpositioninBelvedere。Aconstantsenseofthishadremainedwithhimuptothelastyearofhisschoollife。
Hehadneveroncedisobeyedorallowedturbulentcompanionstoseducehimfromhishabitofquietobedience；and，evenwhenhedoubtedsomestatementofamaster，hehadneverpresumedtodoubtopenly。Latelysomeoftheirjudgementshadsoundedalittlechildishinhisearsandhadmadehimfeelaregretandpityasthoughhewereslowlypassingoutofanaccustomedworldandwerehearingitslanguageforthelasttime。Onedaywhensomeboyshadgatheredroundapriestundertheshednearthechapel，hehadheardthepriestsay:——
IbelievethatLordMacaulaywasamanwhoprobablynevercommittedamortalsininhislife，thatistosay，adeliberatemortalsin。
SomeoftheboyshadthenaskedthepriestifVictorHugowerenotthegreatestFrenchwriter。ThepriesthadansweredthatVictorHugohadneverwrittenhalfsowellwhenhehadturnedagainstthechurchashehadwrittenwhenhewasacatholic——
ButtherearemanyeminentFrenchcritics，saidthepriest，whoconsiderthatevenVictorHugo，greatashecertainlywas，hadnotsopureaFrenchstyleasLouisVeuillot。
Thetinyflamewhichthepriest"sallusionhadkindleduponStephen"scheekhadsunkdownagainandhiseyeswerestillfixedcalmlyonthecolourlesssky。Butanunrestingdoubtflewhitherandthitherbeforehismind。Maskedmemoriespassedquicklybeforehim:herecognizedscenesandpersonsyethewasconsciousthathehadfailedtoperceivesomevitalcircumstanceinthem。HesawhimselfwalkingaboutthegroundswatchingthesportsinClongowesandeatingslimjimoutofhiscricketcap。Somejesuitswerewalkingroundthecycle-trackinthecompanyofladies。TheechoesofcertainexpressionsusedinClongowessoundedinremotecavesofhismind。
Hisearswerelisteningtothesedistantechoesamidthesilenceoftheparlourwhenhebecameawarethatthepriestwasaddressinghiminadifferentvoice——
Isentforyoutoday，Stephen，becauseIwishedtospeaktoyouonaveryimportantsubject——
Yes，sir——
Haveyoueverfeltthatyouhadavocation？
Stephenpartedhislipstoansweryesandthenwithheldthewordsuddenly。
Thepriestwaitedfortheanswerandadded:——
Imean，haveyoueverfeltwithinyourself，inyoursoul，adesiretojointheorder？Think——
Ihavesometimesthoughtofit，saidStephen。
Thepriestlettheblindcordfalltoonesideand，unitinghishands，leanedhischingravelyuponthem，communingwithhimself——
Inacollegelikethis，hesaidatlength，thereisoneboyorperhapstwoorthreeboyswhomGodcallstothereligiouslife。Suchaboyismarkedofffromhiscompanionsbyhispiety，bythegoodexampleheshowstoothers。
Heislookeduptobythem；heischosenperhapsasprefectbyhisfellowsodalists。Andyou，Stephen，havebeensuchaboyinthiscollege，prefectofOurBlessedLady"ssodality。PerhapsyouaretheboyinthiscollegewhomGoddesignstocalltoHimself。
Astrongnoteofpridereinforcingthegravityofthepriest"svoicemadeStephen"sheartquickeninresponse。
Toreceivethatcall，Stephen，saidthepriest，isthegreatesthonourthattheAlmightyGodcanbestowuponaman。NokingoremperoronthisearthhasthepowerofthepriestofGod。Noangelorarchangelinheaven，nosaint，noteventheBlessedVirginherself，hasthepowerofapriestofGod:thepowerofthekeys，thepowertobindandtoloosefromsin，thepowerofexorcism，thepowertocastoutfromthecreaturesofGodtheevilspiritsthathavepoweroverthem；thepower，theauthority，tomakethegreatGodofHeavencomedownuponthealtarandtaketheformofbreadandwine。Whatanawfulpower，Stephen!
AflamebegantoflutteragainonStephen"scheekasheheardinthisproudaddressanechoofhisownproudmusings。Howoftenhadheseenhimselfasapriestwieldingcalmlyandhumblytheawfulpowerofwhichangelsandsaintsstoodinreverence!Hissoulhadlovedtomuseinsecretonthisdesire。
Hehadseenhimself，ayoungandsilent-manneredpriest，enteringaconfessionalswiftly，ascendingthealtarsteps，incensing，genuflecting，accomplishingthevagueactsofthepriesthoodwhichpleasedhimbyreasonoftheirsemblanceofrealityandoftheirdistancefromit。Inthatdimlifewhichhehadlivedthroughinhismusingshehadassumedthevoicesandgestureswhichhehadnotedwithvariouspriests。Hehadbenthiskneesidewayslikesuchaone，hehadshakenthethuribleonlyslightlylikesuchaone，hischasublehadswungopenlikethatofsuchanotherasheturnedtothealtaragainafterhavingblessedthepeople。Andaboveallithadpleasedhimtofillthesecondplaceinthosedimscenesofhisimagining。Heshrankfromthedignityofcelebrantbecauseitdispleasedhimtoimaginethatallthevaguepompshouldendinhisownpersonorthattheritualshouldassigntohimsoclearandfinalanoffice。Helongedfortheminorsacredoffices，tobevestedwiththetunicleofsubdeaconathighmass，tostandalooffromthealtar，forgottenbythepeople，hisshoulderscoveredwithahumeralveil，holdingthepatenwithinitsfoldsor，whenthesacrificehadbeenaccomplished，tostandasdeaconinadalmaticofclothofgoldonthestepbelowthecelebrant，hishandsjoinedandhisfacetowardsthepeople，andsingthechantItemissaest。Ifeverhehadseenhimselfcelebrantitwasasinthepicturesofthemassinhischild"smassbook，inachurchwithoutworshippers，savefortheangelofthesacrifice，atabarealtar，andservedbyanacolytescarcelymoreboyishthanhimself。Invaguesacrificialorsacramentalactsalonehiswillseemeddrawntogoforthtoencounterreality；anditwaspartlytheabsenceofanappointedritewhichhadalwaysconstrainedhimtoinactionwhetherhehadallowedsilencetocoverhisangerorprideorhadsufferedonlyanembracehelongedtogive。
Helistenedinreverentsilencenowtothepriest"sappealandthroughthewordsheheardevenmoredistinctlyavoicebiddinghimapproach，offeringhimsecretknowledgeandsecretpower。HewouldknowthenwhatwasthesinofSimonMagusandwhatthesinagainsttheHolyGhostforwhichtherewasnoforgiveness。Hewouldknowobscurethings，hiddenfromothers，fromthosewhowereconceivedandbornchildrenofwrath。Hewouldknowthesins，thesinfullongingsandsinfulthoughtsandsinfulacts，ofothers，hearingthemmurmuredintohisearsintheconfessionalundertheshameofadarkenedchapelbythelipsofwomenandofgirls；butrenderedimmunemysteriouslyathisordinationbytheimpositionofhands，hissoulwouldpassagainuncontaminatedtothewhitepeaceofthealtar。Notouchofsinwouldlingeruponthehandswithwhichhewouldelevateandbreakthehost；notouchofsinwouldlingeronhislipsinprayertomakehimeatanddrinkdamnationtohimselfnotdiscerningthebodyoftheLord。Hewouldholdhissecretknowledgeandsecretpower，beingassinlessastheinnocent，andhewouldbeapriestforeveraccordingtotheorderofMelchisedec——
Iwillofferupmymasstomorrowmorning，saidthedirector，thatAlmightyGodmayrevealtoyouHisholywill。Andletyou，Stephen，makeanovenatoyourholypatronsaint，thefirstmartyr，whoisverypowerfulwithGod，thatGodmayenlightenyourmind。Butyoumustbequitesure，Stephen，thatyouhaveavocationbecauseitwouldbeterribleifyoufoundafterwardsthatyouhadnone。Onceapriestalwaysapriest，remember。
YourcatechismtellsyouthatthesacramentofHolyOrdersisoneofthosewhichcanbereceivedonlyoncebecauseitimprintsonthesoulanindeliblespiritualmarkwhichcanneverbeeffaced。Itisbeforeyoumustweighwell，notafter。Itisasolemnquestion，Stephen，becauseonitmaydependthesalvationofyoureternalsoul。ButwewillpraytoGodtogether。
Heheldopentheheavyhalldoorandgavehishandasifalreadytoacompanioninthespirituallife。Stephenpassedoutontothewideplatformabovethestepsandwasconsciousofthecaressofmildeveningair。TowardsFindlater"schurchaquartetofyoungmenwerestridingalongwithlinkedarms，swayingtheirheadsandsteppingtotheagilemelodyoftheirleader"sconcertina。Themusicpassedinaninstant，asthefirstbarsofsuddenmusicalwaysdid，overthefantasticfabricsofhismind，dissolvingthempainlesslyandnoiselesslyasasuddenwavedissolvesthesand-builtturretsofchildren。Smilingatthetrivialairheraisedhiseyestothepriest"sfaceand，seeinginitamirthlessreflectionofthesunkenday，detachedhishandslowlywhichhadacquiescedfaintlyinthecompanionship。
Ashedescendedthestepstheimpressionwhicheffacedhistroubledself-communionwasthatofamirthlessmaskreflectingasunkendayfromthethresholdofthecollege。Theshadow，then，ofthelifeofthecollegepassedgravelyoverhisconsciousness。Itwasagraveandorderedandpassionlesslifethatawaitedhim，alifewithoutmaterialcares。Hewonderedhowhewouldpassthefirstnightinthenovitiateandwithwhatdismayhewouldwakethefirstmorninginthedormitory。ThetroublingodourofthelongcorridorsofClongowescamebacktohimandheheardthediscreetmurmuroftheburninggasflames。Atoncefromeverypartofhisbeingunrestbegantoirradiate。Afeverishquickeningofhispulsesfollowed，andadinofmeaninglesswordsdrovehisreasonedthoughtshitherandthitherconfusedly。
HislungsdilatedandsankasifhewereinhalingawarmmoistunsustainingairandhesmeltagainthemoistwarmairwhichhunginthebathinClongowesabovethesluggishturf-colouredwater。
Someinstinct，wakingatthesememories，strongerthaneducationorpiety，quickenedwithinhimateverynearapproachtothatlife，aninstinctsubtleandhostile，andarmedhimagainstacquiescence。Thechillandorderoftheliferepelledhim。Hesawhimselfrisinginthecoldofthemorningandfilingdownwiththeotherstoearlymassandtryingvainlytostrugglewithhisprayersagainstthefaintingsicknessofhisstomach。Hesawhimselfsittingatdinnerwiththecommunityofacollege。What，then，hadbecomeofthatdeep-rootedshynessofhiswhichhadmadehimlothtoeatordrinkunderastrangeroof？Whathadcomeoftheprideofhisspiritwhichhadalwaysmadehimconceivehimselfasabeingapartineveryorder？
TheReverendStephenDedalus，S。J。
Hisnameinthatnewlifeleapedintocharactersbeforehiseyesandtoittherefollowedamentalsensationofanundefinedfaceorcolourofaface。Thecolourfadedandbecamestronglikeachangingglowofpallidbrickred。Wasittherawreddishglowhehadsooftenseenonwintrymorningsontheshavengillsofthepriests？Thefacewaseyelessandsour-favouredanddevout，shotwithpinktingesofsuffocatedanger。WasitnotamentalspectreofthefaceofoneofthejesuitswhomsomeoftheboyscalledLanternJawsandothersFoxyCampbell？
HewaspassingatthatmomentbeforethejesuithouseinGardinerStreetandwonderedvaguelywhichwindowwouldbehisifheeverjoinedtheorder。