第11章

believeyoucandowhatloverscannotdo,——makeothersfeelastheydo,——andthatiswhatIcallbeinganartist.Youwrite?Youareapoet?"

"Ohdear,no,"hesaidwithasmile,halfofreliefandhalfofnaivesuperiority,"I"maprosewriter——onadailynewspaper."

Tohissurpriseshewasnotdisconcerted;ratheralookofanimationlitupherfaceasshesaidbrightly,"Oh,then,youcanofcoursesatisfymycuriosityaboutsomething.YouknowtheroadfromSanFranciscototheCliffHouse.Exceptfortheviewofthesea-lionswhenonegetsthereit"sstupid;mybrothersaysit"slikealltheSanFranciscoexcursions,——adustydrivewithajulepattheendofit.Well,onedaywewerecomingbackfromadrivethere,andwhenwewerebeginningtowindalongthebrowofthatdreadfulstaringLoneMountainCemetery,IsaidIwouldgetoutandwalk,andavoidtheobtrusiveglitterofthosetombstonesrisingbeforemealltheway.Ipushedopenalittlegateandpassedin.

Onceamongthesefunerealshrubsandcoldstatuesquelilieseverythingwaschanged;Isawthestaringtombstonesnolonger,for,likethem,Iseemedtobealwaysfacingthesea.Theroadhadvanished;everythinghadvanishedbuttheendlesswasteofoceanbelowme,andthelastslopeofrockandsand.Itseemedtobethefittestplaceforacemetery,——thisendofthecrumblingearth,——

thisbeginningoftheeternalsea.There!don"tthinkthatideamyown,orthatIthoughtofitthen.No,——Ireaditallafterwards,andthat"swhyI"mtellingyouthis."

Shecouldnothelpsmilingathisnowattentiveface,andwenton:

"SomedaysafterwardsIgotholdofanewspaperfourorsixmonthsold,andtherewasadescriptionofallthatIthoughtIhadseenandfelt,——onlyfarmorebeautifulandtouching,asyoushallsee,forIcutitoutofthepaperandhavekeptit.Itseemedtomethatitmustbesomepersonalexperience,——asifthewriterhadfollowedsomedearfriendthere,——althoughitwaswiththeunostentationandindefinitenessoftrueanddelicatefeeling.ItimpressedmesomuchthatIwentbacktheretwiceorthrice,andalwaysseemedtomovetotherhythmofthatbeautifulfuneralmarch——andIamafraid,beingawoman,thatIwanderedaroundamongthegravesasthoughIcouldfindoutwhoitwasthathadbeensungsosweetly,andifitweremanorwoman.I"vegotithere,"shesaid,takingadaintyivoryporte-monnaiefromherpocketandpickingoutwithtwoslimfinger-tipsafoldedslipofnewspaper;

"andIthoughtthatmaybeyoumightrecognizethestyleofthewriter,andperhapsknowsomethingofhishistory.ForIbelievehehasone.There!thatisonlyapartofthearticle,ofcourse,butitisthepartthatinterestedme.Justreadfromthere,"shepointed,leaningpartlyoverhisshouldersothathersoftbreathstirredhishair,"totheend;itisn"tlong."

Inthefilmthatseemedtocomeacrosshiseyes,suddenlytheprintappearedblurredandindistinct.Butheknewthatshehadputintohishandsomethinghehadwrittenafterthedeathofhiswife;

somethingspontaneousandimpulsive,whenherlossstillfilledhisdaysandnightsandalmostunconsciouslyswayedhispen.Herememberedthathiseyeshadbeenasdimwhenhewroteit——andnow——

handedtohimbythissmiling,well-to-dowoman,hewasasshockedatfirstasifhehadsuddenlyfoundherreadinghisprivateletters.Thiswasfollowedbyasuddensenseofshamethathehadeverthuspubliclybaredhisfeelings,andthenbytheillogicalbutirresistibleconvictionthatitwasfalseandstupid.Thefewphrasesshehadpointedoutappearedascheapandhollowrhetoricamidthesurroundingsoftheirsocialtete-a-teteovertheluncheon-table.Therewassmalldangerthatthisheadywineofwoman"spraisewouldmakehimbetrayhimself;therewasnosignofgratifiedauthorshipinhisvoiceashequietlylaiddownthepaperandsaiddryly:"IamafraidIcan"thelpyou.Youknowitmaybepurelyfanciful."

"Idon"tthinkso,"saidMrs.Ashwoodthoughtfully."Atthesametimeitdoesn"tstrikemeasaveryabidinggriefforthatveryreason.It"sTOOsympathetic.Itstrikesmethatitmightbethefirstgriefofsomeonetooyoungtobeinuredtosorroworexperiencedenoughtoacceptitasthecommonlot.Butlikeallyouthfulimpressionsitisverysincereandtruewhileitlasts.I

don"tknowwhetheronegetsanythingmorerealwhenonegetsolder."

Withaninsincerityhecouldnotaccountfor,henowfeltinclinedtodefendhisprevioussentiment,althoughallthewhileconsciousofacertaincharminhiscompanion"sgracefulskepticism.Hehadinhistruthfulnessandindependencehithertoalwaysbeenquitefreefromthatfeebleadmirationofcynicismwhichattackstheintellectuallyweakandimmature,andhispresentpredilectionmayhavebeenduemoretohercharmingpersonality.Shewasnotatalllikehissisters;shehadnoneofClementina"scoldabstraction,andnoneofEuphemia"ssharpanddemonstrativeeffusiveness.Andinhissecretconsciousnessofherflatteringforeknowledgeofhim,withherassurancethatbeforetheyhadevermethehadunwittinglyinfluencedher,hebegantofeelmoreathisease.Hisfaircompanionalso,intheequallysecretknowledgeshehadacquiredofhishistory,feltassecureasifshehadbeenformallyintroduced.

Nobodycouldfindfaultwithherforshowingcivilitytotheostensiblesonofherhost;itwasnotnecessarythatsheshouldbeawareoftheirfamilydifferences.Therewasacharmtoointheirenforcedisolation,inwhatwastheexceptionalsolitudeofthelittlehotelthatday,andtheseclusionoftheirtablebythewindowofthedining-room,whichgaveacharmingdomesticitytotheirrepast.Fromtimetotimetheyglanceddownthelonelycanyon,losingitselfintheafternoonshadow.NeverthelessMrs.

Ashwood"spreoccupationwithNaturedidnotprecludeahumancuriositytohearsomethingmoreofJohnMilton"squarrelwithhisfather.Therewascertainlynothingoftheprodigalsonabouthim;

therewasnoprecociousevilknowledgeinhisfrankeyes;norecordofexcessesinhishealthy,freshcomplexion;nounwholesomeordisturbedtastesinwhatshehadseenofhisruralpreferencesandunderstandingofnaturalbeauty.Tohaveattemptedanydirectquestioningthatwouldhaverevealedhisnameandidentitywouldhaveobligedhertospeakofherselfashisfather"sguest.Shebeganindirectly;hehadsaidhehadbeenareporter,andhewasstillachroniclerofthisstrangelife.Hehadofcourseheardofmanycasesoffamilyfeudsandestrangements?HerbrotherhadtoldherofsomedreadfulvendettashehadknownintheSouthwest,andhowwholefamilieshadbeendivided.Sinceshehadbeenhereshehadheardofoddcasesofbrothersmeetingaccidentallyafterlongandunaccountedseparations;ofhusbandssuddenlyconfrontedwithwivestheyhaddeserted;offathersencounteringdiscardedsons!

JohnMilton"sfacebetrayednouneasyconsciousness.Ifanythingitwasbeginningtoglowwithaboyishadmirationofthegraceandintelligenceofthefairspeaker,thatwasperhapsheightenedbyanassumptionofhalfcoquettishdiscomfiture.

"Youarelaughingatme!"shesaidfinally."Butinhumanandselfishasthesestoriesmayseem,andsometimesare,Ibelievethatthesecuriousestrangementsandseparationsoftencomefromsomefatalweaknessoftemperamentthatmightbestrengthened,orsometrivialmisunderstandingthatcouldbeexplained.Itisseparationthatmakesthemseemirrevocableonlybecausetheyareinexplicable,andavaguememoryalwaysseemsmoreterriblethanadefiniteone.Factsmaybeforgivenandforgotten,butmysterieshauntonealways.Ibelievethereareweak,sensitivepeoplewhodreadtoputtheirwrongsintoshape;thosearethekindwhosulk,andwhenyouaddseparationtosulking,reconciliationbecomesimpossible.Iknewaverysingularcaseofthatkindonce.Ifyoulike,I"lltellittoyou.Maybeyouwillbeable,someday,toweaveitintooneofyourwritings.Andit"squitetrue."

ItishardlynecessarytosaythatJohnMiltonhadnotbeentouchedbyanypersonalsignificanceinhiscompanion"sspeech,whatevershemayhaveintended;anditisequallytruethatwhethershehadpresentlyforgottenherpurpose,orhadbecomesuddenlyinterestedinherownconversation,herfacegrewmoreanimated,hermannermoreconfidential,andsomethingoftheyouthfulenthusiasmshehadshowninthemountainseemedtocomebacktoher.

"ImightsayithappenedanywhereandcallthepeopleM.orN.,butitreallydidoccurinmyownfamily,andalthoughIwasmuchyoungeratthetimeitimpressedmeverystrongly.Mycousin,whohadbeenmyplaymate,wasanorphan,andhadbeenintrustedtothecareofmyfather,whowashisguardian.Hewasalwaysacleverboy,butsingularlysensitiveandquicktotakeoffense.Perhapsitwasbecausethelittlepropertyhisfatherhadleftmadehimpartlydependentonmyfather,andthatIwasrich,butheseemedtofeelthedisparityinourpositions.Iwastooyoungtounderstandit;Ithinkitexistedonlyinhisimagination,forI

believeweweretreatedalike.ButIrememberthathewasfullofvaguethreatsofrunningawayandgoingtosea,andthatitwaspartofhisweaktemperamenttoterrifymewithhisextravagantconfidences.Iwasalwaysfrightenedwhen,afteroneofthosescenes,hewouldpackhisvaliseorperhapsonlytieupafewthingsinahandkerchief,asintheadvertisementpicturesoftherunawayslaves,anddeclarethatwewouldneverlayeyesuponhimagain.AtfirstIneversawtheridiculousnessofallthis,——forI

oughttohavetoldyouthathewasaratherdelicateandtimidboy,andquiteunfittedforaroughlifeoranyexposure,——butothersdid,andonedayIlaughedathimandtoldhimhewasafraid.I

shallneverforgettheexpressionofhisfaceandneverforgivemyselfforit.Hewentaway,——buthereturnedthenextday!Hethreatenedoncetocommitsuicide,lefthisclothesonthebankoftheriver,andcamehomeinanothersuitofclotheshehadtakenwithhim.WhenIwassentabroadtoschoolIlostsightofhim;

whenIreturnedhewasatcollege,apparentlyunchanged.Whenhecamehomeforvacation,farfromhavingbeensubduedbycontactwithstrangers,itseemedthathisunhappysensitivenesshadbeenonlyintensifiedbytheridiculeofhisfellows.Hehadevenacquiredamostridiculoustheoryaboutthedegradingeffectsofcivilization,andwantedtogobacktoastateofbarbarism.Hesaidthewildernesswastheonlytruehomeofman.Myfather,insteadofbearingwithwhatIbelievewashisinfirmity,drylyofferedhimthemeanstotryhisexperiment.HestartedforsomeplaceinTexas,sayingwewouldneverhearfromhimagain.Amonthafterhewroteformoremoney.Myfatherrepliedratherimpatiently,Isuppose,——Ineverknewexactlywhathewrote.Thatwassomeyearsago.Hehadtoldthetruthatlast,forweneverheardfromhimagain."

ItistobefearedthatJohnMiltonwasfollowingtheanimatedlipsandeyesofthefairspeakerratherthanherstory.Perhapsthatwasthereasonwhyhesaid,"Mayhenothavebeenadisappointedman?"

"Idon"tunderstand,"shesaidsimply.

"Perhaps,"saidJohnMiltonwithaboyishblush,"youmayhaveunconsciouslyraisedhopesinhisheart——and"——

"Ishouldhardlyattempttointerestachroniclerofadventurelikeyouinsuchaverycommonplace,every-daystyleofromance,"shesaid,withalittleimpatience,"evenifmyvanitycompelledmetomakesuchconfidencestoastranger.No,——itwasnothingquiteasvulgarasthat.And,"sheaddedquickly,withaplayfullyamusedsmileasshesawtheyoungfellow"sevidentdistress,"Ishouldhaveprobablyheardfromhimagain.Thosestoriesalwaysendinthatway."

"Andyouthink?"——saidJohnMilton.

"Ithink,"saidMrs.Ashwoodslowly,"thatheactuallydidcommitsuicide——oreffacedhimselfinsomeway,justasfirmlyasI

believehemighthavebeensavedbyjudicioustreatment.Otherwiseweshouldhaveheardfromhim.You"llsaythat"sonlyawoman"sreasoning——butIthinkourperceptionsareofteninstinctive,andI

knewhischaracter."

Stillfollowingtheplayofherdelicatefeaturesintoaromanceofhisownweaving,theimaginativeyoungreporterwhohadseensomuchfromtheheightsofRussianHillsaidearnestly,"ThenIhaveyourpermissiontousethismaterialatanyfuturetime?"

"Yes,"saidtheladysmilingly.

"AndyouwillnotmindifIshouldtakesomelibertieswiththetext?"

"Imustofcourseleavesomethingtoyourartistictaste.Butyouwillletmeseeit?"

Therewerevoicesoutsidenow,breakingthesilenceoftheveranda.

Theyhadbeensopreoccupiedasnottonoticethearrivalofahorseman.Stepscamealongthepassage;thelandlordreturned.

Mrs.Ashwoodturnedquicklytowardshim.

"Mr.Grant,ofyourparty,ma"am,tofetchyou."

Shesawanunmistakablechangeinheryoungfriend"smobileface.

"Iwillbereadyinamoment,"shesaidtothelandlord.Then,turningtoJohnMilton,thearch-hypocritesaidsweetly:"MybrothermusthaveknowninstinctivelythatIwasingoodhands,ashedidn"tcome.ButIamsorry,forIshouldhavesolikedtointroducehimtoyou——althoughbytheway,"withabrightsmile,"I

don"tthinkyouhaveyettoldmeyourname.IknowIcouldn"thaveFORGOTTENit."

"Harcourt,"saidJohnMilton,withahalf-embarrassedlaugh.

"Butyoumustcomeandseeme,Mr——Mr.Harcourt,"shesaid,producingacardfromacasealreadyinherfingers,"atmyhotel,andletmybrotherthankyouthereforyourkindnessandgallantrytoastranger.Ishallbehereafewweekslongerbeforewegosouthtolookforaplacewheremybrothercanwinter.DOcomeandseeme,althoughIcannotintroduceyoutoanythingasrealandbeautifulaswhatYOUhaveshownmeto-day.Good-by,Mr.Harcourt;

Iwon"ttroubleyoutocomedownandboreyourselfwithmyescort"squestionsandcongratulations."

Shebentherheadandallowedhersofteyestorestuponhiswithagraciousnessthatwasbeyondherspeech,pulledherveiloverhereyesagain,withaprettysuggestionthatshehadnofurtheruseforthem,andtakingherriding-skirtlightlyinherhandseemedtoglidefromtheroom.

OnherwaytoSanMateo,whereitappearedthedisorganizedpartyhadprolongedtheirvisittoacceptaninvitationtodinewithalocalmagnate,shewaspleasantlyconversationalwiththeslightlyabstractedGrant.Shewassosorrytohavegiventhemallthistroubleandanxiety!Ofcoursesheoughttohavewaitedattheforkoftheroad,butshehadneverdoubtedbutshecouldrejointhempresentlyonthemainroad.ShewasgladthatMissEuphemia"srunawayhorsehadbeenstoppedwithoutaccident;itwouldhavebeendreadfulifanythinghadhappenedtoHER;Mr.Harcourtseemedsowrappedupinhisgirls.Itwasapitytheyneverhadason——Ah?

Indeed!Thentherewasason?So——andfatherandsonhadquarreled?Thatwassosad.Andforsometriflingcause,nodoubt?

"Ibelievehemarriedthehousemaid,"saidGrantgrimly."Becareful!——Allowme."

"It"snouse!"saidMrs.Ashwood,flushingwithpinkimpatience,assherecoveredherseat,whichasuddenboltofhermustanghadimperiled,"Ireallycan"tmakeoutthetricksofthisbeast!

Thankyou,"sheadded,withasweetsmile,"butIthinkIcanmanagehimnow.Ican"tseewhyhestopped.I"llbemorecareful.

Youweresayingthesonwasmarried——surelynotthatboy!"

"Boy!"echoedGrant."Thenyouknow?"——

"Imeanofcoursehemustbeaboy——theyallgrewuphere——anditwasonlyfiveorsixyearsagothattheirparentsemigrated,"sheretortedalittleimpatiently."Andwhataboutthiscreature?"

"Yourhorse?"

"YouknowImeanthewomanhemarried.Ofcourseshewasolderthanhe——andcaughthim?"

"Ithinktherewasayearortwodifference,"saidGrantquietly.

"Yes,butyourgallantrykeepsyoufromtellingthetruth;whichisthatthewomen,incasesofthiskind,aremucholderandmoreexperienced."

"Arethey?Well,perhapssheis,NOW.Sheisdead."

Mrs.Ashwoodwalkedherhorse."Poorthing,"shesaid.Thenasuddenideatookpossessionofherandbroughtafilmtohereyes.

"Howlongago?"sheaskedinalowvoice.

"Aboutsixorsevenmonths,Ithink.Ibelievetherewasababywhodiedtoo."

Shecontinuedtowalkherhorseslowly,strokingitscurvedneck.

"Ithinkit"sperfectlyshameful!"shesaidsuddenly.

"Notsobadasthat,Mrs.Ashwood,surely.Thegirlmayhavelovedhim——andhe"——

"YouknowperfectlywhatImean,Mr.Grant.Ispeakoftheconductofthemotherandfatherandthosetwosisters!"

Grantslightlyelevatedhiseyebrows."Butyouforget,Mrs.

Ashwood.ItwasyoungHarcourtandhiswife"sownact.Theypreferredtotaketheirownpathandkeepit."

"Ithink,"saidMrs.Ashwoodauthoritatively,"thattheideaofleavingthosetwounfortunatechildrentosufferandstruggleonalone——outthere——onthesandhillsofSanFrancisco——wassimplydisgraceful!"

Laterthateveningshewasunreasonablyannoyedtofindthatherbrother,Mr.JohnShipley,hadtakenadvantageoftheabsenceofGranttopaymarkedattentiontoClementina,andhadevenprevaileduponthatimperiousgoddesstoaccompanyhimafterdinneronamoonlightstrollupontheverandaandterracesofLosPajaros.

NeverthelesssheseemedtorecoverherspiritsenoughtotalkvolublyofthebeautifulsceneryshehaddiscoveredinherlateperilousabandonmentinthewildsoftheCoastRange;toaverherintentiontovisititagain;tospeakofitinaseverelypracticalwayasofferingafarbettersiteforthecottagesoftheyoungmarriedcouplesjustbeginninglifethantheoutskirtsoftownsorthebleaksandhillsofSanFrancisco;andthencebygracefuldegreesintoadissertationuponpopularfallaciesinregardtohastymarriages,andthemistakenideaofsomeparentsinnotacceptingtheinevitableandmakingthebestofit.ShestillfoundtimetoenterintoanappreciativeandexhaustivecriticismupontheliteratureandjournalisticenterpriseofthePacificCoastwiththeproprietorofthe"Pioneer,"andtocausethatgentlemantodeclarethatwhateverpeoplemightsayaboutrichandfashionableEasternwomen,thatMrs.Ashwood"sheadwasaboutaslevelasitwaspretty.

Thenextmorningfoundhermorethoughtfulandsubdued,andwhenherbrothercameuponhersittingontheveranda,whilethepartywerepreparingtoreturn,shewasreadinganewspaperslipthatshehadtakenfromherporte-monnaie,withafacethatwaspartlyshadowed.

"Whathaveyoustruckthere,Conny?"saidherbrothergayly."Itlookstooseriousforarecipe."

"SomethingIshouldlikeyoutoreadsometime,Jack,"shesaid,liftingherlasheswithaslighttimidity,"ifyouwouldtakethetrouble.Ireallywonderhowitwouldimpressyou."

"Passitover,"saidJackShipleygood-humoredly,withhiscigarbetweenhislips."I"lltakeitnow."

Shehandedhimtheslipandturnedpartlyaway;hetookit,glancedatitsideways,turneditover,andsuddenlyhislookgrewconcentrated,andhetookthecigarfromhislips.